I Know It's Hurting You, But It's Killing Me
0016.
“That was Larry,” Dad said as he came back in from outside. It had been little over an hour since we helped Suzy unload the groceries and then we hung out in the living room just talking and laughing. “What did he have to say?” Brian wondered as everyone settled down and turned towards dad.
“He wants to talk to us this week about tour.” He said as he sat down on the couch in his original spot. “Tour?” I squeaked out. I never liked the idea of tour. I had to either go with them and be miserable with guilt or stay with the girls and miss him and the guys like hell. Either way, it wasn’t fun.
“It’s not a definite thing, but Larry wants to know if we want to do a two month tour for the summer.” He explained.
“The whole summer?” I asked before anyone else could say anything. “Yeah,” He nodded. “I don’t really care, man.” Brian said. “Neither do I,” Jimmy shrugged. “I’m in,” Zacky smiled. “It’d be cool, we haven’t been on tour in a few months.” Johnny told us.
“But two months is a long time dad.” I said before chewing on my thumb nail. “I know that Audrey, but it’s our job.” Dad sighed. “It’s not official or anything, but it’s something that we defiantly need to discuss and decide on.” He stated.
“I can’t believe you’re even considering on leaving me for two months this summer, I mean what the fuck dad?” I started to get pissed and said as I stood up and folded my arms over my chest.
“Audrey, don’t talk you’re father like that.” Papa Gates and Brian practically said in unison. I rolled my eyes and scoffed.
“Whatever dad, do whatever the hell you want.” I muttered before stomping through the living room and out the front door.
I was more hurt than angry, because it didn’t seem like it was the right time with everything going on. I needed him then more than ever, but if he went tour then he wouldn’t be there for me.
“Audrey wait!” Brian called out and ran towards me as I walked along the side walk. “What Uncle Brian?” I demanded as I turned around to face him.
“Give him a break, he’s doing the best he can right now with this whole situation. Maybe going on tour with us for the summer would be a good thing, that way you can get away from everything here.”
“I don’t want to go on tour, I hate tour and you all know that!” I shouted at him. “Audrey nothing’s going to happen to you on tour.” He told me, knowing what I was afraid of.
“You don’t know that,” I shook my head. “Everyone thought mom would be okay too, but do you see her around?” I asked. “No, but that was different.” He responded firmly.
“How was that different?” I questioned. “It was a freak accident Audrey. Maybe if she hadn’t gone on tour then she would still be here but it was an accident.”
“No, it’s my fault. If I hadn’t ran out into the road like an idiot she wouldn’t have pushed me out of the way from that truck and gotten killed herself.” I cried. I didn’t want to think about the memories but discussing tour always triggered them.
“I’ve got this Brian, go on back inside.” Dad said behind Brian as he walked closer towards us. “You sure, man?” He asked. “Yeah,” He nodded. Brian nodded and gave me a sad look before walking back to house.
“If I could, I would stop going on tour and stay home with you year around, but you know that’s not the way It works. I understand that tour is hard after what happened to your mom, believe me it’s hard for me too. I don’t take you on tour as some sort of punishment, I take you so that you can see the world and enjoy yourself.”
“I get that dad, I do, but it’ll never be the same after what happened to mom. Going on tour is just a huge reminder of what happened.”
“Audrey, I would usually give you a choice on this, but I refuse to leave you here with Michelle and the girls for the whole summer with what’s happened. If we do go on tour then you’re coming with us, and that’s the way it has to be. You need to get past what happened with your mom. Now get your ass back inside that house and stop cursing at me.” He said the last part as stern as possible.
“But tha-” I started.
“Audrey,” He warned me as he cut me off. I sighed and trudged back to the house defeated.
I dropped to the living room floor where I was originally sitting and twiddled with my bracelets as I looked down at my lap. I could feel their eyes watching me but I didn’t act on it.
“Lex my little cousin is suppose to stay the summer with Gena and I, do you think he could come along on tour with us?” Zacky asked the others. “I don’t see why not,” Dad shrugged. “How old is he?” He asked him.
“Sixteen,” Zacky answered. I could practically hear the smile in his voice. “That’s great, Audrey will have someone to hang with.” Brian chuckled. I rolled my eyes at his comment.
Tour is defiantly going to be interesting.
“He wants to talk to us this week about tour.” He said as he sat down on the couch in his original spot. “Tour?” I squeaked out. I never liked the idea of tour. I had to either go with them and be miserable with guilt or stay with the girls and miss him and the guys like hell. Either way, it wasn’t fun.
