My Best Friend's Brother

I sit on Brenden's bedroom floor picking at the carpet. This boy was sweet enough to take me to his house after school so we could talk. He dropped his girlfriend to spend time with me.

Brenden stares at me. “Melody, I'm so sorry all that happened to you. You don't deserve it. Your best friend following in your footsteps isn't your fault you know. It's her life, her decision, she chose to follow you, not once did you mention forcing her to.”

“I would never force anyone to do anything.”

He pats my shoulder. “See?”

“I guess.”

Brenden puts his finger under my chin. “You are a good person, I bet this guy is going insane without you. Melody, go home, you don't belong here.”

That's exactly what I want to do.

I sit at the kitchen table and eat my spaghetti silently. I can tell my mom is staring at me. I look up and her face is worried.

“What's wrong, Melody? You've been so happy this past month.”

I frown at her. “Not so much. I want to go back home.”

Her face falls. “But Melody, I just bought this house, you wanted to move here!”

I sigh and look at her. “Mom, I wanted to move, I did, but this place isn't the place for me.. I miss him.” I can't believe I just admitted that.

She shakes her head. “Melody, I don't know what I'm supposed to do, I am trying to make you happy but we can't just get up and move back again, It's not that simple. I mean sure we have the money to but that's totally not the problem. We can't just keep changing our minds every five seconds.”

“Well, I don't want to be here. I know I left because it was what is best for them and me but.. I dunno.. I shouldn't have left like that. I think it made things worse, maybe if I would have closed the page instead of folded it things would be better.” I suggest.

My mom eats here spaghetti while pondering what I said. I take a tiny bit of mine. “You should have thought of that.”

“I know.”

I finish my spaghetti and put the plate in the kitchen then walk back to the table.

“Let's say hypothetically we move back home, what happens when you decide you can't be there anymore?”

I shrug. “I'd deal with it.” which I would!

“No, because if you would of dealt with it when we were there we wouldn't be where we are now.”

I grimace. “Fine, I'll stay here. Screw home”

My mom stands up from her chair. “Melody Flynn Rose! That is no way to talk to your mom that does literally everything for you! Past is the past, Mel and you need to remember that. I let go of your father and moved away so you can let go of you-know-who. Our chances of moving are getting lower and lower the more you get an attitude.”

“I'm sorry, mom”

She takes her plate into the kitchen and starts to rinse the dishes. “I really don't know what to do with you Melody. You are never satisfied anymore. What does it take to have you happy, because obviously nothing I have done is working right now. I just miss how you used to be, when you were a kid. Ever since the baby and the drugs and the cutting, you just haven't been the same. And it kills me to see that my little baby girl grew up to be a monster. Melody, I really am considering sending you to your dad. I love you but maybe you just need to get out of this state completely. Or maybe you can even see a therapist.”

“Mom! I don't want to go even further away!! I need to be in Missouri! No matter how bad this place sucks, I have to be here! I don't want to see a therapist, it will make me feel like I have problems.” We were both yelling at each other now. I really don't know why my mom is being like this. I guess she finally realized I have too many issues and she can't handle me anymore.

My mom rubs her temples. “Geez, Melody, what the hell will it take for me to get my daughter back then? I don't know what to do.”

“I am your daughter. I'm still here.”

“But you're not you!! Remember before you went to California? Everything was really good. We were practically best friends. Something happened that just changed you. I want to know what is was because I want to help.”

I sigh, I know exactly what it is that changed me. It was loosing my best friend and realizing that not believing in love is hard. That changed me. Moving away from what I cared about changed me.

Everything hit really hard then. I broke down and fell on the kitchen floor and started to cry for the second time today.

I left my best friend when she needed me, I was such a bitch, I regret it so much. I should have been nicer and more understanding, maybe if I would have been more by her side she wouldn't have gotten in trouble. Leaving things shitty was worse than staying and trying to help.

I left things broken. I broke them and I needed to fix them. But I just ran away like a baby.

I'm so stupid! I'm a peace lover.. er.. I was.. I think that when I caved and did those pills with my best friend it changed me for the worst.

I have to become myself again. I've lost who I am and what I stand for. I just got caught up in the wrong shit.

And as goes for the not believing in love.. I loved Tri, and he broke me and made me think love didn't exist but I do believe in love just like Brenden said, I do, I just don't want to.

My mom pulls me up into her arms and hugs me tight while I cry on her white shirt, most likely getting eyeliner all over it.

I know that if I don't go back home I wont be able to revert back to me, I know that that's where I fucked up and that's where I need to be me again.

I think if I go back home, take a step back, think, act, take two steps forward things could be good. Maybe.

I pull back from my mom and wipe my eyes. “Mom, I have to go home. I really do. I have to go back there to be me again. If you just let me fix things there and get all sorted out then I will be me again, I know it. I just need to go for enough time to fix things and then I can come back here.”

My mom looks like she is going to cry. “Why do you want to leave so bad?”

“I have to fix things.”

“I know, but there has to be more Melody. A lot of people could just move on from that.”

I roll my eyes, knowing that she is going to push till she gets a answer she wants. “Seriously, can I just go call uncle Joe and ask if I can stay with him?”

“I didn't even say you could go yet! Answer me!”

I throw my hands up in the air. “Why the fuck couldn't I go?”

“Because I am your mother, that's why, you answer my question and I will tell you if you can go or not.”

She is really making me mad, she wants her daughter to be back but yet she is making it hard for me to go back. I love her but right now she is being a really big bitch.

“Fuck, what was your question?”

She throws a dish in the sink and it breaks. I wince. “Why do you want to leave so bad? Seriously what is it?”

My face drops and I say something I never thought I would hear myself say.

“I love Luke”