I Know It's Hurting You, But It's Killing Me

“Damn it!” I cursed the next morning after I had dropped my empty orange juice glass onto the floor next to my foot. “Not having a good morning I can see.” Zacky noticed as he rubbed his sleepy eyes and walked to the fridge looking for breakfast.

“Oh fuck off,” I growled before stomping off to grab a broom. “Audrey, that’s unacceptable.” Dad said from behind. I narrowed my eyes irritated, but I stayed quiet and kept my thoughts to myself.

“Morning guys,” Brian came in as I started cleaning up. “Morning,” Zacky and dad greeted as they sat down at the kitchen table with coffee in their hands. After I finished cleaning up I poured myself a cup of coffee and started to leave the kitchen.

“Audrey wait,” Dad stopped me. “What?” I asked, getting even more irritated. “Officer Kayne will be here in an hour to talk with you and then we need to sit down and talk.” He told me. “Of course,” I muttered.

--

“You washed off any physical evidence that was on you which means even if you did press charges it most likely wouldn’t do anything because you don‘t have any proof.” Officer Kayne told dad and I.

“I don’t care about pressing charges at this point, I just don’t want to be near him.” I sighed and tucked a strand of hair behind my hair.

“And that can be arranged Audrey, but unfortunately his father is a very powerful man and he was bailed out of jail this morning.” He said.

“Great,” I muttered. “You can get a restraining order,” He suggested. “But that’s only a piece of paper saying he can’t come within three hundred yards of her. It doesn’t do shit, so theres no point.” Dad said.

“There’s really nothing else we can do. If he harasses you in any way then call me but for now Ryan is our biggest worry. He is still missing unfortunately, but we will find him.” He assured me. “I suggest you keep you’re doors and windows locked at all times and Audrey make sure you don’t go anywhere alone until we do find him.” I nodded.

“Would you still like to get a restraining order for Brandon?” He questioned. “No we don’t need one, he won’t get near her.” Dad told him. “Okay,” Officer Kayne nodded. “Then we will be in touch.”

“Okay, thanks Officer Kayne.” Dad said as he walked him to the door. I stayed on the couch and waited for dad to come back because we did need to talk, no matter how uncomfortable and awkward it would be.

“Audrey, lets take a ride.” Dad said as he held up his keys. “Okay,” I mumbled and nodded.

--

“How did you find this place?” I asked as we sat down on a huge rock on the shore with waves crashing against it. “Your mom and I found it before we found out she was pregnant with you. We were here visiting an old friend and your mom wanted to take a walk and explore, so we just came across it.” He smiled and I nodded not knowing what to say.

“You know,” He started after a few minutes of silence, “You could have came to me the night you got home. I wouldn’t have been mad or anything, just worried.”

“It wasn’t about you being mad dad.” I sighed. “Then what was it about? Why didn’t you come to me?”

“You’ve tried protecting me my whole life and then when mom died you tried protecting me even more and I ruined that. One stupid lie and one stupid high school party ruined that. You couldn’t save me from Brandon, hell, no on could. I didn’t want you knowing because I knew that it would hurt you and you would worry about me even more. And I’m right aren’t I, you’re hurt and worried?”

“I’m hurt because you felt like you couldn’t come to me Audrey, and of course I’m worried. I’ll always be worried about you, you’re my daughter and I love you. I understand that you were trying to protect me by not telling me but I don’t matter. You matter and you shouldn’t even be trying to protect me, because I’m supposed to protect you. That’s just the way it is, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I know now and I’ll help you get through this.” He told me.

Tears spilled out of my eyes and I sniffled. “I’m sorry dad, I shouldn’t have gone to that party. I’m sorry,” I apologized over and over again.

“It’s okay baby girl.” He said as he pulled me to his chest. “It’s not okay, if Jen hadn’t of talked me into it and if I hadn’t of been so stupid none of this would have ever happened.”

“I promise it’s okay Audrey, I’m not mad. I just want you to be okay,” He assured me. “I don’t know how to be okay anymore dad.” I said with all honesty while I wiped a few tears from my face.