Light in the Storm

I was leaning against the headboard in the darkness, the sound of the wind howling through the window. The moonlight streamed in through the closed blinds, lighting the tablet on my lap just enough to see what I had worked on. I took a deep breath and rubbed my eyes, twisting my legs out of the messy sheets.

I closed my eyes and sighed deeply, picturing a few things. I had managed to sketch the familiar wolf out, the field around black and shadowy. And then I had blackened out most of the wolf, most of Nick. That’s what I had seen. Nick was… gone. He was disappearing in the blackening sky, the trees around lifeless, much of how I felt now. Today wasn’t the best of days and now I couldn’t sleep. It was 1:00 in the morning and I was still up, afraid to close my eyes in case I had another nightmare, afraid to breathe in case I couldn’t control it. I was a mess and I didn’t know what to do.

We hadn’t told my dad about today. Nick and I didn’t want to worry him, but he could sense something was up with me. I was silent all through dinner, managing a real smile only when Nick had came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist to pull me into his chest. I had closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, my mood lifting as the butterflies soared through my stomach when his lips met the nape of my neck. He had mumbled to me, his hot breath massaging my skin.

“Be okay. It’ll all be okay.”

Nick knew everything. I had to trust his words.

When dad came in to check on me, I had pretended to be asleep. I didn’t exactly want to have him stay up with worry. I was growing up and part of maturing was being able to hold myself up while in a bad situation. I couldn’t let a dream knock me down. It was just… hard.

I threw the pencil onto the floor and sighed heavily, opening my eyes wider. I felt like such a little kid. I remembered having bad dreams when I was younger, ones about clowns and giant spiders. Mom would always come in and tuck me in and tell me it was alright. I believed her. Touching my necklace, it was as if I could feel a part of her with me. I almost smiled.

I suddenly heard footsteps and the door creaked open some, a head popping in. I could see those thick curls, even in the dark, and I knew it was Nick. That and the fact that my glow had brightened as the footsteps increased. I smiled nervously, catching his tired eye. He sighed.

“You alright?” he whispered, stepping in cautiously. I watched him lean against the wall and cross his arms, the cool room doing nothing to help my mood. I wanted so badly to nod and smile and tell him I was just fine, but I wasn’t. I was just some big freakish scared girl.

“No,” I choked out, my throat dry. I managed to shake my head with my words and look down at my hands, focusing on my chewed up fingernails. Gross.

“There’s no reason to be scared,” he said softly, dropping his arms to his sides. I glanced up quickly and caught his knowing eyes, his lips parting with a sigh. “I can feel it. You’re terrified and you don’t need to be.”

“But you don’t know what I saw,” I whispered shakily, wrapping my arms around my legs, resting my head on my knees. “You don’t know.”

“Then tell me; what exactly did you dream about?”

I stayed silent.

“You know, you’re scaring me,” he whispered, stepping closer. I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked up at him through the darkness, confused.

“How?”

“I wanna see that smile, the one I love, the one that makes your eyes sparkle. Can’t you do that? For me?” he asked so softly that I could barely hear it. He always had an affect on me and I couldn’t help but smile. I could see him grin softly. “That’s better, but you’re not done. I want the real smile. That beautiful smile, the one that Lilliani Stewart only knows.”

He took another step closer and leaned forward, resting his hand on my cheek. My lips decided to cooperate and they stretched into a smile that only Nick could bring out of me. He cocked his head.

“And where’s that giggle?”

“Nick,” I warned, knowing what he was about to do. He grinned sweetly, his full lips stretching across his face, and he leaned closer. “No Nick-” but it was too late. I squealed and tried to scoot backwards as soon as his hands made contact to my sides, his light chuckles making my laughter even more real. I could feel my cheeks burn as I twisted, trying to pull away from his grasp, but his hands immediately connected with my hips and he pulled me back.

“There it is,” he chuckled melodically, his lips grazing my ear. I gulped. “Now why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you? You’re not your annoying self.”

I snorted and rolled my eyes, slowly pulling away from his grip. I didn’t want to… but I wanted to see his face--his perfect, beautiful face. His eyes locked mine and they searched me so deeply, I almost got lost. I didn’t understand how he could have this affect on me. But he was Nick after all.

