The Life and Lies of Harry Potter
The Dursleys
You may know Mr and Mrs Dursley of Number 4 Privet Drive as perfectionists.They were stark contrasts to the word,'weird',and would never be caught dead socialising with some of 'their lot'.
Or were they?
Petunia Dursley was well worth the effort I had put in to procuring veritaserum. With a spoonful of that,and a Quick Quotes Quill in hand,I could piece together the whole,scandalous story.
You see,Petunia Dursley,was not a woman. In fact,'Petunia' wasn't her name at all. Before she had gotten such a retarded excuse for a name (and another retard for a husband) she was 'Peter Evans'. She only changed sex so that she could be married to Vernon Dursley,which she said 'was the worst mistake of her life'.
"I only did it because he owned a brothel and was well,rich",she vented,cursing her spouse with colourful vocabulary.
The real surprise should be the fact that Vernon Dursley actually wed in the first place. He had enough money to a fuck a different girl everyday of the year. Not that any girl would want to. Beneath all that tight clothing lay a big,beefy man bigger than the empire state building. His wife on the other hand,was skinnier than a weasel. She had enough neck to crane over the fence and watch the neighbours making out. Making out was an understatement,they were practically fucking each other to shreds when I got out of the car.
It would be another shocking discovery that these two freaks of nature had a son. Actually they didn't. Dudley "Diddy" Dursley was just some fucked up kid who ran headfirst into their car with enough force to overthrow the Alexander the Great's Empire. Nevertheless he sustained serious head injury, and was cursed to oblivion for the rest of his life.
'Like that would make any difference,he was stupid in the first place' Petunia Dursley rants. She forgets that I'm there and launches headfirst into a time when she did some sort of 'Job' for her husband.
It is now that I warily make my way out of the house,and vow never to return. Why in all my days of news reporting,there was never a family more peculiar than the Dursleys of Number 4,Privet Drive.
Or were they?
Petunia Dursley was well worth the effort I had put in to procuring veritaserum. With a spoonful of that,and a Quick Quotes Quill in hand,I could piece together the whole,scandalous story.
You see,Petunia Dursley,was not a woman. In fact,'Petunia' wasn't her name at all. Before she had gotten such a retarded excuse for a name (and another retard for a husband) she was 'Peter Evans'. She only changed sex so that she could be married to Vernon Dursley,which she said 'was the worst mistake of her life'.
"I only did it because he owned a brothel and was well,rich",she vented,cursing her spouse with colourful vocabulary.
The real surprise should be the fact that Vernon Dursley actually wed in the first place. He had enough money to a fuck a different girl everyday of the year. Not that any girl would want to. Beneath all that tight clothing lay a big,beefy man bigger than the empire state building. His wife on the other hand,was skinnier than a weasel. She had enough neck to crane over the fence and watch the neighbours making out. Making out was an understatement,they were practically fucking each other to shreds when I got out of the car.
It would be another shocking discovery that these two freaks of nature had a son. Actually they didn't. Dudley "Diddy" Dursley was just some fucked up kid who ran headfirst into their car with enough force to overthrow the Alexander the Great's Empire. Nevertheless he sustained serious head injury, and was cursed to oblivion for the rest of his life.
'Like that would make any difference,he was stupid in the first place' Petunia Dursley rants. She forgets that I'm there and launches headfirst into a time when she did some sort of 'Job' for her husband.
It is now that I warily make my way out of the house,and vow never to return. Why in all my days of news reporting,there was never a family more peculiar than the Dursleys of Number 4,Privet Drive.