The Perfect Girl

Kylie.

That one name seemed to define everything that went through my mind ever since she’d said she liked Duke. If I wasn’t thinking about Kylie herself, I was thinking about something that had to do with her. The kiss, her rant, how upset she looked, the sobs I heard through the doors, and how it felt to hold her were only a few of the things that seemed to linger in my thoughts.

Especially the kiss.

I never thought I’d ever kiss Kylie. Never had I ever even considered kissing her from the moment my hormones kicked in to even when I was seconds away from doing the deed itself. I don’t know what brought me to do it, but I did and I was glad I did. The feeling of her lips on mine was incredible. It was indescribable and if I had to describe it, the only word that would work would be ‘perfect’. The kiss had been perfect. The way she felt against me was perfect, the sensation that had taken over me was perfect, her touches were perfect, her lips were perfect, she was perfect. And that perfect kiss with that perfect girl was a perfect memory that sat happily at the top of my imperfect thoughts.

And none of those imperfect thoughts were negative. Not entirely anyway. And the only parts that were negative were pointed towards me for being so oblivious to her feelings. It honestly blew me away when I realized what I’d been doing to her. She’d always been loyal to me. We weren’t always on civil terms, but she never turned her back on me. And what did I give her in return? I set her aside for when I was bored or needed her. I was selfish and I’d never considered her. Even when I’d claimed she meant so much to me, I still neglected to show her the appreciation she deserved. I needed her around, I wanted her around, but I never cared how she felt about the situation.

But now that I do consider her feelings, I have little to no idea as to what to do. I needed her around, but she needed me in a different kind of way. She didn’t need me, because she had nobody else. No, she needed me, because she liked me. And I wasn’t sure if I felt that way in return.

I sat on the bed in my new room and stared at the door. I could hear her, loud and clear. She’d been crying from before I even entered the house and she was still going at it. I’d called Duke, explained what was going on and he simply told me off and hung up. He’d come by awhile afterward, but she didn’t even let him in her room. I even called that gay friend of hers. He’d listened for awhile before he began to scream at me. I hung up on him. He came over as well, sat outside of her door for two to four hours before leaving. And after those two, I didn’t have any idea as to what I could do. If her two closest friends didn’t make it past the door, nobody would.

I leaned back into the mattress and sighed just as the door swung open. I looked up to see Farrah, Kylie’s annoying little sister, who was looking at me intently with her arms crossed and her lips puckered. She took a few steps forward, shut the door and marched right up to me. She positioned herself directly before me and I sat up.

“Look, if you’re here to fl-“I began only to be cut off by Farrah herself.

“Flirt? Not right now, dipshit,” She spat and she flipped her hair over her shoulder. I refrained from rolling my eyes. I always rolled my eyes around Kylie, just to irritate her, and it had become a habit.

I raised an eyebrow, “Dipshit? Insults already?”

She scoffed and narrowed her eyes for a split second before looking down at me with her chin up, “I don’t know what you did to my sister, but you better as hell fix it.” My eyes widened as she continued, “She’s been crying for hours, and if she’s not back to normal tomorrow, I’ll castrate you.”

As soon as she mentioned the crying I narrowed my eyes. “Don’t tell me, her crying is drowning out your beloved chick flicks.”

Her eyes burned with anger, “I’m not that shallow, Jake. Kylie’s my sister and right now she’s upset, because some asshole,” she paused to look at me as if to remind me that I was that asshole, “decided he’d fuck with her feelings. That pisses me off, sweetie. Fix it or lose your mini me.”

With that, she turned and left the room. The door shut loudly and I fell back onto the bed bewildered. Who the hell knew Farrah had a brain, much less a heart? I shut my eyes and listened to Kylie’s cries. She wasn’t screaming or anything. It was a faint sound, but to anyone who cared, it was as if she were crying through a bullhorn. Why? Because Kylie Adams never cried and I’d messed up bad.

