To Hell With Your New Shit

Hours later, after my parents had tiredly retreated to their hotel a few blocks away (and not without a few choice comments voicing their opinions on John staying with me), I collapsed onto the couch in the living room.

“Don’t you have a roommate, or something?” John joked, falling next to me and draping his arm over my shoulder as I curled up next to him.

“Mhmmm,” I hummed. “I guess she’s staying at her parents’ hotel tonight, though.”

John nodded absentmindedly and rested his head on top of mine.

“Hey,” he said suddenly, sitting up and tugging on my hand. “Let’s go sit on that balcony that you never use because you hate it.”

I laughed and eyed John suspiciously.

“There’s no reason for a balcony in New York City,” I muttered, trying to pull him back towards me. “You can’t even see any stars.”

“So?” he countered. “It’s still awesome!”

I rolled my eyes but let him tug me off the couch and lead me to the sliding glass door.

“See, this isn’t so bad,” he pointed out, sitting in the one, lone chair on the balcony and pulling me into his lap.

“It’s noisy and smelly and obnoxious,” I said with a yawn.

“ You love this city.”

“Not as much as I love you.”

“That was so cheesy,” he laughed.

“Doesn’t make it any less truthful,” I mumbled, feeling sleepiness begin to cloud my mind.

“I love you, too,” he said softly against my ear. I smiled and leaned against him, closing my eyes. We sat quietly like that for a while, me drifting in and out of sleep while John hummed familiar songs in my ear.

“Hey, Lindsay?” he asked after a few silent minutes, shifting in the chair enough to make my eyes snap open.

“What?” I asked, rubbing at my eyes in an attempt to keep them open and awake.

“I have something for you,” he told me. I twisted around to look at him, narrowing my eyes.

“I told you not to get me anything, John,” I insisted sternly.

“It’s not,” he started, before closing his mouth and trying to think of new words. “It’s not a graduation present, not really. I mean, I guess you could call it that since I’m giving it to you today, but that’s not really why I’m giving it to you, so – “

“I don’t need any gifts for anything, or ‘just because,’” I sighed, twisting my mouth in a frustrating expression. “So, please, spare me.”

“It’s definitely not ‘just because,’” he said with a small chuckle. I narrowed my eyes even more at him, before noticing the small, black box he was cradling in one of his hands.

“John…” I warned, my gaze flicking between him and the box.

“Look,” he said with a sigh, “just hear me out.”

I didn’t say anything – I don’t think I could have even if I wanted to. I simply stared at him, becoming mesmerized by the city lights reflected in the green of his eyes. He carefully pulled his arm back from where it had been wrapped around my waist, leaving me to balance somewhat precariously on his legs.

“I’m in love with you, Lindsay,” he started, and I opened my mouth to interrupt, but he held up a silencing finger and continued. “I’ve been in love with you for an incredibly long time, and I don’t think that’s any sort of secret to either of us anymore. And truth be told, I was a little scared to find out what it would be like to go from being your best friend to your boyfriend. I mean, it could have been disastrous to our relationship, but it wasn’t. I think it was the best decision I’ve – we’ve – made. And I know you still kick yourself for those three years we were apart, because I see it in you, and in the way you act about certain things, like never thinking you deserve gifts ‘just because,’ or not even getting mad at me when I make you obviously upset, but I mean it when I say that I just don’t care about that anymore. I mean, all that matters is that we’re together, and we have been for a year, right?”

He paused, and I nodded at him, hoping to God that he didn’t see the tears swimming in my eyes. My hands felt clammy again, and my heart was racing. I had no idea what he was getting at.

“I’ve had other girlfriends, and it’s never been like this. And maybe that’s because you are my best friend. Honestly, I don’t know, and I don’t – “

“John, you’re rambling,” I interrupted quietly. I looked up to meet his eyes, which were bright and earnest. He sighed and shook his head, as if trying to clear his mind.

