The Perfect Girl

If anything in my life was weird, it was what happened in History after I’d agreed to go to the Winter Festival with Scott.

Now, before I elaborate on what went down, you should know that the Winter Festival is literally just a winter festival. There are rides, games, music, lights, the works all outside during the winter. It was literally just a festival in snow just like any other. Besides the fact we had the annual Festival Confession. The Festival Confession was a tradition in which you go with a date –usually a close –also single- friend which is my case when Duke has no date and/or your gay best friend which is my usual case or that person who likes you and you don’t like them which is my current case or if you’re lucky, the person you actually like which I wish was my case –and at exactly midnight, all the lights shut off and you go and run to the one you really like –unless that person’s your date- and confess how you feel. And it only happens during the winter, right before holiday break, because everyone’s in their hopeful, happy moods and shit. It was basically the epitome of couples and crushes. Oh! And also bullshit.

And now that that’s clear, the events that occurred after I agreed to go to Winter Festival with Scott:

Five Hours Ago

“Yeah, sure,” I smiled, and entered history after giving Scott a hug.

I took my seat and reached into my bag to get my books out just as a hand slammed onto the top of my desk. My eyes followed the masculine fingers up its wrist, following upwards over the forearm and past the elbow toward the shoulder and finally, my eyes followed up the warm neck I’d buried my face into many times previous before my eyes fell onto the familiar face I’d secretly adored for years. Jake. Jake Rivers. I swear my heart skipped a beat before it began to pound into oblivion.

His cerulean eyes stared down at me angrily and if I hadn’t known better, I would’ve said I saw hurt swirling through his orbs. His eyebrows were knit together and his usual smirk was replaced by a frown. I was tempted to reach up and pull the corners of his lips up into a smile.

“Kylie.” Jake’s voice was smooth and sounded foreign to my ears due to the fact I hadn’t heard it in days. I’d missed it almost. But there was a strain in the tone of his voice that made me wonder even deeper as to why he was even standing in front of me when he’d avoided me for a full week.

“Hi,” I squeaked, a strange clenching in my chest and a rugged pull in my stomach. I licked my lips quickly, wetting them just as they began to dry.

“We need to talk,” he stated. His tone was now flat. A strained flat, but still flat.

“We are talking,” I murmured and stared back down to his fingers. I glanced to my own and wanted to reach out and touch his. I wanted to feel the warmth in his touch –the same warmth I hadn’t felt in over a week.

“You know what I mean,” he remarked, his tone now exasperated.

Great, he hated me. I swear he did. I’d really fucked up by saying no.

“Look, I don’t know what you want to say to me, but I don’t want to hear it,” I grumbled, looking back up and into his blue eyes.

“I have nothing to say to you. What I need is for you to tell me if you’re really going to the Winter Festival with Scott Daniels or if I heard wrong,” He demanded, his frown deepening into a grimace. He looked away as soon as Scott was mentioned.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

“Anything that has to do with you is my business.”

I glanced up, a slight blush on my cheeks while a small flame of anger lit inside me. I was his business? If he cared so much, he wouldn’t have avoided me for a week. “That’s bullshit and you know it. You avoided me for a whole week even after you said you liked me, Rivers.”

My words seemed to capture attention as an audience began to build around us. I wanted to hide under a rock just as much as I wanted to punch Jake in the face. His audacity to push me aside after telling me he reciprocated my feelings and then suddenly showing up and speaking of how he was concerned in my life as he drew an audience to view our row was outstandingly egregious.

“I avoided you, because you didn’t want to be my girlfriend!” He argued, a loud scoff made its way out of his lips.

“Who said I didn’t want to be your girlfriend?” I remarked, “I just didn’t want to be another notch on your bed post! I know how you work, and to be completely honest with you, I’d rather not be played like a toy.”

“Who said anything-“he cut off. The anger on his face swiped off entirely, leaving only a look of pure hurt on his features. So I had been right. He was hurt. “You actually thought I was going to fuck you and leave?”