“It’s not a definite thing, but Larry wants to know if we want to do a two month tour for the summer.” He explained.
“The whole summer?” I asked before anyone else could say anything. “Yeah,” He nodded. “I don’t really care, man.” Brian said. “Neither do I,” Jimmy shrugged. “I’m in,” Zacky smiled. “It’d be cool, we haven’t been on tour in a few months.” Johnny told us.
“But two months is a long time dad.” I said before chewing on my thumb nail. “I know that Audrey, but it’s our job.” Dad sighed. “It’s not official or anything, but it’s something that we defiantly need to discuss and decide on.” He stated.
“I can’t believe you’re even considering on leaving me for two months this summer, I mean what the fuck dad?” I started to get pissed and said as I stood up and folded my arms over my chest.
“Audrey, don’t talk you’re father like that.” Papa Gates and Brian practically said in unison. I rolled my eyes and scoffed.
“Whatever dad, do whatever the hell you want.” I muttered before stomping through the living room and out the front door.
I was more hurt than angry, because it didn’t seem like it was the right time with everything going on. I needed him then more than ever, but if he went tour then he wouldn’t be there for me.
“Audrey wait!” Brian called out and ran towards me as I walked along the side walk. “What Uncle Brian?” I demanded as I turned around to face him.
“Give him a break, he’s doing the best he can right now with this whole situation. Maybe going on tour with us for the summer would be a good thing, that way you can get away from everything here.”
“I don’t want to go on tour, I hate tour and you all know that!” I shouted at him. “Audrey nothing’s going to happen to you on tour.” He told me, knowing what I was afraid of.
“You don’t know that,” I shook my head. “Everyone thought mom would be okay too, but do you see her around?” I asked. “No, but that was different.” He responded firmly.
“How was that different?” I questioned. “It was a freak accident Audrey. Maybe if she hadn’t gone on tour then she would still be here but it was an accident.”
“No, it’s my fault. If I hadn’t ran out into the road like an idiot she wouldn’t have pushed me out of the way from that truck and gotten killed herself.” I cried. I didn’t want to think about the memories but discussing tour always triggered them.
“I’ve got this Brian, go on back inside.” Dad said behind Brian as he walked closer towards us. “You sure, man?” He asked. “Yeah,” He nodded. Brian nodded and gave me a sad look before walking back to house.
“If I could, I would stop going on tour and stay home with you year around, but you know that’s not the way It works. I understand that tour is hard after what happened to your mom, believe me it’s hard for me too. I don’t take you on tour as some sort of punishment, I take you so that you can see the world and enjoy yourself.”
“I get that dad, I do, but it’ll never be the same after what happened to mom. Going on tour is just a huge reminder of what happened.”
“Audrey, I would usually give you a choice on this, but I refuse to leave you here with Michelle and the girls for the whole summer with what’s happened. If we do go on tour then you’re coming with us, and that’s the way it has to be. You need to get past what happened with your mom. Now get your ass back inside that house and stop cursing at me.” He said the last part as stern as possible.
“But tha-” I started.
“Audrey,” He warned me as he cut me off. I sighed and trudged back to the house defeated.
I dropped to the living room floor where I was originally sitting and twiddled with my bracelets as I looked down at my lap. I could feel their eyes watching me but I didn’t act on it.
“Lex my little cousin is suppose to stay the summer with Gena and I, do you think he could come along on tour with us?” Zacky asked the others. “I don’t see why not,” Dad shrugged. “How old is he?” He asked him.
“Sixteen,” Zacky answered. I could practically hear the smile in his voice. “That’s great, Audrey will have someone to hang with.” Brian chuckled. I rolled my eyes at his comment.
Tour is defiantly going to be interesting.
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So, I know that most of you have noticed that my grammar has been off and that's because I'm not perfect, and I don't have a grammar check because I don't have Microsoft word.Yesterday I was reported even though there really weren't that many mistakes, but it doesn't matter now because I'm pretty sure I got all of the mistakes fixed. Now if I do happen to make a mistake and you notice, I would really like it if you would tell me instead of reporting me. I work my ass off on this story so I can update every day or every other day and I do love this story, it's one of my favorites I've written and I'd hate to see it be deleted.
Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter. It tells you a little bit about what happened to Audrey's mom, and I promise you'll get more detail soon. Also I wasn't going to do a tour in this story but I am now, but no worries the story won't get off topic. It'll still be about Audrey getting over the fact that she was raped.(:
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