Black and White

Chapter 19

Walking onto the bus after crying my heart, and eyes out, I was surprised to see all the guys seated at the table booth, John seemed to have calmed down but was now all twitchy.
"What's going on?" I asked Nick who was seated on the couch, seeming to try to be as far away from John as possible. I glanced around the small bus, realizing how cramped it was. Peter sighed, "We called the rehab center back in Tempe, they had a room for him. But John and Garret convince be otherwise."
Nick mumbled under his breath and I patted his thigh and kissed his cheek.
"So?"
"Well, were doing a home detox thing." Peter continued, "Since were in Austin, the FTSK boys are letting us use their house; and John's going to be under constant supervision, tonight, tomorrow and the rest of tour. And then after Warped, he's going to rehab."
To my right Kyle and Austin from FTSK nodded eagerly, but looked serious as they stared at John.
Hoping, that voicing my opinion, wouldn't upset him, I spoke softly, "John, you better be doing this because you want to get better; not just please us."
He avoided my gaze as he answered, and Nick grasped my hand, "I'm doing this for all of us, Dre. I know what I'm doing."
Nodding silently, I leaned into Nick as he wrapped his arms around me, and sighed; my gaze was on John the whole time, he had caught my eye for a second, letting me know that he was indeed hurt. And it hit me like a ton of bricks.
He wasn't over me.
"The doctor also said, that addicts-" Peter began.
"I'm not an addict!" John hissed
I shushed him, and watched as the tall muscular boy slouched back down in his seat; "The doctor also said that addicts tend to lie about their intake, about how much they're really taking." Peter sighed, as I watched him stare seriously, and deeply in John's eyes, watching him squirm but not pull away. "So John, I need you to be honest with how many mL of pills you've taken, and let's not forget about anything else."
We watched as John hung his head and squeezed his eyes shut, causing Garret and Nick to sigh in frustration, and Nat fidgeted in her seat. John laid his head on the table as he mumbled his answer. Peter motioned for him to speak louder, but John just mumbled.
"John, speak up." Nick snapped, causing me to lay a hand on his thigh.
"She knows how much I took; Same as last time Dre." John spoke up, his head still on the table. I froze as everyone turned to stare at me.


"John, do you want anything?" I called through the bathroom door, as I heard my boyfriend shower, and such. I heard the sliding door open, before he yelled out, "No I'm good for now, thanks."
Nodding I turned to walk away, "I'm going to do the laundry okay?"
"Thanks! I love you!" he called back.
Chuckling to myself I made my way into our bedroom, where his two large duffle bags are laying half open on the floor. Sighing I opened the suit case and began emptying the contents. Socks, shorts, jeans, shirts, head phones, cd's, merch ect.
Closing the first suitcase, I froze as a bundle of socks rolled towards me. Grabbing it, I froze as it didn't squish, something was shoved inside of it.
Unrolling the socks, I shook it and watched as a small orange bottle fell out, empty.
Snatching it before it rolled away, I read the label carefully.
Dexedrine 16mL
Release Date 1/13/'09
My heart began beating faster, he had gotten the pills two weeks ago, and it was all gone.
"What are you doing, Dre?"

"16 mL," I sighed, leaning out of Nick's grasp and leaning my elbows on my knees and holding my head.
"Is that right John?" Peter asked, groaning in anger, as he stared at John.
John lifted his head, and stared at me, his hands were trembling violently, and he was sweating and shivering. He nodded, "I promise."
Garret clasped his friend on the shoulder tightly, "Okay then."
Peter nodded, and glanced at Kyle and Austin, who nodded, "Allright, we'll go tell the others."

&&&

"How's he doing?" I asked softly as Nick came and took a seat on the couch next to me, where he instantly yawned and cuddled into my neck. Nick shook his head, "He's puking allot, shivering, twitching, trembling, and crying. But he's listening to us, which will just get him through it faster."
Nodding I sighed and held Nick's hand, as he laced out fingers together, and kissed my hand, "How about you, how are you?"
Nick chuckled, "Tired, stressed."
I nodded once and slouched into the couch as Nick pulled us across it, where he tightly wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled into my neck. Taking his arm off of me, I turned to face him, before placing them back around me, holding me tighter. "I love you," I muttered before gently kissing his lips. He smiled under my touch and kissed me back, gently sucking and biting on my top lip.
"Hey Now, that's unnecessary,"
Jumping and falling off of the couch, I glared silently at Caleb, and Garret who were snickering evilly.
Nick chuckled sarcastically and then pulled me back onto the couch and held me close, causing me to chuckle and lean into his neck. "You guys are gross," Garret groaned and we heard him take a seat on the couch across from us. Laughing loudly, I glared mockingly at him, "You're a fucking hypocrite."
Garret grabbed his 'heart' and faked pain, "How dare you!"
I stuck my tongue out at him and chuckled.
"JOHN-!
"HEY WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING-!
"GET BACK UP STAIRS-!"
"I SWEAR TO GOD-!"
"NICK WE NEED HELP-!"
I froze as loud food steps echoed above our heads, and Peter's, Halvo, Kennedy, Josh's and Jonathan's voice rang through the house. Nick sighed angrily and gently climbed over me as he, Garret and Caleb went towards the voices. Nat who was seated at the dining table stood up cautiously, watching intently through the kitchen with clear access to the stairs. "I-i need to get out of here," John's voice trembled.
I stood and walked towards Natalie who's back was towards the patio/back yard door who was watching the scene unfold with wide eyes.
John was in the lead his face covered in sweat and pale, he was in shorts and a loose wife beater; while the 'watcher's' were trailing behind him angrily. John saw me and a look of relief swept across his eyes, just as he was about to make his way towards me, Nick crossed him. "Where do you think you're going?" Nick asked stopping him roughly, causing John to flinch back from his touch. "Don't touch me; please I-i can't breathe."
I stared sympathetically at John, but stopped when Nat slapped my arm. "Why do you need to get out John? really, do you need to go see your dealer or something?" Nick asked taking a step forward and making John take a step back. "N-n-no I promise." he whispered looking teriffied.
"Nick, just go with him-" I started only to get shot down.
"He's not allowed to go anywhere, Dre." Nick snapped.
John manuevered around Nick, and stood infront of me, causing the other's to groan; knowing I would probably give in.
"Dre, please, just for a few minutes," he begged looking me in the eye with a soft, scared stare.
"John," I whined, trying to look at the other's.
"Please, I promise, I promise I won't go anywhere." he whimpered.
And then I felt like I had been slapped. mentally
Walking towards the door, I heard the other's yell and groan in frustration, reaching the door I heard John sigh in relief. My hand touched the lock, and I sighed, tears in my eyes, and I locked it, meeting John's gaze watching as his eyes widened in hurt.
"No John." I sighed shaking my head, "I promised I wouldn't let you do anything, and I'm not one to break promises."

