I Know It's Hurting You, But It's Killing Me
0039.
A week had passed since Wesley was arrested for beating up Brandon and everything was going okay. I still didn't remember much, but I wasn't exactly worried about it. I was just stressed with deciding what I was going to do about the baby. I didn't know whether to get rid of it, keep it, or to have it and give it up for Adoption. I didn't even know if I could really decide for myself, because honestly I didn't want to make the wrong decision.
“How you holding up, sweetie?” Michelle asked with a soft smile on her lips as she walked out back and found me lying in the grass looking up at the clouds.
“Terrible,” I answered with a sigh. I sat up and folded my arms over my chest as my legs crisscrossed. “What should I do, Aunt Michelle?” I wondered as she sat down beside me.
“Well, what do you think you should do?” She asked, tucking a lock of blonde hair behind her ear.
“I'm not sure.” I frowned. “That's why I asked.”
“Oh, right. Well, what is your heart telling you to do?”
I chewed on my lip before answering her. “My heart if telling me to keep it because I knew that I can take care of it. I have a stable home and a family that supports me. But then my mind is telling me I'm stupid as hell. I mean, it's Brandon's baby and the only reason I'm pregnant is because he raped me. So I'm just torn I guess.” I shrugged and looked down at the green grass.
“Maybe this was meant to happen.” She told me.
“You think I was meant to be raped and get pregnant by the rapist?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at her.
“I don't know. I just mean that yes you were raped and put through something extremely horrible and traumatic, but now it's over and you have a precious baby growing inside of you because it. Maybe everything happens for a reason. No, I don't know the reason as to why you became pregnant at such a young age but maybe there is a reason behind it. You just don't know what the reason is, Audrey. And hell you may never know, but what's done is done and nothing can change that.”
I nodded as I let Michelle's words sink in. “Thanks aunt Michelle.” I said before laying back down in the grass.
“Your welcome.” Michelle smiled before getting up and going inside.
--
“You okay?” Wesley asked later that evening as we both sat on the beach, watching the sun go down and the tide come in.
“Would you still love me and want to be with me even if I did have this baby?” I wondered, locking eyes with his.
“Of course,” he nodded. “Audrey you mean a lot to me and I would never risk losing you over something as stupid as that. It's not your fault you're pregnant. So stop worrying about what everyone else thinks about you being pregnant. I'm behind you one hundred percent and so is everyone else.” He told me as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer towards him.
“Thanks, Wesley.” I said softly as I wrapped my arm around his torso. I felt close to Wesley, like we had some sort of connection and it felt just felt right. Bit I still wanted to take things slow with everything that was happening.
“Do you miss him?” I questioned softly, and he knew exactly whom I was talking about. I was really curious as to if he did, considering he wasn't acting the way he should. I mean, you would think that he'd be pretty upset over losing a best friend but he acted as if he wasn't.
“Yeah, I do.” He nodded. “I guess I'm just disappointed that he took his own life and risked your life too over something that wasn't that big of a deal. You know? He didn't have to go that far and he didn't have to take the situation that far.”
“I know,” I murmured and nodded. “I wish we could rewind the last few weeks.”
“Me too,” He agreed. “But it is what it is. We just have to deal with everything going on right now.”
“I'm scared, like really, really scared.” I told him honestly. I was scared because I really didn't know anyone that was around me and I had no idea when I was going to actually remember some more things. I may not have been able to remember how my life used to be, but I had a feeling it was better than what it was now.
“How you holding up, sweetie?” Michelle asked with a soft smile on her lips as she walked out back and found me lying in the grass looking up at the clouds.
“Terrible,” I answered with a sigh. I sat up and folded my arms over my chest as my legs crisscrossed. “What should I do, Aunt Michelle?” I wondered as she sat down beside me.
“Well, what do you think you should do?” She asked, tucking a lock of blonde hair behind her ear.
“I'm not sure.” I frowned. “That's why I asked.”
“Oh, right. Well, what is your heart telling you to do?”
I chewed on my lip before answering her. “My heart if telling me to keep it because I knew that I can take care of it. I have a stable home and a family that supports me. But then my mind is telling me I'm stupid as hell. I mean, it's Brandon's baby and the only reason I'm pregnant is because he raped me. So I'm just torn I guess.” I shrugged and looked down at the green grass.
“Maybe this was meant to happen.” She told me.
“You think I was meant to be raped and get pregnant by the rapist?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at her.
“I don't know. I just mean that yes you were raped and put through something extremely horrible and traumatic, but now it's over and you have a precious baby growing inside of you because it. Maybe everything happens for a reason. No, I don't know the reason as to why you became pregnant at such a young age but maybe there is a reason behind it. You just don't know what the reason is, Audrey. And hell you may never know, but what's done is done and nothing can change that.”
I nodded as I let Michelle's words sink in. “Thanks aunt Michelle.” I said before laying back down in the grass.
“Your welcome.” Michelle smiled before getting up and going inside.
--
“You okay?” Wesley asked later that evening as we both sat on the beach, watching the sun go down and the tide come in.
“Would you still love me and want to be with me even if I did have this baby?” I wondered, locking eyes with his.
“Of course,” he nodded. “Audrey you mean a lot to me and I would never risk losing you over something as stupid as that. It's not your fault you're pregnant. So stop worrying about what everyone else thinks about you being pregnant. I'm behind you one hundred percent and so is everyone else.” He told me as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer towards him.
“Thanks, Wesley.” I said softly as I wrapped my arm around his torso. I felt close to Wesley, like we had some sort of connection and it felt just felt right. Bit I still wanted to take things slow with everything that was happening.
“Do you miss him?” I questioned softly, and he knew exactly whom I was talking about. I was really curious as to if he did, considering he wasn't acting the way he should. I mean, you would think that he'd be pretty upset over losing a best friend but he acted as if he wasn't.
“Yeah, I do.” He nodded. “I guess I'm just disappointed that he took his own life and risked your life too over something that wasn't that big of a deal. You know? He didn't have to go that far and he didn't have to take the situation that far.”
“I know,” I murmured and nodded. “I wish we could rewind the last few weeks.”
“Me too,” He agreed. “But it is what it is. We just have to deal with everything going on right now.”
“I'm scared, like really, really scared.” I told him honestly. I was scared because I really didn't know anyone that was around me and I had no idea when I was going to actually remember some more things. I may not have been able to remember how my life used to be, but I had a feeling it was better than what it was now.
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It's short and I haven't updated in a few weeks because things have been hectic as hell. But I'm going to update again soon, I promise. I'm in the middle of doing so many different things, including NaNoWriMo. So wish me luck with that. :]Comment and Subscribe!
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