My chest restricted as I listened and I wanted to head right on over to her room and hold her. I may not have been sure if I returned her feelings, but I did care. She was special to me, my best friend even. She was all I had and I never planned to lose her or hurt her. So maybe she and I fought often, physically and verbally, but it wasn’t like I ever really hit her. I wasn’t that cruel. Light punches, just to keep her spirit on a high maybe, but never a full strengthened punch.

I sighed as her cries rang through my ears. I couldn’t just walk over and hold her. I couldn’t tell her it would all be okay. I was the problem and if I wanted to fix it up with her, I needed to sort my feelings out.

I knew I cared about her. I knew she was special to me. I knew I needed her. I knew I wouldn’t want to be alive without her to make life exciting. I knew how much she mattered to me. But it all came down to one question.

Did I like her in a romantic aspect?

I pondered it for awhile before I realized I didn’t know how to know if I liked her. How did you find out? How were you supposed to feel? Was there some specific technique to know if you had feelings for someone? Did it just happen to you? I grunted in frustration as my phone rang. I grabbed it, not bothering with caller ID and put the phone against my ear.

“Hello?” I murmured and I heard a laugh. It was my mom. “Hey, mom.”

“Jacob, sweetie, how are you settling in?” She asked and I could imagine her staring at paperwork only half listening to me.

“I…It’s fine,” I told her and a soft rustling sound went through the phone. I waited.

“Fine? You’re living with that girl you like. Aren’t you happy?”

I blinked, “What are you talking about? I don’t like her.”

This time, laughter rang through the phone as my mom assured me, “You like her. You have since you were children. Boys don’t just care about girls out of nowhere, dear.”

This time, I was really confused. “Huh? Mom, what are you talking about? You never even met her until last week.”

“Don’t be stupid, Jake. How can I be close to Jenny and Mark and not know their children. I’ve seen photos, and I’ve heard stories. I’ve just never met her in person. She’s delightful. I like her. And you know you like her. Look, I’ll call you later. Your father, sister and I are going out for dinner. Night sweetie.”

She hung up before I could even bid her goodbye. Not that I could even speak. According to my mom, I did like Kylie. And for a long time. But I didn’t feel any different about her. I’d always cared. I’d always needed her. She was my home, she always had been. So how could I like her when I’ve never felt differently in the first place?

I groaned and shut my eyes. I’d figure it out tomorrow.

---

Sleep had not been an option.

Kylie had eventually fallen asleep although she’d cried herself to sleep. But either way, it wasn’t because of Kylie’s crying. Well, it was but not completely. The guilt had been eating me alive. How was I supposed to sleep when I knew Kylie was, not only crying, but upset? And that it was entirely my fault. I didn’t know how to face her and I didn’t know how to fix things up. So instead, I stayed up all night wondering if she would stay my friend even if I didn’t like her back.

Not only that, but Nat was a problem as well. I didn’t like her necessarily. I liked how she looked, sure. I liked her curves and her face and I liked her flirtatious attitude, but I didn’t like her. Natalie was terrible and the fact she treated Kylie like dirt didn’t give her any points. What I was wondering was how to end things with her and how to wrap up the whole perfect girl game and still have Kylie stick around.

“Adams?...Kylie Adams?”

I glanced up at the sound of Kylie’s name to see Mr. Capo calling roll. I immediately looked around and realized Kylie wasn’t in class. I furrowed my eyebrows, instantly worried. I’d left without her in the morning to do the hours for the both of us, so she didn’t have to. I checked around the room again before I crumbled an extra piece of notebook paper and tossed it at Duke’s head.

He snapped around immediately, his eyes darting around as he looked for whoever had tossed it. His eyes narrowed on me when he noticed I was the only one watching him. I smirked at him before mouthing ‘Kylie’ to him, in hopes he knew where she was. He watched me for a moment before his face lit up with understanding. He quickly mouthed ‘sick’ to me before turning back around.

