Everyone Learns Faster On Fire

When Gerard arrived outside Frank’s apartment block, the broken man was already waiting on the sidewalk, hugging himself as protection from the early morning chill. Even from a distance, he looked completely physically and emotionally drained. He also noticed that there was something on his cheek, but couldn’t work out what it was in the poor light.
Gerard got out of the car and enveloped him in a sympathetic hug. Whatever cover Frank was using to maintain a strong composure was completely discarded and he let his feelings loose in Gerard’s arms. Tears rolled down his cheeks and onto Gerard’s shoulder. Gerard kissed his head tenderly and began rocking him like a baby.
He remembered the mark on Frank’s cheek and slowly lifted the man’s chin and tilted his head to the right. Gerard gasped at what he saw.

“Oh Frank! What on earth has happened to your poor face?” he asked, inspecting the gash on his cheek as gently as he could. Frank flinched at his soft touch, a sure sign that it was extremely sensitive.

“Ouch!…What?” Frank was confused. His hypnotising hazel eyes met Gerard’s gaze.

“Your cheek. It’s cut.” Gerard explained. A sudden wave of panic hit him. “Did Jamia do this to you?”

Frank shook his head slowly. “No. That was me.”

“What?”

“I did it.” Frank said simply, shrugging as if it were nothing. “I-I felt I needed to be punished for thinking bad thoughts! So I slapped myself a few times…I deserved it! I kept thinking that Jamia was going to hurt you, but I knew that was a bad thought, because she would never do something like that!… Jamia has a lovely heart.”

Gerard frowned. “Well, she’s obviously not that lovely to leave you in a state like this! Frankie, you shouldn’t hurt yourself like that. You certainly don’t deserve it. Inflicting pain on yourself isn‘t going to make anything better…Come on baby, lets get inside. I’ll make you a nice cup of coffee and we’ll have a chat.”

They walked up to Frank’s apartment together, Gerard’s heart threatening to jump out of his chest.
He dreaded to think what these photographs were like, because they sure as hell weren’t his.
Gerard had gone home after meeting up with Mikey the other day, and after hours of debating with his conscience, he had decided that giving the pictures to Jamia would only make things worse. Even though Mikey had given him his blessing, he knew that deep down inside, Mikey still felt that it was extremely wrong. He was his brother, and brothers were always right.
So who had got hold of the photos? Could it have been a spiteful attack from Mikey? Gerard had checked before he had left and they were still tucked safely in the back of his closet, but maybe Mikey had got copies of them or something? Who else could it have been?

Frank led him to the kitchen, stopping at the door. He extended his arm and shakily pointed to a pile of photographs on the table, as if he were afraid to be in the same room as them. Gerard stepped into the room and took the top one in his trembling hands. It was a picture of them kissing outside a bar. It looked like it was taken through a window of a bus or train, as there was a slight reflection of the flash indicating that there was a glass surface in the way. He remembered the day well.

“But…But this…” Words failed Gerard and he perched on the chair beside him. This picture must’ve been taken weeks ago, well before he had told Mikey about his plan, so it couldn’t have been Mikey. And Mikey wouldn’t do anything like that.
What the hell was going on?

“Someone’s been spying on us.” Frank’s tears had seemed to have dried. He shrugged himself away from the doorframe he was resting on and walked over to the pile, picking up the next photograph. “Look at this one! They must’ve been hiding in the bushes outside your house!”

Gerard took the picture from him and stared at it in shock. Sure enough the picture was taken just outside his bay window. The camera was at an odd angle, but you could easy make out the two topless figures from beyond the glass. Gerard shivered. Maybe this person was following them, watching their every move. What if he or she knew that Gerard was here right now, laughing to themselves at the pain and chaos they have caused? What a bastard.
He looked up at Frank, who looked more haggard and drained than he did on tour. He yawned, revealing his pearly white teeth.

“Baby, come on. You can barely keep your eyes open.” Gerard said, putting the photographs back on the table. “Why don’t you try to get some sleep? I’ll lie next to you if you want. It’s better to discuss things like this when we’ve had rest and we’re not overtired.”

Frank didn’t move. A strange expression appeared across his exhausted face, something Gerard had never seen before and wasn’t sure if he wanted to see it again. It was the sort of look you gave when you suddenly realised something for the first time, something not so nice.

“You don’t care, do you?”

Gerard blinked. “What?”

“You don’t care! This is what you wanted all along, wasn’t it?” Frank elaborated, frowning menacingly at him. “You couldn’t wait for me to leave Jamia. And now the time has come and you don’t give a shit that I’m feeling heartbroken! You just can’t wait to sleep with me!… I wouldn’t be half surprised you got someone to take these pictures yourself!”

Gerard bit his lip to prevent him from saying something that he might later regret. He got up and stood in the middle of the kitchen floor, not knowing whether to touch Frank or just leave right then.

“Frank…It’s not like that at all.” Gerard started, suddenly feeling two inches tall.

“Well, what’s this all about then? I invite you into my home and you’re suddenly telling me what to do! Jamia’s barely been gone five minutes and you’re trying to jump into bed with me!”

Gerard sighed, moving towards the door. “I just figured that it was best if you got some sleep, and I was going to be there as a shoulder to cry on…. I know what heartbreak feels like, Frank. I’ve been there before. I know it hurts. And from past experiences, I know that having someone else around doesn’t make things feel as harsh….But if you just want to be left alone, fine, I guess I’ll just go.”

He picked up his car keys from the granite worktop and started moving towards the front door. He was just about to turn the handle to leave when a quiet voice called out from behind him.

“No! Please don’t go!”

Gerard turned around 180 degrees. Frank was crying again, his salty tears running down his cheeks and over that nasty gash on his face. Gerard hated seeing him like this.

“Please stay…I’m sorry Gerard. Don’t leave me here all alone! I didn’t mean to behave like that. I’m so stupid at times…I know you’re only trying to help. Believe me.”

Gerard knew he was probably just exhausted and overrun with emotions, so he was bound to be a little bit snappy and argumentative, especially at this hour. That little guy had been through a lot in the last twelve hours and he needed someone to be with him. And judging by the look of his face, he needed someone to stop him from doing anything stupid.

Gerard gently grabbed his waist and pulled Frank close, so his head was resting on his chest. “It’s okay. I’ll stay if you want me to.”

Frank’s petite body seemed to melt into his, like he was a missing piece being added to finish the jigsaw. For the first time, Gerard felt like they were meant to be together, and meeting Frank on that doorstep all those years ago was like a blessing, like he was sent from above.

He kissed Frank’s head and whispered softly in his ear, making Frank shiver. “I love you, my little Frankie. I’ve always loved you and I always will.”