&&

Turning in Nick's grasp from my waist, I perked my ears, and tried hard to listen to the whimpering, and crying that was coming from the room down the hall. "Nick?" I whispered, trying to wake him, but only earning a annoyed groan, "hmm?"
"He's crying." I stated sadly.
Nick shook his head, "Let him be,"
"Nick," I continued, "I'm going to go-"
"No," he said sternly, his grasp on my waist tightening, "I don't want him to do anything."
He met my stare and sighed, "I don't trust him."
Kissing him gently, I ignored the crying from down the hall, "He needs our trust back, okay. I'll be back okay?" Nick sighed unhappily, but nodded nonetheless.
Climbing out of the bed, I softly opened the bed room door, and the sound of my feet walking and John's crying met my ears.
Taking a deep breath I pushed open the bedroom door, to see a faint light in the corner, and then on the bed writhing in pain was John. He hadn't noticed me come in, but he had his head buried in the pillows and his hands were gripping the sheets and his hair.
"John," I sighed climbing on the bed and touching his exposed shoulder, pulling away when I felt how hot it was.
John froze, but his body still trembled and pulled his head out of the pillow and stared at me with watery eyes. "Dre," he whined, and moved so he had his head in my lap, leaning on my stomach he gripped the fabric of my shirt and cried. "What hurts?" I asked softly stroking his hair. "Everything," he gasped out, as a tremor shook his body, "my head, my bones. . . . I fucked up."
Nodding, I watched as he rolled off of my stomach and layed his face their as I leaned on the headboard, "John, just be thankful you're not in the hospital."
He nodded and groaned, squeezing his eyes shut.
&&
I gazed at John as he held my stare for a few seconds before he glanced down at my lips then back at my eyes. My hands were playing idily with the material of his shirt, and I felt my face burn lightly. John stared at me intently with his serious light eyes. And at that gaze, I felt my heart melt. Leaning down slowly, butterflies in my stomach, my confidence gone, just how he had always made me, I let my lips hover lightly over his own, waiting. He sighed, and his breath tickled my lips, and I went for it. His lips were familiar, just as they had always been. Gently feeling his lips kiss my top one, we both gently pulled away.
Sitting up slightly, John cupped my face gently and pulled me closer, my back hit the head board as John leaned in closer. Opening my eyes, as John placed small kisses on the corner of my mouth, I met his cautious gaze; and smiled letting my eyes trail down to his thing lips. I saw the familiar smirk, before our lips touched once more. He held my bottom lip between his, and I sucked on his top gently. I shuddered as his tongue traced my bottom lip, and sighed allowing him entrance. He sighed as I let my arms wrap tightly around his neck, holding him to me tightly.
He gently pulled away and leaned into my neck kissing me softly, "I missed you Dre,"
I bit my lip as I heard the hurt in his voice, "John, I-i-"
I pulled him away from my neck and pushed him back so I was straddling his waist and pushed him down, so he was starring up at me, "I believe I missed you too."
He smiled up at me, and crashed his lips to mine, in a heated-sloppy open mouthed kiss.
I groaned as our hips grounded into each other, and his hands traveled talently up my shirt, gently rubbing my back. He shuddered as I pulled away from his lips and traveled to his collar bone, where I tugged at his loosely fitted shirt, where I bit and kissed at the exposed skin. I moaned softly as his hands traveled down my thighs and towards my ass.
"Mmmm, oh god Dre." John moaned as my hand moved lower in his pants, and his hand rubbed the inside of my thigh.
"Oh God," I whimpered, "Oh god, Ni-"
I froze as the first two letters of my boyfriend name escaped my lips. Opening my eyes I gazed down at Nick....No, I mean John.
"Dre, what's wrong," John asked leaning up his hand sliding around to the back of my neck, trying to pull in for another kiss.
"I can't do this," I gasped, climbing off of his waist, and sitting on the side of the bed, trying to get far away.
"Dre, you know what you feel, you can't deny it," John whispered hurt. I turned back to face him and touched his face gently, a tear trickling down his cheek as he closed his eyes, and leaned into my touch. "John, I'm with Nick, this didn't happen."
"Deny it all you want Dre," John spoke softly leaning forward talking so his lips were at the corner of my own, "But I'll wait."