I shook my head, scooting farther up the bed. I didn’t want to go there. I had already told him that he disappeared and I knew it didn’t sound like a big deal, but it was terrifying.

“What if I cuddle with you? Then will you tell me?” he offered, running his fingers through his thick curls. I paused. He knew he had me.

“Fine,” I breathed, able to crack a smile. “Come.” I patted the spot next to me and he climbed on the bed, slowly crawling over. When he reached his spot, he sat himself down comfortably and opened up his arms, immediately pulling me to him protectively. His grip was warm and soft, the butterflies in my stomach soaring at his simple touch. I rested my head on his shoulder and leaned closer, burying my face into his neck. I could feel his quick pulse. Wrapping one arm around his neck, I used the other to pull myself closer to his torso. I could feel him tense up, but he didn’t say anything when I practically climbed onto his lap. He just held me close and kissed my temple, gently brushing my hair back.

I loved this Nick. He was so gentle and smooth. My heart fluttered.

“What’s on your mind beautiful?” he whispered. He was trying to make me feel better with his soft touches and gentle caresses and sweet names. It was definitely working.

“I need you Nick,” I murmured against his neck, my lips grazing his soft skin. “And in my dream, you’re hurt. I-I can’t find you and then when I do, you look so weak. And there’s this voice… and this black cloud. It takes you and you start to disappear and I can’t do anything. I can’t help you.” My voice quivered and I tightened my grip on him, tangling my fingers in his thick, soft curls. I told myself to shut up and to stop crying, but Nick didn’t. He stayed silent for a moment, letting me sob on his shoulder… something I had been doing a lot of lately.

“Shh,” he whispered like he always did, still not quite sure how to handle this, how to handle me--a sixteen year old emotional girl. He shouldn’t have to. But he didn’t leave. “I told you I’m not going anywhere.”

“But my dreams. You know they come true,” I cried, I wanted so badly to shut my eyes, but I could barely stand blinking back my tears. The darkness around was one thing, but when I closed my eyes… I was afraid to see that weak Nick again, the Nick that disappeared.

“You said you dream about our wedding,” he murmured, his voice shy and nervous, but still strong. I quieted down some, sniffling. I nodded. “I want you to think about that tonight.”

“What?” I whispered, choking back more tears. I pulled back some to look at him, breathing heavily. His hands clasped to my cheeks, his calloused thumbs wiping away my tears softly.

“I want you to think about the dreams you have of our wedding. Think about it right now,” he demanded, his eyes burning into mine. I bit my lip and shook my head.

“I don’t want to close my eyes,” I whispered fragiley, gripping his shoulder as he held my face.

“Close your eyes for me. I promise you won’t see anything bad and I’ll be right here when you open them.”

I stared at him for a moment before deciding to trust him, reluctantly closing my eyes. I saw blackness… nothing else. The sound of his breathing was calming me, his touch making me feel light. I smiled and sighed with relief, opening my eyes to meet his, my glow illuminating us both dimly.

“See?” he whispered, sighing. “Now I want you to think about the wedding.” I knew it was hard for him to say “the wedding.” I knew it was uncomfortable by the way his words shook and by how his cheeks turned red, but I understood. I didn’t blame him for being nervous. I knew he loved me and that was all I needed.

I stared down at the light ring for a moment, exhaling deeply before closing my eyes, concentrating. I remembered a red cottage… a beautiful cottage that I hadn’t seen before. It looked like it wasn’t surrounded by trees like everything else. And then I remembered the waves, I could almost hear them now. It was on a beach in the sunset, everything so serene and beautiful. I remembered Eve and Coimbra, and I also remembered seeing everyone that I now knew to be Nick’s family… and my dad. And there were people I didn’t know. But when I tried my hardest to remember, I could make out those people. That wasn’t Coimbra next to Eve… it was Atchison, and Agatha was next to him. Mr. Cornell was there, oddly enough, and Eve was next to my father. Ryan and Russell were even there.

I had that white dress on, my mothers dress, and I remembered Nick--he was so handsome, breathtaking. And he smiled at me.

My eyes flew open and they settled on Nick’s, his features telling me he was waiting. “Tell me something about what you dreamed.”

“You,” I blurted, rubbing my cheek. “You looked… so amazing.” He blushed but quickly recovered, his hands sliding down my arms.

