I Know It's Hurting You, But It's Killing Me

He didn’t say anything; he just pulled me to his chest so I could cry. When I calmed myself down I pulled out of his grip and turned to him. “Say something, please Jimmy.” I whispered to him.

“This is serious Audrey,” He said back to me as his gaze found me.

“I know believe me I know.” I nodded.

“You told your dad that nothing happened Saturday night but you lied right?” He asked.

“Yeah,” I murmured, ashamed that I lied.

“You’ve taken a shower by now I assume which means you have no physical evidence on you.”

“I know I shouldn’t have taken a shower and I know I should have woken him up and told him but I couldn’t Jimmy. Ever since mom died he’s been more protective over me and he’s done everything in his power to keep me safe. But one stupid lie to him and I was put into danger. He couldn’t be my hero and save me this time.”

“Did Brandon use protection?” He asked practically ignoring me. I knew he heard me but the question he asked was far more important.

“No, but I’m on the pill Jimmy. I’m not going to end up pregnant, I promise.” I muttered.

He nodded and moved on to another question. “Is he the same guy who hurt you Tuesday at school?”

“Yeah,” I answered truthfully. “They’re threatening me Jimmy. I’m scared that they’ll hurt me worse than I already am.”

“I want to help Audrey, I do. And I understand that you’re scared, but there’s no way Matt will let you switch schools right now unless you told him the truth.” He said as he put his hand on my shoulder.

“I know and I want to tell him Jimmy I do but…” I trailed off, shaking my head.

“You’re scared.” He finished.

“Exactly,” I nodded.

“Audrey this secret of yours and the fear you’re feeling will eat you alive if you don’t tell Matt and get help. You need to be pulled out of that school and away from those kids, especially Brandon.” Jimmy said with all honesty. I could tell he was concerned.

“Don’t you think I know that?” I questioned as I looked at him. “Am I stupid to rather be called a slut and be scared the rest of the school year then telling him the truth?”

“There you two are.” Brian interrupted as he ran over to us. “Every one’s been looking for you, and Matt’s worried.” Jimmy nodded and we stood up.

“I guess we better get back then.” I muttered before I headed back to the house.

Brian and Jimmy followed me as I entered my house and walked into the living room where dad was with Zacky, Johnny, Michelle, and Leana. “Where have you two been?” Matt asked as he noticed us.

“I just went for a walk…”

“And I followed her.” Jimmy finished for me once again.

“You should have told me that you were taking a walk Audrey. I got worried when I saw you weren’t in your room and your window was open.”

“Sorry,” I murmured. “I’m just gonna go to bed now.” I said before walking towards the stairs.

“Wait Audrey,” Dad stopped me. I sighed and turned around to face everyone.

“What now?” I asked a little bitchier than I intended to.

“I know you’re mad at me for yelling at you earlier and I’m sorry.”
I nodded. “Okay,” I whispered before heading up the stairs.

---

I woke up from a bad dream that night, crying my eyes out. I had relived the night Brandon had raped me in my dream and I was scared to fall back to sleep. I walked down the dark hallway quickly before I pushed open my dads door carefully. I shut it behind me as quiet as I could before walking over to my dad who was asleep peacefully. I didn’t want to wake him but I was scared and I needed him.

“Dad,” I whispered as I shook his shoulder gently. He stirred but didn’t wake up just yet. I wiped some more tears away before trying again. “Dad,” I whispered a little louder and shook him a little bit harder.

“Audrey?” He asked groggily as he opened his eyes and saw me. “What’s wrong sweetheart?” He asked as he rubbed his eyes.

“I had a bad dream, I’m scared daddy.” I whispered.

“Okay, come here baby girl.” He moved over and lifted the covers so I could slide in next to him. I lied down and he pulled the covers over me before wrapping his arm around my waist. “I’m right here with you, there’s no need to be scared. Whatever you dreamt was just a dream, it’s not real.” He told me.

If only he knew how real it was.

---

“Come on Audrey, you have to get up for school.” Dad said as he yanked the covers from my body.

“I’m too tired,” I huffed, burying my head deeper into the pillow I had taken from him.

He sighed, “I know honey, but you have to go.”

“But I don’t want to go! Can’t you set me up with online classes for the rest of the year?” I asked with all seriousness. It seemed better than going back to school. He ran a hand over his face before sitting down next to me. “Please, dad.” I begged.

“I don’t know, Audrey. Online classes would be a lot harder. You’d have to basically teach yourself.” I could tell he thinking about it, I just needed to beg a little bit more.

“Please dad! I hate going to school. It’s just a few weeks, and then I’m done for the summer.” I reminded him.

“You promise to keep up with the classes and keep your grades up?” He asked looking me in the eye.

“Of course dad, you know I would. I’m responsible,” I answered truthfully.

“Okay, go get dressed and let’s go empty your locker and with draw you from school.” He gave me a soft smile.

“Really, you mean it?” I asked as I sat up, seemingly surprised.

“Yeah, I know you’re responsible and I can tell your having a hard time at school. I’m not going to make you suffer when I have a number for an online school and you can start Monday.” I gave him a small hug.

“Thanks so much dad.” I said before climbing off his bed and running to my room to get dressed.