Ignorance

I laid on my bed staring at a different ceiling from a different hotel. There was nothing on the ceiling except for the same letters from two days previous. I had yet to figure out how the letters were significant to my life. I knew I was being silly, thinking images in a popcorn ceiling foretold my future but after believing that my whole life, I couldn't shake the belief so easily. I closed my eyes, shutting away the letters from my sight, as I placed my hands on both sides of me to push myself up off of the bed. I grabbed my suitcase from the side of the bed and placed it on top of the bed to open it. I gathered the clothes that I had scattered across the room in the past two days and threw them in my suitcase, not bothering to fold them. I packed the only reasons I was here carefully into the small compartments of my bag before there was a knock at my door.

I walked over the door to see Divine standing there sheepishly. I raised an eyebrow at her before walking away, leaving the door open. She followed behind me and walked to her own bed to get her suitcase, copying my previous actions.

"I forgot my key card. But anyway, the concert is tonight. You ready?" she asked as she threw a shirt into her suitcase.

"Are you?" I asked, not looking at her, as I searched for my black shirt.

"That's what I've been wanting to talk to you about," she said as she handed me the shirt I was looking for.

"What do you mean?" I asked as I wrapped the wire around a hair straightener before putting it in my bag.

"Dee!" a voice exclaimed as Divine opened her mouth to speak.

We both turned around to see our friend, October, at the door. He looked rather ominous yet angelic in the doorway. His tall and looming body towered in the door way of our room and his long dark brown hair made his face seem like it was hiding in the shadows. However, the fluorescent light glowing behind him gave him a serene look. That's how October was: he seemed like two complete opposite things simultaneously. He walked into the room to join the both of us at the end of the bed.

"We swore we wouldn't tell her," he told Divine.

"Tell me what?" I asked.

They both looked at each other before looking away, avoiding my gaze. I stared at the both of them as they attempted to busy themselves by straightening out the room. Divine grabbed a small handbag and October took both of our suitcases in his hands before they both turned away.

"Tell me what?" I asked again before they turned to walk out of the room.

"Come on, Noel, we don't have time. We got to go," October said over his shoulder.

I pursed my lips at their retreating backs before taking the key card off the table. I glanced back up at the same letters on the ceiling. I sighed at the thought of their odd behavior. But it was nothing compared to what they all did. In the three years we had all been friends, Divine and the guys had never forgotten my birthday. This year was a first. I wished myself a silent happy birthday before I shook my head and picking up my key card and walking out of the room.



I viciously scratched the back of my head. That only made the itch worse. Whenever I was severely stressed out, my entire scalp felt like it was on fire. I sighed and leaned back my head, closing my eyes, in an attempt to relax and finish my work. I jumped up and down and paced back and forth while I waited for Divine to finish changing. I was in the middle of scratching my head once more when Divine walked out from behind her curtain and the guy walked in through the door at the same time.

"Kid, fucking cut that shit out already. You're making me nervous," Divine said distractedly as she began picking up things to look for her garter.

I grabbed the garter out of her hands and placed it on the table before turning to her. "I can't help it. You know I only have a limited amount of time," I said.

"Sorry, kid. I try to change fast though," she said as she eyed the guys sitting and talking to each other on the couch on the other side of the room.

"It's okay. Now shut up and sit down and let me work my magic," I said.

"Wait, Noel, there's something we wanted to tell you," Hero spoke up from the back of the room.

I turned from my table to look at all of them. The guys were standing and walking towards us while Divine was lounging in the chair placed in front of my table. She glanced at me nervously before looking away. I eyed everybody cautiously before nodding for them to continue.

"It feels like we've all been taking you for granted. We were talking about it a while ago and we've all agreed that if it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be who we are," Kai said as he crossed his arms.

"Thanks, guys," I smiled softly.

"But that's not all. We think you should get the credit you deserve," Kai told me.

"I do get credit: whenever you guys put me in your thank you's on your CD covers. That's enough for me," I explained.

"Yeah, but who reads those these days? So we pulled something out for you," Hero said.

"Which is?"

"An interview. Well, actually, it was an interview for us and it was supposed to be based on our image but when we mentioned you, the guy was just fascinated by you so the interview is yours now."

I blinked and stared at every single one of them. Their eyes held no lies. I was shocked. I could not believe that I had an entire interview to myself. "Are you serious?" I asked.

"Happy birthday, Noel," Divine smiled up to me.

