Stop My Valediction.

I’m trying to figure out what else to say to make you turn around and come back this way

Thunder cracked right outside of my wind as I watched on with a blank expression on face. The last I had checked Max was sound asleep on the couch and I could safely escape. When I had first woken up and came across Max I freaked out, my apartment was nearly bare, besides the pieces of furniture I was sending for later but then I realized that we were both so drunk out of minds that he wouldn’t even notice until it’s too late.

My heart hurt as I watched the sky open up and dump rain out onto the city. It was just like it was in my dreams. The sky was a deep shade of gray, engulfing the city, the streets wet and barely visible, the water rushing to the drains at a fast rate. Just like I had dreamed so many times…

Why was he so damn beautiful in that tuxedo of his? His hair slicked back and that small smile playing across his lips. I stood out in the rain, my hair flat against the middle of my back; it was heavy from the rain water that fell from the sky.

I was drenched from head to toe but I couldn’t move to find shelter. I was struck with sudden realization. Kris was actually going to do this, he was going marry her and suddenly the pain hurt ten times worse than it did before, my heart heavy and swollen with hurt and disbelief. I don’t why; it was silly of me to even believe that this was joke, that he wasn’t actually going to marry her.

“Demi?” he called out in disbelief. My attention snapped forward and I took a deep breath in, the water trickling down my face falling into my mouth but I didn’t care to spit out, I could barely breath properly. Kris turned to Jordan and spoke to him softly before he grabbed an umbrella and jogged out to where I was.

“Why are you here Demi?” Kris questioned me with a hint of an attitude.

“I just had to see you, before I left.” I spoke softly. It couldn’t look up at him, the rain would just engulf me anyway and I couldn’t dare look into those piercing brown eyes of his. I heard him let out a huff.

“Like this Demi? Really? I thought you weren’t even going to show up.” Kris snapped at me.

“Look, I-I just didn’t think I could leave here without seeing you.” I shook as I spoke, the wind gusting and sending chills down my spine.

“You have some nerve; you cause this big scene by not showing up, upsetting her and then you come back. I don’t get you Demi!” Kris hollered angrily.

“I love you Kris! I’ve loved you for two years!” I hollered back at him.

He didn’t say anything as he looked down at me with a blank expression. I could feel the anger building in me as I grab my hair and tugged for a long hard moment. I began to back away and Kris stuck his arm out, reaching for me but I just tugged away from him. He still didn’t speak a word to me and that’s what hurt the most. I rather him yell and scream at me than sit here in an awkward silence, his eyes piercing right through me.

“Kris say something, and do anything to stop my valediction?” I told him softly as I could feel the hot tears rolling down my face. My lips trembled as I just shook my head softly, throwing one last look to Kris before I finally turned my back on him and walked away, not a word from him.

“Don’t do this.” I could feel Max’s hot breath on the back of my neck. I jumped away from the window and put my hand over my chest as I looked up at Max, letting out deep breaths as I tried to control my speeding heart.

“You’re making the wrong decision by doing this Dem.” Max said softly as his blue eyes pleaded with me. I turned away from him. Shit, if I was going to break down and give in to Max just because he used his blue eyes on me, what the fuck would happen if Kris turned his dangerous soul searching eyes on me? I am so pathetic. I brought the back of my hand
to my mouth as I let out a soft sob.

“I can’t sit here and pretend to be happy anymore, I just can’t.” I bellowed. Max, with his sad blue eyes just nodded his head as he looked down at the floor and stuffed his hands in his pockets. I cried softly to myself as I looked back out the window.

“Do you want me to drive you to the airport; I have to leave in a few minutes anyway.” Max said as he ran his hand across the back of his neck, biting his lip.

“No, no. I’ll be fine.” I said softly. Was this our goodbye? This awkward three foot distance between us with Max’s hands in his pockets and my arms crossed, trying to suppress the sobs that rocked my body violently. I looked back over to Max who was looking right back at me. I let out laugh that sounded more like a sob as I reached over to hug him, his warm arms soothing but not soothing enough.

“Bye Dem, make sure you call me.” He told me. I laughed as I shook my head and wiped away more tears. He gave me one more longing look before he left and I heard the apartment door close. I pressed my face up against the large window and cried harder.

-----

“Nice of you to show up Max.” Jordan barked out as Max entered the room. The boys laughed and rolled their eyes but Max just simply ignored him as he headed over to the dressing rack to get his tuxedo.

“Hey what’s up man? The ride over here with Demi went wrong or something?” I asked him as I buttoned up my white shirt. As her name passed through my lips I couldn’t help but feel the flutter in my heart. I stopped for a moment before I shook my head, trying to shake the feeling away, even though it been there for the past two years.

Max looked up and gave me blank expression before he began to strip out of his clothes and dress himself in the tuxedo.

