I Know It's Hurting You, But It's Killing Me

The following day was a Thursday and of course I didn’t want to go to school but I knew I had too. I got through the whole day without any thing bad happening. Of course everyone scolded me and called me a slut, but I was getting use to it. Brandon didn’t come near me the entire day either, which kind of shocked me. But then again I didn’t give him a chance to, I stayed clear and I only traveled the halls when someone else did.

I was sitting on the sidewalk waiting for my dad to come get me after school when Ryan approached me. Unfortunately I was the only left waiting for their parents to pick them up, because dad was running late.

“Audrey, Audrey, Audrey.” He smirked at me. I rolled my eyes at him and stood up from the pavement.

“What do you want Ryan? And why are you still here if you drive?” I asked.

“I just came over to warn you, Audrey.”

“Warn me about what?” I questioned, narrowing my eyes.

“I heard about that little stunt you pulled yesterday with Brandon, and I just want you to know that you need to watch your back because you won’t be getting away with that.” He practically growled.

“I’m not scared of you.” I stated, keeping my voice as firm as possible not wanting to show fear.

“You and I both know that you’re terrified of Brandon and me.” He chuckled.

“Do you even know why I punched him? Hell, do you even know what he did to me Ryan?”

“Don’t underestimate me Audrey; of course I know what he did to you Saturday night. It’s been his goal for months now and I’m his best friend.” I didn’t expect that one.

“You and Brandon are sick and I hope you burn in hell.” I hissed. He stepped closer and brought his hand up as if he was going to hit me until someone stopped him.

“I know you’re not about to hit my daughter.” I heard my dad say from beside me. Ryan backed up and turned to dad.

“Of course not Mr. Sanders.”

“I didn’t think so. Audrey get in the car now.” He demanded. I practically ran to his SUV not needing to be told twice. Just as I strapped my seat belt in dad got in the car and drove off. “What the hell was that about, Audrey?” He asked. Once again that was another question I had no idea how to answer. “Damn it Audrey,” He shouted as he slammed his hand against the steering wheel. “Something is obviously going on if that guy was about to back hand you. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me the truth!” He shouted some more. Before I knew it I had my knees tucked to my chest and tears falling from my eyes. I could tell dad was really angry but I wasn’t sure if he was angry with me or with Ryan for almost hurting me. “Damn it, say something Audrey!”

“What do you expect me to say dad?” I shouted as I used my hand to wipe away a few tears.

“I want you to talk to me like you usually do. You always tell me what’s going on and now you’re shutting me out. I don’t like that Audrey, and you know that.”

“Well, I’m sorry if I have nothing to fucking say to you.” I snapped.

He stayed silent after that and I knew I had hurt him by saying that but that was the only way I could get him to leave me alone. He pulled into the drive way and I jumped out of the car slamming the door as hard as I could. I ran inside and started for the stairs.

“Audrey, we’re not done talking about this.” I heard him shout from the front door.

“You might not be but I am. Leave me the fuck alone.” I shouted back before running to my room and slamming that door as well.

---

He left me alone the rest of the night. I knew the guys were downstairs with him because I could hear them laughing, but I wasn’t about to go down there no matter how badly my stomach wanted food. The sun was setting and I was tired of being cooped up in my room. I pulled on some jeans and slipped some flip-flops on before climbing out of my window and down the tree beside it. I had my phone in my pocket so I wasn’t worried and I wasn’t going far. We lived on the beach, so I figured I’d sit in the sand and watch the waves roll in.

“You know your dad’s pretty worried about you.” Jimmy said as he sat down next to me.

“How did you know I was here?” I asked him with a sigh.

“I was about to get in my car and leave when I saw you climb down that tree and walk here.” He laughed softly.

“Well, thanks for following me.” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

“Your dad told me what’s been going on or at least what he knows is going on.”

“What he told you is it, there’s nothing else to it Jimmy.” I said as convincing as I could as tears formed around my eyes. I felt so guilty for lying to them.

He shook his head. “I don’t believe that Audrey, not for a second. You should talk to him and tell him the truth.”

“He wouldn’t understand.” I sniffled and wiped a few tears from my face.

“He wouldn’t understand what, Sugar Plum?”

“He wouldn’t understand what it’s like to be held down and forced into something that he didn’t want. He wouldn’t understand what it’s like to be called a slut and a whore by the whole school. He wouldn’t understand what it’s liked to be scared out of his mind. He just wouldn’t understand any of it Jimmy.” I rambled on and on.

“Then make him understand.” He said softly.

“I don’t know how.” I burst out into tears.

“Oh, Sugar Plum, what’s happened to you?” He questioned. “You can tell me anything, you know that. I wouldn’t tell Matt unless you wanted me to.”

“You swear you won’t tell him?” I asked as I looked over at him. He wiped some tears from my face and nodded. I had to tell someone and I knew I could trust Jimmy with every bone in my body. I turned my gaze towards the ocean not wanting to have to look at him when I told him.

“I swear Audrey, I really do.” He promised, and I believed him.

“Jimmy,” I paused, “I was raped.” I whispered.