Running on Adrenaline

Oli bit my lip, and I felt his cold skin touch mine, the rain fell hard and our lips were connected for an impossibly long amount of time. He was so comforting, his hand fit in the small of my back perfectly, and the way he was swinging me off my feet made me smile.The rain didn’t even make sense, and where were we anyway?

I sat up in a quick jolting action, sweat forming beads down my forehead. The sleep I used to escape had turned against me, even my body was making me feel bad for what i did. My breath was extremely rapid and a loud song was playing from Heidis speakers.

I rushed to them and shut them off.

“Who said you could do that?”

“Heidi please just don’t” I ordered, and by the use of my tone, she knew not to cross me.

I looked to see my bags packed; my suitcase filled and zipped up. The things on my bedside table had been placed in my backpack, and the only thing that wasn’t in that backpack was the box from Steve, which was under my pillow.

“Did you do this?” I accused Heidi.

“You think I wanna waste the time and effort on you?”

“Well you kind of have spent your time and effort on traumatising me all year, so…” I waited for her reply.

“One of your friends did it” she snapped, knowing my words were true, she then took a coat and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

“What the fuck” i mumbled to myself.

One of the ladies at the office then came into my room, slowly and smiled sweetly.

“You’ve been called home by your mother” she informed me “You’re being picked up here by a taxi in about 30 minutes, to be taken to the airport”

I sighed “But what about graduation?”

“It’s pretty urgent” she told me.

“What’s wrong?” I asked wearily.

“Your mum just made it very clear she thinks you would want to be home”

“I’m gonna call her” I decided.

“Amelia, it’s the middle of the night there, please just do as I say” she suggested gently.
I just nodded, with no energy to do anything else but that.

Once I was fully dressed and my side of the room was empty, I took my bags in my hand and followed the lady to the front where she deposited me to wait for a taxi.

It was really cold, the air managed to pierce my clothing and chill my bones. All I could think of was the weather back home. As I expected no one came to see me off. I didn’t expect them to, especially oli.

I sat, quietly in the back seat of the taxi, as he drove slowly to the airport. I grasped my passport in my hand tightly and my ticket in the other, I didn’t have much to check-in, and I didn’t say much to anyone while I did so. Except for one security guard.

“Going home?” he asked me.

I shrugged “Yeah, I guess so” he gave me a strange look and I walked onwards, shrugging my backpack on as I walked.

On the plane, I felt like screaming, I couldn’t leave my seat and thoughts were bashing against the inside of my skull. The seatbelt sign would flash just when I would want to stand and walk up and down the plane, and the flight attendants would look at me with sympathy as every few minutes tears would roll down my face at the thought of leaving without even saying goodbye.

“Would you like some water?” they would ask, and I would just shake my head.

I managed to get some sleep, in the turbulence, and when I heard a bustle of voices, I knew we had landed and I was back.

I swiftly moved through the security checks, and at the final gates of the airport, no one was there. Of course.

I just sat, pulled my knees towards my chin and twisted my mouth to the side. I chewed the inside of my check, waiting for someone to come and pick me up. Actually, it wasn’t even that, I just wanted to feel like people loved me here, because back in Sheffield, I’d pretty much screwed up every chance of that.

“Can I bum a cigarette?” someone asked, I shook my head, indicating I didn’t have any. He moved on, asking other people along the way. While I watched that person, a light tap arrived on my shoulder.

I stood and turned and hugged my mum instantly, she seemed surprised, and hugged me tightly back.

“Welcome home” she said as she hugged me “How are you?”

“Awesome” I lied “Just awesome” I mumbled, she smiled and took some of my bags, carrying them to the car.

Once we were driving, she would look at me time after time, just checking if I was okay.
“The jetlag is going to hit you soon” she reported.

“Why did you want me here now?” I jabbed.

She sighed and turned the radio down “I thought you might want to be home”

“But why?”

“Because someone very close to you isn’t well” she then beared left into a hospital driveway and stopped the car.

“Erin has an illness called chronic fatigue, she collapsed the other day and hit her head pretty hard, she’s been asking for you” my mum rested her hand on my thigh.

This news came to a complete surprise to me, and Erin was the last person in my life I thought I would lose.

“If you’re not ready to deal with it today, just say the word” she then put her hands on the steering wheel waiting for my response.

“I wanna see her”

“Thought so” she smiled and we got out of the car, entering the hospital and eventually finding Erins room.

“Is she awake?” I asked before entering her room.

“I don’t know, you’ll have to see”

Hospitals made me nervous, so my hands were shaking and my knees wanted to buckle, but those feelings disappeared when I heard the next words.

“Took your time bitch” she was sitting up, poking at the remote in a frustrated manner.
I ran to her and hugged her, avoiding the wires and I could feel the smile evolve on my lips.
I sat on the end of her bed.

“I’m sorry about not knowing”

She shrugged “How could have you? You were in Alaska”

“England”

“Whatever”

“So what happened?”

“Nothing huge” she reassured “I had chronic fatigue and I had no idea, I went vegan in the last few weeks and that made it worse, so I collapsed the other day and now everyone’s watching me like a hawk”

I made a sad face “wish I was here to help you out”

“Enough with me” she stopped me “tell me about everything”

I sighed “but I’m tired and it’s a long-ass story”

“Dude, look at me, I’m dying of boredom here, please” she begged.

“Fine” I then lay beside her facing the ceiling like she did. And told her everything.

“Tell me again, what he said” She was off in a daze, thinking Oli was the sweetest guy in the world.

“I want to be the one who makes you stop feeling that” I quoted yet again.

“And you walked away after he kissed you?” She tried to grasp the situation.

“I feel bad enough okay?”

“Look Ame”

“That’s what he called me” I interrupted jokingly.

She laughed “you need to reach him somehow and say sorry”

“Can I sleep first?” I childishly asked.

She sighed “well that can’t happen in this bed, because I’m falling off”

I made a sad face and she smiled while pushing me towards the edge.

I got up eventually and lay down on the couch in her hospital room.

“I’m sleeping, goodnight” I turned over and felt her pillow hit my back.

“Don’t sleep until you tell me you love me, and you wanna kiss me” she joked.

“I love you and I wanna kiss you, and thanks for the pillow” she laughed and turned on her side.

I missed her and being back home distracted me from the mess I left behind in Sheffield. I tossed and turned a few times before I finally fell asleep.