Keep the Faith

I always tried to have faith in the kids and would still go out to meet the fans after shows but when they would ask, "Why is it only ever you?" "Where's Gerard?" "We want Gerard?" "We don't want you." That stung. They didn't want me. They wanted the man that they turned on. The man they abandoned and broke. The man they ripped apart. Who could no longer face them for fear of their harsh words and disapproving looks. They say he changed but I didn't notice any differences until all this started. The whole band's been affected; each of us in different ways. I tried to stand up for them and tried to get them to keep believing but now even I'm forced to give up. I just think happy thoughts and remember the times before. It's the only thing I can do that gives me hope anymore.

"Failure," they say. "You let us down," they say. "You changed," who doesn't? Of course I've made mistakes. Don't they understand that I'm human just like them? I've fought so hard and given up so much but still they can't see past my flaws. Where did I go wrong? I just wanted to help them. Fight for them. Give them something to believe in. Give them a voice! I don't understand why they aren't happy that I've found the love of my life. I don't understand why they suddenly turned on me after everything we've been through. I realise that I'm starting to close and I'm becoming cold and that it's affecting those closest to me but I don't know what else to do. I just think happy thoughts and remember the times before. It's the only thing I can do that gives me hope anymore.

I really miss him. I miss his smile. I never get to see him smile anymore. He's not my brother anymore. Not the one I know anyway. Heck, I'm not even Mikey Way anymore. I'm just Gerard Way's brother; the bass player. I'm not even part of the band's message anymore, I'm just that guy playing in the background. The shadow. I'm not even sure if the band's message exists anymore. It's like it was suddenly erased from the kids' memories after we tried so hard to keep it alive for their sakes. I suppose we went with it. I've noticed that none of us have been the same people since they stopped believing in us. It really worries me; how much we're changing. I just think happy thoughts and remember the times before. It's the only thing I can do that gives me hope anymore.

I always made sure that I was playing to the best of my ability and I would take care of the others by making sure there was nothing stopping them from achievig their best. It seems our best wasn't good enough. Our fans have such high expectations making it so that when we're as good as we can be, they still want more. We're never allowes to screw up. We're never allowed to be human and it drives us crazy. Tears us apart. We always helped them without passing judgment so why are they now watching our every move, waiting, ready to pounce when we do wrong? I was always the one with the plan but now I'm running low on ideas. I just think happy thoughts and remember the times before. It's the only thing I can do that gives me hope anymore.

I joined the band at its peak so I didn't get long with the guys before we dropped. Even so, I felt the impact just as hard as the others did. It hurt; real bad. I gave up a lot and ran a great risk in joining this band. I even put up with nuisances such as the cameras because, at the time, it was worth it. For the kids. Now, I'm not so sure. I can see what it's doing to everyone. I think Gerard took it the hardest and that in turn is affecting Mikey greatly. Sometimes I just want to get up, grab the mic and yell, "Leave them alone! Give them a break!" but I never do. I just think happy thoughts and remember the times before. It's the only thing I can do that gives me hope anymore.

They'd never give up on us. Could you do the same to them? Keep the faith in our boys and in each other and just think happy thoughts.