I Know It's Hurting You, But It's Killing Me

Lex passed out around ten that night, which allowed me to have some time alone. I couldn’t stand lying in that bed any longer because honestly I couldn’t sleep. Thoughts over whelmed my brain and I had no idea how to get rid of them. I walked out onto the balcony and quietly shut the glass door behind me.

The balcony didn’t have railings, instead it had these big concrete ledges. I climbed onto one and sat there with my back against the hotel wall. I wasn’t planning on jumping or anything, even though technically I could. Our rooms were located on the eleventh floor, so I’m sure that I would break my neck if I did jump. I just needed to see the ocean and relax a little bit.

It was hard not to think about what happened and during the day I really did try my hardest not to think about it, but at night it was a total different story. I couldn’t stop myself, which resulted in me getting less sleep then usual.

I also felt extremely guilty for being a bitch to dad, he didn’t deserve me snapping at him and he sure as hell didn’t deserve having to worry about me constantly. I knew it was his job to worry about me, but It seemed like he was worried all the time and it made me feel even more guilty.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I leaned over to the side and looked over the edge. I did unfortunately think about what would happen if I did just suddenly fall or even jump, but I couldn’t be that selfish to my family. Plus it didn’t seem like a big enough problem to end my life over, as weird as that even sounds. I knew that I would get past it, it would just take time.

“I really hope you’re not planning to jump.” Lex said behind me with an exhausted voice. I laughed a little and wiped my tears before turning to him. “No, I’m not planning to jump Lex. Go back to bed, your tired.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “Not a chance Audrey,” He walked closer and leaned against the wall as he stared at me. “You want to tell me what’s going on and why your crying, or I can get your dad for you?” He suggested.

“It’s nothing, I’m okay.” I tried to lie. “Aunt Gena and the girls we’re right, you’re a very bad liar.” He chuckled again. “Yeah,” I sniffled and laughed. “Apparently I get it from my mother.” I smiled and wiped a few more tears away.

“You know,” He started, “You can talk to me about anything. We may not know each other, but I do know how to listen pretty well.” He finished. For some reason I believed him, I knew that he could listen to everything that I was holding inside of me, but I didn’t want to open up to him and I had no idea why which only brought on even more tears.

“Why are you being so nice to me? I’ve only been a huge bitch to you.”

“Because I know you’re a good person, whether you believe it or not.” He said softly.

“If I was a good person I wouldn’t have lied to everyone, including my dad. I wouldn’t have gone to that stupid party, I wouldn’t have been called a slut by the entire school, and I wouldn’t have worried everybody so much.” I ranted, trying not to cry anymore, because I really didn’t want Lex to see the side of me that’s hanging by a lose thread.

Lex ran a hand through his hair and looked at me with worried eyes. Before I knew it he was picking me up of the ledge and carrying me inside. He laid me down on the comfortable bed and covered me up with the soft blanket.

“Go to sleep Audrey,” Was all he had to say for me to close my eyes and slip into a deep sleep.

Lex’s POV

The next morning I woke up at nine and noticed Audrey was still asleep. I changed into some new clothes before slipping on my shoes and grabbing the hotel key. Finding Audrey the night before sitting on the ledge of the balcony almost gave me a heart attack. I seriously thought she was going to jump and I knew I needed to talk Matt about the whole situation.

“Hey Lex, what do you need?” Brian asked as he opened the door. It was pretty obvious they had been up awhile and had already had some coffee. “I really need to talk to Matt.” He nodded and let me in. Matt was sitting at the table drinking coffee and working on his laptop.

“Matt, Lex here needs to talk to you.” Brian called out before leaving us alone. Matt shut his computer and smiled at me. “What’s up kid?” He asked. “I’m going to get straight to the point, okay?”

He nodded and urged me to go on. “I woke up last night around one and I noticed Audrey wasn’t in bed. I could hear her crying on the balcony, so I went out there and found her sitting on the ledge.”

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me.” He muttered and sighed. “She said she wasn’t going to jump but It scared the shit out of me. She started talking about how she’s not a good person and she started crying again, so I picked up her up carefully and took her back inside. The second I laid her down on the bed an covered her up, she passed out.”

“Thanks for telling me Lex. I’m sure you’re wondering what the hell is going on with her, aren’t you?” He asked. “Yeah,” I nodded. “I am,”

“Look, all I can say is something did happen to Audrey last weekend and it’s been bad since. Its not my place to tell you, so I can’t but I’m sure she’ll tell you eventually. I’ll have her stay in here with Brian and I the rest of the week, and you can keep the other room. The only reason why I had you guys share the room last night is because I wanted her to get to know you better, that way she has a friend on tour, but I guess that’s not going happen.”

“Yeah, I don’t think so either, or at least not anytime soon.” I agreed.

“She’ll warm up to you eventually Lex,” He assured me. “Zacky and Johnny are up, so can you go over there? I’d like to go talk to Audrey for a little while.”

“That‘s fine,” I nodded. “Okay, thanks a lot Lex. By the way instead of doing anything real big today, we’re just going to hang out at the beach. We should be leaving around twelve, that way Audrey has time to get up and get ready.” He told me.

“Alright, I guess I’ll see you later.” He nodded before allowing me to leave.

I hope Audrey doesn’t get into to much trouble.