Light in the Storm

Nick seemed different to me. He seemed calmer, smiling more than usual, and he seemed to want me closer to him. None of these were even close to being bad, but it was a little strange. The way he looked at me, like he was keeping a secret that I wasn’t supposed to know, made me think. I didn’t think too much though, because I knew that thinking too much always led me to panic. But whatever Nick was thinking, I was sure that it was meant to be kept private. He was a stubborn man and he would do what he thought was right. And sometimes what he thought was right was different than he, or I, had previously believed.

As the evening dragged on, his eyes began to droop and his head began to hang. Just when I thought he was calm enough, as calm as he could be with me snuggled into his side anyway, Anna’s animated expressions caused his eyes to open with a jolt and his body to stiffen as he tried to sit himself up. When Josh would interrupt to argue with whatever story, or comment, she was telling, I took the time to glance up at Nick, the fuzzy feeling bubbling around my body when he returned the stare with those soft, mesmerizing eyes.

“Go to sleep, Nick,” I murmured, leaning myself forward so my lips could touch his bare skin. His shoulder was warm and as soon as I made contact, he relaxed. He didn’t, however, shut his eyes.

“I’m o-” he started, a yawn interrupting before he finished with, “okay,” sheepishly.

“We’ll be okay if you sleep, you know. The world won’t end,” I whispered. I allowed my eyes to flutter when his sweet scent enveloped me, his arms pulling me tighter against him while his chest shook with silent laughter.

“Your world might end,” he said, struggling to fight back another yawn. I scoffed, but I didn’t argue because I knew it was true.

After about ten more minutes filled with quick chatter, warm cuddling, and Nick’s droopy eyes, my father decided to poke his head in and save us.

“Hey kids, I just wanted to tell you that Nick needs his rest,” he said while he stepped into my room timidly. He caught Nick jolting up again, his arm tightening around my waist, and he smiled warmly at the both of us.

“Oh, right,” Anna murmured, biting her lip with embarrassment.

“You can come back anytime though,” my father reassured, pushing his glasses farther up the bridge of his nose. Anna beamed, and even Josh was a little thrilled. “It’s nice having some normalcy in this house.”

We all had to laugh at that.

“Well, get better Nick! Congratulations to the both of you, and make sure you save the world!” she giggled, her eyes full of excitement. I shook my head.

“Thank you,” Nick spoke kindly, though his words were groggy and accompanied by another yawn.

“See you later, Mr. Stewart,” both Anna and Josh said before they disappeared out the door, leaving the three of us in a comforting silence.

I stared at my dad for a moment, smashing my lips together in thought. I watch him rub his forehead nervously before tugging at the hem of his shirt. I watched his eyes dart around my room, taking everything in as if it were a foreign place. I watched him slowly shift his body until his eyes were focused on us, on me.

“I ordered pizza,” he said softly, his tone filled with wonder.

“Pizza sounds good to me,” I smiled, though it was probably more tired than I wanted it to be.

Dad smiled. “What about you Nick?”

“Pizza does sound good,” he agreed, his warm smile seeming to make my father less jittery. I let my head rest on his shoulder again.

“Alright,” he breathed after a moment of silence, clapping his hands together. “I’ll come tell you when it’s here.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

I watched him exit the room quickly, shutting the door quietly behind him, and it was finally just me and Nick again. I wondered for a moment, though, why he seemed so… distant. That’s not how Dad was.

My thoughts were interrupted when Nick began to twist beside me. I lifted my head up to give him a funny look, but he ignored me and began to move to the edge of the bed, standing himself up. My mouth fell open.

“Hey! Whoa, whoa. Nick… what are you doing?” I hissed frantically, reaching for his hand. He looked at me while I gripped his wrist, an amused smile playing his lips.

“I have to use the bathroom,” he informed me like it was obvious.

“You can’t go by yourself!” I breathed, trying to tug him back down. He chuckled.

“What? You want to follow me into the bathroom then?” I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks and I scrunched my nose up.

“No,” I stated, “but what if you hurt yourself?”

“How could I possibly hurt myself by walking down the hall?” he asked, prying my hand away from his wrist. I pouted. “I’m not you, you know.”

“Okay, fine. But if you collapse or faint or something…” I trailed off, not quite sure how to finish it. It was supposed to be a joke, but it didn’t feel funny. Not even to me. I bit my lip as my eyes wandered from his face to his chest, and then down to the comforter that was scrunched up underneath me. He stood there for a moment, his eyes locked on me intensely, but I refused to look up.

“Lonnie,” he breathed, “I’m fine.”

“You could’ve died, Nick,” I whispered, my voice cracking. He sighed.