My chest restricted. Kylie was sick and chances were, she was alone at home. Or worse, she was with her mom. I stared at the door, wanting to leave and go back to the house to see Kylie. I restrained myself to my seat and struggled to ignore the worry built up inside of me. Kylie was sick, most likely alone and she’d spent her day before crying to make up for the tears she’d held in for the last couple of years. And I didn’t even know what she had. The flu? A cold? Strep? Maybe even symptoms to an even larger disease.

Five minutes after Duke had told me Kylie was sick, I was out the door, ignoring Mr. Capo’s threats and scolds for leaving in the middle of his lecture. I stormed through the hallways and left the building without signing out and ignored all the adults who tried to stop me. By the time I was in my car, I was sure I’d be in detention for the rest of the year.

Driving home hadn’t been pleasant either. The roads were mostly clear, but my speeding definitely didn’t do much other than give me a couple of tickets. It’s funny what someone can make you do.

The normal fifteen minute drive home turned into a five minutes drive and soon enough, I was in the house, kicking off my shoes and running up the stairs. Once I stood in front of Kylie’s door, I held my breath. Could I really just walk in? What if she was sleeping? What if she was still mad? Did I even have a right to care anymore? I shook my paranoia away, knowing that my worries about Kylie needed satisfaction.

With my hand on the door knob, I twisted and pushed the door open to see Kylie in her bed, smothered in comforters and her TV playing The Notebook. Her eyes were swollen, puffy and red as she stared at the screen. Her lips had a pout on them and were slightly swollen. Her hair was a mess and I had the temptation to compare it to a bird’s nest. The tip of her nose was tinted red, and her cheeks held a bright flush. A few tissues were strewn around her, her hand fisted a handful, and a Kleenex box sat on her lap. My eyes returned to her lips as I thought of what it would be like to kiss her again.

Once I was inside, Kylie’s eyes glanced at me, looked back over at the TV before they widened and her entire head turned towards me in a double take. Her lips parted into a gaping position and her eyes seemed to glaze over.

“Hey,” I greeted softly and she immediately snapped out of her shocked trance. She was looking back into the TV and her flush turned into a brighter blush.

“What are you doing here? You should be in class right now,” She told me. Her voice was dead, although I suspect it was from her stuffed nose rather than her anger with me. Kylie was never one to back down so easily, especially not over a boy.

I stepped forward, shutting the door behind me. “Uh, Duke told me you were sick.”

She glanced at me again, “So?”

I swallowed before nervously wetting my lips, “I was worried.”

An eyebrow rose, “Worried? About me? Funny, Rivers. Fucking hilarious.”

Her attention returned to the TV and I followed her gaze to see the couple in The Notebook on the beach talking about birds. Weird. I brushed aside the movie and looked back at Kylie. Her doubts, about me caring about her, hurt. Hell, it stung like a bitch. Here I was, probably fucked at school for life, worried out of my mind, afraid of losing the one person I cared about most, confused as hell and she was watching some weird movie about a couple wanting to be birds.

“I really was worried,” I murmured and she rolled her eyes.

“Right, because you actually have feelings?” She answered. Her voice was still in monotone and the fact I had been worried didn’t seem to affect her at all. She was completely indifferent.

The way she brushed my feelings off pissed me off and I finally understood how she felt for the last couple of years. No wonder she was always pissed at me. I would’ve been pissed off if she’d acted this way for the last couple of years. And then I finally realized why I felt like that. I finally realized why I cared about her so much. I finally realized why I felt the way I did.

My feelings definitely matched Kylie’s. They always had and chances were, I had feelings for her even before her crush had developed. But I’d always had them; it was just how I felt about Kylie from the moment she remained by my side to now. My feelings for Kylie didn’t develop out of nowhere; I’d had them and built them up from the moment I’d laid eyes on her. She was it.

And I knew just what I wanted to say.

“Actually, yeah, I do have feelings. I’ve been thinking about them a hell of a lot too. And you know what I think? I think I might fucking love you.”

And I would’ve said just that if, you know, I actually had the courage to say it out loud.