I blinked and swallowed, “Don’t you always?”

Jake let out a breath and leaned back, his hand leaving the top of my desk. He looked away from me and I stared at him, confused. Wasn’t that the plan? Hump and dump? Bed and shed? Hit and quit? Crash and trash? That was how Jake worked, wasn’t it? That was Jake. His love life was entirely one night stands. He never did one girl twice. He never even had a girl for longer than a day or two. He was a player –the player.

“But to you? Am I really that horrible to you?”

I looked to my hands, “How was I supposed to think any differently?”

“Maybe because I actually care about you? I thought I made it clear when I scavenged the fucking city for you? Or maybe when I smashed Will’s face in for calling you a slut? Or how about when I promised I’d be there for you?” He seethed, shaking his head. A devastated chuckled emitted from his throat. He ran a hand through his silky brown hair and all I wanted to do was crawl under my covers and cry.

I had sincerely fucked up. I had screwed into my head that I’d get some kind of movie chase. This was reality. There wasn’t going to be a Leonardo DiCaprio losing his life for me or a Ryan Gosling hanging off a Ferris wheel begging for me to go on a date with him. I had a Jake Rivers. I had reality. I had him running around looking for me and defending me and holding my hand after I fought with my mom and watching out for me and being there from when I was an infant. Why didn’t I realize that? I shouldn’t have wanted to be wooed; he’d done that the entire time. He’d charmed me in with his stupid remarks that drove me up the wall, he’d had me blushing with his pitiful lies about how I looked better than Natalie and he’d made me fall for him when he’d opened up to me. He had done all the chasing and all the impressing and when he’d finally told me how he felt, I’d shut him down.

I had topped the list of fuck ups. I’d ruined my chances. And now I had a hurt Jake Rivers wondering why I was going to the Winter Festival –aka the love festival- with Scott freaking Daniels when just last week he’d told me he loved me. This wasn’t about me. This was about him. It had always been about him. And now I had wrecked every chance I had to be with him.

I wanted to cry, I really did. That awful wrenching in my chest was only sharper and sharper ever syllable Jake spoke. All I knew was that I’d ruined everything.

“Or what about when I told you I love you?”

And then I really did cry.

Not a lot, but I did. A tear. Maybe two. Possibly three. Or four. Or how about fifty.

We had a crowd then. Sure, it wasn’t a physical fight. But it was a fight. And it was between Jake and me. And that was good enough for most of the student body. And this time, Jake was winning. I was the bad guy now. I had done wrong and I deserved every bit of despair bottled inside of me. I knew because there were no two sides, there was one. And that one side was Jake’s. Jake was the victim this time.

“You don’t understand,” I whispered, wiping away my tears just as they came.

“You’re right. I don’t understand. I don’t understand why you said no. I don’t understand why you’re going with Scott. I don’t understand why you thought I’d use you or why I love you or why I’m here. We were supposed to have some stupid, cheesy, chick flick-worthy date after you’d agree to be my girlfriend and we’d be some Class A bullshit couple who did all that stupid hand holding and dating shit. And then we’d graduate and have some crisis about how we were supposed to stay together, and then we’d go to college and keep some tragic long distance relationship and I’d do some corny, pathetic move like transfer to your college saying I hated being apart or something. And then we’d fight all the time like we always do, but we’d always end up together or some pathetic corny crap like that. But instead, we’re in freaking History with me wondering why you’re going to Winter Festival with Scott Daniels,” He spat, a mocking grin on his face. A grin so fake it was almost cruel.

