Show Me What Living Truly Means, Bill Kaulitz

I miss New York city. I was with people I could stand, I had friends, & I was so close to falling in love. I was also worried about Daisy though. I mean she was going to be alone the rest of her summer. I only hope that Tom took her with him when it was time to leave New York. I haven’t heard from her since the day before they were suppose to leave. I had no time to call her or reply back to her when she called me. This bitch of a step mother has been riding my ass since I got home & I haven’t even unpacked yet.

I did fail to mention her only because she is a waste of life & I would like to keep her out of the picture. Her name is Anya Angus-Williams. She was like 24 when she met my father. Yuck! My dad was well in to his early 40’s. This really sucks! My dad has been working a damn good over eight hours a day since I got here. I have to do everything like a maid. I don’t mind helping out, but WHAT THE HELL ON ICE!!! I’m cooking shit I don’t know how to cook. I mean what the fuck is a chimichanga?
I’m now rearranging her shoes by color size, & season. I’m giving her pedicures, dying her hair, cleaning the mess of the dumb ass little Chihuahua name Sparkle, I’m reposting the floors of the bathroom, re-painting the wall paper, & I’m shiny her jewelry my father bought her by hand. You’re suppose to send that shit to the shops so professionals can do it for you, but she doesn’t want them doing their jobs. I only get 15 minutes to myself every 5 hours I’m waiting on her hand & during that time its always Bill who comes to my mind. I wonder what he’s doing? Does he think about me? Lindsey is with him now, so I guess not. I let a good thing slip away, but I just hope she’s with him for the love of him. I still have those dreams of mines about him. I love them so much, I started keeping a dairy about them. Every night I have a dream of us making love, flesh & flesh, lips, chest, his hard rock…..well you know what I mean. I write down every dream in detail so I can read it over & over when I’m in the worst case of mind. I just wish him well, all of them.

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{ Bill’s Narration }

Hello LA!!! Lots of sun, women, beautiful sites, cool nights, & great places to shop. Its basically New York at the west coast, just better weather & more disasters. We’re all at a resort for the next three days. We came from Miami, FL about two days ago. This is our last visit before we see our family for the big tour happening in August. We’re gonna do benefit concerts in America & then do a Europe & Asia tour. Right now we’re poolside. Tom is tossing Daisy into the pool. Tom surprised her with a plane ticket on our third day in Miami. Daisy was alone in New York since she wasn’t able to visit her aunts & uncles in Paris. Since I didn’t want Daisy to be the only girl here I invited Lindsey when we got to LA. She was so happy to come, but Daisy was pissed off. I think she blames Lindsey for the situation that was happening in New York with Sapphire, but it’s not my fault. That night we all got into a fight we basically left that problem there. We never talked about our feelings or anything, but Daisy doesn’t know that. Well its just Tom, Daisy, Lindsey, & I at the pool. Georg & Gustav went into the city to look at the Walk of Fame. Lindsey came out with her olive green bikini on with her black shades on her head. Sapphire, I mean Lindsey looked amazing.
Okay, I do think of Sapphire now & the, but she choose Georg. I didn’t want to hang on to her. She couldn’t have both of us, but…..those nights when I can’t help but dream about her are the only time I can be with her. I haven’t got intimate with Lindsey like I hoped I would, but I would only be doing it to get back at her for fucking Georg. He may have said nothing special happened, but he didn’t say it did. I heard something snapping me out of my trance of thoughts, then a big splash of water to the face.

“TOM!! Du scheisse kopf!!!!”

“Whoa…what the hell did ya just call your bro?”

“I called him a shit head. Tom! What do you want that you splashed water on me?”

“I was bored” Tom laughed.

That was it. I got up from my chair & chased his stupid ass around the pool. Daisy wasn’t around to save him so everything was good. I chased Tom around the pool until I was able to tackle me & him into the water. Daisy came back from whatever she was doing & watch the horror of me drowning her love. She kind of giggled watching us.

“Makes me think, you two where doing this your whole lives. Habits die hard huh?” Daisy giggled.

“He started it!”

“Baby, he’s lying” Tom whimpered.

“We got out the pool to go to our table & eat. Daisy was next to Tom & Lindsey. I switched the seating around so we was across from them instead of next to them. Daisy facing Lindsey is safer than her being next to her.

“So where did you go while you left me to drown Tom?”

“I got a text from Sapphire. She’s miserable.” Daisy said.

“Oh well. She should have been a little nicer. From what Bill told me she was a bitch.” Lindsey bravely said.

“At least she’s not some stupid slut ass whore I want to stomp on every night Fotze!” Daisy screamed in angrier.

“Bitch what the fuck did you call me!!!” Lindsey shouted slamming her hands on the table.

