I Know It's Hurting You, But It's Killing Me

“Papa Gates, what are you doing here?” I asked after I had pulled open the hotel room door and he stood there grinning.

“I just came to spend the week with everyone. Suzy’s at her sister in Fresno, and it’s boring all by myself.” He chuckled before stepping forward and embracing me into one his bear hugs.

“Where are the guys?” He asked as he pulled away. “They went to get something to eat,” I shrugged as I allowed him to walk past me with his suitcase.

“Why didn’t you go?”

“I don’t know, I guess I just don’t feel like being around them right now.” Which wasn’t a total lie. “Oh,” He nodded. “Brian told me about your hand,” He motioned towards it as he walks to the fridge and grabbed a cold beer. “That doesn’t surprise me,”

“You want to talk about it?” He questioned, ignoring my comment. “Nope,”

He glanced at me as he sat down on the couch. I followed him and sat on the floor across the couch. “Why is that? Why don’t you ever want to talk about things that are important and need to be talked about?”

“Because there is nothing to talk about.” I was getting irritated, not just with him but with everyone else too. They all asked me the same questions over and over again, and it was starting to get old.

“Alright,” He stopped for a minute and studied my expression which held nothing, because I wasn’t about to let him see what I felt.

“Audrey, you do know that you hurt yourself, right?” He asked with a serious and firm voice. “Yes, but it was an accident.” I said as I glanced down at the floor.

“I’m sure it was, but you still hurt yourself. You were angry and upset, and that caused you to explode because you haven’t talked about what really happened with that boy. I’m not saying that you have to tell everyone today what happened, you just need to talk to your dad about it soon, or you’re going to end up hurting yourself worse than you already have. Physically and emotionally,” I looked up at him as I felt a tear run down my cheek.

“Sugar Plum, we’re back.” Jimmy sang as him and the guys walked through the door. I wiped away the stray tear that had fallen and got up of the floor, forcing a smile onto my face.

“Hi guys,” I smiled at them. “I didn’t know you were going to be here so early dad,” Brian said to Papa Gates as he walked over to him.

“I brought you a milkshake back,” Jimmy said and handed me a chocolate milk shake. “Thank you,” I smiled and took a sip. “So, what do you guys want to do today?” Zacky asked as we all settled down and took seats around the room.

“We could rent a boat and take it out in the water.” Dad suggested. “Holy shit, that’s a great idea!” Jimmy and I both exclaimed in unison. “I’m up for it,” Brian smirked.

“I’m in,” Papa Gates said. “What do you say Johnny, Zacky, Lex?” I asked as I chewed on my lip. “I’m game,” Zacky laughed. “Lets do this,” Johnny nodded. “That could be a lot of fun,” Lex smiled at me. “Yes!” I declared.

“Okay, now that that’s decided. Why don’t we all get ready and meet down in the lobby in twenty minutes? The marina isn’t far, and we can stop and pack the cooler full of drinks and shit.” Dad told everyone.

“Sounds like a plan,” Jimmy said immediately.

Zacky, Johnny, Jimmy, and Lex all rushed out of the room to get ready and change into their swim suits. “Audrey, after you change into your swim suit I want to unwrap your hand and see how they cuts are healing, okay?” Dad looked at me with a soft smiled.

I nodded before walking into the bedroom and pulling out my black and purple striped bikini. I changed in the bathroom quickly knowing that Brian, Papa Gates, and Dad were waiting to change.

“I’m done,” I said as I opened the door and exited the bathroom.

“Come on,” Dad motioned for me to follow him as Papa Gates went to change next. I followed him out into the living room and sat down on the couch. He carefully unwrapped it and I noticed that my hand wasn’t even cut up that bad in the first place. I didn’t get stitches or anything, and there was only about four small cuts that seemed to be healing.

“You can keep this off today If you want, it‘s not that big of a deal. It just looked worse yesterday because of how much blood there was.” He told me. “Okay,” I nodded.

--

“This is so cool!” I smiled as Papa Gates stopped the boat and put the anchor in. “Now it’s time to swim.” Jimmy said before jumping into the water. “Come on Sugar Plum, the water feels great.”

“No way,” I laughed and shook my head. “A Shark could eat me,”

“It would spit you back out believe me!” Zacky yelled as he ran over to me, scooped me up into his arms, and jumped into the chilly water.

“No fair,” I pouted as I came back up and took a breathe. “It’s plenty fair,” Jimmy laughed before going back under water. “Johnny!” I shouted. “Come swim with us,” Zacky shouted before I could.

“No way,” He chuckled and shook his head before taking a sip of his beer. I swim over to the boat and pull down the ladder, and then I climb up into the boat. “Thanks,” I told dad after he had tossed a towel my way. I wrapped it around my body and grabbed a water bottle out of the cooler before sitting down next to the ladder.

Papa Gates and Brian both decided to jump in and swim with Zacky and Jimmy, as Johnny just hangs and talks to dad. “Come back in, Sugar Plum.” Jimmy whined. “No way!” I shouted and laughed. “Why not?” Brian asked.

“Because I feel like something’s going to eat me.” I said in a duh tone. “Aw that’s cute, Audrey’s scared of the water.” Zacky teased.

“You better watch it Baker.” I warned with a small smile. After that they left me alone, and I sat there and watched the water. It dawned on me after a few minutes that Lex was missing. “Dad where’s Lex?” I asked, interrupting him and Johnny.

“The front of the boat,” He said before turning back to Johnny. I got up from my spot and sat the towel down before walking around the boat and to the front. Lex sat on top of the front with his legs crossed. I climbed up carefully and sat down next to him.

“What are you doing?” I asked softly. “Watching the view,” He chuckled. “It’s really nice out here,” He added.

“I know, don’t you just love it?” I smiled. He nodded and agreed with me. “How’s your hand?” He questioned. “Sore,” I laughed dryly. “How’s the mirror?” I joked. “Completely broken, in fact they moved me to another room by Jimmy’s.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, but I just couldn’t control myself or my anger.”

“It’s okay Audrey, I understand.” He said softly as he turned towards me. “Everybody keeps saying that something’s happened to you, are you ever going to tell me?” He wondered.

“It’s complicated Lex,” I sighed. “I want to tell you, but I’m not ready to talk about it. I’m sorry,” I shook my head.