Soft Steps

War brought on a lot of things; some things that were good and some that were bad. Men all over America were drafted for the war including my father Antoine Cotillard and older brother Martin Cotillard. Not only were my father and Martin drafted but Brandon Schulz who was much like a brother as well. You see Brandon Schulz was my best friend Lucy’s brother. Lucy and I were very close despite the fact I may have been a few years older than her. Our social deformities had us bound and take solace in each other’s company. My family was of mixed origins.

The war created a ton of hostility towards the Germans, Spanish, Japanese, and Mexicans. With this in mind my mother Frida was full blood Mexican and my father Antoine was French. I along with my brother Martin were raised to speak Spanish at home.

My grandfather Leon Cotillard whom my parents got my middle name Leotine, would send letters to me as well to make sure all was well with me. He had gotten far too old to travel so far to see me and he generally favored me because I got his name. Papa Leon was tough as nails to everyone but me and I loved him dearly being that he was one of the few relatives I had that I remained close with.

Of course I had a few aunts and uncles here and there but I never liked to trouble them. Our family was very diverse and often spread out across the US, Mexico, and some in Spain. If anyone needed any help even if it had been years since seeing each other no one would hesitate to help; that’s just how we were.

But we were discriminated against because of our ethnical origins by those who weren’t our family. My father Antoine died during battle just as the war began leaving me and my mother to deal with the aftermath as we prayed Martin would come back one day. People were cruel and being that my mother had a strong accent and distinguished Hispanic qualities we were put in danger constantly, no longer having my father to defend us. One day my mother was killed by one of these people and I found myself moving in with Lucy and her son in the city. I just couldn’t afford to live alone and nor could Lucy.

Life was rough and money was hard to come by. I’d watch Lucy’s son Brandon during the day while Lucy worked in the factory. Weekends I’d work as a Taxi Dancer something I hated but had to do. I couldn’t get a job anywhere else and it paid well enough. The nights were long and degrading. I’d be tossed man to man dancing all night putting up with every inappropriate comment or caress.

One particular day Lucy came home to our small apartment early though. Tears streamed down her face signifying something was terribly wrong. I asked no questions and just wrapped my arms around her letting her sob on my shoulder. Luckily I had just gotten little Brandon to nap. Lucy cried as I rubbed her back trying to soothe her nerves and calm her breathing. Once Lucy calmed down she pulled away wiping the tears from her face and let out a heavy sigh.

“They let me go at the factory Sol,” Lucy says with her eyes still full of tears. I couldn’t believe my ears and I was completely floored but I had to remain strong. Without Lucy’s contribution we’d starve. My job only paid for the rent and hers for groceries along with other amenities.
“They made some lay offs?” I inquire wanting to know why this happened.
“Five of us got the cut, what are we going to do Sol?” she responds as more tears started to make their escape. I knew what I’d have to do until she found another job.
“I’ll take up more nights at the club, we’ll get through this,” I reassure with a hopeful smile.
“But you said its awful working there Sol, I can’t make you do that more,” Lucy counters.
“Who ever said work was fun? Work is work and its worth being able to keep a roof over our heads and food to eat,” I reply trying to convince her that I was fine with working more nights at the club no matter how miserable those nights made me.
“But-” she starts to argue but I cut her words off.
“Think of it this way, you can spend more time with Brandon,” I smile.
“I suppose,” Lucy says biting back her words and let out a sigh.
“We can do this, no worries, I’ll ask Bruce for more nights and we’ll be in the clear, Brandon is taking a nap in the other room, he’ll be ecstatic to see you when he wakes up,” I say brightly masking the tiny nagging doubt in the back of my mind that didn’t believe that we would be in the clear.

After all that occurred in my life cynicism was hard to avoid but I tended to be high spirited for the most part. Being faced with hardships and being told I couldn’t do certain things only made me work harder. It was that stubborn optimism that everything would turn out for the best that got me through the day. That little voice that would say it was all worth it kept me going.

Later when I had asked Bruce for more shifts he happily obliged always needing more girls. And for the next couple weeks things were progressively getting worse to deal with; the men more vile and hours longer. My legs and feet were constantly sore sometimes to the point that they were numb. When I’d get back to the small apartment I’d be so exhausted I wouldn’t even change out of my clothes just passed out asleep once I hit the cushions.

Lucy was having troubles finding another job but she was trying her best and I could tell. She’d be the one to take off my heels when I’d forget to kick them off before passing out and would place a blanket over my sleeping frame so I wouldn’t get cold. We were all we had; and we tried our damn best to take care of one another.

Of course the sparse amount of letters we would get from our brothers would help lift our spirits. Hearing from our brothers brought peace to our worried hearts; just seeing my Brother Martin’s terrible chicken scratch for handwriting was enough to give me some peace of mind.

The only true joy both of us would get was from little Brandon who’d say and do the cutest things. He was our little angel and inspiration to make a better life. We loved him because he seemed so blissfully unaware of all the hardships and always wore a smile on his face being the best little angel we could ever ask for.