“And what about you?”

“I… I had my mom’s dress on,” I whispered, my voice holding awe. He sensed that.

“I bet you looked beautiful. And tell me who was there, Lonnie. Was Coimbra there? Sheba, Jeremy?”

“No,” I breathed, licking my dry lips. He smiled.

“Everything is going to be fine. No matter what we go through, we know that that’s how it’ll end: me and you.”

I smiled at his words and slowly nodded, leaning forward to hug him closer. He relaxed almost immediately in my grip and sighed. I wondered how much both of us had really changed. Would Nick have cared so much when we were visiting Eve? Or was this something new? I wanted to ask him.

“Nick?” I whispered softly, resting my hand on his chest. I was so warm with him. Being around him heated my glow and my glow heated him. We weren’t complete without each other.

“Yeah?” he murmured, silence following as I tried to form my question.

“I want you to be completely honest about this, okay?” I asked. I found some excitement in my voice and I could tell he was smiling just a little now.

“Okay.”

“Did you like me at all when we first met?” It was one of those questions that could get a guy in trouble, but I knew Nick didn’t care for me. It was obvious. But it didn’t matter now because we were here and we loved each other. I was just curious.

He was silent for a moment, his fingers gently tapping against my back. I waited patiently, wanting to know the full truth. He sighed. “When I first saw you, I honestly thought you were beautiful. But I also thought that you were some little freshman that cared more about how you looked rather than your English assignment.”

“Ouch,” I giggled, leaning back some to look at his face. He was smiling.

“I didn’t want to talk to you and I didn’t want to be around you, but that was because you seemed so different. And I guess I can honestly say that I didn’t necessarily like you then. I was always attracted to you, but I didn’t start to feel anything towards you until we started spending more time together.”

“You were always attracted to me?” I giggled again, feeling my cheeks heat up. He rolled his eyes.

“Of course you’d pull that out.”

“I’m just curious. You didn’t show it in any way until later on…” I trailed off, biting my lip. My eyes connected with him and I smiled slightly, cracking my knuckles. “Did you always know? The way I felt about you?”

This is where he blushed.

“The way you looked at me was sort of obvious, and I’ll admit that sometimes I had to tell myself not to look at you the same way, but I always thought it was some crush that would pass if I distanced myself from you. But then Eve told us about being soul mates… and I got worried. I knew that I’d have to work with you now and I was afraid of falling for you because I knew you were capable of making me like you.”

“It’s not so bad though, is it?” I whispered, swallowing the lump in my throat.

“Not even close,” he said sweetly, his voice soft. I smiled and buried my face in his neck, my heart beat thumping unevenly. I loved the way he made me feel, like I was special. He treated me like I was so delicate and fragile. But when he was playful, he treated me like a teenage girl. He was perfect.

“And now you love me,” I breathed, my voice a mere whisper. I could hear the wind roaring outside and the rain clash against the window, but it made it easier just to curl up to Nick in the dark. The feeling of his arms around me made everything disappear, like we were floating… just the two of us.

“And now I love you,” he repeated, letting out a breath. He set his head on mine and grabbed my hand, lacing our fingers together. “More than anything I thought I could ever love.”

And for some reason, that sentence made me think. Did he love me that much? Did he love me enough to show it?

“Will you stay Nick?” I whispered.

“Uh, that’s not a good idea,” he muttered, slowly trying to pull away. I held him tighter.

“I want you to stay.”

“I can’t Lonnie. Your dad trusts me and I shouldn’t even be here right now. Just go to sleep and I’ll see you in the morning. I’m right downstairs,” he said in a hushed tone, ready to move. I grabbed his hand, pulling him back the best I could. He sighed.

“He’ll be leaving soon,” I muttered, glancing over at the small numbers on the clock. It was close to 2am--he had the early shift today. “He won’t even know. I can’t sleep unless you’re here… I’m afraid.”

I wasn’t exactly ‘afraid.’ Sure, I was scared of my dreams, but having Nick beside me would ensure that I wouldn’t have a nightmare. I just wanted him to stay. It sounded a little selfish, but I couldn’t help it. Besides… I’m sure he wanted a real bed to sleep in.

“Fine,’ he breathed shortly. I could tell he had mixed feelings about the idea, but I smiled.

