Should've Said No

Samantha Hart wanted to move. She wanted to leave and never come back. She wanted to be gone. Forever.

Why?

She had her reasons. And they could be summed up in two words; Jeremy Taylor.

Jeremy Taylor, a friend for years.

Sam remembered every little thing about him; the way his grey eyes shone in both light and dark, as if lit up by some unseen force. His thick black hair, and the way it fell in smooth waves down to his shoulders. The way his tall, lean body felt when she hugged him to her; strong and safe. She remembered how he would scratch the back of his head when he was nervous.

Yes, she remembered everything.

She doodled aimlessly on her book as the last few minutes of the school day ticked by. Her ears were slowly becoming immune to the droning of the teacher’s voice, but she couldn’t care less. She didn’t care if she was somehow becoming deaf.

Sam didn’t care about much of anything these days. Her mind only revolved around one thought. He was always on her mind, 24/7. Whether it was of conscious thought, or if he was sitting at the back, watching everything she did.

Not to mention she saw his beautiful face every day, punctuated by the high cheekbones and the strong jaw line.

Of course she saw Jeremy Taylor every day. She lived next door to him, his window directly opposite hers.

Her hand moved over the blank page, drawing the scene that was unfolding in her mind.

When her hand stilled, she glanced down with curios brown eyes at what she had created.

It was drawn from the point of view from her room, staring out of the window and into his. He was there, his bare back pressed against the thick glass of the window. Thin, pale arms were wound around his neck, holding him against the body pressed against him.

Those slim arms belonged to Kendra Derang. That girl, now, that girl was beautiful.

No wonder Jeremy had chosen her over Sam.

Sam was just a plain girl, with dull eyes and duck-fluff yellow hair.

Kendra, on the other hand, she was what a girl was supposed to look like. She had hair so black it was like staring out into the open night sky. Her eyes were the clearest, like crystals.

Sam had watched them that night, her heart breaking, her soul ripping apart, and her blood pulsing through her veins with the anger that was flowing through her.

She was overwhelmed by that anger. It was so comforting, yet so strange to her. She had never before experienced emotion this strong.

But she pushed it down to the bottom of her, plugging a cork in it and refusing to acknowledge its presence.

Her eyes were blazing with unshed tears as she revisited that terrible night.

The next morning, Sam had banged on Jeremy’s door, demanding to know what had happened. When he had refused, she had broken up with him. When he slammed the door on her face, she had walked away, crying heavily, unconsciously leaving her heart on his doorstep.

The bell rang then, vibrating through Sam’s ears, and she banished the worry about going deaf. No, it wasn’t going to happen.

She stood and gathered her books. Swinging her bag onto her back, she left the classroom, accepting the few shoves she got as the students rushed past her; afraid they would miss their bus.

She trudged across to the other side of the school, entering the hall where her locker was.

The steel lock was cold against her stiff fingers as she spun the dial. After getting the numbers wrong the first time, the door finally swung open, and she deposited her books.

As Sam shut the door, preparing for her long walk home, an unknown force pushed her from behind, and her forehead banged on the locker.

She swung around, and was greeted by the sight of Kendra Derang, hands on slim hips, and face set in a scowl.

“What do you want, Kendra?” Sam asked as she turned to face her fully. Her head was pulsing with pain, but she refused to acknowledge it. She had shown enough weakness in front of Kendra this past week.

“I want to know why you’re so in love with my boyfriend,” Kendra demanded.

Her boyfriend? Sam had only broken it off with Jeremy two days beforehand.

“I’m not in love with Jeremy, okay? So don’t stress your little pale ass, and get all jealous, Kendra. Now leave me alone.” With those last words, Sam walked past Kendra, shoving her aside with her shoulder. Kendra stumbled backwards and fell on the floor.

The laugh Sam was experiencing died in her throat when a familiar voice broke through to her.

“Who did that?” Asked Jeremy, barely masked rage in his voice.

Sam turned quickly, staring at Jeremy, her soft brown eyes meeting his hard grey ones. “I did, actually. Got a problem with that, Honey?” The anger, pain, and desperation Sam had tried so hard to banish was rising itself in her again, and she found herself acting in ways she never had before. She was glad of it.