“Lonnie,” he started, pausing when I didn’t look up. “Lonnie, look at me.” I shook my head. I felt him sit back down, his body twisting carefully until his hand reached my lap. He gave my thigh a squeeze, rubbing lightly before his other hand gripped my chin. I felt warm and fuzzy because of his touch, and I finally took a glance at his serious face. His chocolate orbs bore into mine, and I found myself nervously licking my lips. I took a moment to analyze his features: the gash on his forehead, the cut on his cheek, the dried blood on his lips. He looked tired and weak, but his color was back and the life in his eyes was there, and I knew Nick was strong. “I could’ve died,” he repeated, his voice just loud enough for me to hear. I flinched. “But… I didn’t. I didn’t die because I wasn’t supposed to, because you saved me.”

I furrowed my eyebrows, my eyes quickly dancing over his calm face. “What do you mean ‘you weren’t supposed to’?” I asked quickly.

“It wasn’t my time, Lonnie,” he said clearly, his voice full of belief. “I’m supposed to be here, with you, for you. I’m supposed to protect you. And I’m here because I’m doing my job, and I’m here because I love you. I’m here because you need me, and because I need you, and because we’re getting married.” Is was a bit of a shock to hear him say all of this so clearly, so raw and convincingly. I stared at him with my wide eyes and wondered if this was truly the changing point for us. Nick might not have made it, he knew that. And now we both knew that we had time for a reason. We both knew that we had each other for a reason.

“Fine,” I breathed, getting him to chuckle when I scowled.

“Fine,” he grinned. His fingers curled around my chin and he coaxed me towards him, his eyes flickering to my lips. I got that excited feeling again and I couldn’t help but smile. As soon as his breath fanned across my lips my eyes closed. I reached my hand forward and gripped his forearm, getting him to squeeze my thigh in return, and I eagerly pressed my lips to his. They were warm and still surprisingly soft. I could taste the dry blood, but I didn’t pull away; I could never pull away when it came to Nick. Instead I pressed harder, raising myself onto my knees so I could lean my upper body against him.

I let his arm go and his hand then dropped from my thigh, his fingers curling around the comforter. My eyes closed slowly and I leaned into him, pulling my other arm around his neck, and the fuzzy feeling returned. I remembered when Nick first kissed me, the way it was so rushed and heated, but still soft. I remembered all those intense feelings that came with it, the heat that seemed almost unbearable and the stampede my heart decided to go on. But this was… lately, it was different. Lately, though the butterflies still swarmed and my heart still beat at a tripling rate, the need to quicken the kiss so he wouldn’t let go seemed gone; it was dissolved in the manner that we both had taken up now. His kisses were slow lately, passionate and longing. With every kiss we shared now, his lips seemed to move more fervently than rashly, and every touch of his fingertips seemed romanticized. It was like he couldn’t touch me without it feeling so personal and attractive, like he couldn’t be close without one of us needing to feel the other.

And I liked it. I liked it a lot.

With his lips pressed firmly to mine, he moved his hand from my cheek to my neck, his fingertips tracing over my skin delicately; I shivered in response before locking my arm tighter around his neck. I raised myself up higher, swiveling -- without breaking the kiss -- so that my knees rested on either side of his lap. His palm pressed against the side of my neck and his long fingers curled around, slowly urging me even closer. His head tilted back and to the side, allowing me to slouch down just enough to mold us together again. His warm breath tickled my skin when he pulled back just barely, dragging his lips to the corner of my mouth and over my cheek before dipping down to my neck. When he did things like this, when he was this close and intimate, it made everything flutter: my eyes, my heart, my thoughts.

He murmured something against my skin, in between his feathery kisses, and he traced his lips lingering for a moment before pressing a tender, firm kiss just behind my ear.

“You’ve been doing that a lot lately,” he breathed, his lips grazing my ear. I could feel the goose bumps coming despite my flickering glow. I was getting a little overheated, and I’m sure Nick was too, but his words still concerned me. Forcing my eyes open while his hand slid underneath the back of my shirt, his warm fingertips tracing over the skin, proved to be difficult; it was even harder when he continued to nip at my neck ever-so-slightly, waiting for my response.

“Do-do what?” I stuttered, blinking repeatedly to keep my eyes open. It didn’t help my breathing. Nick had never really been so calm in our situations like these. He was either quick and passionate, or slow and nervous, but I didn’t recall him being this calm and tender. I think I would’ve forgotten how to breathe if I wasn’t so raggedly already.

“This,” he sad smoothly, moving one hand off me to motion up and down. I wasn’t really paying attention, but I managed to turn my head to see it just before my eyes closed again.

“What?” I didn’t understand.

“You’ve been like this lately,” he said, his voice hypnotic. What was this? Did he have some kind of power that he didn’t inform me about? One that very much involved sexual desire towards him? How many more times would I embarrass myself? It wasn’t like he knew what I was thinking… but he could feel it.

Darn.

“Like what?” I managed, peeling back when his lips stopped moving. I was free to breathe, but his intense expression was making that hard.

