I Think We're Falling Apart

I sat basking in the sun, trying to catch a good glow on my skin; it's California, so it's not that hard to do. My eyes watched the people I loved so dearly. Oh how life has changed.

Matt was in the pool with the kids; Mitch, age eight, and Claire, age four. Claire was still so young that she needed those little arm floaties to help her swim, but Mitch was just fine on his own. He was his Daddy's boy; he wanted to grow up to be everything Matt was. And I didn't blame him. Matt was a very admirable man, and he was the best husband any girl could ever ask for.

"Mommy, come get in the water," Mitch said as he stood over me, dripping water on me on purpose.

"Baby, I don't wanna swim," I said.

"Oh, come on Ma," Matt said, pouting from the edge of the water, looking directly at me with a smirk on his face.

"See? Even Dad wants you to get in!" Mitch said, and he placed his hand in mine, trying to pull me up.

"Alright alright, I'm coming," I smiled, getting up. I lowered myself into the pool and shivered. "God, this is freezing!" I said, rubbing my arms.

"No it's not," Matt protested as Mitch climbed onto his back.

"Mommy, I wanna get out," Claire said as she dog-paddled over to me.

"Okay, come on," I said, carrying her to the stairs of the pool and getting out. I looked back at Matt and stuck my tongue out at him. He shook his head and smirked. He knew I was just itching for an excuse to get out of the water.

I set Claire down and took the floaties off her arms, wrapping her in a towel to dry her off. I dried myself off with my own towel and then sat down on my deck chair again, watching as Matt and our son played around in the water.

I kept an eye on Claire as she walked along the edge of the pool toward the back corner of fence that closed in the pool, where there was a little man-made pond with a small fountain. She liked to watch the goldfish swim around in there all the time, but I just felt a little uneasy that she was that close to the pool when she didn't really know how to swim yet.

After a couple minutes, I stood from my chair. "Matt, I have to go inside for a minute, keep an eye on Claire, okay?" I called to him. He nodded and I turned to go into the house, heading for the bathroom. After I was done with my business, I headed back out to the pool area and sat down. I closed my eyes, only for them to snap back open again.

My eyes scanned the pool area. Claire was gone. My heartbeat quickened as I stood up and looked again. There weren't any places she could have hidden, so it was no use.

"Matt, where's Claire?" I asked, panic filling my voice. He looked up and then spun around, looking for Claire. And, looking just past his shoulder in the deep end, I saw bubbles come to the surface. Matt saw them too.

"Shit!" he said. Claire had to have fallen in while I was away. I had no idea how long she could have been under water, drowning, because I was gone for about five minutes.

I ran towards the deep end. "Mitch, get outta the water!" I called to him, and he did as asked. Matt dove down to the bottom of the pool and when he came to the surface again, he held a lifeless Claire in his arms. My hand covered my mouth.

He handed her to me and I pulled out onto the deck, laying her down. "Oh God," I said, tears threatening to spill down my cheeks. "Matt, do something," I whimpered. I couldn't lose Claire. Not after I lost my Adelle eight years ago. I couldn't - I wouldn't be able to handle it again.

Matt was out of the pool and kneeling before Claire in less than a second, and he started to perform CPR on her. I never knew he could do CPR before -- or if he even know how to at all -- but he did it none the less. But Claire didn't wake up.

"Matt, is she--?" I asked, and I caught a glimpse of Mitch standing to the side. He looked so scared.

Matt felt for a pulse in her neck, and then looked up at me, a somber look in his eyes.

"No!" I yelled as I shot up in bed. I was covered in sweat from head to toe, and I was breathing as if I'd just run a marathon. I realized where I was -- my own bedroom in my own house -- and I started to calm down.

"Babe, you okay?" Matt asked as he sat up next to me, my outburst obviously waking him up.

I took a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm fine. Bad dream."

"... The one with the pool?" he asked, rubbing his hand up and down my back slowly. I nodded. "That's really weird.... we don't even have a pool," he pointed out.

"Yeah... I guess that makes me feel a little better about it. I'm gonna go check on the kids," I said, and slipped out of bed.

I walked down the hallway into the new addition of the house and poked my head through the first door. It was Mitch's room, and he was sleeping soundly. I silently shut the door and headed further down the hall to Claire's room. When I looked in on her, the glow from the nightlight illuminated her face as she slept. As I was backing out of her room, I heard crying from down the hall. I headed back towards Matt's and my room, but stopped short, entering Dakota's room.

I picked her up from her crib and rocked her back and forth. "Ssshhh.... it's alright baby. Mommy's got you," I said, knowing that I must've woken her up. I heard the door creak from behind me, and I turned my head to see Matt coming into the room. He stood behind me and kissed my shoulder.

"You know, it's kinda weird but... I love that noise sometimes," he whispered to me.

I chuckled. "Yeah, I guess I'd have to agree. It's probably cuz we're so used to it," I replied, looking down at little Dakota as she fell back asleep.

I laid her back down in her crib, and then Matt and I returned to our room. We crawled into bed, and I laid my head down on his chest, listening to his heart beat.

"....Lucky number seven," Matt said as we both stayed awake.

"Yeah, well let's hope our seven years are luckier than my seven years with Brian were," I replied.

"Hah, yeah. I think they will be," Matt said, wrapping his arm around me.

"I know they will."