He Looks Just Like You
V
Dean waited frantically outside; his hands clasped together as he worried his bottom lip and stared at the door that had been slammed in his face. How did it all go wrong? Why? He had no answers to the questions that riddled his brain. The feeling of something dripping onto his hand had him looking up and realizing that he was crying. He scrubbed at the tears that made streaks down his cheeks. He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket, for the fourth time but couldn’t bring himself to answer it, even look at it. It stopped causing him to sigh in relief. He pressed his thumbs to his brow and breathed out deeply. How long was it going to take before he got some answers?
“Mr. Winchester?” Dean looked up, expecting to see the tall doctor standing before him with news, only he found a short, young woman smiling down at him. It took him a moment to realize she was gently rocking a bundle of blue fabric. His brain clicked over slowly before he shot up and blinked repeatedly.
“Is he?” Dean pointed to the bundle, his eyes wide as she nodded her head then shrugged a shoulder by way of telling him to get ready. He didn’t know what to do with his hands.
“I see a lot of new dads just like you, have no clue if their going to be good enough. It will come naturally.” And before Dean could even protest, his arms were full of tiny, baby boy. He stared at the nurse, eyes wide and frightened. The sound of tiny snuffling, the feel of ever so slightly wriggling caused Dean to look down. Shocked green met bewildered green. They stared at each other for what seemed like forever before the baby finally yawned, shut his eyes then began making sucking motions with his tiny lips. Dean gawked at the little baby, his son, and had no idea what he was meant to do with him. “He’s adorable, isn’t he?”
“Huh?” Dean came out of his stupor and looked up; noticing the way the nurse was glancing at him. He looked back down at his son before lifting his finger and gently wiggling the end of the digit against his baby’s cheek. Almost instantly the baby shifted his head and begun suckling on Dean’s finger. Dean grinned, completely chuffed.
“That is just the cutest!” Another nurse had stopped beside him and was watching him with bright eyes. Before to long, Dean found him self surrounded by young nurses all ‘awwwing’ at him. It was odd, but he didn’t even notice them, he was too wrapped up in his son. His son. The thought, the reality of it made him grin wide.
“Hey there little guy.” He noticed his sons tiny, baby hand and softly pulling his finger out of his baby’s mouth, stroked his finger over his palm. Instinctively, the little boy clutched his finger and held on as he gently moved it back and forward, watching the movement intently. The feeling of eyes examinating him made him look up, only to find interested orbs gazing at him, iris’ that were a perfect mirror to his own. Dean blinked, a moment later the baby blinking in turn. He grinned at this, thrilled, before the little boy continued to stare as if Dean had suddenly grown a second head, causing him to laugh.
“You look good that way.” Dean looked up, noticed the red headed doctor and instantly snapped out of his good mood.
“What happened? Is she alright? Can I see her?”
“Hold on a second, one question at a time.” The doctor guided him out of the hall and into a little alcove with seating in it. “Jeduthun suffered from what we call, Obstetrical Hemorrhaging.”
“Wait, what’s that? It sounds bad.”
“I’m not going to lie to you; OH is a very dangerous condition and is one of the major causes of maternal mortality.”
“Okay,” Dean muttered, gently swaying his arms to keep the baby soothed. “But what’s that all mean? Is she okay?”
“We managed to stabilize her, just. But Dean, she’s lost a lot of blood. And we have reason to believe that she might be at risk of AFE.” The woman sighed and rubbed her hands together.
“AFE? What’s that?” Dean frowned, looking down as the baby boy in his arms began to make raspberry noises, bubbles of saliva forming at his lips and popping.
“AFE is Amniotic Fluid Embolism. It’s where amniotic fluid enters the mother’s blood stream. But in honesty, we don’t know a lot about it. I’ve never seen it before. It’s very rare and almost always fatal.” Dean froze, his expression going lax which caused his son to begin squawking as if he knew what they were talking about.
“So what are you saying? She’s dying? She’s going to die, she’s already dead? What?” Dean panicked, struggling to keep him self calm as the baby’s crying became full blown screaming. Dean bounced him softly, trying to shush him as his mind raced a mile a minute.
“You have to factor that in, but there is the chance that we could be wrong and she could make a full recovery.”
“Is she alright now? Can I see her?”
