Show Me What Living Truly Means, Bill Kaulitz

}Bill’s Narration{

Its been days….well weeks since the incident with Sapphire & I. I know it was always suppose to be her now. I may have thought I was having some withdrawals before when we were just friends, but not being able to kiss her takes the cake. Lately I been dreaming about her more often & more passionately. Every dream I had of her I started writing down. I dreamt of taking her to Paris to dance with her under the moonlight, I dreamt of taking her to London to just roam through out the city on a boat, I dreamt I was making love to her on a soft bed in a semi dark room, with only our eyes & the lights of the Italy city in the room. I wake up in a cold sweat after each dream which causes Lindsey who’s right beside me, to wake up. I can’t look at her in the eyes without seeing Sapphire in her. They look so similar, it brings me to a point of fear to call out her name before she speaks. Most nights she would ask me what was I dreaming about, but I would always tell her the same thing - dreaming of running across the country from outrageous screaming fan girls. Those dreams always got me into a sweat anyway. Well we have a press interview today & the girls are in the crowd of media to not make a scene for being on stage with us. The interview was mostly about the touring & next album release. Sadly the happy feeling went away when the incident involving Daisy at the night club came up. The fact that we saved an innocent girl meant nothing at the time, but also they wanted to know the connection we had with Daisy & Sapphire. So we lied. They were are good employers helping us with our tour. The interviews were over & we all got in the van. The girls were already in the van waiting for us.

“Why do you have to lie about us Bill? If we’re dating we’re dating!” Lindsey shouted

“We’re protecting you girls more than ourselves. If people knew you were connected to us as friends you’ll never get any privacy. Trust us, lots of our friends stopped being a friend.” Georg said.

“I don’t mind! These drooling fan girls need to know that you are taken & any smutty roadie that comes on to you is in trouble. Big trouble!” Lindsey screamed.

“If you care about the future of band you should listen to them all Lindsey. Like they said, its to protect us. Paparazzi rules are way more different overseas than in America.” Sapphire said.

“Sapphire just stay out of this conversation. You aren’t dating anyone in this band to express your opinion. Daisy sadly is so you need to butt out!” Lindsey spat out.

“Whoa! Sapphire was in this situation long before you Lindsey so maybe you need to follow your own advice & shut up!” Tom shouted.

“Don’t you ever talk to me like that Tom! I’m not your bitch!” Lindsey said.

“So I’m his bitch. I maybe his girl, but I’m his bitch when bitched like you like to bitch about everything you fucking loud mouth cunt!” Daisy screamed.

“You called me a fucking cunt!!!!” Lindsey screamed.

Lindsey went towards the back of the van with her fist flying at Daisy. Daisy is a fighter so you know she’s defending herself nicely. I didn’t have the right state of mind to stop her so I just pulled her by the end of her shirt to sit down. She didn’t really respond to that until we stopped at the studio. We all went our separate ways after that in the house. I saw Daisy & Tom go into the kitchen, Gustav & Sapphire go to the office, & Georg was on his phone.
Lindsey grabbed me by the hand & lead me to the recording room. When we got inside she locked us in & she began to pull me towards the couch. She sat on my lap & started kissing me. I didn’t feel anything like before when we kissed. A small spark from her touch would get me in the mood, but after a kiss with Sapphire that is just impossible. I stopped her & got up from my seat.

“Bill. What’s wrong? You haven’t been able to touch me in weeks for some reason. Talk to me.” Lindsey asked

“Lindsey I’m sorry. Things have been going through my head, like you & I. Its not like it was in New York.”

“Billy pie, things change. This place, your lifestyle is out of the norm for what I faced with my mother. I always lived through the eyes of the media, but never the eyes of the people being exposed by it. Only time I’m expose to it when she gets an award or gets invited to some grand event. I’m acting outside of my usual self. The self you met & fell for back in New York.”

“Yes, but you fighting & snapping at the mouth all the time has to stop. Tom was right about Daisy & Sapphire facing this more than you. The incident at the club may have complicated things, but its still true. Just respected them more. Daisy attacks you when provoked to, like defending Tom & Sapphire. Then you go way over the top. Its not attractive. It has me question your character.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll try to go back to myself. I see that clearly now. I’m happy to know that you care enough to be honest with me about anything. I love you Bill. I really do.”