"You little whore! Why didn't you tell me?" I yelled as I shook her by her shoulders.

"I wanted to!" she laughed. "Toby would have killed me though," she said as she looked over her shoulder at October.

"I like surprises," he said simply before turning away.

"So when is this thing supposed to happen?" I asked as I put on a headband to push my hair back.

"Well, now, actually," Kai said as he opened the door to the dressing room.

Two tall men walked in, one with a microphone and the other with a camera. I knew the man with the microphone to be a particularly famous video journalist on a popular television show that apparently most teenagers enjoyed to watch. It was hard to believe that instead of being the girl ignored, I was the girl being interviewed. The man with the microphone smiled at everyone before walking over to me. He had striking green eyes and black hair, which was probably the reason that there were so many girls watching his show. He gave me a dazzling smile as he held out his hand to me.

"Hi, I'm Sam. You must be Noel."

"The one and only."

"Well, this here is Kevin, he'll be filming us today. Hope you're not camera shy. Ready to get started?" he asked.

I glanced at the guys who gave me an encouraging smile before nodding.

"Okay, well, I wanted to get started with the band first and then we'll make our way over to you. But don't get started with make up until we start filming." he demanded more than asked. His bossy attitude was quickly overshadowing his good looks.

"Whatever you say, boss," I said with a monotone voice.

"Okay. Start, Kevin," he nodded. Kevin nodded and held up his camera.

"Hey, this is Slammin' Sammy here! I'm here in the dressing room of the Gothic rock band, Tithe. Let's introduce you to some of the amazing band members, shall we?" Sam said into the camera as he walked over to the guys. "You mind introducing yourselves?"

"I'm October Drake. I play lead guitar."

"I"m Howahkan Lee. I play rhythm guitar."

"I'm Kai Coulter. I play bass."

"And I'm Heroin Biley. I play drums.""

"You all have very interesting names. Are they all chosen or given?"

"Given. I think that's what made us all become friends: all of us were given bizarre names," October nodded.

"So what do some of your names mean?" Sam asked Connie and Hero.

"Howahkan means 'the mysterious voice.' My parents told me when I was born, I did not cry. So they decided to name me that. But my friends call me Khan for short."

"So how about you?" he asked Kai.

"Kai means 'sea.' Apparently I've had an obsession with the color blue and water since I was a baby," Kai laughed as he flicked his blue hair out of his eyes.

"And you live up to your name! So exactly what kind of names are October and Heroin?"

"I was born in August, so I have no idea what my parents were thinking," Toby shrugged.

"Mine is a tragic little story. My mother was a heroin addict. When I was born at the hospital, the nurse asked my mother what she wanted to name me. But she was so out of it and desperate for drugs that the first thing she said was 'heroin' and the fucking nurse didn't even question her decision. She just wrote it down on my birth certificate. But Noel over there gave me my nickname, Hero, so I stick with my name," he explained as he smiled at me.

"And how's your relationship with your mother now?" Sam asked in a more serious tone.

"No idea. She gave me up for adoption when I was three. And I'm not really enthusiastic about finding her," he shrugged.

"Well, it was nice meeting you guys. I'm just gonna scoot on over to your lead singer over there," Sam smiled before walking over.

"And here we are with the singer of Tithe, Divine McRae. Is that your real name, like the rest of them?"

"No, no, I'm the exception. Divine is a fake name. And I'll never tell my real one," she said with a sly smile.

"Oh, come on."

"I promise you, I'm not telling anyone," Divine laughed.

"You party pooper. So this lovely lady next to you, she is?"

"This is my best friend, Noel," Divine smiled as she grabbed my hand.

"That's not really an odd name."

"Actually, my full name is Noelani Lennon. It means 'heavenly girl.'"

"You are heavenly. And what do you do, Noel?"

"I'm the costume designer and makeup and hair artist for Tithe," I nodded.

"So you're the one behind the magic!" Sam exclaimed.

"I am," I laughed.

"So how did you get started?" he asked as Divine tapped my arm. I looked down at her and she nodded to my table filled with makeup. I turned towards her and slowly starting working on her face.

"Well, I had some personal problems where I lived before. So I traveled a few cities over for a new start a few days before my eighteenth birthday. And exactly on my birthday, I had a job interview. I was always rather skilled at cosmetology so I applied. I showed off my skills and I got the job and we've all been friends ever since," I smiled.

"So the Victorian dressing was already started?"

