Ignorance

The linoleum lights above me gave a false glimpse of heaven while the black rubber floor gave the illumination of hell. The thick black soles of my boots squeaked noisily against the tile as I slowly followed behind Ricky. The floor, though covered by scuff marks, had small drops of blood, leading me to where he was. I looked up from under my eyelashes towards where the blood trail was leading. I turned a few turns to follow Ricky after he ran out. I was led back to the stage before I found Ricky sitting cross legged with a guitar in his lap on top of a large speak by the edge of the stage. He was absently strumming as he stared ahead in the now empty field with no emotion on his face. I dragged a fold out chair from the edge of the stage next to him and straddled it. I reached out to wipe away some of the blood on the middle of his forehead. It was sticky, showing his wound was already healing. I wiped the blood off on my pants before looking up at him, waiting for him to speak. I stared at him for two minutes before finally looking away. It was when I looked away, however, when he spoke up.

"I don't know if you've ever seen our shows, but me and Arik do this thing where if we have solos together, we'll play back to back. It looks so fucking cool because he's left handed and I'm right," he said.

"Like Avenged Sevenfold," I mumbled.

"What?"

"The guitarists would play back to back like that. It's cool," I explained.

"But the thing is that we're brothers. Not even brothers - twins. We've been together through everything. But it seems like ever since you left, we've been divided as both musicians and brothers. I mean, Ben hates the world, Jo has always been like that, and Arik just goes along with whatever they do. And you know Ethan likes to hear every side of the story before judging," Ricky said.

"Ricky, you know I never left you, right?" I asked.

He sniffed before reaching over to grab my hand. "You did what you had to do. I never judged or hated you for your decision."

The corners of my lips twitched into a small smile as I gently squeezed his hand. I placed my arm on the back of the chair and buried my mouth into the crook of my elbow. I looked back up at him. He had yet to look at me since I had arrived. He rubbed the neck of the guitar up and down a few times.

"I've never been against my brother. Ever. And he's never been against me. And all because Ben can't deal with his own bullshit, I can barely relate to my own twin now. You know, he doesn't even go by Ben? Hasn't since before you. He was Benji because of you and he's stayed that way since," he scoffed harshly.

"Can I say something without having you question it?" I asked. He nodded. "I really think you should pause and think. Reconsider you decision about leaving the band."

He finally turned his head toward me to show me the shocked look on his face. His eyebrows were raised, eyes wide, and pale pink lips slightly parted.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because he's your brother."

"But he doesn't accept the fact that I want to keep you around as a friend."

"Just like I'm sure you can't accept his awful hair and piercings. But you still love him. Just like I'm sure he loves you."

He nodded once as he stared down at Hero's purple guitar. He lightly smiled as he looked down at me, his hair falling in his eyes. "His hair does look bad, doesn't it?"

"Blonde is not his color," I scrunched my nose in distaste.

"And a septum with snakebites? I was like, 'Bro, what the hell were you thinking?'"

We both laughed together, our laughs echoing throughout the empty field. I leaned over to place my head on his shoulder, my hair tangling with his bloody strands. I scrunched my nose once more before I leaned away and stood up.

"Come on, honey baby, let's go."

"Where we going?" he inquired as he set the guitar down.

"To wash your hair and get your wound clean."

"I could do with a shower," he said absently as he patted his sticky head.

"Well then, let's go. I'm sure we can get a ride to our hotel," I said as I grabbed his hand and pulled him up.

Hand in hand, we both slowly walked together back to the main dressing room. I repeatedly glanced up at Ricky to see how he was doing, physically and mentally. His head seemed to stop bleeding and his breathing had become normal once more but I had no idea what was going on his mind. I licked my paling black lips as I looked up at him once more before looking towards the black door in front of us. At the same time, we both exhaled slowly. I reached out to open the door. Inside, the other four boys of Ricky's band, Girl on Fire, sat on one couch, and Tithe sitting on the other. Divine was in the middle, her knees curled up to her chest and her fingertips rubbing her temple. Her boots were off and her hairfalls were out. All the men in the room were mimicking each others relaxed postures. Everyone looked up at Ricky and I.

"Hey, kid, where were you?" she asked in a tired voice.

"Stage," I answered curtly.

"Are you two okay?"

"Fine," I nodded.

"Noel, why don't you go back to hotel. We'll meet you there in maybe an hour or something," Hero nodded.