“You’ve been dominant lately.”

“Huh?” I blurted out like an idiot, knitting my eyebrows together. How did we go from him having to use the bathroom, to practically making out on my bed, to him saying I’ve been “dominant?” He cracked a slow, alluring smile and continued.

“I’ve noticed the way you’ve been around me lately. You try to overpower me by sitting up, by making me lean up to you, but yet you still don’t take control. It makes me… confused.” I blinked in surprise.

“I don’t…” I trailed off, shaking my head. His innocent eyes stared at me, following me as I slouched down and sat on his lap. His fingers brushed my hair away before sliding down my waist and curling around my hips, his head tilting to the side just a bit. “I don’t get it.”

“I know,” he said calmly, a hint of a smile in his voice. I blushed at my stupidity. “But I do. You want to take care of me like I take care of you, and I understand. It’s just… strange because I’ve never known you to be the dominating type.”

“I’m not controlling,” I rushed, chewing on my lower lip. “Am I?”

“No,” he shook his head. “I’m just confused on what you want.” He seemed to be unsure though, a look in his eyes that I couldn’t read flashing so quickly when he said “what you want.”

I stared into his eyes for a moment, a timid smile covering my lips, and I sighed. “I just want you.” I watched his eyes flicker and he licked his lips almost nervously, sitting up a little straighter like he wasn’t expecting my words. I leaned in slowly, my hair draping around my face, and just as I was about to press my lips to his plump ones, he turned his head.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” he stated, smiling sheepishly as if he were smiling. I shut my eyes and laughed, nodding my head. It was only fair. He had warned me before.

Sliding off his lap, I plopped myself down next to him and blew the hair out of my face, allowing my eyes to linger on his practically half-naked body as he stood. He slid out of the room, but not before shifting his eyes to me discreetly, and I was left alone. And I was left to think about what had just happened.

Now I was confused.

Blowing the hair out of my face again, I slumped my shoulders and glanced around the room. It was still neat from when Nick had cleaned it, only a few things out of place here and there. I chewed on my lip out of habit and twisted myself, allowing my eyes to scan the messy bed. The pillowcase held Nick’s blood and I cringed. Jumping up and onto my feet, I quickly decided to change the bed. I walked towards my closet and pulled out the sheets and then dropped them onto the nightstand so I could pull everything else off the bed. I threw back the comforter and watched it drop to the floor, and then quickly I crumpled up the loose and fitted sheet. Wadding them up and throwing them into the corner, I grabbed the pillowcase and did the same. I struggled a little bit while I tried to put the fitted sheet on, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle, and I found myself accomplishing it faster than usual. I wasn’t aware of anyone entering the room while I bent down to tuck the sheet in at the end of the bed.

“I’m sorry.”

I spun around quickly and searched the room for a second before my eyes landed on Nick’s figure. He was glancing down at the pillowcase with a frown, his fingers toying with his messy curls, and I smiled.

“There’s no reason to be sorry,” I said clearly before going back to work. I could see him shift through the corner of my eye and I told myself not to stare at his half-naked body again.

“I ruined your pillowcase.”

I shrugged and said, “No, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did,” he argued. He took a few steps forward, and I was a little surprised to see the smile on his lips. I turned myself to face him, sighing heavily.

“Nick, you can never ruin things. You make them better.” He chuckled while I smiled happily, turning back around to pull on the comforter. Nick’s arms wrapped around my middle suddenly, squeezing me lightly and tugging me into him. I let out a giggle and squirmed in his arms, squealing when he lifted me up with a chuckle. This was new territory for Nick and it amazed me at how good he was with it, with everything.

“See?” he breathed by my air, holding me tighter as I squirmed. “I just ruined the moment, you were making the bed.”

“Nick,” I giggled, twisting in his grasp. He let out a groan and dropped me to my feet, loosening his grip just enough to break away. I reached forward and grabbed my bare pillow, spinning around to smack him with it. It slid right across his face, getting a “humph” out of him before he fell to the side and onto the bed. My eyes widened and I covered my mouth, hugging the pillow to my chest as I laughed.

He sat up and narrowed his eyes at me, rubbing his cheek. “Lonnie,” he said lowly, tilting his head to the side.

“S-sorry, Nick,” I giggled again, trying to breathe. He rose slowly and I instantly knew what he was going to do. Backing up, I said, “Now, Nick… wait a second.” He didn’t listen. He crept forward, his eyes solely locked on me, and I instantly broke out into a run. I really didn’t have anywhere to go, and if I didn’t turn quickly, I would’ve ran into the wall and desk. I jumped onto the bed when he turned towards me, attempting to jump back off. I could feel his hands on my hips and before I could plunge to the floor, he yanked me back. I hit the bed with a yelp, my cheeks flushed and my laughs flowing freely, and his face came into view. His beautiful smile lit up his face, his eyes shining as he crawled on top of me, and I started squealing and squirming.