"No. Dee has always been fascinated with with any era instead of this one, the Victorian especially.When the band first started out, they wore normal clothes like every other band does," I said as I mixed two different shades of eyeshadow on the palm of my hand before brushing it over Divine's eyelids. "After they weren't getting much attention, I told them they might get some if they offered up something that made them unique. We all had a gazillion different idea but they all loved it when I said they should dress in Victorian inspired clothing. So I went to work and started making their clothes."

"Why couldn't you just buy them?"

"I could tell Dee was getting really depressed because the clothes she found online were ridiculously expensive or ugly. My mom taught me how to sew when I was super little. I was always making my own clothes and Halloween costumes as a teen. So I just offered to make the clothes."

"How long does each outfit take to make?"

"It all depends on how complex the outfit. Dee's outfits can take anywhere from five days to two weeks. The guys' outfits take approximately five days each because there's really nothing too fancy about them," I said as I took out some liquid eyeliner for Divine's face.

"So what exactly are you doing to her face?" Sam asked in a curious voice as he leaned forward to look at what I was doing.

"I applied a few different shades of blue and purple eyeshadow along with a thick line of liquid eyeliner with a wing at the end. Then I lined her lips with a light blue and put on purple lipstick with pink lip gloss. Now I'm just adding little stars and at the sides of her face to make it look more fanciful," I explained.

"What is that thing?" Sam asked as he picked up dread from Divine's wig.

"Those are Dee's hair falls," I said as I pulled her hair into a two tight buns so I could put the hair falls in. I wrapped the purple hair falls around the buns carefully before placing bobby pins in so they would stay. "You didn't think I did her hair and dyed a different color every concert, did you?"

"Makes sense."

"And she's done!" I smiled as I took a step back after a placed in a black feather hat over her hair falls.

Divine bounced up from her chair and gave the camera a large smile before twirling around. The ends of her light blue silk dress spun up as she twirled, showing off her pale thighs. The dress hugged Dee's curves in all the right places and the large bows in the middle of the dress made her chest seem larger and her waist smaller than what they were. The sleeves fit perfectly on her arms until the material fluttered out at her elbows. Dee blew a kiss at the camera before skipping towards her trunk to take out a pair of boots.

"Do you plan out these looks or are the spontaneous?" Sam said, smiling at Divine, though the question was directed at me.

"A little of both. Usually I just pick a random dress, but I make sure she hasn't worn it within the last six shows. After the dress, then I pick out everything carefully so things won't clash," I said as I sat down in the chair Divine previously occupied.

"How did you come to be so good at applying makeup?"

"I never really was an artist. I couldn't draw or anything. But I was obsessed with makeup as a teen. And then I realized I was good at what I was doing so I made a living out of it," I shrugged.

"That's what she said," Kai said absently as he applied black eyeliner to his upper eyelids.

"Shut up, fucker," I said without thinking.

"You wound me, baby," Kai said as he kissed my cheek.

"Are you two together?" Sam asked with a sudden interest.

"No. People always think so though," I laughed.

"I wonder why," Hero said sarcastically as he applied a horizontal black bar across his eyes.

"I actually do wonder why," I said as I turned in my chair to look up at him.

"Are you serious?" he asked.

"Of course."

"I love you and your cluelessnes, my blondie baby," he smiled before kissing the top of my forehead.

"Thanks?" I said uncertainly before turning back to Sam.

"So there we have it, ladies and gents, the girl behind the magic and the reason Tithe looks so amazing. Noel Lennon, everybody. I'm Slamming Sammy and the storm will hit you another day," Sam said to the camera before Kevin shut it off. Sam wrapped the cord around the microphone before standing up.

"It was nice to meet you all, it was a great experience," Sam said as he walked over to Divine. He handed her a piece of paper before winking at her and walking out. She stared at the paper incredulously before she held up it up to show it held his cell phone number on it.

"Apparently he hasn't heard the news that I'm not interested in anybody anymore," she said in disgust.

My ears perked up at the word "anymore" but I knew it was better to not mention it. I licked my lips before standing up to help Khan apply his red and black lipstick. His dark blue eyes stared up at me from under his Nazi hat, which often gave the band some serious controversial critiques. I averted his stare as I carefully filled his lips in with red lip liner before drawing in his black lines.

"They haven't told you about her past, have they?" he asked quietly so only I could hear it.

"No. And I doubt you will either," I said just as quietly.

"Not my story to tell. And even if it was, you wouldn't like it. I'm serious, Lolo," he said, calling me by the nickname I felt only he could call me.