“I love you too…..Sapphire.”

“What did you say?”

“I LOVE YOU LINDSEY!”

I hugged her. I can’t believed that slipped out. Maybe if I wasn’t looking in her eyes so much while talking, I wouldn’t have called her another name. We walked out of the studio hand & hand. Lindsey went to the lounge area, while I went to find something to do. I saw Sapphire in the office with Gustav, so I let them be. I decided to go off into my room to sleep.

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}Lindsey’s Narration{

Something was wrong with Bill. I’m not deaf or slow. He called me Sapphire. I didn’t want to scare Bill into confessing it to me so I let him go. Ever since Sapphire came around Bill was a completely different man. He no longer looks at me in the eyes, he doesn’t hold me, or kiss me. I felt so cold from him. I thought maybe he was just waiting for her to feel comfortable around him & I, but the days turned into weeks. The same reaction is going on. Then to make things worst they were along in the room together for who knows how long before I came to take Bill to my mother. They were too close to just make a hug out of it. I let it go that day, but thinking is making my blood boil. I have some things to investigate. I started from the office we were in when my mother came in interview us.
Nothing out the ordinary, their was pictures of a young woman with a baby in her arms. I left the picture on the table & went upstairs to where my darling Billy pie was slumbering. I looked under his bed & under Tom’s pillows. Still nothing, but a book. It was a journal of some sort. I took that out the room with me. Maybe it was some new song ideas he’s been scribbling down. I walked to the main office & locked myself in. I began to read the pages of the book. The earlier dated pages was full of ideas for what to have & do on stage with the upcoming tours. Then I got to the middle section of his journal, it was the day he first met Daisy & Sapphire at one of their New York concerts.

~~Page 10 ~~
I can’t believe it! I think I found my one. Its too soon to tell, but she’s something special. I already made a fool of myself using incorrect grammar & lingo with her. She didn’t seem to mind thankful. Her name is Sapphire Williams & she has the most deep brown eyes I ever seen. I thought I was gonna die. She smelt like sweat & honey, her hair was long & dark to my liking, & her skin was like caramel. She shook my hands, which were more softer than my owns. I can’t believe I met a girl & already speaking….well writing so highly of her. I got her cell number & she has mines. Maybe if she doesn’t see me as just a musician, its possible she can fall for me back. She told me she just got a crash course into out band because of her friend. I don’t really remember her name fully, only that it was like a flower. Anyway, I’m beginning to ramble. Write more later, but New York City is looking like the best place ever. All because of a girl.
~~page 10 ended~~

So, she wasn’t some fan girl, but she likes the music. Explains some of her. The rest of the entries were about their visits to New Jersey & the rest of New York. Also on how jealous that Tom hit it off with Daisy so well. Ugh, whatever! Then I got to the chapter about when we first met.

~~Page 18~~
I think I met Sapphire’s twin. This woman that interviewed us had her daughter with her as an assistant. Lindsey Moss - James is her name. She looks like Sapphire from head to toe. I was astonished & pissed off. Sapphire was the last person on my mind since she had her date with Georg tonight. I thought he was my friend. He knew I was skeptical about her feeling towards me since every time we were alone & I was gonna make my attempts to romance her, she deflected from me. I don’t know if it was fear or disgust…..ok maybe not that, but she always withdrawal. The times she doesn’t walk away from me & I’m able to see into her eyes, I see her eyes watering. Maybe it was that she wasn’t interested & was scared. I met Lindsey at the park. I might give her a chance if I don’t see a change for Lindsey & I.
~~page 18 ended~~

Well I know what happened from there on my own, but I still read on. Once I got to the entry about Daisy & my fight, the dates moved further apart from each other. He didn’t start writing again until the incident at the club happened. Then it got to the date when we were trapped in the studio house. That was over 2 weeks ago!