"We were. I was just coming to get my bag."

"We'll get it for you, baby. Just go and rest," Kai smiled.

I smiled at him lightly, trying to ignore how Ben sharply glanced at Kai and glared at him when he called me baby. I looked up at Ricky before grabbing his hand. His gaze tore away from his brother. I pulled him out of the room and closed the door behind me. I led him over to a black car outside on the street and climbed in. The driver looked up from the book he was reading and turned to look at me. He double glanced at me and Ricky.

"Kid, you okay?" he asked.

"Just some major drama, Mark. We're just going to get to the hotel and get some rest. The guys will probably need a van to get back to the hotel, they have a few additions," I explained with my eyes closed.

"Sure, sure. Is he going to be okay?" Mark asked, pointing to Ricky, who was leaning his head on the cool window with his eyes closed.

"He's just tired. He'll be okay," I said as I looked at him.

"Okay, Hun. I'll get you there in a jiffy," he smiled before turning around to start the car.

The three of us sat in silence for a few moments. I looked out the window to the dark, rolling grass outside as we passed. My eyebrows furrowed at the thought of suddenly having my best friend thrust back into my life. So many thoughts plagued my mind - why they were here, what did they want, why did it have to happen the way it did?

"I really don't understand him, you know?" Ricky said quietly. "We were just hanging out, having fun, when he said he had to do it. We didn't even pay for tickets, you know. We just snuck in. Do you want to know my honest opinion?"

"Yes," I whispered back.

"I think Ben misses you more than words can explain. He just wanted to see your face. I don't think he can live without you."

"There's this song I was in love with for the longest time. And one of the last lines goes, 'Did you think I would live without you? I miss your face. I lost my place.'"

"And it's exactly like that. Ben is human; he's not all revenge and hate. There's something in him, deep down."

I nodded once and that was that. We spent the rest of the car ride in silence, except for when we bid Mark goodbye. We ignored the stares of the employees inside the hotel as we made our way to the elevator. I led him up to my room and opened the door. He closed it behind him and stepped in hesitantly. I walked over to the door that led to the adjoining room that the guys slept in. I grabbed a pair of Hero's pants and one of his shirts. I walked back to the room to find Ricky sitting on the edge of my bed with his hands on his knees and his eyes closed. I sat down next to him.

"Here are some of the Hero's clothes. He's cool; he won't mind," I said.

"Thanks," he said.

"We'll dress your head wound when you get out. Call me for help if you need anything," I said as I nodded to the bathroom.

After he walked to the bathroom and closed the door, I looked around the room for something to do. I rubbed my palms on my pants as I heard the shower turn on. I placed my dark purple suitcase on my bed and pulled out my pajamas. I sat down on my bed and pulled off my boots, rubbing my legs as I did so, before standing up to unbutton my pants. I flipped my dark hair behind my shoulder as I pulled my pants down. I folded them slowly before placing them back into my suitcase. I pulled my black tank top over my head and threw it into my suitcase along with my fishnet gloves. I rubbed my arms where there were fishnet imprints. I picked up my light blue striped pajama bottoms and pulled them on along with a white tank top. I sat down on the bed again with my makeup case open in front of me. I took out a makeup remover cloth and started to rub off all my makeup from my face. I scrunched my nose at my naked reflection before throwing away the cloth and closing my case and placing it on the floor along with my suitcase. I pulled out some gauze and a clip from my suitcase as I heard the shower turn off. I patted the space next to me as Ricky walked out; wearing only the pajama bottoms I gave him.

"Why do you just so happen to have gauze in your bag?" he asked incredulously.

"Kai," I laughed. "He has too much fun on the stage and gets hurt a lot."

"He sounds like a cool guy," he said as he pushed his hair up for me.

"He is. He really has been taking care of me since I got here," I nodded as I wrapped the gauze around his head.

"So how long have you two been going out?"

"What?" I asked in shock after I pinned the gauze in place.

"What?"

"Kai and I aren't together!"

"Oh, my bad. You seem like it."

I thought about Hero's and Sam's words from earlier that day as I looked down at Ricky. "How?"

"Little things. Like, he went to you when we got there automatically, you hooked your fingers with him, he called you baby," he shrugged.

