Where Boys Fear to Tread

Jasper's fingers slid shakily over the door frame as he stepped over the threshold of the room. His skin was pale again, removed of all the colour it had so quickly and easily earlier gained.
Oh, how he hate hate hated this. He never wanted that little trigger in his head to be set off. He didn't need to become someone else to protect him, he could protect himself now. He had Conor.
And he knew that Alex didn't want to hurt him. Alex was Jasper's only friend, the only one who put up with his 'episodes' without ever wondering what was going on, or why Jasper was such a freak.

A breath dragged heavy from his lips. He couldn't see Alex anywhere. The hallway was empty. He hoped that he hadn't left.

"Alex?" The word was shaky, just like his breaths, like his fingertips, like his unsure heartbeat.
He had other friends before Alex. But they had seen the reality of him, the wrong-ness of him, and they had fled. The only one who had stayed with him was Conor, and now Alex.

He wouldn't lose Alex if he could help it.

Turn left. Take four steps. Turn right. Watch your head on the cupboards.
Alex was waiting in the kitchen, his tall frame almost bent double as he leaned against the counter, hunched over.
"Alex?" Why did his voice always sound so pathetic? It was always quiet and his words shook with the wind. He couldn't stand it.
But Alex could. He actually smiled when he saw Jasper. It was weak and unsure, but it was a smile none-the-less.
"Hey" Alex's voice was all breath. It was wispy and tangible, reminding Jasper of a ghost. He imagined it passing through Alex's lips, dragging its translucent form away from him to circulate the room and then disappear.

"I'm sorry" Jasper lingered in the doorway, his very substance unsteady.
Alex shook his head, and looked at Jasper with a fragment of a smile. For moments they stayed like this, eyes strong and staring but hearts and minds unsteady and confused.
Then Jasper sighed, his head dropping slightly, his eyes slipping away from his friends.

"What is it?" Jasper's head snapped up, his eyes focusing with intense question on Alex. He knew this was coming. He knew Alex would ask eventually.
"What is it that's actually wrong with you?"

Jasper's heart turned heavy in his chest. Stone-heart.
Whatever dark, damp flicker of emotion claimed his face now, it told Alex more than any part of Jasper intended.
"I don't mind, you know."
Jasper nodded, though his face was laden with obvious doubt.
"Really. I won't run away. I won't leave, if that's what you're afraid of."

Hope was for the desperate. Jasper was the desperate. He knew it. His entire being fed off the knowledge that he meant something to someone, other than his brother.
"Do you promise?" Alex looked startled when the broken boy spoke. He hadn't realised til that moment how close they had gotten to one another. There was less than a meter separating them now. He could taste the fear on the breaths that carried from Jasper's lungs.
"I promise" If his voice had ever sounded more sure or more steady, Alex didn't know it. Slowly, he raised his hand, let it hover over the paper skin of Jasper's shoulder. He'd never dare to touch, not again, but even if this was the closest he ever got, it was enough. So long as he never hurt Jasper.

The sound of intruding footsteps made him look up, made Jasper bow his head.
"Hey Conor" Jasper's head was hung low, but even Alex could see the soft, fragile smile that hung delicately upon his lips.
Conor smiled at Alex when he looked at him, but it was stiff somehow. Not unwelcoming, but warning all the same.

"I promise" Like a ghost, the whisper.