“I haven’t even done anything yet!” he protested with a laugh, his eyebrows raised in amusement.

“I’m preparing myself,” I quickly defended between laughs and breaths.

“It’s not going to make it any better,” he stated with a smirk.

He was right.

I screamed as soon as he started tickling me, my cheeks puffing out with each try for a breath, and I was sure my head was going to hit the wall with the way I was thrashing.

“N-Nick, stop!” I whined, forcing my eyes open.

“Why should I? You smacked me in the face.”

“With a pillow!” I stressed. I arched upward and screamed, smacking his chest with my hands. “You’re hands are deathly!”

“What?” he laughed, sliding me back down the bed as I tried to scoot upward.

“I’ll smack you again!” I giggled, my voice louder than necessary. He chuckled and shook his head, pausing for a moment -- I breathed in as much as I could.

“With what?” he asked, forcing the pillow out of my hands. He threw it to the top of the bed, leaving me defenseless. I glared. His face twisted suddenly and he leaned up, grasping his head. My eyes widened and I sat myself up, quickly placing my hand on his arm.

“Nick, are you okay?” I watched his Adams apple bob as he gulped, but he didn’t answer. Instead he sat stiffly, his eyes shut tight. “Nick,” I said sternly, but I was afraid.

“Yeah,” he said just barely. His eyes slowly opened and he furrowed his eyebrows. “Just… pain.”

“Where?”

He looked at me for a moment, his body swaying before he turned away and sighed. “Everywhere.”

I hated that. I hated that he hurt and that nobody could help him. I lifted my hands and gripped his wrists, prying his fingers away from his hair. He looked at me innocently -- more so than I’ve ever seen before -- and I wondered what he was thinking.

“Can I do anything? Do you need something? Let me do something,” I rambled. He turned his head away from me and I instantly followed, forcing him to look at me again. I waited for him to snap like he usually did, to tell me he was fine and for me to just leave him alone. I waited… but it never came.

“I’m okay,” he said calmly, a soft smile appearing. I watched him in confusion and shook my head, pulling my knees out from under me. Standing, I placed my hands on his shoulders and pushed him down. He furrowed his eyebrows but didn’t say anything, curiously watching me instead. When I grabbed his legs and lifted them, turning his body so he fully rested on the bed, he laughed. “Lonnie, I’m okay. You know I’ll hurt for a few days. It’s nothing I can’t take.”

“Well then,” I sighed, “I’m going to take care of you.”

“No, you really don’t have to,” he said sternly, propping himself onto his elbows.

“Just let me for the rest of the night, okay?” I asked, sitting on the edge of the bed carefully. His eyes danced across my face before settling on the comforter, a sigh falling from his lips. “Please, Nick?”

“I don’t need anything from you,” he said lowly, defeated. I smiled.

“I’m going to go downstairs. I’ll bring you some pizza when it gets here, but in the meantime you should go take a shower.”

“I should or I must?” he questioned, his eyebrows raising. I grinned.

“You will take a shower.”

He rolled his eyes and let himself fall back, his eyes focused on the ceiling. I watched him shift to his side after a moment, his eyes flickering up to mine. I was used to not being able to read him, to look into his eyes and only see what he allowed, but this was different. I could see something was bothering him, and it bothered me.

“Can I… tell you something?” he spoke softly, leaning himself up once again. I gave him a quick nod and pursed my lips, waiting for more. He let out a sigh and scratched his head, shifting his eyes away for a moment or two before locking mine again. “I fall even more in love with you every day,” he whispered, as if it were a secret. It was at that moment that my heart wanted to explode. I stared at him, unblinking and unmoving, and I breathed; I was surprised that I even remembered to do that. “Every time I look at you, I feel something different. Every time I look at you, I see this girl that’s always there. I won’t… I mean, I’ll always… you just feel like home to me. You make me feel like I can belong here when I’ve never belonged anywhere else, and it’s crazy because I tell myself that it can’t get better. It does though, it gets better everyday because I look at you, and I feel it. I feel… love. And everyday it grows and it doesn’t stop, and sometimes I think I’m going to explode because I don’t know how I can hold so much love for one person and still have room for more.”

Usually, I’d go into a complete ramble, probably blubbering and giggling like an idiot. But… this time, I couldn’t. It was like I didn’t know what to say -- Nick had caught me completely off guard. He stared at me with a calm expression, his eyes sparkling, and I tried to think of something to say. Was he waiting? Was he hurt that I wasn’t responding? Angry? I studied him with wide eyes and I knew the answer: no. He was just… there, understanding my reaction, or lack thereof. He somehow knew what I was thinking, and when my lips twitched up into possibly the widest smile I have ever smiled, he was satisfied. He didn’t know, though, that I was a wreck on the inside; my heart was thundering and skipping obnoxiously, my stomach twisting with knots and swarming with butterflies --so much so that I thought I might throw up, or fly away -- and all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him as tightly as I could and never let go.

