Four: Why

"I still don't know why you did it."

Her voice is just a constant buzz in my ear. My eyes are shut and I can't see her face; I don't want to. I can see the disappointment in it already and I'm not prepared for that, I'm not prepared to feel worse than I already do.

"Please talk to me, Layla."

My lips remain shut.

She sighs and reaches out, tucking a stray strand of my black hair behind my ears. "I only care."

I can't reply: I feel tears stinging my eyes.

"...Gerard called today, the whole band. They wanted to see you, but you were asleep."

I wasn't asleep. I just don't want to see anyone.

"Will you see them?"

I shake my head slightly.

I hear a soft noise and I open one eye; Tina's hands are pressed over her face and she's crying.

"I just want to know why," I hear her croak.

"No one loves me," I whisper. The words catch on my chapped lips but I know she's heard me.

"They do. Your mother..."

"David's left me."

"It was never meant to be with David, you said so yourself," Tina murmured. "He couldn't handle whatever you're going through. But people do love you Tina. Look at how many cards, presents, letters people have sent in. That band, they want to see you, they care." She looks at me. "I care."

I draw my knees up to my chest and press my fingertips into my eyes.

"I know."

"Then why?"

I feel a tear slide down my cheek and my only answer is:

"I don't know."