I thought about it for a moment before shrugging my own shoulders. We both laid down on our stomachs as I grabbed a remote to start flipping through channels on the television. After searching through the channels for a few minutes, Ricky and I agreed to watch Finding Nemo. As we lay together watching the movie, my best friends were sitting together with the boys who I believed hated me across town. Divine had her legs curled under her as she stared at the four boys across from her. Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest before she licked her lips.

"Why the fuck are you here?" she asked in a soft voice.

Ben leaned forward, one arm relaxing on one knee as another bended at the elbow so his hand could rub tiredly over his face. "I don't know," he choked out.

"How the hell do you not know? You come here, make Blondie feel like shit, and then start shit with us. How do you not know?" Hero repeated again.

"Blondie?" Joseph asked incredulously.

"She is kind of clueless about some things," Kai smiled down at the floor.

"Ani is usually very much aware of her surroundings," Arik said.

"With all due respect, Noel isn't the same from how you knew her," Khan spoke up softly.

"You didn't even know her, dude," Joseph spat out.

"I know she was broken. She came to us broken and desperate. That gave me a clue to how she was," he said.

"I don't see how she would be different," Joseph scoffed.

"You're an idiot. A blind person could see how all of us combined affect her mentally," Hero said.

"Did you just fucking call me an idiot?" Joseph exclaimed.

"Guys," Divine pleaded in a tired voice.

"Let me get something straight: she may have been your Ani then, but now she's our Noel. She's my baby and I won't let any of you ruin her," Kai said in a serious voice.

Ben's eyes flashed in anger at the sound of Kai's voice. His fingers on his right hand slightly twitched and they clenched once before uncurling. He let out a tired sigh before looking toward the closed door where Noel and Ricky had just walked out of a few minutes earlier. He leaned back to reach into his pocket to pull out a cigarette and a lighter.

"You mind?" he asked the people in front of him as he held the items up.

"Go ahead," Divine said with a wave of her hand.

Ben lit the cigarette and took a deep inhale of the sweet nicotine. He felt the smoke burn up his lungs before he exhaled. He licked his lips as he rubbed his head with the hand that was holding his cigarette. He flicked his silver lighter open and shut, the engraved letters on the side flashing every time he did so.

"What do you think?" Ben asked, looking at Toby.

"I think if you ever fuck with Noel's mind again, I'll beat the shit out of you. She means a lot to me," he said monotonously.

"What, you fucking her or something," Joseph asked, letting out smoke from his own cigarette.

"No. I'm not," Toby said simply, his teeth clicking at the last letter.

"Then why do you give a shit?"

"She reminds me of my daughter."

The boys in Girl on Fire looked at each other before looking away at the same time. "You got a kid?" Arik croaked.

"A baby girl that just turned one five months ago," Toby said as he pulled out his wallet to show him a picture of a white blonde baby being held by an equally blonde woman.

"Pretty little thing," Arik nodded.

"Noel reminds me of Sarah every day I'm with her. And I won't let harm come to either of my princesses," Toby said.

Joseph flipped his blue and black hair back as he glanced over at Ben. He nudged him once before nodding over to Tithe. Ben nodded as he took a drag of his cigarette, his fingers tapping on his knee.

"I'm tired of this bullshit. I'm sorry for everything, I really am. I just want this feud over," Ben said. "And Divine?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"Me too, Ben, me too."

"There's still a problem," Kai spoke up.

"What?"

"You still love Noel," Kai said, his voice tight.

Joseph glanced up at Ben and Kai, his gaze hard, as Ben stared over at Kai with helpless eyes. Everybody could hear the strain in Kai's voice. And it became obvious to everyone then that Kai was not the only boy in the room with feelings for Noel. The other two boys who felt a certain something for her stared over at the boy with the bright blue hair.

"She doesn't love me back," Ben said.

"How would you know? You haven't talked to her in practically four years," Hero pointed out.

"She just doesn't," he shrugged.

"Love is a forever thing. You can never stop loving somebody," Khan said in his mysterious voice.

"Anyway, she's in denial. She thinks you've moved on, what with that slut. What was her name? Brittany or something," Divine shrugged.

"Brittany? I just kissed her goodnight, that's all. I do that for everyone," Ben said in confusion.

"Hey, we don't talk to you. All we got is tabloids, dude," Divine said.

"I'm not with her," Ben shook his head.

"Did you hear that song I sang earlier? The one called 'Desolation'?" she asked. Ben nodded once. "Please don't tell me you thought I wrote it."