But before I could do anything, he slid forward and rested his hand on my knee. I was aware that my head had turned, and that my mouth was quite possibly hanging open, but I couldn’t move. He leaned forward with that soft smile, and pressed his lips to my cheek, dragging them towards my ear, where he then whispered, “Lilliani.” He paused for a moment, his lingering breath continuously fanning against my skin, almost numbing me from the warmth. I waited for him to continue, but he simply hummed, his smiling lips pressing against my jaw line. I gulped and my eyelids fluttered for a moment before he pulled back, his eyes holding multiple secrets… ones that I didn’t care about for the moment.

He leaned forward again and pressed his lips against mine firmly, kissing me for a few wondrous seconds before pulling back completely and then sliding off the bed to stand. He strolled towards the door carefully, aware of his previous pain, and probably that I was in a daze now. I sat there for a moment, knowing that he was obviously gone, and let my eyes scan all the trees through my window.

How far had I come? I remembered sitting here, staring out the window just last year. I remembered feeling just fine, feeling like I was normal with no problems, feeling like I’d always blend in. But now that wasn’t the case, no. Now I had Nick. Now I knew I was a witch. Now I knew my mother had died. Now I knew that I didn’t just have my father, but I had a whole other world out there that knew of me, that needed me. I had someone in the other room that needed and wanted me, and that was all that I had ever hoped for. At sixteen years old I had experienced things at a fast pace; I had experienced near death experiences, new places and people, romance and love, and the magic of the world, even outside of my own.

I stood and made my way out of the room slowly, not even realizing I was down the stairs. I could hear soft murmurs, but I didn’t pay attention like I usually would. All my mind was focused on was Nick and his words to me, and nothing else mattered. It was like I was in my own little world and suddenly I didn’t care about Lucas or what was to come, and, for that moment, I allowed my mind to drift to the memory that seemed almost distant -- our wedding. It was still so odd when the words popped up, but it was right. I think I almost giggled.

Yes, world, Lilliani Stewart is such a girl that it even makes Lilliani Stewart sick.

“Lonnie?” a voice sounded suddenly; I quickly recognized it as my dad’s. “Why are you smiling like that?”

“No reason,” I shrugged, probably smiling even wider because Nick’s face just had to pop up in my mind. Maybe it was creepy, but I had memorized everything I could about that boy. And I think I was a little flustered.

“What… why does she look like that?” he demanded, his voice directed to Eve. I didn’t know she was still here.

“Beats me,” she shrugged, her voice holding a slight smile. But I could see her eyes shifting to me, a mixture of emotions displayed in them. I didn’t care to sort them out.

“Okay… well, where’s Nick?” he then asked, and it was only then that I realized he was setting the pizza box onto the counter.

“Umm, in the shower.”

“Will he be okay by himself?” Eve asked, only slight worry on her now calm face. I shrugged.

“Do you suggest I go see?”

“Hey now, don’t be so eager,” Dad chuckled, his -- along with my-- cheeks flushing. I cleared my throat. “Come grab some pizza. You guys can eat in your room, if you want.” I nodded absently and focused on him as he pulled the pieces apart, smiling and murmuring a ‘thank you’ to Eve as she handed him a plate, followed by another one. I watched the way he looked at her, and the way she looked at him, but nothing was settling with me. I didn’t know if it was because I was too focused on Nick, or if it was because I didn’t understand what was going on between them, but I knew that they felt something for each other.

I could still recall the way my dad looked at my mom when I was younger. I could remember the sparkle in his eyes and the permanent smile that seemed to be on his lips. I remembered the way she would giggle and kiss him, and the way they would always be near each other. I remember hearing them say those three words that I now cherished so much, and I could almost hear them in the back of my mind now. Staring at my dad and Eve now, it was almost like Mom was here, but instead of being in Eve’s place like I had imagined, she was just… there. She was watching and she was smiling, and when she looked at me, I could see that same happiness. I could see her love for Dad, her love for me, and I could see that she had everything she wanted. She wanted his happiness and she wanted mine, and now that we both had it… I could finally see her.

I blinked back the tears while my eyes stayed focused on the two in front of me. He set the plate down slowly and glanced back at Eve, that same smile coming into view, and it was almost as if I was watching a reel of my own memory before me. Mom was there and she was watching it with me, and we were both… happy. And instead of fighting, instead of telling them it was wrong to betray my mother, I knew it was right. Dad and I… we’re different people. When mom went away, he pretended to be fine, but he needed someone there. Dad needed a second chance at love. If anything happened to Nick, I would forever be alone, and that was okay. I knew the difference and Mom knew the difference, and that was all.

