Crying On A Saturday Night

At that point, I think I'd have rather been dead than go through the things I was going through. I was never comfortable, my whole body itched, and I felt sick all the time. And those damn convulsions were going to be the end of me, I could tell.

I wished I'd never gotten involved. I could have easily stopped everything before it started. I almost wanted to blame my mother for where I'd gotten myself. I felt that she was what drove me to hang out with the crowd I got involved in. But in all truth, the only person to blame was me. It was my fault I was like this. I let other people affect my life too much. I couldn't make my own decisions, so I just followed what all my 'friends' did. And I wish I was a stronger person so I could've made my own decisions. I could've saved everyone a lot of trouble.

But then I think of the one good thing that came from getting involved how I did: Meeting Brian. He was the 'missing link' in my life I suppose. I'd actually started to grow quite fond of him. I watched him; observed. He loved his family. He was a good man.

I'd finished my fit, basking in the comfort of those damn shakes leaving my body. The door slowly opened and I watched Brian walk in, closing the door behind him. He walked over to me and kneeled beside my bed, and sighed deeply.

"I'm sorry I just walked out on you like that earlier..." he apologized.

"It's okay..." I said weakly. I closed my eyes for a little while. I was so tired all I wanted to do was sleep. I'd not slept in a very, very long time, at least not decently.

"Things are going to get better now, I promise," Brian said, and I opened my eyes to look up at him.

"How?"

"Well, Zacky's helping. He knows a way to help you get better," he explained.

I tried to smile. "Just make sure he doesn't poison me," I joked, and I laughed hoarsely before starting to cough.

Brian smiled weakly at my attempt to lighten the mood. "Nah, he won't do that... I wanna explain to you right now what we plan on doing to you, so you fully understand, okay?"

I nodded, waiting for him to continue.

"Zacky suggested that we put you back on heroin," he started. I looked at him with wide eyes. I could feel the tears coming.

"I don't wanna get put back on it Brian. Please," I pleaded with him. He looked at me with sorrow in his eyes before taking my hand in his.

"Shhh... Charlie its the only way to help you stop without going through all this pain. I'm sorry..." he whispered. I closed my eyes, and waited to hear what else he had to say.

"So... we're gonna put you back on it, but every couple of days or so, we're gonna lower the dosage. It'll keep going until you don't need it anymore. Zacky says it'll work," he explained and I opened my eyes again.

"I hope he's right," I whispered as Brian reached over to wipe the tear from my cheek.

No sooner had that been said that Zacky opened the door and walked to the bed, pulling a bag from the inside of his jacket. He walked over to the other side of my bed where he sat down gently on the side.

"Alright, do you remember how much you did the last time you shot up?" he asked.

I nodded my head. I didn't want to get back into this shit. What if something happened? What if it didn't work and I became addicted again?

"If I untie you, can you get that much in the needle?" he asked after that. I nodded again, and he and Brian started to untie my bounds. Zacky handed me the heroin and the needle and I started to pull the back of the syringe out until it was completely full. I handed it back to Zacky who looked at me with his eyes wide, and then he looked at Brian, who had the same look.

"Holy shit... If we gotta start there it'll be awhile before she's done," he said quietly. Brian shot him a nervous glance.

"But it'll still work right?" he asked.

"If everything goes as planned, yes," Zacky answered. He reached into the bag again, pulling out an alcohol prep pad. He opened it and took my arm, wiping the skin on my inner elbow with it. He took the needle and got ready to put it into my arm.

"Wait," Brian said suddenly. "That's sterile, right?" he asked shakily. I could feel his hand shaking in my own.

"Yeah. I got it from the med clinic. And don't worry about the heroin... I made that shit myself so there's no 'foreign materials' in there that shouldn't be," Zacky said, and then stuck my arm with the needle.

I winced as he started to push the heroin into my bloodstream. That shit was still caustic as ever. My grip on Brian's hand tightened as I clenched my jaw. Zacky finally finished, pulling the needle out of my skin, and then throwing it in my garbage can.

"How do you feel?" he asked as he looked down at me.

"Same..." I said, and then I laid there for a couple seconds before I felt the all too familiar sense of incredible happiness wash over me. I didn't want my body to feel good from this bad drug, but I had no choice.

I saw Zacky start to smile down at me. "I take that goofy look on your face as a sign that its working.... Now how do you feel?"

"I feel fucking awesome. I haven't felt this good in weeks. I love you guys," I said and then giggled. I sat up all the way. "Can you untie my feet now that you know that I'm not gonna kick the shit out of you? Thank God I don't have those shakes anymore. Zack man, you're a genius," I said, and he and Brian started to untie my feet. I stretched.

"I wanna get out of this room," I said.

"Alright, we can go downstairs," Brian said with a small smile. I think he was just happy that I actually felt good now. We all got up and went downstairs, where I saw the house was deserted.

"Where's Michelle and Jack? I love that little guy," I said with a cheesy smile.

"I requested for them to go stay with Matt and Val for a little while, until you start to get better," Brian explained as we all sat down on the couch.

"Well, I'm better now. Get 'em back here," I said.

"I'm not so sure that's a good idea. You've still got a long way to go," Zacky said as he turned on the TV.

"Oh... you know what? I'm hungry," I stated randomly.

"Alright. Do you want anything in particular?" Brian asked me as he stood up.

"Not really... I just want food. Can we go out somewhere?" I asked quickly, getting excited.

"Definitely not. You're high," Zacky replied as he kept his eyes fixated on the screen before him. Minutes later, Brian came out of the kitchen with a couple pieces of pizza on a plate. He set it down on the coffee table in front of us and sat down on the other side of me. I greedily grabbed the first slice and stuffed it into my mouth, chewing quickly before swallowing.

"Damn this is good pizza. Where'd you get it from?" I asked through another bite.

"Actually, Michelle made it the other night," Brian said as he also grabbed a slice.

"Damn, she's a good cook. Really she is," I said as I swallowed the bite I was chewing on.

"Yeah she is," Zacky added as he himself started to eat.

"I'll have to tell her that the next time I see her." I said as I finished the piece I was on and moved onto another. Soon I was full and I felt like I was going to pass out. So I just randomly turned my body so my head was resting in Brian's lap and my feet were in Zacky's lap. I closed my eyes and felt sleep quickly coming to me.

Just before I nodded off, I heard Brian and Zacky talking.

"When's the next time we gotta stick her?" I heard Brian ask.

"Ehh... I'd say about six hours maybe. That's usually how long it lasts in their systems," I heard Zacky answer.

I was in for a hell of a lot...

And with that last thought, I finally let sleep consume my body.