Keep the Faith

It's Not Just an Ordinary Hoodie

"This is absurd. It's just a dog."

"Just a dog? Just? Porthos dreams of being a bear, and you want to shatter those dreams by saying he's just a dog? What a horrible candle-snuffing word. That's like saying, 'He can't climb that mountain, he's just a man', or 'That's not a diamond, it's just a rock.' Just."

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I'm wearing my red hoodie today. I'm sure to everyone else it's completely normal; it's nothing out of the ordinary. After all, it is cold outside; it's snowing, but everyone who thinks that it's just another item of winter clothing and nothing more is wrong.

I saw a picture of you once, and you were wearing the same exact red hoodie that I own. I know right now you're probably thinking that I'm some obsessed fan girl who is freaking out over having the same hoodie as you, but that is not the case.

Yesterday was my birthday. Last night at 8:50pm, I asked my mom if I could go to a movie with my cousin that started at 10:10pm. She said that I absolutely could not go. I know that I probably shouldn't have, but I persisted with begging. I really wanted to see my cousin because I hadn't seen him in a very long time and he is the only thing I have left to my uncle. I know that my mom was his twin, but my cousin - his son - acts like him; he looks like him.

Finally, I gave up and went back to my room to get on Mibba. About five minutes later, the man who calls himself my father walked into my room yelling at me; he was "reinforcing" what my mom had already said, which was no. I said okay and he left.

I felt like crap. I couldn't believe I didn't get to do anything besides go out to eat on my 17th birthday. Ten to fifteen minutes after my "father" had left my room, he returned, yelling once again, but more aggressively than the first time. "Now if you don't stop with this..." I attempted to defend myself. "I haven't said anything else about it since the first time you were in here!" He yelled on and on. His words mixed together in my head. It was like someone was yelling in another room, yet the sounds were muffled through the walls, but he was still standing in my room. Before I knew it, I started repeating one word: "leave". I just wanted him to go away and leave me be. After what I guessed was the tenth time of saying this, his words came back into focus. "I'M NOT GOING TO LEAVE! YOU MAY BE SEVENTEEN NOW, BUT I'M STILL THE PARENT!" Then I lashed back. "Yeah, you're just as much of a parent now as you've ever been." He continued yelling inaudible things for a few more minutes, and finally left, not to return.

I felt like I was going to cry, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to spill anymore tears because of that man. Too many had been spilledin years, in months, in weeks in days passed. I searched desperately for my iTunes icon on my computer. When it opened, I saw that it was on pause. I know it's hard to believe, and I'm not so sure if I would believe someone if they said it, I can hardly believe it myself, but when I clicked play, the lyrics I heard were exactly what I needed. "Come on Angel, don't you cry. Come on Angel, don't you cry." Those words gave me the strength to hold back those tears. After the song ended, I clicked on "Skylines and Turnstiles" to hear those beginning lyrics to be reassured just as I had been so many times before. "You're not in this alone." I knew once again that those words were nothing but truth. I was reminded that I would always have those five guys who helped me through the dark times in my life by my side.

After I listened to a few more songs and talked to my best friend Jaz [Leonore Paisley], I went to bed hoping that sleep would bring some emotional and stress relief.

When I woke up this morning, some of the emotional depression and stress was gone, but I still felt a little sad. When I looked out the door, I saw that it was snowing. It didn't surprise me. It hasn't stopped snowing for more than two days in the last two or three months. I've never been so sick of snow in my life.

I went to my closet and searched through it for a particular item: my red hoodie that looks like the one I saw you wearing in a picture once. It's not to show people I'm a devoted fan, after all it is just a plain red hoodie, nothing out of the ordinary, but knowing that you've worn one exactly like it gives me a sense of security, a sort of safe haven. To me, it's a symbol of what the band is, and I know that when I'm cold, or scared, or weak, or weary, or I feel like crying, I can be safe in my hoodie, or at least that's how I feel.

If it weren't for the band and you, it would be just another hoodie.

I only hope that this collection of stories that have been bound together and have a cover on them with the title "Keep the Faith" on it will work the same way for you as my hoodie does for me.

My friend and I are coming to see you on May 3rd, 2008 in St. Louis, Missouri and we are going to try our best to bring a sign that says "Keep the Faith" so that we can remind you that you do still have fans out there that love you more than you'll ever know and more than they could ever say, just as you have told us time after time again, whenever we needed it.

Keep the Faith. <3