Blue Bird

We were parallel lines.

Meandering mindlessly on an ever straight track.
Close enough, that if I reached my hand out and paid so much attention to his existence it hurt, I could almost touch him.

Problem is, he'd have to do the same thing back.
Now, wouldn't that be lovely?

I placed the pen softly on the slightly inclined desk and leaned back on my chair.
The back conveniently leaned back along with me.

The makeup less lids of my eyes slid closed.
But I wouldn't sleep.

I grunted.
After a moment, I adjusted myself side ways, growing more comfortable as time passed and I found myself in the fetal position.

No matter how comfortable I got, I wouldn't sleep.

No, not insomnia.

I just didn't want to.

Sleep was all kinds of lovely, yes, but there was too much life to miss.

Even if mine consisted of dreamy love letters to a boy whose name I don't even know, and endless hours on some blogging site.

But I digress.

The clocked showed me a number I was very used to seeing at this point in my life.

6:00

Oh, AM of course, you silly child.

I sighed and shut off the big light and ventured over to my bed, the lamp in the corner the only thing keeping me from falling head first into the mattress.
Which probably wouldn't be too bad.
The fall is always the worst part anyway.

The sheets were cold.
I liked it better that way.

"Oh, God. Here we go."
I lie awake now.
The time was well past 6, but I don't think I had it in me to turn on my side.

We all know that time, that place, between coherency and reality.
Its filled with the odds and ends of our mind, floating from the back burner all the way to center stage, and the thoughts you didn't even knew existed, found themselves under the spot light. Center stage. Ready to bear all.

It was both an extremely lovely, yet headache educing time. Or at least for me. It was always filled to spill with those glimpses of-
I gulped.
Him.

I'd love to have a lucid dream.
You know, when you have to lay so still. So still even through the times when your brain takes tests. Giving you an itch on your pinky toe, or on that sensitive part of your neck. Maybe a slight remnant of a whisper brushes against your tragus and you wish so hard to widen your eyes and move away from the cold feeling. But you can't. You must remain so still.

But, it pays off. After you're so still, and you tricked your body into thinking you're asleep, you're golden. Absolutely golden. You're in your mind. You can do whatever you want, sans the consequence. The Ugly. The Terrible. The Sad. The Hate.
The Neglect.

My world would be lovely.
Just. Lovely.

My world would be a gigantic field.
A homey little cottage in the middle with only enough space for me, my cats, and-

I blinked into the darkness as a rush surged up to my cheeks.
Him.

He’d sing me songs and I'd paint him pictures and we’d go on picnics, and I'd wear dresses and he’d wear sweaters and we’d visit the lake, and I'd take pictures, and he’d carry the film, and we’d watch the stars, and he’d point out constellations and I'd fall asleep on his shoulder.

There’ll be a city.
Or maybe just a town.

Strictly thrift stores that sell second hand clothes, though the two of us were the only ones who lived there, book stores that smelled of must, music stores for him, art stores for me, a gallery that changed every month with an exhibit that showed the wonderful times of the 60’s because we both loved the 60’s, and there’d be a pet shop, and an ikea to get lost in like Tom and Summer, and a drive in theater where they’d show black and white films.

We’d only have one car.
Or maybe just bikes.

We’d travel through the forest together and run through the fields we find in the small crevices of our world where the trees never bothered to grow. I'd bring Charlie and he’d bring Lacey and we’d play until the sun set.

There would still be four seasons.
Or at least they’d all be there.

Summer would last for a little more than half the year, but this wouldn’t be a bummer summer as we’d have each other. Fall would be the second largest, but school wouldn’t exist as we didn’t need money as we’d just need each other. Spring would be second, almost equal to fall but not quite because I despise my allergies as when i sneeze my entire family gives me the stink face, but he wouldn't mind. He’d find it endearing. then he’d kiss me and say I shouldn’t apologize for sneezing. But I digress. Winter would last as short as possible, though it wouldn’t loose its knack for overstaying its welcome, but we wouldn’t mind cause we’d snuggle by the fire place with our animals and marathons of the twilight zone. We’d just need each other.

There would be no other light source but lamps.
Or at least, not too many.

We would never turn on the ceiling light, as we wouldn’t even own one. Lamps would have dramatic lighting through the house. sometimes we could bump into things but it wouldn’t matter as any more light would wash out the color and make everything seem yellow. The sun was a better light.

There would only be love.
Or at least, at the root of it all.

I'd love him and he’d love me. I'd love cats and he’d love dogs. He’d love people and I'd love my laptop. I'd love our house, and he’d love it too. He’d love the clearing and I'd love the lake. it would be lovely.

There would be the perfect world.
Or at least, until I woke up.

I reached my arm over to the end table and switched off the lamp.
Maybe sleep isn't too bad.