Oh Baby, I Deserve Better.

More time passed and nothing changed. Alex still spent most of his time out of the house and when he was around he seemed to be drunk. My family was quickly falling apart and I had to do something about it before there was nothing left.

I woke up next to a passed out Alex and got up to shower, i didn't want to wake him knowing that he'd probably be all pissed off and hungover like he had been recently. I took a long shower, trying to convince myself that scrubbing my skin hard enough would take away all the pain I was feeling inside from losing my precious baby.

After about an hour I got out and quickly got dressed, I wanted to go over to the Gaskarth's to pick up Josey. She had been staying there for a couple weeks now and I felt bad for pushing her onto Alex's parents. It's not her fault her mom couldn't carry a baby to full term. It felt weird to be up and moving, doing everyday activities that I used to do before the miscarriage. I reached Alex's parents house rather quickly and made my way to the front door, ringing the doorbell. I hoped that they were already awake and I didn't wake them up but knowing Josey's sleeping habits they'd been up for awhile.

"Oh, Kate sweetheart, what are you doing here?" Mrs. Gaskarth asked in surprise as she answered the door.

"I'm actually here to pick up Josey" I informed her, putting on my best faux smile.

"Oh, ok. Just let me get her stuff together," she said walking back inside with me following her "we just weren't expecting you anytime soon."

"I know but I realized that it wasn't fair for me to just leave her here, it's not fair to her and its definitely not fair to you and Peter" I explained as I walked into the kitchen where Josey was eating pancakes.

"Mommy!" she yelled as she jumped off her chair and ran to me, giving me a big hug.

"Josey!" I yelled back just as excited to see her, I honestly didn't realize how much I had missed my baby girl.

"I missed you" she said as she looked into my eyes. She looked so much like Alex it was almost scary.

"Mommy missed you too" I whispered as a few tears leaked from my eyes and ran down my cheeks.

It felt so wonderful to finally be somewhat back to normal.