“Um….Lindsey sweetie. Let’s just say she called you nothing. So….um Tom pass the apples?”

“Bill, you’re allergic to apples. What the hell! You wanna die?” Tom questioned.

“Anything to avoid this, so yea”

“Bill what the hell did this stupid French Barbie whore call me!!” Lindsey shouted.

“I called you a fucking cunt! Deal with it you lame ass bitch!” Daisy shouted slamming her hands on the table.

With that Lindsey’s hand went flying across the table. They have been at it since Lindsey got here. In New York they didn’t see much of each other because Tom went to Daisy’s most night when Lindsey came to the hotel. Lindsey pulled on Daisy’s hair, but Daisy came at her with a hard punch to the chin. When Lindsey’s back was against the ground Daisy got up & kicked her sides. She also kept to her word by stomping on her stomach. Luckily we were still all bare footed. Daisy pulled Lindsey by the hair onto her feet & head butted her in the forehead with another kick to the side. She poured her drink on her, tossed her hair & marched back into the hotel room. Tom helped me get Lindsey onto a chair, but he went after Daisy when we finished. I just couldn’t believe it. I never really thought Daisy fought like that, makes me wonder how lethal Sapphire is.

“Lindsey are you okay?”

“Do look okay to you Bill! That fucking bitch just beat me up! And you & Tom let her!” she screamed.

“It wasn’t like that. Lindsey, you ……”

“Oh what the fuck ever Bill. I’m gonna clean off” Lindsey got up & limped to the elevator.

Well…….this is……oh God. I wonder what Sapphire’s doing.

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4th of July - 11:25am { Sapphire’s Narration }

Dad didn’t have off today like he promised. Just a half a day. Fucking great. So I’m stuck with this bitch until 3pm. Fucking marvelous! I was finishing the final touches on her breakfast when all of a sudden I heard a loud thump & a scream. I stopped what I was doing & ran to the scene. Anya was sitting on the floor at the edge of her bed, I saw a puddle on the carpet. I heart was beating rapidly. I ran to her side & from out of nowhere she slaps me across my face with her fucking rings. I slapped her back. I know I shouldn’t have, but that was my natural reactions to getting hit in the face.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing!” Anya screamed.

“I’m not gonna let you hit me like I’m a toy! You hit me I’m gonna bitch slap you back! Are you in labor?!”

“Oh my God. It broke. Oh my God…..I’m pregnant…..Oh shit, oh shit, I’m having a fucking baby! Oh shit!!! It fucking hurts. Do something you dumb ass bitch!” she screamed at the top of her lungs.

I went to her nightstand & got her cell phone I called 911 first so they can pick her ass up. Once they were here, I got my dad on the line. He was going to meet her at the hospital. Once the house was empty, I twirled in a circle & skipped upstairs to my room. I checked my phone & saw a text from Daisy. She’s gonna come here to see me. YAY!!!!
The next text was from my dad. He wanted me to bring down the stuff he had up in the attic & bring it into the baby’s new room. We don’t know if the baby is a boy or a girl, but whatever. I grabbed the box of diapers, rattles, & bottles into the room. It was white with brown, purple, blue, pink, & yellow bears on the wall. It was hard to tell if it was a boy or a girl. I dropped the boxes & started pulling out stuff. I saw letters instead of baby stuff. Some were opened, some weren’t. I looked at the address & saw my mother’s signature. I couldn’t believe it. They were dated from the time I lost contact with her. I looked at them all. Their were five letters that were still sealed. They were dated from my freshman year in high school. I wonder why they weren’t open. I took all the letters & put them in my room under my bed. I read the first letter from her.

~***~

Hello my precious Sapphire,
I’m sorry I stopped calling, but your father wasn’t liking the fact his phone bill was high. I really think it was because of that wife of his you have to prefer to as your mother. I’m so, sorry for letting him have custody of you. I am doing everything in my will power to try to get you leased over to me, but I need your help. Start writing to me more, let me know how much you want to move with me so I can make a case. Even if you don’t do this, then I will write to you everyday or until I just give up that you don’t want to be with me. I hope you enjoy your first year in high school sweetie. Don’t let your father get you down. And remember that your mother loves you very dearly. I want to tell you why things ended they way they did with your father, but I don’t think you are ready for that now. When you turn 16 and are a Junior in high school, then I will happily tell you about parts of it. When you’re 18, I’ll tell you the little details.

Remember you are my precious treasure xoxo
Love your mother

~***~

I couldn’t believe it. My father was keeping these letters from me so I wouldn’t leave him. He has the bitch Anya, so why does he need me around? I looked at the addresses on the letters only to see that they changed almost every year I was in high school. I couldn’t track her down & she didn’t put her name on the envelops neither. It was up to me to piece everything together. I hope I will be able to do it.

TO BE CONTINUED……