“I mean, you did bring her right? You guys went home together last night.” I said as I tried to stop myself from sounding bitter. But the truth was I was so extremely pissed off when they left my apartment last night, both trashed and hanging off of each other like two teenagers in love. My stomach still churned at the thought of someone else even touching Demi.

“Demi isn’t coming.” Max snapped at me. I looked at him, blinking a few times as tried to fully comprehend his sentence.

“Excuse me? Could you repeat that, it sounded like you said that Demi isn’t coming?” Flower said as he fixed his tie.

“You heard right, Demi isn’t coming because of this mother fucker right here!” Max hollered out. I gripped the chair I was standing by as I looked at Max as he wore a nasty glare on his face.

“What?” I hissed through my teeth.

“Cut the fucking act Kris! Everyone knows that Demi has liked you for forever and a fucking day, hell she is even in love with you than that girl you are going to marry and we all know you love her back. We thought that eventually you two would fall out of the teenage going back and forth flirting stage and finally tell each other that you like one another but of course you try to run from your feelings and find this bitch and marry her after six months of dating!” Max spat at me.

“She’s gone Kris! Because she is tired of waiting on your sorry ass. She waited for nearly three years now; I don’t know how much longer you could string her along. You know what-I can’t take part in this bullshit. I just can’t do it. Everyone knows this wedding is bullshit and I am the only one brave enough to voice it.” Max sneered as he ripped his button up off and threw his jeans and t-shirt back on. I didn’t bother to stop him as he stormed out of the room. I didn’t dare look up at any of the guys either as I sat down in the chair I had just gripped on.

The room was completely silent as I sat in the chair and closed my eyes, trying to find an answer and all I could see was Demi and that beautiful smile of hers.

Fuck, that was my answer. I let out a frustrated sigh as I ran my hands through my slicked back hair.

“Fuck, he’s right.” But I was already too late.

-----

It was exactly how I dreamed. I was on my way to the airport but I couldn’t leave, not without seeing him one last time. I didn’t have to speak to him, I just wanted to see him, so I could engrave it into my memory, I never wanted to forget him.

So that’s where I find myself. On the side walk a few paces away from Kris and the guys, they never once saw me standing here, their backs turned as they talked in hushed whispers. Kris was nervous, I could tell. His hair was mess, he looked a mess. This was different from my dream where he looked so peaceful and content.

I looked down and tucked my hands deeper into my long sleeve sweater. I brought my hands up to cove my mouth before I wiped them across my wet face. It didn’t help as the rain continued to pour down on me.

Jordan looked over in my direction and our eyes connected. He looked at me with shock written all over his face before he looked back down. He whispered something to Kris which caused him to turn around and looked in my direction, when our eyes finally connected I raised my hand and wave pitifully.

Instead of him grabbing an umbrella he just took off into my direction and jogged over to me. He took off his jacket and pushed it in my direction. I just shoved it back towards him as I shook violently. He shoved it back at me before I sighed and slipped his tuxedo jacket on.

“What are you doing here?” he questioned me softly. I looked up at him and his eyes where smoldering as he looked down at me with a sad frown.

“I had to catch a glimpse of you before I left.” I told him simply as he took my bottom lip into my mouth. My hair grew even heavier as more rain fell onto the both of us, Kris’s wet hair sticking to his forehead and the sides of his well-structured face. God he was so beautiful.

“God you are so beautiful.” He murmured as he brought his hands up to my face and cupped it softly. I closed my eyes, trying to squeeze the tears away but failed miserably as I felt my face scrunch up.

“Hey now Dem, why are you crying?” He asked me.

“It’s all your fault, you called me beautiful and you are about to get married Kris.” I told him as I wiped my eyes furiously.

“No I’m not Demi; I can’t go in there, not when I love you.” He told me as plain as day. I backed away from him as I stared up at him in shock. No this is not how this was supposed to go.

“No, you’re so supposed to tell me that you just think of me as a friend and that I am being selfish and I’m supposed tell you that I love you and you say you don’t love me back and-and…I walk back away and I cry for you stop me from leaving and…why isn’t it going I dreamed.” I cried as I ran my fingers through my hair and tugged on it slightly. Kris let out a laugh as he stepped forward and took my face in his hands again.

"I know I’m not perfect and i know you're not perfect either but i know in my heart that we're perfect for each other. And, I know how fucked up this situation maybe right now but I love you and I promise, oh god, I promise baby that if you love me as much as I love you then things will be alright.” Kris told me. I looked up at him as I sucked in a breath and leaned forward. Our lips met and could feel myself getting lighter, the weight of my secret that I had to carry with me for two year finally coming off of my shoulders.

This wasn’t my dream, this was real, Kris had actually stopped my valediction.