And he thought I wouldn’t be able to change the sleeping arrangements.

I squealed a little and pushed myself under the twisted covers, forcing him down beside me. He chuckled. He was wearing proper pajamas now--he had gotten them sometime during the day. As soon as his curly head hit the pillow, my arms snaked around his torso tightly. He stayed still until I settled my head on his slow rising chest and then his strong arms slowly wrapped around me.

I could hear his heart beating, strong and a little off track. He wasn’t disappearing. He was right here next to me, holding me.

It had been a few moments and my eyelids became heavy, my heartbeat finally regulating. I could feel Nick’s breathing become heavier and his grip on me loosened, slowly drifting away. And then a noise sounded and he jumped. Dad. I could hear his footsteps coming and I opened my eyes, glancing over at Nick who was now alert. I didn’t know what to do. Dad liked Nick, he liked Nick a lot, but this didn’t exactly look promising.

“Hide,” I hissed, holding up the blanket. He gave me a dirty look but crawled under the covers, lying down as flat as he could. I jumped when his hand touched my bare thigh and he muttered an embarrassed sorry, ready to move away, but the door was already opening. I grabbed his hand under the covers and held it on my thigh, his fingers burning into my skin. I told myself to breathe.

“Lonnie, are you still up?” he whispered, his eyes focusing on me through the dark. Now was one of the times I was glad he couldn’t see my glow because, right now, it was the brightest it had ever been… all because of where Nick’s hand was. I was blushing.

“Y-yeah,” I stuttered, clearing my throat. I cursed myself.

“Do you need anything? I’m leaving for work…”

“No, no. I’m fine,” I reassured him, using my other hand to push my hair back. I could see him nod and step back, lingering for a moment.

“Is Nick downstairs? I didn’t see him…”

“I think he went out. It’s a wolf thing,” I laughed nervously, getting him to smile. I hated lying to my dad, but he was a father and no matter how geeky he was, he was protective.

“Alright. Just… get some sleep. You probably won’t be able to go to school, but I want you to get your rest, okay kiddo?”

“Okay dad,” I whispered, wrapping my hand tighter around Nick’s. I could tell he was uncomfortable going along with this, or maybe it was the fact that I was making him lie under the covers in an awkward position. Either way, it was hard for both of us.

“I love you,” he smiled, sighing.

Dad hadn’t really said that to me much, not since mom died. I knew he did love me, but I also knew it was hard for him. I smiled.

“I love you too dad.”

The door clicked closed and once his footsteps disappeared down the stairs, Nick began to squirm. I released my grip on his hand and blushed even brighter when it slid down my leg, his head popping up with red cheeks. He huffed.

“If you would’ve let me go downstairs like I was supposed to, then you wouldn’t have lied to your dad and I wouldn’t feel so guilty.”

I rolled my eyes and grabbed his arm, pulling him up. He was face to face with me, his arms now resting on either side of my legs, his face inches from mine. I smiled and ran my fingers through his curls, sighing.

“Maybe you shouldn’t follow the rules all the time. I think you’d make a pretty sexy bad boy,” I giggled, his face immediately flushing. He rolled his eyes and turned away rolling onto his back. His legs dangled off the bed and he stared up at the ceiling, my glow illuminating part of his face.

I scooted towards him, lying down on my back, our arms touching, and I turned my head to face him. “Did I embarrass you?” I whispered, nudging him a little. His head slowly turned, staring down at me.

“I just wonder why you say things like that.”

“I think I’m allowed to tell my boyfriend he’s attractive,” I smiled, leaning my head down to rest on his shoulder. I was starting to get really tried now, but staying up with Nick had a better ring to it.

“I think you should get some sleep,” he said softly, pressing his lips to my forehead. I stared up into his eyes and saw a gleam in them, one that made me smile. He returned it. And then he leaned in again, his soft lips blanketing mine. I relaxed back into the sheets, pulling on his shirt, making him move to lean into me. He didn’t protest. His lips moved soundly against mine, the pace slow, and I couldn’t help but feel a new level of intimacy to it. I wasn’t imaging it, was I?

He pulled back and pressed his lips to my cheek, his forehead leaning against my temple. His breath tickled my skin, but I lied still, wondering what was going through his head. I could feel his eyelashes brush my skin as he closed his eyes and I gripped his hand, feeling all those emotions come back to me.