“Yeah, actually, I do.” He took 2 long strides towards her, and was suddenly right in front of her. “What did you do that for?” He asked, pointing back at where Kendra was standing just behind him, brushing herself off.

Despite herself, Sam breathed in Jeremy’s familiar scent, letting it rush through her body and fuel the despair, turning it into something stronger. “I did it because that little bitch... Well, I did it because she’s a little bitch.” Sam was standing on tip-toe, trying to be as intimidating as possible, seeing as she was 3 inches shorter then Jeremy.

“That doesn’t give you a right.”

“Oh, okay then. What does? Is it the fact that you fucked her, while you were dating me? Does that give me a right, Jeremy? Please tell me, cause I have no idea!”

With that yelled statement, Jeremy’s eyes softened and he took a step back. “I didn’t know you knew, Sam.”

But Sam’s anger hadn’t run out yet, and it was too late to stop. “Yes, of course! That just makes it alright then, doesn’t it? It’s totally alright to play with someone’s heart as long as they don’t know about it.”

Jeremy shook his head, making his thick black hair cover his face. “I’m sorry. Really.”

Sam wiped a hand across her face, realising with a start that she had been crying. “Well that’s just too bad.”

Jeremy shook his head again. “I’m sorry, Sam.” And then he walked away, pushing past the crowd that had gathered around them.

Kendra stared after him, an angry expression on her face. “Was that it, Jeremy? Hey! Jeremy Taylor!” She yelled, when he still hadn’t turned around. She glanced quickly back to where Sam was standing, and then ran off after Jeremy.

Sam stayed still as the crowd dissipated. Finally, when the hallway was clear, she started on her long walk.

It was an hour later when she arrived at her little blue house. Her mother’s car was parked in the driveway, and she dreaded seeing her.

Opening the back gate, Sam sneaked around to where she stood under her window. She grabbed hold of the vines that grew up the wall, and started climbing. When she had reached her window, she opened it and fell inside and onto her bed.

Just as she shut the window again with her foot, her mother opened the door.

“Oh, Sam,” she said, placing her hand over her heart. “I didn’t know you were here, Darling.”

Sam shrugged, trying to look indifferent. “What’s up?”

Mrs Hart walked over to Sam’s bed, and sat down on it. “There’s a message here for you, from that boy next door.” She handed Sam a little note pad. “Read it, Honey.” And then she left, shutting the door firmly behind her.

Sam’s eyes started to water again, as she read the letter Jeremy had wrote her. It said all the things she had wanted to hear.

Sam,
Listen, I am sorry. I don’t know why I did that, that night.
I had no idea what Kendra had been thinking. I mean, I’m no Edward Cullen.
Today, when she had caught up to me in her car, we had this big talk. I’m not going to tell you everything, because it’s private.
All I’m asking of you is to trust me.
I broke up with her. I never want to see her sorry face again.
Sam, you’re the most beautiful thing to me, and I do not want to lose you. Please accept my apology.
I want you to know, that no matter what you choose, I am always here for you.
I still can’t believe that after all these years we have spent together, I could of gone and done that.
You’re too important to me, and I promise it will never, ever happen again.
Sam, you are probably wondering why I would choose you over Kendra. I admit, she is nice to look at, but she is not NICE.
Anybody in his right mind would choose you.
Anyway, I love you, Sammy. You’re my Sammy, and I want you to be mine again.
So, if you want it too, I ask you to open your window to mine.
If you don’t, I will accept your choice.
Love, Jeremy Lee Taylor.
P.S. I don’t know what came over me today. I guess it was just that seeing Kendra on the floor, it reminded me of how that happened to you in 1st Grade. And seeing you today, all angry and strong, it made me proud of you, Sam. Now I know that no matter what, you WILL be able to take care of yourself.
I believe in you, Samantha.
So, don’t hold to anger, hurt or pain; they steal your energy and keep you from love.

Sam took a deep breath, read everything again, and then set the letter down beside her.

Jeremy was right; if she held onto these foul emotions, they would destroy her. She had to let them go.

So she breathed out, and as she did, visualised all the negative energy leaving her body and flowing away.

Then, she got up on her knees and, placing her fingers on the cool wood, pushed up her window. The cool air blew in, pushing her hair behind her neck.

Immediately, Jeremy opened his window too, and blew her a sweet kiss.