“She’s very weak, as I said; she lost a lot of blood,”
“I want to see her.” Dean demanded, the sudden stress he was under causing him to yell. The doctor sighed before nodding. She led Dean into the room, pulling the curtain open just enough for them both to step in. Dean stopped, his heart hitting his feet and spluttering at the sight of Jeduthun hooked up to several IV’s, a couple of which were blood. “Can she, will she hear me?”
“She’s only asleep so she’ll hear you, but she’s resting.” The doctor looked over the stats before nodding and stepping over to the curtain. “I’ll give you some space.”
“Thanks.” Dean waited until he was alone, the door clicking shut giving him the all-clear. He stepped up to the bedside, staring down at Jed who was incredibly pale and brittle looking. She looked like porcelain, like if he was to even touch her softly, she’d shatter into a million un-fixable shards. The baby had stopped screaming and was back to making spit bubbles. Dean sighed and shifted a seat behind him with his foot before he sat down in it and adjusted the newborn in his arms. His eyes never left Jeduthun, his expression warn out and devastated. “It wasn’t meant to be like this.”
He shook his head and met his sons gaze before smiling weakly. The little boy made a tiny crying noise before going silent and staring up at his father, as if to say; ‘I’m here daddy and I’m sorry you’re hurting, so I won’t make it worse.’
“I wish you could see him. He’s gorgeous. So tiny though, I feel like I’m going to break him.” Dean laughed softly, watching his son flex his fingers, his curious eyes darting around the room. “He has my eyes.”
Dean looked up to the ceiling as he leaned back, his arms gently bouncing the baby. He found a spot to stare at and kept his eyes on that. How was he meant to deal with this? What was he meant to do now? He was a hunter, not a family man. Sure he’d thought about what it would be like to have kids but he’d never actually figured it would be real, let alone him alone with a little son. It actually frightened him. What if he sucked at being a father?
“What am I meant to do Jed? What if I’m not cut out for this? You have to get better.” Dean looked over as the door opened. A moment later a nurse in pink scrubs stepped out from behind the curtain and smiled softly at him before walking over to him with a tray. When she placed it on a small table, Dean realized it was lasagna with a large plate of deep fried chips on the side along with a couple of dipper sachets of BBQ sauce along with a bottle of what looked like milk and a small towel.
“Sorry to interrupt. Doctor Miller asked me to get you something to eat, you and the baby. I didn’t know what you would like so I just got what I knew to be the least horrible hospital food. I also brought the baby some milk.” Her voice was calm and quiet as she explained before she smiled warmly and nodded. “I’ll let you to it then. If you need anything, I’m just down the hall in the nurse’s bay.”
“Thank you.” Dean managed, causing the woman to smile wider before she nodded and left. Dean sat up a bit, studying the food. It looked alright and it smelt amazing, he knew he was hungry and should eat it but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. As if smelling the bottle though, the baby began making sobbing noises and when Dean looked down at him, he was making little ‘O’s with his lips and squinting. “You want some huh?”
Curious, Dean lifted the bottle, feeling that it was just slightly warmed, before frowning and sticking the top into his mouth. He tilted it, tasted the first few drops of milk before pulling it straight from his mouth and gagging. It was horrible from his point of view. But when he looked down, the baby was staring at him as if to say; ‘Excuse me, but that’s my milk, go get your damn own.’
“You actually want it?” Dean asked, holding the bottle up. The baby babbled, its lips making little sucking motions before Dean grinned, shifting him so he wasn’t lying completely down then moved the bottle into reach. Instantly the baby’s lips locked around the bottle nipple and his eyes closed, the room filling with the sound of suckling. Dean watched in awe, completely star struck. He found himself eating the chips, which were completely amazing, while he watched the milk disappear. Moments passed before the small bottle was empty and the baby was sucking but getting nothing, causing him to whimper. Dean took the empty bottle away and grinned. “Nice.”
The little baby was making faces, faces Dean didn’t understand. Then the thought struck him, wasn’t he meant to burp him or something? Frowning, Dean placed the bottle on the table before shifting his son against his shoulder. Watching him awkwardly, Dean gave him a soft pat on the back and waited. Nothing happened. He did it again, aware of the fact that his son was simply dribbling white slobber all over his shirt, before he settled for rubbing small circles on the baby’s back. Moments passed, Dean getting frantic with the thought that he’d done something wrong before the baby hiccuped, whimpered and spewed the milk back up; all down Dean’s back. He paled, the up-chucked milk soaking into his shirt as his son burped then went about making sucking faces again.
