Show Me What Living Truly Means, Bill Kaulitz

} Sapphire’s Narration {

Its like 5o’clock & I’m ready to just beat everyone senseless! We can’t even go outside the studio because thanks to Lindsey’s mother’s visit, the cab driver tipped some paparazzi off to where we we’re all at! Damn the paparazzi! I swear why does Lady Gaga love them so much?! None of them were able to come to close to the actual house. They already had an document specifying how far they could approach the house. Not far enough I think, more beyond the parking area is more I like it, but I have no say in this. The boys didn’t really care, practicing for their fans was more important. Daisy was feeling a little better from the whole nightmare, Lindsey was giving me the stink eye from the coach & I was just playing with the little piano skills I have. I learned in high school & I only know how to read notes & play a few songs I researched myself. I strangely wanted to learn how to play “Poker Face” on the piano since I really have been taught nothing but famous old composer songs like Beethoven, Mozart, & Chopin. I was a pro at playing Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. I heard that song so many times as a child I just wanted to try in once in life to play it or hear someone play it just like him. I just started playing that since it was the only song worth playing. I started off soft because Lindsey was still in the room. I’m glad its annoying her so much because it made her leave to another room. As soon as she left I played louder. I love being able to really hear myself play. I didn’t even notice my little audience gathering. Tokio Hotel Manager, Tokio Hotel, & some people of their staff. Daisy came from somewhere & tapped my shoulder. I looked up to see everyone looking at me play the piano & they applauded. I stood up & took a fake bow. Daisy just laughed & tossed her life like flower clip from her hair. They back to work soon after the little show was over.

“I knew you can play the piano, but that was significant! Where did you learn to play that so well?” Daisy asked.

“Well, from high school. I learned my second year. That’s my first song I learned to play all the way through, but I wanna learn how to play other songs like our generation. I wanna learn poker face, maybe some Michael Jackson songs, hell I bet if I can find rapper’s music notes I could make it sound good.”

“You probably can. Let me know when you learn how to play Find Your Love by Drake.” Daisy laughed, causing me to laugh.

I don’t even like rap music too much, but I will like it enough to play it on piano. Out of nowhere, we heard a huge crash. Daisy & I ran towards the sound to see Gustav under his drum set. It was hilarious, but we did help him out. The boys went back to practicing while Daisy, Lindsey, & I went to entertain ourselves. The boys was finally taking there final break at 9pm & in between those times things got ruthless. Daisy & Lindsey went at it, Georg has to go to the doctor due to a speaker incident, & I’m just bored shitless in this pool of madness. I escaped to Bill & Tom’s studio room with my pictures. I was really trying to figure out where I dropped the other picture, but the chaos downstairs was insane. Most of the paparazzi that was outside earlier today have departed for the evening, so I snuck out through there window on to a tree next to it. Once I climbed down I made my way towards this forest like venture out in the backyard of the studio house. I don’t know how deep I can go into the yard because their were no fences from the lookout point I was at from the twin’s window. I kept walking into the darkness to a big old hill with the best view away from the city lights. Nothing but lowly dimmed street lights & giant twinkling stars. Just like a dream & I didn’t want to wake up.

My thoughts went to Bill as always. We almost kissed, I wanted him to & at the same time I didn’t want him to. He has a girlfriend, Lindsey is his girlfriend. I shouldn’t have been so afraid of my feelings back in New York. I have no choice but to live with them until either Bill is no longer with Lindsey or my feelings for him just changes. I’m not deeply in love with Bill, but I do love him enough to want to try being with him more than a friend. I heard noise from behind me, but I didn’t care. Right now the stars are my only company. Then came a hand from the dark bushes onto my shoulder. With that I gave a good punch in the stomach with a soft whimper & a bush of hair fall into my arms. Bill was the sad victim of my attack. I held him up as much as I could until he was able to stand on his own. Afterwards we chilled out on the soft grass of the hill top.

“Wow. I’m glad to know that you can defend yourself. That was some kind of punch.” said Bill.

“I was able to defend myself last night, but the downside of it all is that he was a bit bigger than me. What are you doing out here alone?”

“I can ask you the same thing. I saw Tom watching Daisy & Lindsey. No you though & I know you didn’t go with Georg & Gustav to the hospital. I figured you was in my room, but the saw you from a distant through my window.” Bill said

“Well aren’t you the little detective Mr. Kaulitz. So, were you looking for me to make sure I was okay from the dispute that Daisy & Lindsey are having?”

“Yes…..at the same time no.” Bill said.

“What?”

Very confused as of now. Bill is the type to worry over the littlest thing like when we ran out of Lucky Charm Marshmallows in the cereal. Him being indecisive about his reasoning for concern for others just gave me a chill feeling down my spine. I was facing the sky after that. I heard him get up from his spot on the grass which caused me to turn around. My feet wouldn’t let me stand up so I did what I was able to.

“Bill!”

He turned around to me. Our eyes locked onto one another & I felt him struggling to walk away from him. He couldn’t. From that moment, my body was no longer paralyzed & I stood up with my brown eyes locked on his still. Then I saw him walk back to me & with great force & passion out lips locked in a kiss. His arms fit perfectly around my waist just as my arms did hanging off his neck while on my toes. His cold tongue piercing electrocuted my soul knowing that nobody know we’re out here alone. We broke the kiss once we realized we were both lacking from air. I felt cold not being connected to him like we once were. Our eyes met again, but he looked scared more than happy.