“Okay, let me try saying it this way,” he began once more. I nodded slowly and looked at him, shifting uncomfortably in his lap. He let his hand wander to its previous spot on the small of my back, both steadying me and making me dizzy all at once. “I am completely, totally, one hundred percent, head over heels, madly in love with you, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop feeling that way, or that I’ll ever feel this way about anyone but you. So believe me when I say that if I thought you would say yes, I would ask you to marry me right now.”

I practically felt my jaw hit the ground. Wasn’t it always supposed to be the girl wishing the guy would just ask her to marry him already? This wasn’t like John; he didn’t settle down, much less even think about doing so.

“John…” I murmured, raising my hand to push back his hair and look at him.

“Wait, I’m not done,” he persisted, grabbing my wrist and lacing our fingers together. “I’m not asking you to marry me, Lindsay. Not yet, at least, because, trust me, I heard you every damn time you promised you wouldn’t ever get married and be tied down until you had seen every inch of this Earth,” he added with a smirk. I smiled softly back at him, still absurdly unsure of how to feel or what to do.

“And, I don’t know, maybe I’m crazy for telling you this, or even for feeling this way right now, but it just is what it is, you know? And I wanted to tell you, and I guess, maybe…” he trailed off, seeming unsure if he should continue.

“What?” I asked, leaning forward and looking directly at him. I placed my hands gently on either side of his face, the faint stubble on his jaw prickling underneath my palms as I played absentmindedly with the ends of his hair.

“I guess… I guess I just thought that it was worth a shot, to tell you, and all, because maybe you felt the same way. I don’t know, it’s stupid,” he finished quickly, averting my eyes as a crimson flush crept over his cheeks.

“Are you blushing?” I blurted, somehow too captured by his embarrassment to respond to anything he had just shared. Even in the amounts of years that John and I had been the closest of friends, I’d barely ever seen him blush. It just never happened, not to him. John let out a slight groan and looked back to me momentarily.

“I basically just told you I want to marry you and all you can do is make fun of me for blushing?” he asked, his shoulders slumping. I let out a small laugh and shifted myself once again to get a better look at him, realizing that sitting on someone’s lap was not the best position for conversation.

“John,” I sighed, letting my eyes dart all over his face to take in his expression, “you’re right. I don’t want to get married now, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to marry you, or spend the rest of my life with you, or anything. Aren’t you the one who’s so keen on living in the moment and just being young? We’re only twenty two, and we have so much time left to be together, or to be married, or whatever it is we decide to do. So for now, can’t we just be in love and be together and can’t that be enough?”

John eyed me for a moment before a smile tugged at the corners of his lips. I leaned down and pressed my own lips to his, until he pulled back quickly, looking intently at me.

“Can I give you your not graduation present now?”

“As long as it’s not an engagement ring,” I told him, not even sure myself whether I was kidding or being serious.

“It’s not,” John chuckled. “I promise.”

He handed the small, black box to me and I let it sit in the palm of my hand for a moment, before turning it over between my hands.

“Open it, “ he encouraged with a smile. I returned his smile and gently opened the box, letting out the tiniest gasp as I stared inside. It was a ring, though thankfully not of the engagement type. It was small and simple, silver with tiny sapphires – my birth stone – encrusted in the band.

“John,” I breathed. “It’s stunning.”

“Good,” he confirmed, gently pulling the ring from inside the box and slipping it onto my finger, “then it’s perfect for you.”

I smiled, biting my lip, before he leaned up and kissed me softly.

“You’re perfect for me,” I murmured, feeling sleep nagging at me once again as I curled up and leaned against him.

“You are just on a roll with the cheesy statements tonight, aren’t you?” he teased, kissing my forehead.

“Mhmm,” I yawned. John laughed and wrapped his arms more tightly around me, humming in my ear again.

“Goodnight, Lindsay.”

“’Night, John,” I whispered back, closing my eyes as I drifted asleep in the comfort of home as the New York City night buzzed around us.