~~Page 28~~
I kissed her. I kissed her & I liked…..no LOVED IT!!! Her full lips were everything I imagined. Lindsey was erased from my lips. I had what I wanted, but sadly she realized Lindsey was now on her lips. I hated that she stopped, but I got her again in Gustav & Georg’s room. Daisy & Lindsey was so busy fighting over Tom’s hat, they had no clue. I forced her at first, but she fell back into it like before. Later that night I made out with her more in the recording room. I wanted to tell her I would end it with Lindsey, but I still do have feelings for her. Sapphire would rather be the other woman than me breaking Lindsey’s heart. I love that about her, but I couldn’t do it. I rather wait for Lindsey to break up with me instead of me break up with her. At least if she leaves me I will still have Sapphire. Lindsey….who knows who will mend her heart.
~~Page 28 ended~~

So….he kissed her. They kissed! He’s with me! He’s mines! Why does she get to have him! Her chance is over & its my chance! I tossed the book across the room & stormed to where ever that damn slut was. Probably sucking off Gustav or Georg somewhere. I found her in the kitchen, humming to herself. I was closer to the sink & the drain board. I saw a knife & pulled it out stomping to her.

“YOU KISSED BILL!!! MY BILL!!! YOU DAMN BITCH!!!!”

“Lindsey! STAY AWAY FROM ME WITH THAT KNIFE!!!”

She got around me & I followed her with the knife in my hand. She was gonna get it & get it good. I’ll teach her to come between Bill & I.

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}Sapphire’s Narration{

I felt like I was in a horror movie. I was being chased down in the studio house by Lindsey. I screamed so loud people outside could probably hear us & this house was completely sound proof. I ran upstairs to Bill’s room. The door was locked. Bill must have locked it & went to sleep. I began slamming on the door. I saw her shadow on the staircase, she was getting closer.
I’m gonna die before getting a chance to love anybody. My back was against the door & I was able to see Lindsey clear as day on the stairs. Another thing running through my head is where the hell is everyone else from when I screamed for help. I felt myself fall backwards on the floor. I looked up to see Bill, but then I saw him looking at what I was looking at. Lindsey had a knife in her hand.

“Lindsey! What’s wrong with you?” Bill asked.

“You wanted me to get along with that bitch! What the fuck are you thinking!? Kissing her then asking me to get along with her for you. This was all gonna benefit you. You were trying to find a reason to leave me, so you can go to her! You asshole!!” Lindsey shouted.

“What? We never kissed……what do you mean” Bill lied.

“I read your fucking journal. I wanted to figure out why you was being so weird & it all started when she got to Germany with Daisy. You don’t love me anymore Bill.” Lindsey asked.

“Lindsey, I love you……as a person, a friend. I can’t be in love with you though. I was only drawn to you because of the resemblance you had to Sapphire. I fell in love with Sapphire’s heart more than anything. I’m sorry Lindsey.” Bill said.

“Bill, I love you! Its not fair! She had her chance!” Lindsey screamed.

“I think you better leave Lindsey. This isn’t gonna work between us. We aren’t meant to be.” Bill said.

Those words looked like they cut her heart clean out of her. She dropped the knife on the floor & slowly walked out of the house. Tom, Daisy, Georg, & Gustav emerged from where ever they were as she walked out. I thought maybe she was gonna go back for her things, but when we got to the boys house all her clothes were still there. Bill went into his room hating himself. I followed him with Tom & Daisy right behind me, but they went into Tom’s room. When I made it to Bill’s door I stood there in the frame of the door. He was laying on his back & I saw a tear rolling down his face. I didn’t think he would cry over this.
I guess he didn’t want it to end that way. Lindsey running away & Bill having to say what he did to her. I did the only think I was able to think of at the time. I walked to his bed & climbed on top of him. I laid my head on his chest & wrapped my arms under him. I heard him turn of his lamp next to him & felt his arms wrap around me. This was all I could do, all I can think of at the time. It felt so right for me & Bill’s reaction was…..well he laid me by his side while still holding me & stoking my back while kissing my forehead. We eventually drifted off to sleep. Who knows what’s in store for tomorrow.

TO BE CONTINUED…..