With This Gun.
Chapter 7.
The next few days I hardly ever moved from my bedroom. There was no point. I didn’t need to eat and if the sun was shining I got headaches. So I stayed put. That boy, Emery, hadn’t needed my help yet, or at least I didn’t hear him call. I could hear people walking past my door, I listened to their conversations but nothing was said that I found interesting.
I finally decided to get up, maybe stare off into the ocean at what I could see, but nobody else could. I wish at least some people were like me, it gets lonely being the only one. And not being able to tell anybody makes me want to scream my head off. I still find myself wishing to die, to wither in pain, just so I could feel it; but it won’t happen. It never does.
Walking back out to the deck depressed me even more. I read the girls minds again, but the way I was thinking didn’t make it better. Would I never find someone that I could trust and love? These girls were interested, but I knew it would never be. How easy it would be to lure them away, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to hurt them the way I wish someone would hurt me.
The fresh air helped me get my thoughts together, but didn’t eliminate them. I leaned against the railing, resting my arms on it as well. I laid my head in my arms and stared out to sea. My train of thoughts deepened.
I remembered everything. I was never a normal child. I never got to experience anything. And I couldn’t either. I didn’t have enough human emotion to enjoy them. I would never love, never be happy, never enjoy anything at all. The only thing I could do was live, live forever.
I glanced behind me. People were staring, but I didn’t care. I just looked straight ahead again and kept my eyes on the ocean. Their thoughts interrupted mine briefly. I paid no attention and tried to refocus myself. I frowned. I’d missed so much.
I tried to clear my mind of all the thoughts from before. With no success. I turned around and looked at my audience. They went back to what they were doing before as soon as I turned. I tried to ignore everything they were thinking, it was a bit easier with everyone’s’ thoughts coming at me at once. It sounded like a loud roaring in my ear. Which was quite annoying by the way. I walked back. Back to my room. Back to where I would stay for the trip. Back to which my mind could wander in peace.
I finally decided to get up, maybe stare off into the ocean at what I could see, but nobody else could. I wish at least some people were like me, it gets lonely being the only one. And not being able to tell anybody makes me want to scream my head off. I still find myself wishing to die, to wither in pain, just so I could feel it; but it won’t happen. It never does.
Walking back out to the deck depressed me even more. I read the girls minds again, but the way I was thinking didn’t make it better. Would I never find someone that I could trust and love? These girls were interested, but I knew it would never be. How easy it would be to lure them away, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to hurt them the way I wish someone would hurt me.
The fresh air helped me get my thoughts together, but didn’t eliminate them. I leaned against the railing, resting my arms on it as well. I laid my head in my arms and stared out to sea. My train of thoughts deepened.
I remembered everything. I was never a normal child. I never got to experience anything. And I couldn’t either. I didn’t have enough human emotion to enjoy them. I would never love, never be happy, never enjoy anything at all. The only thing I could do was live, live forever.
I glanced behind me. People were staring, but I didn’t care. I just looked straight ahead again and kept my eyes on the ocean. Their thoughts interrupted mine briefly. I paid no attention and tried to refocus myself. I frowned. I’d missed so much.
I tried to clear my mind of all the thoughts from before. With no success. I turned around and looked at my audience. They went back to what they were doing before as soon as I turned. I tried to ignore everything they were thinking, it was a bit easier with everyone’s’ thoughts coming at me at once. It sounded like a loud roaring in my ear. Which was quite annoying by the way. I walked back. Back to my room. Back to where I would stay for the trip. Back to which my mind could wander in peace.