“I love you,” he whispered, his voice hoarse, like he were holding something back. I shivered and turned my head to look down, our foreheads touching.

“I love you too,” I whispered back, shutting my eyes.

I was okay.

[&&light]

I didn’t see darkness, no black cloud. I didn’t see a forest or a dead field. I didn’t feel scared, I didn’t feel alone. I didn’t dream; no nightmare. I peeled my eyes open and immediately saw the bright sun, the warmth coursing through my body. But then my ears focused on the light pattering of rain against the window, and I glanced up: there was no sun peeking through the blinds. That was me… my glow. Nick had stayed.

I smiled brightly and shifted slowly, biting my lip when I saw Nick’s peaceful face. He was lying on his stomach, his head facing me, his strong arm draped over my side gently. His eyes were closed and his lips were parted, his body rising and falling with every silent snore. It was a beautiful sight, a beautiful feeling to have him there next to me.

My eyes then settled on the clock. It was barely past 6am. It was still early enough for me to go to school, but I didn’t want to. Instead, I slid farther under the covers and pulled myself closer to Nick, his grip on me tightening reflexively as I moved. I buried my face into the crook of his neck, managing to push him onto his side without waking him up. He barely stirred.

There was something about the way that it felt when Nick was close that made me want to get closer. There was something about the way he touched me that made me think about the way it made my heart beat. There was something about the way he kissed me that made me wonder how it would feel if he didn’t stop. And there was something about the way my thoughts about this were increasing that made me think that, even though it was embarrassing, it was right.

And being in his arms like this told me that I wanted…

“Lonnie?” Nick mumbled, his voice hoarse with sleep. My face flushed and I pulled back some, smiling sheepishly at him. He looked confused for a moment before he sighed and returned the smile with his own adorable, crooked one. He let out a big yawn and I giggled, rolling my eyes when he rolled over, groaning into the pillow.

“What’s the matter with you?”

“I’m tired,” his muffled voice answered.

“I guess all those nights outside are finally catching up to you,” I pointed out, poking his side. He grumbled flinching. “Don’t you think a bed is more comfortable than a couch?”

“Yeah,” he answered, turning his head to face me. His curls were a mess, a few of them cascading onto his forehead. He looked completely innocent. “Now that I remember what a bed feels like, maybe going back to that shack won’t be so bad.”

“I don’t want you to go,” I replied quickly, sitting up some. He looked at me for a moment, his gaze thoughtful, and he slowly sat up himself.

“I don’t think I’d want to leave you anyway,” he answered with a shrug, brushing his fingertips over my cheek. I leaned into his touch, my glow sparking.

“Do you think I should go to school today?” I asked softly, wondering if staying home was the right decision. Being with Nick made me forget everything, but maybe school would help take my mind of things. I didn’t want to go, but I was curious as to what Nick thought.

“If I were to be responsible, I’d say yes; you have to go to school. But… I mean, you went yesterday and the whole council thing put you back in your previous position with your nightmares. But it’s your decision,” he said thoughtfully, rubbing his eyes, yawning again.

“I don’t know,” I sighed, biting my lip.

“Would it help your decision at all if I told you that I want you to stay here with me?” he asked softly, his chocolate eyes looking softly into mine. He reminded me of an adorable puppy sometimes. He was a wolf after all.

I instantly smiled.

“I think it pretty much makes my decision.”

He chuckled lightly and ruffled his matted curls, moving to slide off the bed. I gripped his forearm and shuffled forward on my knees, dangling my legs off the bed as we sat.

“We can go get the rest of your stuff…” I suggested, pressing my lips together.

I really just wanted to be alone with him. Sure we were alone here, but being away from my house made it different somehow. It made it feel like I could make my own decisions and that Nick would treat me a little differently.

I wasn’t quite sure what I was thinking.

“Okay,” he nodded, jumping onto his feet. I watched him stretch and trudge to the door, turning around to face me. He opened his mouth to speak before he quickly closed it, his eyes trailing over me slowly. His cheeks flushed for some reason and he locked my eyes for a moment before swiftly making an exit, almost running into the wall. I held back a giggle and instead looked down.

I blushed furiously and pulled the front of my tank top up.