Maybe I wasn’t making sense, but nothing made sense in my world. Nothing but love. And while I blinked back more tears, when the need to let them fall dried up and disappear, so did my mother’s face. And this time… this time it didn’t hurt so much. This time I was still okay, and I was still smiling.

“You might wanna’ take the pizza up there before it gets cold,” Dad suggested with a smile, bringing me out of my trance. I blinked several times and swallowed back the lump in my throat. I continued to smile as I looked at him, confusion sweeping over his features with every passing second that I stood there. I took the plates from his hands slowly and glanced at Eve as I turned, her guilty face returning once again. And it didn’t bother me. They needed love, and that’s all I could hope for.

I slowly made my way back up the stairs, my ears perking up. I didn’t hear the shower running anymore and I smiled a little wider, biting my lip and shaking my head when I caught myself. Out of all the trouble that had surfaced, and all the trouble that was to come, I felt happiness. And whatever actually was happiness was beyond me, but I felt it.

I slid into the room and closed the door with my elbow, careful when I turned around so the slices wouldn’t fall of the plate. My eyes immediately settled on Nick as he sat on the bed, his feet touching the ground. He wore loose sweatpants now, and a t-shirt that clung to his slightly dampened chest, and it was just another reason to smile.

“You look happy,” he noted aloud, his eyes dancing over me, analyzing me, but he wasn’t judging.

“I am,” I answered, my voice barely louder than a whisper.

“I don’t think you’d be this smiley over a piece of pizza, so I’m guessing there’s something else,” he mumbled, his own sweet smile present. I laughed lightly and nodded, not quite sure if I wanted to tell him that his words still made me happy.

“My dad and Eve,” I stated hesitantly, moving towards him. He scooted over to make room, though there was plenty of space on the full size bed, and I plopped myself down next to him. Handing him the plate, he wasted no time on taking a bite, chewing slowly as he watched me. “I think they’re happy together.”

“Like… how he was with your mom?” he asked gently after swallowing, hesitating on that next bite. I nodded.

“He’s the kind of guy that needs to love, and after Mom died… he tried to convince himself that he was okay alone. But I knew he wasn’t, and this is the second chance he needs. The second chance they both need.”

“But you’re like that too, aren’t you?” he questioned, raising his eyebrows before taking another bite. I watched him chew and swallow quickly, licking his lips before he continued. “You need someone to love.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I just need you.”

He smiled softly, more unreadable emotions flickering in his eyes, but he allowed me to see one: he needed me to. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to mine so softly that I could barely feel it, but my reaction was clear. I felt all those emotions bubbling up in me again, and when he pulled back they were still there.

“Eat,” he instructed, nodding down to my plate. And, as if on cue, my stomach growled.

It didn’t take long for us to finish. We didn’t have a conversation, but the silence we sat in was peaceful. I couldn’t hear Dad or Eve downstairs so I focused on my chewing, my eyes glancing over at Nick every so often. He looked like he was thinking about something. And he almost looked… troubled.

“Hey,” I whispered, afraid to disrupt him. He glanced up, his brows furrowed in thought and his lips parted, and his eyes met mine. I reached forward slowly and took the plate off his lap, offering him a timid smile while I collected mine. “What’s up?” I leaned past him to set the plates on the nightstand, a little surprised when his hands gripped my hips. He lifted my lower half up as if I were a child and set me on his lap, wrapping his arms snuggly around my waist. I couldn’t help but laugh. “What are you doing?”

He shrugged slowly, urging me backwards until my back rested against his chest. I shifted myself until I could turn my head to the side and face him, and I slid my hand onto his shoulder. He smiled down at me, his face still calm, and I wondered what was really up with him. Of course I was all for Nick being calm and happy, but it was… unusual. And it sort of worried me.

“I just like being close to you,” he said softly, pressing his lips together while he stared at me in thought.

Laughing, I said, “Since when? You think I’m annoying.” He cracked a smile and shook his head, his chest shaking with silent laughter.

“I still like being close to you.”

I nodded slowly, allowing a long breath to escape my lips. Nick lifted his hand, cradling the side of my neck while his thumb grazed over my cheek slowly. My eyes drooped while his scent enveloped me, his warmth and touch making me drowsy. I had only then realized that the moon was shining dully in the dark sky outside. He carefully coaxed my head forward, his neck already craning when I opened my eyes. They quickly closed again when his lips met mine, his head angling instantly so he could pull me into a firmer kiss. My fingers tightened around his shoulders, gripping the soft t-shirt as I leaned into him.

His lips lingered and or a second I thought he’d pull away, but he didn’t. He deepened the kiss. It wasn’t like earlier, though I possessed the same overpowering feelings. This was different. This kiss was powerful. His soft lips smothered mine, but they moved so slowly, so carefully and longingly. I forced my eyelids to flutter open, only able to hold them for a second or two before they slid back down with pleasure. But I could see the way his eyes were shut so tightly and the way his thin eyebrows came together, like he were battling himself.