“Yeah,” Dean muttered, moving his son away from him and looking down at the white streak that stained his back. “Thanks for that kiddo.”
As if to say your welcome, the little baby made cooing noises and blew several saliva bubbles at his father. ‘Dean,’ he thought to himself, ‘you are in way over your head.’
“Mr. Winchester?” Dean looked up, expecting to see the tall doctor standing before him with news, only he found a short, young woman smiling down at him. It took him a moment to realize she was gently rocking a bundle of blue fabric. His brain clicked over slowly before he shot up and blinked repeatedly.
“Is he?” Dean pointed to the bundle, his eyes wide as she nodded her head then shrugged a shoulder by way of telling him to get ready. He didn’t know what to do with his hands.
“I see a lot of new dads just like you, have no clue if their going to be good enough. It will come naturally.” And before Dean could even protest, his arms were full of tiny, baby boy. He stared at the nurse, eyes wide and frightened. The sound of tiny snuffling, the feel of ever so slightly wriggling caused Dean to look down. Shocked green met bewildered green. They stared at each other for what seemed like forever before the baby finally yawned, shut his eyes then began making sucking motions with his tiny lips. Dean gawked at the little baby, his son, and had no idea what he was meant to do with him. “He’s adorable, isn’t he?”
“Huh?” Dean came out of his stupor and looked up; noticing the way the nurse was glancing at him. He looked back down at his son before lifting his finger and gently wiggling the end of the digit against his baby’s cheek. Almost instantly the baby shifted his head and begun suckling on Dean’s finger. Dean grinned, completely chuffed.
“That is just the cutest!” Another nurse had stopped beside him and was watching him with bright eyes. Before to long, Dean found him self surrounded by young nurses all ‘awwwing’ at him. It was odd, but he didn’t even notice them, he was too wrapped up in his son. His son. The thought, the reality of it made him grin wide.
“Hey there little guy.” He noticed his sons tiny, baby hand and softly pulling his finger out of his baby’s mouth, stroked his finger over his palm. Instinctively, the little boy clutched his finger and held on as he gently moved it back and forward, watching the movement intently. The feeling of eyes examinating him made him look up, only to find interested orbs gazing at him, iris’ that were a perfect mirror to his own. Dean blinked, a moment later the baby blinking in turn. He grinned at this, thrilled, before the little boy continued to stare as if Dean had suddenly grown a second head, causing him to laugh.
“You look good that way.” Dean looked up, noticed the red headed doctor and instantly snapped out of his good mood.
“What happened? Is she alright? Can I see her?”
“Hold on a second, one question at a time.” The doctor guided him out of the hall and into a little alcove with seating in it. “Jeduthun suffered from what we call, Obstetrical Hemorrhaging.”
“Wait, what’s that? It sounds bad.”
“I’m not going to lie to you; OH is a very dangerous condition and is one of the major causes of maternal mortality.”
“Okay,” Dean muttered, gently swaying his arms to keep the baby soothed. “But what’s that all mean? Is she okay?”
“We managed to stabilize her, just. But Dean, she’s lost a lot of blood. And we have reason to believe that she might be at risk of AFE.” The woman sighed and rubbed her hands together.
“AFE? What’s that?” Dean frowned, looking down as the baby boy in his arms began to make raspberry noises, bubbles of saliva forming at his lips and popping.
“AFE is Amniotic Fluid Embolism. It’s where amniotic fluid enters the mother’s blood stream. But in honesty, we don’t know a lot about it. I’ve never seen it before. It’s very rare and almost always fatal.” Dean froze, his expression going lax which caused his son to begin squawking as if he knew what they were talking about.
“So what are you saying? She’s dying? She’s going to die, she’s already dead? What?” Dean panicked, struggling to keep him self calm as the baby’s crying became full blown screaming. Dean bounced him softly, trying to shush him as his mind raced a mile a minute.
“You have to factor that in, but there is the chance that we could be wrong and she could make a full recovery.”
“Is she alright now? Can I see her?”
“She’s very weak, as I said; she lost a lot of blood,”
“I want to see her.” Dean demanded, the sudden stress he was under causing him to yell. The doctor sighed before nodding. She led Dean into the room, pulling the curtain open just enough for them both to step in. Dean stopped, his heart hitting his feet and spluttering at the sight of Jeduthun hooked up to several IV’s, a couple of which were blood. “Can she, will she hear me?”
