You Won't Ever Get Too Far

Friday didn't come fast enough. I could hardly wait to see Harry again.

We met at the same bench in St. James' Park. The sky was grey, but it hadn't started raining yet.

"How close have you been to the Houses of Parliament?" he asked.

"Not very."

"I've got something to show you then," he said.

I was getting used to using the Underground. Lately, I just felt like a muggle -- a muggle tourist at that. All my life, I'd lived outside of London, but never visited. There was so much here.

We were mostly silent, standing and waiting for the train. Riding to the stop, changing trains, and riding to the stop. It was useful. Of course, it would've been easier to just Aparrate, but Harry told me patients led to appreciating things more. He probably assumed I was rich and spoiled. It was partly true. I suppose I was more 'stuck up' than spoiled. Money never made happiness, so I wasn't spoiled...

My father only spoiled me with what he thought fit. I always had nice things, but its not the same as being a normal kid, with normal parents, that actually acted like they cared for you. Well, my mother did, but there wasn't much she could do that my father didn't approve of.

Closely, I followed Harry. We walked around the tourist-filled streets. He was taking quick, long strides. I grabbed his arm.

"Slow down, will you?" I asked.

"Keep up," he said in return.

I made a face. In the distance, I could see the Houses of Parliament. We were getting closer to the London Eye.

"We're not going on that, are we?" I asked.

"Hell no," he laughed, "Not today anyway. This isn't going to be that exciting. Just nice to look at."

We were getting closer to the River Thames, and the Houses of Parliament were in clear view. I didn't know how much closer we could get. Then, we reached the edge of a cement platform. He climbed over a cement wall.

I crossed my arms.

"Come on," he said.

I rolled my eyes and did what he told me. I wasn't exactly apt to climbing over walls. He held out his hand, but I didn't take it. I was doing just fine on my own.

We were right at the river's edge, right across from the Houses of Parliament. I looked up and Big Ben was right there.

"I could get you closer, but unfortunately, I didn't bring my broom," he said.

"You're barking mad, Potter," I said, "if you think I would get on the back of a broom with you."

"You did in May," he said.

I pulled my coat tighter around me.

"Come on," he said.

I followed him, still. And we reached a dock. It wasn't very large, or in use anymore. It looked like it might fall in. But for some reason, I followed him onto it anyway. At the end, there was a bit of railing. I put two hands on it and leaned forward, hoping it was sturdy.

I watched Harry, from the corner of my eyes, and he put his hands down the same way I did. His right hand barely touched my left. My stomach swelled. Why?

"Shall I start?" he asked.

I nearly forgot what he was talking about. "Oh, yeah."

"Okay," he looked at the river, than back at me, "Aside from Crabbe and Goyle, how many people would you consider to have been your friends?"

I made a sour face, "Real nice, Potter. You think I don't have --"

"No, I was just curious."

"Well, I mean there was Pansy and Blaise, the Greengrass sisters. I don't know! I fancied talking to some people, not most."

"Anyone outside of Slytherin?" he asked.

"One question at a time, Potter," I spat.

He shrugged, "Fair enough."

"How many friends did you have outside of Gryffindor?" I asked, just sort of being mad that he asked me a Hogwarts House related question.

"Luna, Cho, and Cedric," he said, "I still talk to Luna and of course Cedric is dead... but yeah. I talked to plenty of people outside of my House."

I crossed my arms.

"Come on, let's go sit somewhere were the wind won't hit us so much," he said.

Once again, I followed him. I don't know why I followed him. I was sort of mad.

We sat on this piece of wall beside a little playground. There was a tree directly beside us. It was a bit less windy than out over the river I suppose.

"Did you decide to stop hating me because I saved your life?" Harry asked.

"I never.." I stopped myself, "It was a contributing factor, sure. I didn't exactly want a world ruled by You-Know-Who."

"You can say his name," Harry said, "He's dead."

"Fine.. Voldemort." I said, feeling sort of paranoid after I did so.

"He's dead, really he is," Harry said.

"Shut up, Potter," I grumbled.

He was laughing.

"You think it's funny?" I asked.

"You really should relax," he said. "Ah, come on. Take my arm."

I eyed him, but hardly hesitated. I gripped his arm and soon, we were sucked through a vacuum, my stomach jerked as we went through the roller coaster of space and location. Then, we were in an alleyway.

I followed him and realized we were in a neighborhood. He had taken me to his apartment. I suddenly felt nervous and shaky. My hands started to shake.

Why did it matter? Why was I like this?

He lead me inside, up two flights of stairs and unlocked his door. It was just a flat and there were only a few things inside it; a stove, table, a few chairs, a bed and a couch. It just started to rain.

"What can you predict weather now, Potter?" I asked.

He grinned and shed his jacket and a sweatshirt, leaving him in a t-shirt. I was trying not to stare at him. So, I turned my back and took off my coat.

He sat down and motioned for me to sit too. I still felt like I could vomit.

"Why did you become a death eater?" he asked me.

Now I really felt like I could vomit. "It wasn't a choice," I spat.

I was uneasy now. What if this was some sort of trap? No, it wasn't that. I just didn't want him thinking any worse of me. Still, I projected the truth.

