Keep the Faith

I glanced at the poster above my bed, my eyes immediately darting to the person in the middle.

I wanted to be like you
I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you
And I got swept away
Life saviour.
He meant everything to me, and I had wanted to be like him.
If I had known how hard that was, I would have never started following his footsteps, in all honesty.

I didn't know that it was so cold
And you needed someone
to show you the way
So I took your hand and we figured out
That when the time comes
I'd take you away
As I buried myself with tasks he had also taken upon him, soothing broken people, trying to make their life worth living again, I gradually discovered the burden of carrying others’ pain. I painted smiles on people’s faces and managed to make them mean it, but the smile on my face grew less and less genuine as time passed.

Making other people’s lives easier, made mine harder.
I turned to the person that knew how to paint an honest smile on my face.
I watched videos and pictures of him, smiling in each, but I now understood what the mist in his eyes meant.

The burden had become too much to smile genuinely.

Satisfaction and happiness found in saving their lives, making them happy again, included lying awake at night and pondering everything over, making your heart heavy.

You can only catch until you fall yourself.

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares
Determination washed over me.
I knew I would give up everything for this man, who made my life worth living, who had taught me what life was about.
I knew I would be there to catch him if he fell.
I would do anything to remain standing, until I was sure his knees would not bend anymore.

I knew exactly what he did to keep his mind and heart off the injustice of the world.
No matter how lonely, he would keep himself busy.
That’s exactly why their promised breaks always turned out shorter.
It was too calm, he became restless as everyone’s stories haunted his minds.

He needed someone to turn to himself, to give word to what he had to carry around everyday. But he was the hero, he was the one people turned to, not the other way round.

Heroes need heroes, too.

I'm sinking slowly
So hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on
Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone
I realized that, too.
The only difference was that I did have a hero to turn to.
I had someone to pull me out of the sucking mud of the swamp.
Whenever I cried out for help, his hand immediately appeared to save me.

But restlessness does not leave.

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares
I could not care less about my life, and I was more than ready to take over his burden.
If only he’d known me, I would sit down with him, let him spill it all out.

I needed him to stay strong, and I was willing to buckle for him.

All you wanted was somebody who cares
If you need me you know I'll be there
Oh, yeah
“You hear me?” I said out loud. “I’ll be there, forever. Whenever you need me.”
Sighing, I knew he could not hear me, nor did he know of my existence.

But God, I prayed every night, despite my disbelief, that one day I would get to meet this man.
I knew exactly what I would do.

“Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You saved me. But now I’m here to save you.”

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares
I couldn’t even imagine how much he needed someone to care and stretch out their arms for him to hide in them.
I knew the burden he carried was heavier than mine. He saved millions of lives more than I did.
I couldn’t even imagine his pain. I knew what mine was, but I could not imagine it multiplied by some incomprehensible number.

If he’d want me to, I would save him, every moment of the day.

Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone
Taking a last look at my hero on my poster, I sighed.

Stay strong.

I’ll find you.
I’ll save you, Gerard Way.