“She’s only asleep so she’ll hear you, but she’s resting.” The doctor looked over the stats before nodding and stepping over to the curtain. “I’ll give you some space.”
“Thanks.” Dean waited until he was alone, the door clicking shut giving him the all-clear. He stepped up to the bedside, staring down at Jed who was incredibly pale and brittle looking. She looked like porcelain, like if he was to even touch her softly, she’d shatter into a million un-fixable shards. The baby had stopped screaming and was back to making spit bubbles. Dean sighed and shifted a seat behind him with his foot before he sat down in it and adjusted the newborn in his arms. His eyes never left Jeduthun, his expression warn out and devastated. “It wasn’t meant to be like this.”
He shook his head and met his sons gaze before smiling weakly. The little boy made a tiny crying noise before going silent and staring up at his father, as if to say; ‘I’m here daddy and I’m sorry you’re hurting, so I won’t make it worse.’
“I wish you could see him. He’s gorgeous. So tiny though, I feel like I’m going to break him.” Dean laughed softly, watching his son flex his fingers, his curious eyes darting around the room. “He has my eyes.”
Dean looked up to the ceiling as he leaned back, his arms gently bouncing the baby. He found a spot to stare at and kept his eyes on that. How was he meant to deal with this? What was he meant to do now? He was a hunter, not a family man. Sure he’d thought about what it would be like to have kids but he’d never actually figured it would be real, let alone him alone with a little son. It actually frightened him. What if he sucked at being a father?
“What am I meant to do Jed? What if I’m not cut out for this? You have to get better.” Dean looked over as the door opened. A moment later a nurse in pink scrubs stepped out from behind the curtain and smiled softly at him before walking over to him with a tray. When she placed it on a small table, Dean realized it was lasagna with a large plate of deep fried chips on the side along with a couple of dipper sachets of BBQ sauce along with a bottle of what looked like milk and a small towel.
“Sorry to interrupt. Doctor Miller asked me to get you something to eat, you and the baby. I didn’t know what you would like so I just got what I knew to be the least horrible hospital food. I also brought the baby some milk.” Her voice was calm and quiet as she explained before she smiled warmly and nodded. “I’ll let you to it then. If you need anything, I’m just down the hall in the nurse’s bay.”
“Thank you.” Dean managed, causing the woman to smile wider before she nodded and left. Dean sat up a bit, studying the food. It looked alright and it smelt amazing, he knew he was hungry and should eat it but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. As if smelling the bottle though, the baby began making sobbing noises and when Dean looked down at him, he was making little ‘O’s with his lips and squinting. “You want some huh?”
Curious, Dean lifted the bottle, feeling that it was just slightly warmed, before frowning and sticking the top into his mouth. He tilted it, tasted the first few drops of milk before pulling it straight from his mouth and gagging. It was horrible from his point of view. But when he looked down, the baby was staring at him as if to say; ‘Excuse me, but that’s my milk, go get your damn own.’
“You actually want it?” Dean asked, holding the bottle up. The baby babbled, its lips making little sucking motions before Dean grinned, shifting him so he wasn’t lying completely down then moved the bottle into reach. Instantly the baby’s lips locked around the bottle nipple and his eyes closed, the room filling with the sound of suckling. Dean watched in awe, completely star struck. He found himself eating the chips, which were completely amazing, while he watched the milk disappear. Moments passed before the small bottle was empty and the baby was sucking but getting nothing, causing him to whimper. Dean took the empty bottle away and grinned. “Nice.”
The little baby was making faces, faces Dean didn’t understand. Then the thought struck him, wasn’t he meant to burp him or something? Frowning, Dean placed the bottle on the table before shifting his son against his shoulder. Watching him awkwardly, Dean gave him a soft pat on the back and waited. Nothing happened. He did it again, aware of the fact that his son was simply dribbling white slobber all over his shirt, before he settled for rubbing small circles on the baby’s back. Moments passed, Dean getting frantic with the thought that he’d done something wrong before the baby hiccuped, whimpered and spewed the milk back up; all down Dean’s back. He paled, the up-chucked milk soaking into his shirt as his son burped then went about making sucking faces again.
“Yeah,” Dean muttered, moving his son away from him and looking down at the white streak that stained his back. “Thanks for that kiddo.”
As if to say your welcome, the little baby made cooing noises and blew several saliva bubbles at his father. ‘Dean,’ he thought to himself, ‘you are in way over your head.’