Show Me What Living Truly Means, Bill Kaulitz

I felt the loneliness once Daisy left the building with Tom. I said I wanted to be alone, but I still felt that horrible feeling of being alone. I went to my room and got out my cell phone. No calls or text from my father. Typical. I had to call him to make sure my stuff got there. I’ve been avoiding that for weeks thanks to the wonderful yet horrible distractions. So I flopped on to the loveseat in my room and called. It was a long shot because it’s only the afternoon and he works until 5pm. I listened to the dial tone three times before he picked up.

“Hello?” my dad answered.

“Hi dad, it’s me. I’m sorry I haven’t called. I’ve been having so much fun with…..”

“Well look who calls now. You were supposed to call me last week. It’s the second or third week. What have you been doing?” he nagged.

“Trying to have fun before I have to go back to college. I had no social life with no one but my roommate since you kept bothering me about focusing in school”.

“Well it paid off. Your grades were exceptional. I was gonna call you tonight, but I have some exciting news. I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while, but you seem to insist on having on five minute conversations with me. Like your old man isn’t more important than your school work” he said with a laugh.

“Um, yea. Focus is my middle name you know” I said with a fake laugh.
“So what’s the news?”

“Well…she’s expecting” he said.
“Expecting….a visitor?” I said hoping it wasn’t what I was thinking.
“I guess if you want to call the baby. Then yes. You’re gonna be a big sister! Aren’t you excited?” he asked.

“Um.no. Dad I begged you to not do this remember. Before I left I asked you not to get her pregnant. I can’t believe you. Two unstable beings in that house now!”

“Sapphire Camille Williams! Stop that! We’ve been wanting this for a while knowing you have decided to go to school in New York. She loves being a mother, it's something that has been helping her with her anger management issues” he said.

“Dad, she shouldn't have a kid until she is better. What if she takes her anger out on that baby if whatever cocktail of fucking pills don’t work?! This is so stupid!”

“She’s getting better and it will be fine. Don’t curse so harshly at this blessing. Anyway I need you to come back home a week early. She’s expecting any week now and I need some help since I’m working late most nights on this big account that will help us pay for your school and the baby’s future.” he said.

A week early, I didn’t even want to stay with you in the beginning. I wanted to be with my mother.

“Dad, I’m not cutting my trip early so I can take care of that bitch of a fucking step mother. She’s not my problem, she yours! I didn’t even want to be with you knowing you were going to marry the bitch of a woman!”

“Well too bad! Your whore of a birth mother didn’t want you! Isn’t it oblivious Sapphire! Now I’m expecting you here no later than Friday so whatever it is you wants to do the remainder of your stay with Daisy do so.” he said hanging up the phone.

I couldn’t believe this. I have nothing against this unborn child, but the mother will drive this baby insane from the time it born until its teenage years. My head was buzzing with heat! I wanted to break everything in this room. I was about to toss their lamp towards the painting in my room until I heard my phone ring again. It answered it without looking.

“WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW!”

“Whoa! Um, hey Sapphire. You okay?” Georg asked.

“Georg. Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry I snapped at you. I just had a fight with my dad. So what’s up?”

“Well I’m sorry about your argument and it’s alright about you snapping off at me. I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to go out to dinner with me tonight. I’ll pick you up at 7:30 if you say yes” he asked me.

“A date…wow. Um, this is more unexpected news. Well I don’t know maybe another time if possible….”

“Well next Wednesday we’re all going home to our families and to start working on our tours around Europe and parts of Asia. You might be back in school by the time we come back around America.” Georg said.

“Well I guess we can go out, but how about Wednesday. I just want some time to myself to cool off from this argument.”

“I can wait until then. I don’t want to take you out when you’re angry. I’ll come for you at 7:30 Wednesday night. Is that okay?” he asked.

“Yeasure. I guess. Whatever. Listen, I got to go. Later, Georg.”

“Later, Sapphire”. He hung up and I just collapse on the floor. This was all too much too handle. My head was spinning, my vision was fading, and then everything turned black. I have no clue what’s going on anymore.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I woke up to a dark room, but I wasn’t on the floor anymore. It’s didn’t even look like my room. I looked around for a clock and saw the time. It was 8pm, whose room is this. I heard the door open and I saw a tall dark figure. I crawled against the wall shaking. Then I saw who it was once the light switch was flipped on.

It was Bill. I was in Bill’s room at his hotel suite. This confused me greatly. I thought I was gonna black out again. I felt my body get numb, ready to fall off the bed, but Bill caught me. He placed my head back on the pillow and sat next to me on the other side of the bed.
I snapped into reality again. Bill looked so sad. It was different, he was always so happy.

“What am I doing here in your room Bill?”

“Daisy came home an hour after leaving. She forgot her cell phone incase her parents called. She saw you in your room on the floor and you hot. So Tom carried you to the car and came here. I told them I would watch you while they went out. It was hard to do that, but I forced them to go. Georg and Gustav went out to look for any kind of medicine.

What happened?” Bill asked.

“So much pressure. My head did the best reaction it could, to fade out. I’m sorry I caused everyone to worry about me. What happened today was just unbearable.”

“Don’t scare us like that anymore Sapphire. Promise me that you feel like things are going out of control you’ll come find me” Bill said.

“I’ll promise I guess”. I wrapped his arms around his waist. It felt even better when I felt his arms wrap around me. Then it was quickly moved once the door opened again. Gustav came into the room with some tea. I moved away from Bill in case the next person was Georg and it was. He gave me a flower and some soup to eat. The all left me alone to eat.

An hour after that I heard Daisy and Tom come in. She bust through the door like she was the police. I was just laying down zoned out. Daisy hugged the air out of me and we talked about father issues along with the date with Georg issues.

