Break Out

I sighed heavily as I was about to walk onstage for what seem like, the zillionth time.

"Jack bro, it'll be okay she'll get over it." Alex told me seriously as he grabbed his guitar and headed towards the stairs.

"No she won't Alex, not this time," I replied but he was already on stage, I followed his lead clumsily, trying my best to look cheerful, but I knew I was failing miserably.

******
"Thank you guys so fucking much! We love you AZ!" Alex called as we all walked offstage, sweaty and exhausted. I just wanted to leave, get the hell outta that venue, get the hell outta that state, I couldn't stand it a second longer, I was leaving Arizona without my girlfriend, again.

I had met Blake two years ago at The Warped Tour. I loved her the second I saw her. I ran over and introduced myself but she was speechless, she just smiled at me and after a full two minutes she said, "Yeah I know," she turned out to be a huge ATL fan, just my luck. I asked if she wanted to hang out sometime and she immediately accepted. We hung out every single day I was in AZ, only 3 days. On the last day, I asked her to be my girlfriend. She knew I was leaving, she knew I couldn't be there a lot, she knew I wasn't good enough, but she accepted and swore she'd wait for me. Which she had, for two years she's been here, in this hot, boring state, while I go everywhere, see everything, without the love of my life.

It's true, I love her. I'm in love with her. You know that saying, "Distance make the heart grow fonder"? That's completely true. I see Blake every chance I get, but even that is only a few times a year. Being apart just makes me miss her so much more.

It's just like when I'm with her, there's not a care in the world, she can always, ALWAYS, make me happy no matter what kind of shit I'm going through. These past two years have been the best of my life. But I know I'm being totally and completely selfish about it, because every single time I have to leave, I know it's hurting her more and more every time. But she smiles through the tears and promises she'll be here waiting for me. I hate doing this to her every single time. Every time I'm in town I beg and plead with her to come with me, leave it all behind and go on tour with me, but she won't, she can't. She has too much going for her in this shitty town, and I can't do anything to change her mind about it.

I can't take it anymore, being apart for months at a time. It's killing me, us.

Today I called her, and asked her to meet me outside of her apartment. She was outside in minutes with her amazing smile plastered on her face. I smiled back as she ran into my arms. I picked her up and kissed her deeply. I hadn't seen her in 4 months.

"Jack, missed you so much!" she whispered in my ear.

I closed my eyes and nodded, still squeezing her tight, "I missed you too baby."

When I finally let her go her eyes were watery but she wasn't crying, "How long?" she asked holding my hand, staring me straight in the eyes.

I sighed and looked down at my feet, before saying, "Two days."

I was still looking down, but I felt her grip on my hand loosen slightly and I heard her sigh sadly. I looked at her again, her light brown eyes glassy, about to overflow with tears. I pulled her into a hug.

"No Blake, please, it's okay, don't cry okay? I love you," I said laying my chin on her head lightly.

"No Jack, please , I just...I-" she suddenly let out a chocked sob and I squeezed her tighter.

"Come with me, Blake please, come with me. I'm begging you, please, I love you, I NEED you, please."

I felt her push me away and I let her go, "What?" I asked pleading, looking at her as her face as it was now getting flushed and puffy, how it always got when she cried.

"Jack, I can't go with you! I live here, it's my home, I have college, and work and my family, I can't throw that all away for you, I just can't! Don't you get that? Can't you see what you do to me? I love you so much, so much!, but you're never here for me, and I try so hard to be strong, but it hurts, it hurts so much. You hurt me, so much," she was close to hysterics wiping away her tears furiously.

I felt my shoulders fall and I ran my hand through my hair, unsure what to say next. "But...but I...we love each other. I love you!" I yelled.

She just closed her eyes and shoke her head, "Just go," she said, barely above a whisper.

"Wh-what?" my eyebrows furrowed in complete confusion.
She opened her eyes slowly, glaring at me and screamed, "Just go! Jack leave! Don't come back! I can't do this, you can't do this! Please go, please..." her voice trailed off as she fell to her knees in the grass.

I got down on my knees too, and wrapped my arms around her, "No I...Blake, I love you, Baby please," I whispered pleading with her.

She shook loose from my tight grasp. "No. I'm done with this, I'm sorry Jack, I'm so so sorry...." she got up quickly and ran, ran up the stairs, to her apartment and slammed the door behind her.