Ben looked down with a defeated look on his face before taking a final drag of his cigarette and stubbing it out on a nearby table. He scratched behind his right ear lightly as he thought long and hard about how Noel would write a song in his honor. Granted, he wrote dozens of songs with her on his mind but he never thought she would do the same for him. Noel had many talents, but song writing was not one of them. It was hard to believe that a song so beautiful and heartbreaking was written by her. He scratched at his bright red hair viciously as he thought about it. The members of Tithe looked at each other in unison, noticing that his small habit reminded them of their favorite girl. For years, they knew she had that bad habit of scratching at her head. But they never realized she may have picked up the habit from somebody else.

"So it's fucking obvious as hell that Noel misses you. So how are we going to deal with this shit?" Hero asked.

"Don't cuss, motherfucker, because that shit ain't cool," Toby laughed.

"Shut up," Hero said automatically.

"How about we all meet up for breakfast tomorrow? We'll get to know each other," Divine suggested.

"Lolo will not like that idea at all," Khan said. Ben, Joseph, Arik, and Ethan looked at each other in curiosity at the odd nickname.

"True. Who's going to tell her?" Toby asked. Automatically, everyone in Tithe turned their head towards Kai.

"What? Why me?" he asked.

"Because you're in love with the girl. You should be glad we're giving you the opportunity to spend an extra five minutes alone with her," Toby said.

"Yeah, to tell her we're having a meal with her ex-boyfriend. Great idea," Kai said as he rolled his eyes.

"We can get Khan to do it," Divine pointed out.

"Okay, okay! I'll do it," Kai sighed.

"So we'll meet you guys at nine at the small diner on fifth?" Toby asked Girl on Fire.

"I think we can handle that," Ethan spoke up for the first time, speaking for everyone in the band.

Both bands stood in unison, marking the end of the conversation. They all walked together to a black van waiting outside for them and sat in silence on the car ride to the hotel. The woman sitting at the front desk looked at them cautiously before realizing that five of them were guests and smiling up at them. Divine nodded once at her with a smile on her face before carrying on. They all piled into the elevator and watched different numbers light up with every floor they passed.

"Five bucks says they've passed out while watching a Disney movie," Hero said, breaking the silence.

"I'm not even entering that bet because we all know that's what happened," Toby said.

"Shit! I forgot my key card," Divine swore.

"You're always forgetting your card, you failure at life. Thank God we have adjoining rooms," Hero said as he exited the elevator and started walking to a door, key card in hand.

The nine people walked across the guys' room before walking through the door that led to Noel and Divine's room. Sure enough, they all found Noel and Ricky lying down on a bed as the credits for Finding Nemo scrolled on the screen. Noel was curled up into a ball, one hand under her head and the other curled up close to her mouth. Ricky was on his side, one pale hand resting on her pale waist. Both of their legs were tangled together as they slept. Divine's lips twitched into a smile as she walked over to them both to shake them awake.

"Noel, honey, wake up," she whispered.

"Hmm?" Noel whispered as she sat up, rubbing her eyes. She blinked at the large amount of people in her room before looking down at Ricky. Ben's, Joseph's, and Kai's eyes all fell to Noel's black bra strap that had fallen down her shoulder.

"Ricky, baby, it's time for you to go," Noel said before she yawned.

"No," he moaned, wrapping his arms around his waist.

"We'll see each other again, honey baby. I promise," she smiled down at him.

Ricky nodded once before rolling off the bed and throwing on the shirt that Noel had given him. He gathered up his dirty and bloody clothes into his arms after he tugged on his Converse to his feet. He looked down at the clothes he wore before looking at Hero.

"I'll return the clothes, I swear."

"Keep them, dude. Fans are always throwing clothes at me," Hero shrugged.

Ricky nodded before smiling at Noel and walking out the door. Joseph, Arik, and Ethan followed him out. Ben stood still in the large room, staring at Noel, who was oblivious to his staring. When she finally became aware of his staring, she looked away quickly, a pink tint falling her cheeks. At the same time, almost in perfect sync, they both looked down and viciously scratched at the side of their heads. Noel licked her lips as her hand fell to her side. Ben stared up at her before sighing.

"Good night, Ani," he said before walking out.

Before he could close the door shut all the way, he could have swore he heard her sweet voice call out to him, "Good night, Benji."