“Georg asked you out and instead of telling him your feelings for Bill you say yes. Well that brilliant Sappy” Daisy said sarcastically with my nickname.

“I wasn’t in the right state of mind when answering him and I don’t like Bill in that sort of way! Or Georg. I wasn’t really thinking at all when I answered his questions”.

“Well I would tell you to just tell him the truth, but knowing you’re too nice for that you’ll date him just to be nice. Dating Georg is only gonna make Bill feel worse about not making the first move on you. I don’t encourage you leading Georg on, but if it happens don’t let it get too far” Daisy explained.

We were interrupted with a knock on the door. It was Tom checking up on us since he has yet to come ask if I need anything. I’m pretty sure he’s done enough, including carrying me from Daisy’s place, to the car, to their hotel suite.

“Thank you Tom. You really took care of me too by getting me out of there”.

“No problem. If you didn’t wake up the next trip would be the doctor” Tom stated.

“Well I wasn’t dying, just out of it. Thank you though”.
“I came in here to ask if you girls would want to just say here for the night. We all don’t mind if you do” Tom said.

“I don’t see why not. Are you up for it Sappy?” Daisy asked.

“Sure. I don’t want to go back right now. What’s for dinner?”

“Tom I’ll see what they got with room service. I’ll be back.” Tom exited the room. It was Daisy and I again.

“I have to go home no later than Friday and I need you to do me a big favor Daisy. You can‘t tell any of the boys this”.

“Okay. Why?” she asked.

“Just don’t tell them please! Promise me”.

“Fine. I promise.” she smiled a half smile.

Not happy waiting. She’s one of the other hidden agendas of me going to school in New York and staying with Daisy for a month. I wanted to see if I can find anything on her. Even a trace of her from someone or somewhere in this city. A ringing phone caused me to jump into Daisy arms. It was the hotel room’s phone. Gustav was talking on it. Daisy and I got up and went to the living room where everyone was. It seems their going to be interviewed tomorrow morning.
Their last one in New York before coming back later on in the year.

“The interviewer is really big here apparently. She’s interviewed the best. Her name is Francesca May Moss” Georg said.

“Ugh!! We’re on vacation though!!!” Tom whined like a baby.

“Just an hour, Tom. Let’s get it out of the way now so we can have fun”

It was a cold silences in the air. I felt Bill and Georg’s eyes on me. Couldn’t bring myself to look at any of them. Then it hit me, we’re staying the night with them in a suite made for four people to sleep in. Where am I gonna sleep? Daisy has Tom, but I in between two, unless…….

“I’m bunking with you Gustav?” I asked.

“What?” everyone said in unison.

“Well…..where am I sleeping if I stay here tonight? I mean Daisy is gonna be with Tom no doubt, so where does that leave me?”

“Well…..where do you want to sleep?” Georg asked.

“Um…..the couch will be good with me. I really don’t care just as long as I’m putting nobody out”.

“Okay then. If that’s what you want” Gustav said as he walked to his room.

Everyone went on with other things while I was sitting on the couch watching whatever I could find. “Taking Pelham 123” was on. Good, an action flick with no romantic attachment is what this horrible tension needs. I sat in the middle of the couch watching John Travolta curse like a sailor and Denzel Washington trying to stall time until the ransom arrives. Bill came with popcorn and sat on the right of me.

Georg came with drinks and sat on the left of me. This wasn’t helping my problem. The movie was over around 11 and the boys had their interview in like 6-8 hours so they went to bed. Bill fell asleep on the couch. Georg was gone before the movie could finish. Today took a lot out of everyone.

“Bill, Bill. It’s wake up time”, I said shaking him until his eyes opened. They did and once again I got sucked into those beautiful brown eyes that can read into souls. I turn my attention back to the television.

“Movie done? What happened to the highjack?” Bill asked.

“He died. Typical ending so….yea. No surprise their. You have go to your room and sleep. You’re interview is tomorrow”.

“Ugh. I was hoping it was done. It was just a dream I guess” Bill scratched his hair out.

“Well it wasn’t. Sorry”.

The silence was back. I didn’t know what to say. I mean looking at the next movie wasn’t really an option. I don’t like watching “The Rock” doing Disney movies period. I fiddle around with the remote until I find something worth watching. Thankful Adult Swim was on. I don’t think Bill knows about this too well, but he did laugh a little at the talking milkshake and asked what flavor he is. I don’t think anyone knows that answer. It was quiet again during the commercial break. I looked at him only to see him looking at the direction of the window.

“I heard you got a date with Georg tomorrow. Are you happy?” Bill questioned.

“Not as happy if it was you” I thought to myself. Then I realized it could never happen. With Georg or him.

“I’m okay with it. I mean it’s just a date. Nothing to worry about right?” I said with a fake smile.

“Do you know where he’s taking you” he asked.

“Um, I just know it’s out to eat. Not too sure, I mean this would be my first date in New York”.

“You never dated during school time?” Bill asked.

“No. I didn’t really have a social life in that college. I’m trying to have one now before I go back home for the rest of the summer”.

“Oh, yea. The end of June you’ll be gone. What is Daisy going to do?” Bill asked. What’s with all the questions?

“She’ll probably stay here. Not too sure. She hate being alone when her parents are working”.

“Oh” Bill said.

The silence keeps coming back. I hate it with a passion. I felt Bill get up off the couch.

“I should get some rest. You should too. You don’t want to be tired tomorrow for your date eh” Bill said with a stinky attitude. It left me speechless. I didn’t even say goodnight to him. That comment alone made me upset. Hopefully things will look better by morning.

TO BE CONTINUED……