His hands slid up my sides, pulling me even farther into him, and I shifted on his lap. The way he held me seemed almost in a cradling manner, and the way he continued to kiss me, the urgency rising… it was both breathtaking and unsettling. When he did pull away, I didn’t open my eyes; I was too focused on breathing and trying to get my head to stop spinning. I felt dizzy and warm, but the feeling only heightened when he pressed his lips to my neck, leaving a trail of soft kisses, each one seeming to hold a purpose. Like he was trying to burn himself into me. Like he was trying to tell me things with unspoken words, each touch being a new syllable. I didn’t know what he was trying to say. I felt his hand slide up the back of my shirt again, his warmth against mine seeming to contrast still, making me shiver. As he continued to kiss up my neck, finally working on my jaw line, I could feel his fingertips pressing into my skin. I could feel the tips brushing, tracing, creating patterns. But it was moments later that I recognized that those patterns seemed to have a meaning, too.

I could feel his breath shakily hitting my skin, his curls tickling the side of my face as he kissed upward, over my cheek and to my temple. But his fingertips were mesmerizing. I could feel him creating different… letters? M’s, L’s, I’s, S’s, O’s, V’s, Y’s, N’s, and E’s. All different kinds of letters, and the actions seemed random, but he worked like he had a purpose. He was confusing the heck out of me and it was even harder to focus when his lips captured my top one between his. He dipped his head and captured the bottom one, sucking for a moment, creating that tightening at the bottom of my stomach again. When they pressed against mine once again, I gasped a little bit, arching my back while his tongue met mine. No surface went untouched and I was beginning to feel myself lose control. But this was Nick, and Nick never lost control…

It confused me when he didn’t pull back, when he continued to kiss me fervently. His actions only quickened and his tracing stopped, turning into gripping. He gripped me to him, twisted his body and slid me off his lap. He slid me up the bed with such ease, the comforter scrunching up underneath me, but he never let me go. I stared into his lost eyes with my wide ones, unable to see anything but him, who he was. I locked my hands around his neck, sliding my fingers into his curls and tugging on them softly. His breathing quickened and he got into a hovering position, holding himself the best he could while he attacked my lips again.

It occurred to me that my father was downstairs with Eve, and that I should probably stop him. But… I didn’t. A part of me knew that I should have, the voice in the back of my head weakly telling me to stop him. But when he placed that gaze on me, his hair now a mess once again, and pulled my shirt off, my mind became fuzzy and that voice seemed to die down completely. There was also a part of me that said, even if I did try to stop him like I had before, he would have kept going anyway, and I wouldn’t have - I didn’t - mind.

Every touch was delicate and every breath was increased. He seemed to hum softly when his eyes shut, his forehead resting on my shoulder for moments at a time before he gazed back at me. His eyes stayed connected with mine, the intensity and warmth and love shining, but when they left only to trail over my body or to close when he tilted his head back, I could still feel all those things. And I lived off that, off him, off Nick. I lived off this moment because it was so unbelievably special. It wasn’t like last time. It wasn’t rushed or talked about; it wasn’t even cautious, despite his constant want to stay soft and gentle. It was in the moment and it was real, and it was special. There were a few moments where I thought I would stop breathing because Nick looked at me a certain way, or because he looked like an angel to me. But I always came back to reality at a full blown pace, my mind constantly turning while my heart smashed against my chest. And every kiss let me understand that this was real for him to and that, despite what he had previously believed, he had somehow come to the conclusion that now was a good time to share another moment.

I was curious as to how he came up with that.

But I didn’t push. I enjoyed the moment. I lived in it.

He laid beside me, both of us suddenly calm. The sheets were clutched close to me, my hands in fists as I clung to the smooth fabric, and I focused on the ceiling of the dark room for a moment. I could hear my heart pounding away, louder than usual as it waited to calm down, but I focused on the sound of Nick’s uneven breathing. It seemed lulling to me, and I focused on just the sound for a while. When it began to soften, I turned my head to the side, my chin almost touching my shoulder as I looked at him. Unlike me, the sheet rested loosely on top of him, his arms resting easily at his sides. My eyes locked on the side of his face; the moonlight streamed softly through the blinds, hitting his face and his chest almost perfectly. Even on the side I was looking at the moonlight seemed to make him glow. I could see his black eyelashes while his eyes were closed, could count every tiny freckle that resided on his cheek and neck. I could see his full lips as he parted them, bit the bottom one, and then allowed them to pout out while he breathed.

His eyes slowly opened as I leaned forward, my hair falling around me and onto my face, the ends touching the skin on his muscular arm and shoulder. He twitched a little, waiting a second before he turned his head like mine had been before I sat up a little. His eyes were a little droopy, but he smiled warmly at me, his cheeks still flushed. I smiled back shyly, pressing my lips together while he took a another deep breath and let it out slowly.

