Keep the Faith
Stay
The third stupid 'Bring Back the Old Gerard' my space group was what sent him over the edge. He angrily clicked over to imnotokay.net, which he was aware was the biggest My Chemical Romance fan site on the net. He opened a new thread and quickly typed all his thoughts into it.
You may claim to know me. You may believe with all your heart and mind that you know who I am. But what can you honestly say you know of me? I admit, you may think is a lot, but I assure you it isn't everything. I request that you would all stop making decisions for me without knowing the entire story.
You know nothing of who I have been. Who of you can accurately describe my depression? Or the horrible nightmares that still plague me? Which of you were there the worst day of my life? How many of you even know what it was? Do you know whose arms I crawl into when I feel my lowest? Have I ever confided in you about my suicide attempt? Have you really seen me mourn and cry?
Or do you all only know me at my best? The Gerard Way you see onstage and in interviews? The Gerard in my wedding pictures or with my wife?
This is not my worst. It does not come close. All I am is exhausted. I have been touring non-stop for however the fuck long. It takes a toll, it really does. So why are you all losing faith? I have been clean and sober for three years…that has not been broken. I am not back to drinking, and the last drug I took was Tylenol for a headache. What more do you want? Why do you start those rumors? Are you trying to ruin the reputation and life of the man you once called Hero?
Oh, how times have changed. I remember I once called you guys an army. Look at you now. Half of you can't stand to look at me because I have 'changed'. Well, guess what? I have. I'm human. I change, I make mistakes, I have flaws, I'm not cool. Can't you accept that? What do you expect me to be? Perfection? I'm nowhere near. Am I now allowed to be a normal person?
Apparently no one in My Chemical Romance is allowed to be human. I have seen you all bitching about how Mikey left. He got fucking married. Should he be allowed to be happy with Alicia? Shouldn't that be what you all want, his happiness? And what about Bob? He hurt his fucking wrists, like there's any way he can play! He has been the sweetest guy, helping any way he can and wishing he could perform with us. He's so sorry we had to cancel those shows, and she really beat himself up when we got sued. So why do I hear whispered stories about him leaving or being a drama queen?
And dear Frankie…a relative is deathly sick, for goodness' sakes! Jamia did NOT cheat on him and even if she had, it's not really any of your business! Jamia is a wonderful woman, and she is very happy with Frank. He did not get anything tattooed over her name! And HE is not leaving the band, either!
I wish you all would shut up about these senseless rumors. Keep quiet about rumors you hear until they're confirmed false or true. All I ask is that you wait for the new album. Can you wait 'til them to lose faith and claim us sellouts? Maybe you can see just what a two-year break would do for us.
Well, I'll see you with the next album…if you haven't turned your back on us by then.
xoxo, g
He re-read what he had written. His fingers itched for the 'submit' button, but he stopped himself, sighing. He knew he shouldn't. It wouldn't do any good. All it would inspire was 'I told you so's from the 'Still-fans!' side and disbelief and rejection from the people that lost faith.
He knew, however dimly, that there was some hope for the people who were losing faith in My Chemical Romance. After all, why would they be on the site if they weren't fans anymore?
The new album would have to convince them, and Gerard knew it. He knew that if they didn't make this the best they'd ever made, he'd be losing fans by the minute. He knew that thousands of kids who used to turn to him and music would go back to drugs, alcohol and self-harm.
He couldn't have that on his conscious. He wouldn't be able to make it. He'd feel like such a failure….
But no, the kids wouldn't be disappointed. This next album was going to be revolutionary. He knew it would, he could feel it. He had felt a weaker version of it while putting together Revenge.
He sat down, smiling again to a piece of paper laid out across his desk. It was covered in pen and pencil markings, musical notations and words. And at the top, a single word.
Stay.
You may claim to know me. You may believe with all your heart and mind that you know who I am. But what can you honestly say you know of me? I admit, you may think is a lot, but I assure you it isn't everything. I request that you would all stop making decisions for me without knowing the entire story.
You know nothing of who I have been. Who of you can accurately describe my depression? Or the horrible nightmares that still plague me? Which of you were there the worst day of my life? How many of you even know what it was? Do you know whose arms I crawl into when I feel my lowest? Have I ever confided in you about my suicide attempt? Have you really seen me mourn and cry?
Or do you all only know me at my best? The Gerard Way you see onstage and in interviews? The Gerard in my wedding pictures or with my wife?
This is not my worst. It does not come close. All I am is exhausted. I have been touring non-stop for however the fuck long. It takes a toll, it really does. So why are you all losing faith? I have been clean and sober for three years…that has not been broken. I am not back to drinking, and the last drug I took was Tylenol for a headache. What more do you want? Why do you start those rumors? Are you trying to ruin the reputation and life of the man you once called Hero?
Oh, how times have changed. I remember I once called you guys an army. Look at you now. Half of you can't stand to look at me because I have 'changed'. Well, guess what? I have. I'm human. I change, I make mistakes, I have flaws, I'm not cool. Can't you accept that? What do you expect me to be? Perfection? I'm nowhere near. Am I now allowed to be a normal person?
Apparently no one in My Chemical Romance is allowed to be human. I have seen you all bitching about how Mikey left. He got fucking married. Should he be allowed to be happy with Alicia? Shouldn't that be what you all want, his happiness? And what about Bob? He hurt his fucking wrists, like there's any way he can play! He has been the sweetest guy, helping any way he can and wishing he could perform with us. He's so sorry we had to cancel those shows, and she really beat himself up when we got sued. So why do I hear whispered stories about him leaving or being a drama queen?
And dear Frankie…a relative is deathly sick, for goodness' sakes! Jamia did NOT cheat on him and even if she had, it's not really any of your business! Jamia is a wonderful woman, and she is very happy with Frank. He did not get anything tattooed over her name! And HE is not leaving the band, either!
I wish you all would shut up about these senseless rumors. Keep quiet about rumors you hear until they're confirmed false or true. All I ask is that you wait for the new album. Can you wait 'til them to lose faith and claim us sellouts? Maybe you can see just what a two-year break would do for us.
Well, I'll see you with the next album…if you haven't turned your back on us by then.
xoxo, g
He re-read what he had written. His fingers itched for the 'submit' button, but he stopped himself, sighing. He knew he shouldn't. It wouldn't do any good. All it would inspire was 'I told you so's from the 'Still-fans!' side and disbelief and rejection from the people that lost faith.
He knew, however dimly, that there was some hope for the people who were losing faith in My Chemical Romance. After all, why would they be on the site if they weren't fans anymore?
The new album would have to convince them, and Gerard knew it. He knew that if they didn't make this the best they'd ever made, he'd be losing fans by the minute. He knew that thousands of kids who used to turn to him and music would go back to drugs, alcohol and self-harm.
He couldn't have that on his conscious. He wouldn't be able to make it. He'd feel like such a failure….
But no, the kids wouldn't be disappointed. This next album was going to be revolutionary. He knew it would, he could feel it. He had felt a weaker version of it while putting together Revenge.
He sat down, smiling again to a piece of paper laid out across his desk. It was covered in pen and pencil markings, musical notations and words. And at the top, a single word.
Stay.