“So it was never anything there huh?”

“That’s not it, its just…..I have a girlfriend. I shouldn’t have done this.” Bill said.

“Bill….I’m sorry.”

I ran out of his grasps to the studio house again. I was feeling so brainless for even thinking that my kiss would change his heart. It just made me into a fool just thinking that he wanted to kiss me because he was confessing his feelings for me. I when through the front door & ran pass the fighting girls to Georg & Gustav’s studio room. I gathered a pillow with me in the corner of the room & cried. It was all a waste, but I still loved him. I love his touch, his kiss, his smile, & his scent. The only fault was that I didn’t confess these emotions. I was too cold hearted to believe in something like love. After that thought I scribbled more thoughts into my journal.

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} Bill’s Narration {

How stupid can I be to let her run away from me after she kissed me….well I kissed her, but she kissed back. Anyway I couldn’t believe I let her go thinking she was stupid for kissing me. I couldn’t move to chase her & trap her in my arms again. I wanted to feel her lips again. Just brushing my fingertips on those soft plumped lips glossy lips of hers would make me do more to her than kiss them. I secretly dreamt about our kiss some many times when I had a moment to myself. It was more than I could ever dream, I felt like I was struck by lighting the moment I slammed my lips onto hers.
After about 10 minutes more to myself I went back to the studio. I entered back the way I left, through he window. I heard the girls fighting still & since Tom wasn’t in the room meant he was still playing referee to the dispute. I went in look of Sapphire. I heard her soft sobs through the wall of the next room. I busted in her room to see her on the floor writing like it never happened.

“Sapphire, stop crying. Stop being angry with me. Its more my fault than yours I kissed you knowing I had a girlfriend.”

“Bill just shut up & leave me alone. Good back to Lindsey & shut them up downstairs so I can fall asleep!” Sapphire screamed.

“No, I’m not leaving you like this. Sapphire I can’t leave this room knowing you’re like this & me like I am now.”

“Oh & what does that happen to be?”

“Like a fucking asshole for letting you walk away from me until I was fully satisfied with my feelings for Lindsey departing.”

I pulled her up from the floor & pulled her in my arms again. She slapped me & stomped on my feet, I slammed her against the wall making some things on the shelf fall off. I felt angry at her for resisting, but it also made me draw to her more than ever. I slammed her lips to mines & we kissed again. From then she stopped moving so harshly & I felt her hands cup my face to the marks she slapped me at. I broke the kiss & our foreheads touched. My eyes locked on her shimmering brown eyes again. I felt so high off her kiss, I needed her more than Lindsey, & I wasn’t gonna let Sapphire leave me without knowing that. Sapphire was breathing fast each passing minute. I felt her fingers run through my hair with our foreheads & eyes still on one another. Her eyes screamed for more & she got it. Another tongue & lip war was happening between us. I took her hair out of her ponytail & wrestled onto Georg’s bed. I had stop for a brief moment to lock the door. After that I climbed back on top of her & battled her tongue with mines. I heard her moan when I moved the kiss to her neck. Nothing was going to ruin this moment, that is until I heard my name being called. It was Sapphire, it was Lindsey looking for me. I broke the kiss & looked at Sapphire. She looked scared & so did I. I got off her & ran towards the door. I met Lindsey at the top of the staircase looking hurt. I guess Daisy won the debate about which hat looked better on Tom. Daisy won with his blue tom hat over his white one. I gave her a light hug & she took me to my room away from Sapphire. I felt so weak after that kiss, I couldn’t focus & Lindsey saw that. It was midnight when we all went to sleep, well all accept Sapphire & I. I took her to the recording room & continued our little match. I had to stop her sadly when I realized I haven’t broken it off with Lindsey.

“Sapphire, we should stop for now. I’m with Lindsey.”

“I know Bill, but I need this. Even if its just for tonight or when its only us with no one else around. I need to be with you like this.”

“Sapphire, I don’t want to treat you like the other woman when I’m with Lindsey. I don’t want to hurt you anymore by dragging on a relationship with her, but like you she does have a hold on me."

“I will bare it Bill. I was able to do it this much, I can last a little bit more until she gets tired of you or you have the guts to end it yourself. Just don’t make me end it like this.”

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} Sapphire’s Narration {

I can’t believe I just said that to him. I’m letting him treat me as the other woman??? I wish I would slap myself, but I can’t. I want to be something to Bill even if its just a side chick for now. It my be foolish, it made be a waste of time, but I need to do this. Daisy said Bill was always mines, but it looks like I can’t get him 100% now. How much can I get of Bill’s love while sharing him is the major question, but I’m willing to find out until I just can’t take anymore.

“Sapphire, I can’t do this to you. I can’t treat you like the other woman. Please, just give me time to do this myself.” Bill asked.

“Fine. Do what you want, but after tonight please. Kissing you like this is the most close I can get to you.”

With that he kissed me, he held me, he confessed to me, & he took more pieces of my heart that I allowed him to have. I just wanted his body, his soul, & his heart. Tonight was going to be the only time I have the pieces of him I wanted. I’m willing to take what I can get until he’s ready.

TO BE CONTINUED…..