I didn’t say anything like I thought I would have, I just leaned forward instead and pressed my lips to his timidly. He didn’t lean forward, he didn’t even move, but when I spread my lips over his he kissed back slowly. I couldn’t help but smile again. I pulled back and glanced at him through my bangs, laying down onto my side to rest my head on his chest. His arm snaked around my waist, gently guiding me farther into his side, and I snuggled into him immediately. With my lips pressed into his skin, I muttered something, laughing at the fact that I couldn’t even understand it.

“What?” he chuckled lowly, his body shaking underneath me. I grinned and looked up, my eyes locking with his as he tilted his head forward.

“I said you’re beautiful,” I murmured, the heat rushing back to my cheeks. He smiled sheepishly and looked away, resting his head back onto the edge of the pillow.

“I think you’re beautiful, too,” he said softly, and I smiled a little wider.

I glanced up for a second, my head still pressed against his chest, and I saw that familiar dog tag. I reached my hand up and brushed my fingertips over it, taking in the feeling of the metal. Gripping it between my fingers, I saw Nick watching me, and I bit my lip.

“What’s this for anyway?” I whispered, toying with it a little. I glanced down at the orb and the heart around my neck, shutting my eyes again. He didn’t answer right away, I didn’t think he would answer at all, but he did.

“Just something my dad gave me,” he murmured after a few moments. His fingers twisted in my hair absently, smoothing down the mess every once in a while, only to twist it some more. I nodded slowly and bit my lip, letting the metal slip between my fingers before I rested my palm against his chest. I blinked a few times and glanced back up at Nick; his face was full of thought and I wondered what was wrong.

“What’s wrong, Nick?” I asked softly, pressing my palm firmly against his skin. I pulled the sheet tighter around me as I scooted closer to him, tangling my leg with his; I was careful not to pull the fabric off him. Nick was silent, his eyes focused on the ceiling as he continued to smooth out my hair. He ran his thumb over my cheek and forehead when he passed, his face giving nothing away. My chest tightened. “Do you regret it?”

“Regret what?” he replied, his voice barely audible. I could see his eyebrows knit together and he blinked, his eyes finally focusing on me.

“This. Not waiting again like you wanted.”

“No,” he answered breathily, his smile almost dazed as it took over his lips. It didn’t reach his eyes fully, but I knew he was telling the truth. He pressed his lips to my forehead and shut his eyes tight, the sound of him swallowing seeming louder than usual. “Be strong,” he whispered against me, his words seeming like a distant hum in my head rather than his voice ringing through the air. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and instantly pulled back, my lips parting in confusion.

“Nick, what’re you-” He pulled me forward though, his arms wrapping tightly around me underneath the sheets. He pulled me closer until I was flat against him, his lips pressing against my skin again, making my own eyes shut. He drug his lips down and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of my mouth before blanketing my own with his fully. My head tilted back when he gave my body a small squeeze, his light sigh falling from his lips once he pulled back again. I stared at him for a moment, slowly lowering my head until it rested on his chest, and I thought. I thought about everything, but nothing in particular. I thought about Nick and how these moments with him were so special to me, and how I was worried because of the way he was acting. I thought about us and what was to come, and I thought about my nightmares. When would they happen? Would they come true? When would we fight? I had so many thoughts but none of them mattered unless I had answers, and the only thing I didn’t need to question, or to have an answer to, was Nick’s love for me, was my love for him.

“Lonnie,” he whispered after a long moment of silence, his voice velvety and almost… strained. I wanted to look up but I couldn’t, too mesmerized by his strong heartbeat to move.

“Yeah?” I breathed back drowsily, my eyes lazily opening and closing as I stared out the window, the moon almost flickering. His fingertips brushed against my back again, moving absently off my skin, and I did the same to him. I traced every plane of his chest, every dip and every curve. I traced random shapes just like he was doing to me, but his seemed to have so much more meaning.

“I love you.”

I don’t know why it shocked me the way it did, why my heart did a sluggish jump at his words, but despite that… I smiled. I smiled because I knew it was true and because I could feel it, and because I would only ever feel the same.

“I love you too, Nick.”

Nick seemed different to me. He didn’t seem as calm now, and I couldn't see his smile, but he still seemed to want me closer to him. None of these were bad, but they were a little strange. The way he looked at me, like he was keeping a secret that I wasn’t supposed to know, made me think. I didn’t think too much though, because I knew that thinking too much always led me to panic. But whatever Nick was thinking, I was sure that it was meant to be kept private. He was a stubborn man and he would do what he thought was right. And sometimes what he thought was right was different than he, or I, had previously believed.

And sometimes all I could do was trust him because, after all, he was my protector, my love, my soul mate. And he was everything to me.