"After my father was put in Azkaban... Voldemort... was furious. To get back at my father, he gave me the task to kill Dumbledore and branded me. I was terrified."

Why was I spilling out my feelings to Harry Potter?

"I just don't understand," Harry said, "You could've asked for help. The day I saw you..." he stopped.

"What day?" I asked.

"6th year, I saw you in the bathroom crying," Harry avoided looking at me, "You said no one could help you. I could've -- Dumbledore could've--"

"You watched me in the bathroom?" I exclaimed.

"Well, not on -- I just..." he shook his head.

"Potter," I crossed my arms,"Why were you watching me?"

"After I saw you in Borgin and Burkes, I knew you were a death eater..."

"You saw me in Borgin and Burkes!? What were you doing, Potter? Stalking me?"

"Its my turn to ask," he replied.

I crossed my arms.

"Why did you follow orders from Voldemort, who you didn't want ruling you?" he asked.

"I was scared," I spat, "You don't know what it's like when he's staring at you, telling you his plan for you, your family. You don't know what he's like."

"I don't know what it's like?" Harry asked, "Really? He killed--"

"He killed your parents," I interrupted, "I know. Everyone knows."

I'd crossed a line and I knew it. His eyes were raging.

"No big deal, right?" Harry said, "I've seen him face to face, trying to kill me, on 6 different occasions after that night. I've faced his cruelty. I know, Draco."

"Sorry," I murmured. I really was.

"Sure," he hissed, "Sorry."

"Really, I am." I said defensively, "I wish I could... take away all the pain you feel over it..."

Why was I telling him that?

The rain had started falling heavily.

"Why?" he asked.

"I don't know," I muttered.

"I think it's your turn to ask," he said quietly.

I sighed, "Fine. Do you still hate me?"

"No," Harry said, "I think I only hated you first and second year. I started feeling sorry for you. I sort of understand you now."

I didn't like the idea of anyone feeling sorry for me. But knowing he didn't hate me... That was a good feeling. He had all the reason in the world to hate me. Yet, here we were, in his flat having a decent conversation now.

"How many girls have you snogged?" Harry asked.

I gave him a funny look, "Four. Why?"

"Just curious," he replied, "Who?"

"Pansy, like the world didn't know that, Valerie Dredson, Astoria Greengrass, and Lavender..." I replied.

"Lavender Brown?" he laughed.

"Yeah, yeah," I said quickly, "same as Weasley. I know."

He snickered.

"What girls have you snogged, Potter?" I asked.

"Cho Chang and Ginny Weasley..." he replied.

I nodded, "How does Ron take you snogging his sister?"

"It's not your turn to ask," he replied. "How many girls have you shagged?"

I rolled my eyes, "Really, Potter?"

He shrugged.

"One," I replied, "Just Valarie..."

"Pure-blood," Harry said.

I rolled my eyes.

"Figures."

I crossed my arms, "Well, who've you shagged?"

"Two," he muttered.

"Oh, you shagged both the girls you snogged. How lovely."

"Nope," he replied.

"That doesn't make sense," I said.

"Well, you asked how many girls I snogged," he said slowly, "You asked me who I shagged."

He didn't want to come out and tell me, but I understood now. He'd been with a guy before. My heart started racing.

"Who--who have you shagged?" I asked.

"Ginny Weasley...and Cedric Diggory."

I opened my mouth to speak, but left it. Of course, it would've been Cedric Diggory, who he saw die.

"I've snogged Ginny, Cho, Cedric, Fred, and Ron," Harry snickered, "Ron once. It's not his favorite moment to recall."

"So you've snogged the whole Weasley family?"

Harry looked away blushing some. "Have you ever kissed a boy?"

I shook my head.

He smiled, "You should try everything at least once."

I started getting nervous again. My heart was pounding out of my chest and my hands were sweating. I wanted to try it with him...

"Who's turn?" he asked.

I shrugged.

"You can go," he said.

I swallowed, "I don't understand how you're okay. How do you deal with things, Harry?"

"I don't know," he said quietly, "I just try not to dwell on things. I'm usually fine, until I'm alone."

"You don't have to be alone..." I said quietly, grabbing his hand.

He looked at me, smiling weakly. "How about you?" he asked, "Your life hasn't been easy."

"Me, I'm fine," I said. "What...hurts the most?"

"Leading Ginny on," he said looking at me, "Can you tell that I want to kiss you?"

I let my other hand go to his cheek. My heart was racing and my stomach turned.

"And you want to kiss me?" he looked from my eyes to my lips.

I closed the gap between us and pressed my lips to his. Our lips moved at a fast pace, filled with desire and emotion. The pattern of passion increased and shifted from lips, to hands. He was clutching onto my shoulder -- Oh, it was wonderful.

From that moment, I swore to myself he was mine. He would always be mine.

He pulled me tight to him and tugged on my hair. I held his waist.

I couldn't even answer to myself how long I'd really wanted this and denied it. Now, it was happening. We came up for breath, foreheads pressed together, breathing heavily.

"Did you like kissing a boy?" he asked.

"I liked kissing you," I replied.