I just sat there, shocked, stunned and hurt. I felt like my whole world had fallen apart in a matter of minutes, the only girl I've ever loved ran away from me and didn't look back. My heart ached, my head throbbed, my eyes stung, and my throat burned. I couldn't move, I felt completely numb. I sat there for what seemed like hours before I finally heard my phone ring.

I fumbled to answer it, "Hello?"

My voice sounded like I'd been crying, which I hadn't, but I came awful close.

"What the fuck Barakat? It is now 4:25 O'clock PM, and you are yet to arrive at sound check, why is that? I know you went to see your lil' lover today but the show starts in two hours bro, where are you?"

He was completely oblivious. I felt like crawling into a hole and never coming out. But I just sighed heavily and told him what had happened between me and Blake. He listened quietly and when I finished talking he spoke again.

"Man, I'm so, so sorry. Really, I am, but I know Blake, and I know she'll get over this, she loves you...now not to be insensitive or anything, cuz you know I'm the fucking king of emotions, but don't you think you should still get your skinny ass over here before Matt has a bitch fit?"

I groaned, "Fine, I'm on my way," I said as got up from the grass feeling shaky and tired. I drove silently to the venue and got ready for the show. I can't even believe I didn't majorly fuck up a song or something, I was so out of it the entire time.

Now, I'm tired and just want to leave, desperately. I ran onto the bus ignoring the hundreds of screaming fan girls. I checked my phone just in case, but of course, nothing. I sat in my bunk, thoughts spinning like crazy through my head, hoping to think of something, anything to get her back. I didn't think I could even survive without knowing I have her, and she loves me. A few minutes went by and Zack, Rian, and Alex came onto the bus with the rest of the crew behind them.

"Jack, what's up? You looked like you were gonna cry out there," Zack asked, guzzling a water bottle.
"She doesn't....she dumped me...kinda," was all I could say.
"Wait, what?" Rian asked dumb founded.

"Yeah, kind of, I don't fucking know...damnit..." I slapped my forehead. I was going crazy with worry.

"Wait," Zack finally spoke again, biting his lip, "If you two broke up, tell me why she texted me before the show started, asking me what time it starts, and at what venue it was at?"

Rian quickly said, "Whatever dude, she's all of our friends, not just Jacks..." he looked at me unsure of how to finish his sentence.

My mind was spinning again, why did she text Zack? Why why why...? The high pitched screaming of shrieking of fan girls was getting worse and worse.

"God damnit, Flyzik can we get out of here please?" Alex said to Matt, who nodded from the front of the bus, "Yeah if you guys are ready."

Right when he said it, there was a pounding on the door.

"Shit, come on Matt, let's leave," Zack said.

"Wait..." I said but no one could hear me, I wasn't even whispering.

I heard, "Jack!" faintly from the other side of the door .

"Wait! Wait! Wait!" I yelled leaping up from my bunk towards the door.

"Jack, what the fuck? It's a fan girl!" Alex said thoroughly confused as I fumbled with the door.

"No, no its no..." with that I pulled open the door.

My heart beat sped up rapidly and my face instantly lit up My cheeks felt weird since I hadn't smiled in so long. It was Blake. She came back to me.

Her reddish-brown hair was a tangled mess, her makeup was smudged almost completely off, I could see tear tracks down her cheeks, but she was smiling, hopeful, her eyes staring up into mine, were full of uncertainty, but the thing I noticed more than anything else, was the huge blue duffle bag slung over her shoulder.

"I love you," I sighed pulling her into the bus squeezing her as tight as I could.

"I'm sorry, so sorry...so so sorry baby, Jack I love you so much, I'm...I'm ready to do this, with you, I'm coming with you this time...I mean, you know if you still want me too..." She laid her head on my shoulder. I slammed the bus door shut.

"Of course I want you to! I love you so much babe, I'm so happy right now, you have no clue. Ugh, fuck you scared me..."

She pulled away to look me in the eyes, "I....I didn't meant to, i just...-"

I hugged her again, "No no no, it's okay, its fine, I love you."

I kissed her forehead and smiled again turning towards the guys, who were all smiling , trying hard to not look completely into what was happening.

"I told you..." Alex smirked at me.

I laughed, "Yeah you did."

I pulled away from Blake, taking her hand, she smiled at everyone, "Hey guys, how goes it?"

Zack laughed, "You're a nerd." Blake just laughed too.

"Are you ready for this?" I asked leading her to a spot on the booth on the bus, "Hell yeah, as ready as I'll ever be."

She said kissing my cheek as we sat down. I couldn't have asked for a better answer. She was with me now so no matter what, everything else would work out. I knew it would.