I Won't Apologize

Brie and I chuckled shaking our heads at Flora. We sat in the living room and decided to watch one of my favorite movies Pitch Black together before calling it a night and walking to our rooms. I walked over to my dresser and pulled out a black tank top and a pair of pajama shorts quickly changing into them before walking over to my desk picking up my Mac Book pro and hopping onto my bed. After about an hour of checking my email and Facebook I decided to log onto Skype and see if my older brother Angel was on so that I could talk to him for a bit before I went to sleep.

“Hola mi preciosa hermana” Angel smiled from the other side of the screen.

“Hola” I smiled surprised at the fact that I was actually able to get a hold of my brother.

Usually he wasn’t able to talk to me because he was off doing his super classified James Bond type missions or he was too tired to speak to me.

“How are you? Did you move into your dorm room already?” he asked eagerly.

“Yea I did here look, there is my desk, dresser, closet, um out here is my living room, kitchen and bathroom” I said excitedly about my new living arrangement.
“Wow that’s like a mini apartment lucky” he chuckled a bit jealous.

He always joked with me about how when I went to college that I was going to have a really small room with a desk, a small dresser and a roommate that was a slob. He also joked that I would have to have to share a bathroom with the whole floor and that I better not drop the soap while I was showering. Since that was how his college was when he went for a semester until he realized that it wasn’t for him and he needed the strict structure that the Marines had to offer him.

“I know right and I get to room with Flora” I squealed settling back down onto my bed.

“They put you two hellions together ha, oh I feel bad for the poor girl that has to room with the both of you” he laughed.

“Hey we aren’t that ba…ok fine we are small hellions,” I admitted when Angel started giving me a funny look, “but it’s ok since our other roommate fits in perfectly well with us minus the fact that she doesn’t curse like a drunken sailor or at all like Flora and I”

“Good maybe that part will rub off on you and you stop cursing because una mujer como tu shouldn’t be cursing at all most guys no les gusta” he said shaking his head.

“One like dad would have said stick to one language either Spanish or English not Spanglish!” I giggled remembering how my father hated the fact that we used to mesh both languages together just to get our point across, “two I usually curb my tongue around people that don’t like cursing, and three if a guy doesn’t like it then he could go to hell because I won’t change who I am nor will I apologize for who I am”

That was one thing that my father drilled into my head when I was a little girl. I was 8 and I wanted to hang out with this one group of girls that I had thought was so cool but they wouldn’t let me unless I changed the way I was and became snobby like they were. I had and for a while I was happy at the fact that I got to hang out with these girls but when I started to lose all of my old friends and almost lost Flora as a friend I knew that I chosen the wrong thing. So I went to the one person that I always went to for advice my father.

He first told me that he was disappointed in me for changing who I was just to hang out with a certain group of people but was glad that I learned this at an early age. Then he told me to drop those girls as friends and go back to who I was because if someone didn’t like who I was well then they can just fuck off. And ever since that he always told me that whenever I went to him for advice because with that piece of wisdom he said I could handle any problem that was thrown at me.

“Ok dad” Angel smiled.

I smiled shaking my head at Angel. Before it hurt to talk about my father or remembering things about him and now it still kind of hurts but it’s all that I have left of him and I wanted to cherish those forever. Plus I knew that if my father could speak to me from beyond the grave he wouldn’t want me to feel sad or hurt he would want me to be happy whenever I remembered him which is what I plan to do.

“Earth to Ryan…come in Ryan…locita hello” Angel said snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Sorry” I smiled.

“It’s ok so I don’t have much time on here I have another assi…mission to do soon” he said sadly.

Even though Angel loved everything about the Marines I knew that whatever he was doing out there was taking his toll on him. Although he never really likes to talk about it, I know that since it is classified that he can’t really divulge too much information but he can at least tell me how this is affecting him so that I can try to help.

“How are things over there? I mean I know you can’t talk fully about it but you can give me an idea.”

“They are better than they were before but I need to go now”

“Ok” I said biting my lip as tears started to fill my eyes. I hated when he did this to me because I always wondered if this is going to be the last time that he speaks to me.

“Awe Ry no llores nothing is going to happen to me I promise, I’ll come home safe” he said as the tears started to fill his eyes.

“You better si no I am going over there y voy a matar a todos that was involved” I said seriously.

Angel laughed knowing that I was dead serious since I had just as bad of a temper when it came to people hurting my family as he did. “Te quiero mucho hermanita” he smiled.

“Te quiero mucho bye” I sighed before the screen went black signaling that he had left the chat.

I closed my laptop and placed it on the desk and climbed underneath my covers. I tried to let the sleep overtake me but I just couldn’t my mind was worried about my brother and the mission that he was on at this very moment. This was the one thing that I hated most about having a family member in the military. The constant worry if they are ok, if they are coming home alive, or if the next knock on the door was someone in the military coming to tell me that they had died. Slowly my mind calmed itself down and I could feel sleep overtaking my body.