Everyone Learns Faster On Fire

He wandered off to the sleeping quarters of the bus. It was only mid-afternoon, and he wasn’t at all tired, but he needed some time alone to think. He sat down on his bunk and opened his rucksack, gently stroking the cap of the bottle of vodka that was staring lustfully up at him, trying to lure him into drinking it’s poisonous contents. But he vowed he mustn’t do that. His days of drinking himself stupid were over.
Gerard sat alone in the quiet area of the bus for a few minutes, twirling his lit cigarette around between his fingers and consuming his dose of nicotine, until Mikey appeared at the door.

“Hey Gerard. Are you alright? Why didn’t you come to the restaurant with us?” He asked, inviting himself to sit down on the bed next to his brother. “Frank said you seemed upset about something.”

Gerard’s heart skipped a beat at the mention of Frank’s name. He loved every second he was around Frankie. Shivers were sent cascading down his spine every time they brushed past each other, or hugged before the show. Fireworks seemed to explode before his eyes every time Gerard heard the beautiful sound of his voice. But it was so wrong to think this way. Frank had a girlfriend. Of course Frank didn’t like him. Not when he had a charming girlfriend at home to look after him.

“I dunno.” Gerard answered, before taking another long drag from his cigarette. “I’m just thinking about stuff.”

Mikey was silent for a few moments before speaking in a soft voice. “Gerard, remember the time when I was a confused kid, with girl troubles and hardly any friends, and I came to you with a problem? When I came into your room and asked for help? I want to return the favour. You’ve not been yourself recently, and I just want you to be happy again. So if you wanna tell me what’s on your mind, I’m not going to judge you.”

Gerard wished it was that simple. He knew that Mikey was his brother, but what would he think if he found out that Gerard was battling with his sexuality, and had a crush on their rhythm guitarist? It seemed like too much to tell him in one go. But how he longed to get everything off his chest, just to get it out in the open. This would probably be one of the few times that he and his brother were going to spend alone on the remainder of this tour, so it seemed like a good idea to confess about his feelings.

He bit his lip and looked up into Mikey’s dark eyes. He could see himself reflected in the lenses of the glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. “Y’know what, Mikey? You are the best brother anyone could ever ask for. And if I tell you something, will you promise that you will be the only one to hear about it? It’s kinda embarrassing.”

Mikey nodded. “It will never leave this room. I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.”

Gerard laughed at the way Mikey could always make something serious slightly comical, but without breaching the sincerity of what he was trying to say. But the laughter quickly ceased and he returned to staring blankly at the patch on the floor his eyes were focused on.

“Mikey…what would you think if I told you that I might be gay?”

“I’d think that you are an amazing man with a lot of guts to admit that.”

“No, really?”

“Yeah, I mean it.” Mikey said without a hint of a smirk on his face. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, Gerard. And don’t ever think that you are a freak, or abnormal, or whatever, because you are not. It’s only natural.”

“But I’m not sure.” Gerard said, contemplating how he was going to phrase the next part. “I only ever feel that way around one guy. And this guy, well, he’s been acting differently around me too. I think he likes me, but he shouldn’t, because he has a girlfriend.” Gerard paused and took a deep breath. He was sure the next part was going to really shock his brother. “Mikey…I think I’m in love with Frank.”

The words hung in the air for a few seconds. In that short amount of time, Gerard’s brain was flooded with what seemed like a million and one thoughts. ‘Oh shit, how is he going to react?’, ‘Will Mikey still want to talk to me?’, ‘Is he going to tell Frank?’

And then Mikey did something completely unexpected. Mikey smiled. But not a taunting, horrible smile. It was a smile that told Gerard that his younger brother was pleased for him. It was a smile that told him that he understood what he was going through.

Mikey gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder. “You see, I knew there was something going on between you two! There’s like this amazing chemistry I notice every time you’re together! And the fans seem to be noticing-”

“What?!” Gerard interrupted. “You’re not angry with me? You’re not freaked out?!…And what’s this about that fans?!”

Mikey laughed at how surprised his brother’s reaction was. “Frerard! The fans call it Frerard! Haven’t you seen them wear those t-shirts? I can’t believe you haven’t noticed!”

“Well, I’ve been preoccupied with all these confusing thoughts going through my head, rather than what the fan girls are wearing.” Gerard smirked. “Oh, please don’t tell anyone, Mikey! Not Mum and Dad, Ray, Bob, and especially not Frank! I don’t want anyone else to know about this other than you!”

Mikey put a comforting arm around his brother. “Hey, chill out! Don’t worry, this is just between you and me. Now how about we head off to the restaurant with the others now?”