"You're always serious, Connie," I smiled down at him before kissing his bare, pale shoulder, leaving a black lipstick stain on his skin. I turned around to grab a black ripped shirt and brown shirt and handed them to him to change it.

The rest of time passed quickly as Dee and the guys started to sign random equipment. It was a long-time tradition that Tithe would pick a random concert in which they would throw band merchandise that they signed into the crowd. The fans never knew which concert they would do that at so it was always a pleasant surprise for them. I carved at the plastic white table that held all of my makeup with one of Toby's knives as I waited for the time when the band had to go onstage. We all walked together - Dee skipping ahead, Toby, Hero, and Khan walking after her, and Kai and me trailing behind - to the stage after a roadie told us it was time. Divine ran to her place in front of the drums after Heroin sat down while Toby and Khan walked over the closest part of the stage and picked up their guitars. Kai smiled down at me and squeezed my arm before walking to the far side of the stage to his own bass. The screams of the fans outside the curtain was deafening. A door behind me opened and fans with passes filed in excitedly next to me. With a loud chord, Toby started off the first song as the curtain fell down and was pulled off to the side. I stood in silence with my arms crossed, smiling at them, especially when Kai ran over to me to kiss my cheek during the middle of a song. My smile slowly faded after the boys exited the stage, Toby and Dee being the only ones remaining, Dee on her stool and Toby standing with his acoustic guitar. Toby slowly started to strum the chords to the song I loved to hate, hated to love. Desolation. Khan stared over at me from behind the drum set, his eyes hidden in the shadows under his hat. I shrugged at him and stared into the crowd until the song was over. I gazed over the crowd, occasionally catching a glimpse a familiar head of bright red hair that would make my heart skip a beat, until the song was over.

"Now, boys and girls, there's a girl who is very important to me in the crowd tonight."

My ears perked at the sound of Dee's voice.

"She's the reason Tithe exists today and it's her birthday today."

Oh no.

"Noelani Lennon, get your ass out here, lady," Divine said as she pointed at me. I shook my head at her, slightly stepping back.

Kai put his bass down before running over. The fans around me stepped forward to touch him, forcing me step forward along with them. Kai picked me and hauled me over his shoulder before walking back on stage. The screaming intensified from the crowd when they saw him walk back out. I hung from his shoulder limply until he placed me alongside Divine. She smiled widely at me before turning to the crowd. I stared at the vastness of them all in awe.

"My baby girl Noel is the reason Tithe is the way Tithe is. You can thank our makeup and outfits all to this girl. She's inspired so many songs and I'm glad to call her my best friend. And anybody got a guess to how old she is?" Divine asked in the microphone.

Various answers came from the crowd and my eyes widened at some of the numbers thrown out. I grabbed the microphone out of Dee's hands and said into it, "There is no way in hell I'm twenty-seven. I look too good to be that old, thank you."

"Hey!" Toby said into a microphone as he looked over at me.

"Anyway, no, she's not twenty-seven. My honey baby is twenty-one years old tonight! Drinks all around tonight!" Dee exclaimed. The crowd cheered.

"Before we end tonight, I wanted the entire crowd to sing Happy Birthday to Noel. And one...two...three," Dee said before leading the crowd off into my birthday song.

I stared out into the crowed, seeing all the young people singing to me, with a large smile on my face. Kai hugged me from behind and gently nuzzled my neck as he whispered the song into my ear. I closed my eyes and leaned back into him as I listened to everybody sing. When the song ended, I waved to the crowd before running offstage to grab the bag of signed merchandise. The crowd screamed at the sight of the large bag in my hands. Divine and the guys gathered around and we all started throwing random objects into the crowd. When the bag went empty, the curtain closed, shutting us away from the screaming fans. The fans on the side of the stage had disappeared and the guys were starting to walk off the stage.

"You coming, Lolo?" Khan asked me.

"No, Connie. I'm going to stay here for a few more minutes. I'll be there in a second," I smiled up at him. He nodded and walked away with Divine.

I sat in front of the drum set, staring at all the instruments around me and the beads of sweat that were on the floor. The stage reeked of smoke, cologne, and sweat. I inhaled deeply and smiled softly. I stood up and wiped the palms of my hands on the front of my pants as I flicked my hair behind my shoulder. I turned to walk off the stage to find the guys but something made me stop suddenly. I looked down to find a pale hand gripping the top of my left arm.