‹ Prequel: I'm Not Beautiful
I Need a Change
eleven
They sit me down like I was injured or something. They were acting like I was some huge fragile thing. I cross my arms moodily over my chest and glare up at Marshall. Of course I know I am acting like a brat but I don’t really care right now. It makes no difference to me, and I’m sure if someone told you that you were the reason they left it wouldn’t matter to you either. Marshall gulps and then sits down opposite me.
“So uh Ally this is partially your fault because . . .” I continue to glare at him and he loses his words. “Can you just stop looking at me please? It’s making this harder.” I continue to glare and he sighs before shaking his head at me. I know once again I am being childish and a little bit of a brat, but like usual I don’t care.
“Talk or I’m leaving.” My eyes shift to Cookie and Trey who are both trying to hold back smiles. It’s really starting to bug.
“Ok fine, it’s your fault because you were messing with something that never needed to be messed with.” He looks at me with an expression like this is the most obvious thing he has ever said before leaning back against his chair. He looks at me like that’s it, that’s the only reason.
“Really? What the hell did I mess with?” Of course I was angry about all of this. It made no since. What did I mess with? Him? By teasing him? I wasn’t sure.
“Well yeah that’s why. You messed with yourself. You made yourself so much worse then you ever needed to be. You were so perfect, you could’ve been even better if you ate like a normal person and didn’t try to make it worse. You just starved yourself and what you did it you threw up. You messed with something perfect and that is why it’s your fault. I swear Ally you don’t even see yourself and it was killing me watching you kill yourself.” His voice got gentler which each passing sentence. By the end he was practically whispering.
My mind is racing. How could he have left because of something I did to myself? It made no since that he could care enough and not enough all at the same time. How could me hurting myself or starving myself make him so upset he had to leave? But then he comes back and says that I was perfect and that I messed up something perfect, why didn’t he stay and try to make me better? Why didn’t he try harder? It made no since. All it did was make me upset that he did something like this, that he thinks he cares about me and that he thinks I’m perfect but does this all the same. I sigh and stand up walking out of the house and to my car.
“So uh Ally this is partially your fault because . . .” I continue to glare at him and he loses his words. “Can you just stop looking at me please? It’s making this harder.” I continue to glare and he sighs before shaking his head at me. I know once again I am being childish and a little bit of a brat, but like usual I don’t care.
“Talk or I’m leaving.” My eyes shift to Cookie and Trey who are both trying to hold back smiles. It’s really starting to bug.
“Ok fine, it’s your fault because you were messing with something that never needed to be messed with.” He looks at me with an expression like this is the most obvious thing he has ever said before leaning back against his chair. He looks at me like that’s it, that’s the only reason.
“Really? What the hell did I mess with?” Of course I was angry about all of this. It made no since. What did I mess with? Him? By teasing him? I wasn’t sure.
“Well yeah that’s why. You messed with yourself. You made yourself so much worse then you ever needed to be. You were so perfect, you could’ve been even better if you ate like a normal person and didn’t try to make it worse. You just starved yourself and what you did it you threw up. You messed with something perfect and that is why it’s your fault. I swear Ally you don’t even see yourself and it was killing me watching you kill yourself.” His voice got gentler which each passing sentence. By the end he was practically whispering.
My mind is racing. How could he have left because of something I did to myself? It made no since that he could care enough and not enough all at the same time. How could me hurting myself or starving myself make him so upset he had to leave? But then he comes back and says that I was perfect and that I messed up something perfect, why didn’t he stay and try to make me better? Why didn’t he try harder? It made no since. All it did was make me upset that he did something like this, that he thinks he cares about me and that he thinks I’m perfect but does this all the same. I sigh and stand up walking out of the house and to my car.
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