I stood up just as he turned to walk away and grabbed onto his arm, “No, you don’t get it. You still don’t. I mean, I’m freaking Kylie Adams. Just months ago, you were beating me up and I was breaking your nose. We’re supposed to fucking hate each other, Jake. And I told you I liked you for years just awhile ago and you did nothing. You’re supposed to like Natalie, for Christ’s sake. I was so sure you liked her. I was so sure I was nothing more than a friend at most to you. How was I supposed to know? I didn’t want to be a phase. I didn’t want to just be another girl, Jake. I wanted to be that girl you genuinely cared about. I wanted to be that girl who stuck around for awhile. I wanted to be that girl your parents heard about so much it was common. I wanted to be your perfect girl. I wanted to be her so bad you don’t even know. And when you told me Natalie was her, I couldn’t live up to that, Jake. You were right; she’s absolutely perfect. So how could I believe you really cared about me when you’d told me you wanted her? She’s gold, and I’m barely even copper. I barely pass asphalt.”

Jake looked into my tear filled eyes, my sight blurry as I stared back. I sniffled and he sighed, pulling his arm away. Just as he did so, I shut my eyes and a trail of tears escaped my eyes. It was over. My chances were done. I let out a soft breath when a warm hand grabbed my shoulder and pulled me forward. I stumbled a foot before I fell into a warm chest and two arms wrapped around my shoulders.

I quickly opened my eyes, staring at Jake’s face, buried into the crook of my neck. His lips brushed the shell of my ear, “That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about; if you call her asphalt again, I’ll have to kick your ass.”

Laughing, I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face into his chest. “Ooh, I’m so scared.”

He pecked my temple, “Beautiful. You’re absolutely beautiful.”

I rolled my eyes, pushing him away, “All of this is so corny, I’m about to gag.”

Jake laughed, “We’re never going to have a moment, are we?”

I smiled,looking into his serene, beautiful blue eyes.

So maybe I hadn’t fucked up too bad.

Or Jake was just ridiculously forgiving.

Either way, Jake Rivers was mine. And I was never letting him go.

…

Ha. That was almost as corny as him calling me beautiful.

Present Time

“So let me get this straight, you’re still going to the festival with Scott?”

I bit my lip, grimacing as I nodded. I was just fuck up after fuck up wasn’t I?

I couldn’t just cancel on Scott out of nowhere, I’d already agreed. Blowing him off was rude. So just because Jake and I had some dumb corny argument, didn’t mean it was okay for me to suddenly change plans with Scott. It wasn’t fair to him. Jake, however, didn’t take it well.

“But you’re my girlfriend,” Jake deadpanned.

I blinked.

Suddenly his eyes shot up, “Right? We’re not going through that whole thing again right? Bec-“

“Shut up,” I grumbled. “Yeah, I’m your uh –your you know…”

“Girlfriend?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, that,” I blushed. “But anyway, just because I’m your –that- doesn’t mean we’re obligated to go together or anything. Right?”

Jake deadpanned again. “Actually it kind of does. This is the equivalent of you saying just because you’re my girlfriend doesn’t mean you can’t date other guys too. And if that is what you’re saying, I’d like to let you know I don’t sha-“

“Shut up. Seriously. This whole couple talk thing is really weird for me,” I mumbled, my blush darkening as I looked away. “Just listen. I don’t want to ditch Scott.”

Jake frowned, “So you’re going to ditch me instead? Nice to know where I stand as your boyfri-“

“Shut up.”

Jake rolled his eyes as he moved to stand in front of me, “Try being in my shoes. This is like me telling you that I don’t want to hurt Natalie’s feelings so I’m going to the Winter Festival with her. And don’t tell me it’s not a big deal or something. This is the Winter Festival.”

I turned away again, “Stop acting like that.”

“Like what? Your boyfriend? Too bad. Because that’s exactly what I am. I’m not being weird about this okay? I just don’t like the fact my girlfriend wants to go to a festival pretty much invented for couples with another guy,” Jake sighed, placing a hand on my shoulder. “I’m not trying to sound clingy or possessive, but seriously. Anyone would act the same as me. I’d be fine if it was to just hang out or whatever, but this is the Winter Festival. It’s practically Valentine’s Day in December.”

I kept silent. It was just the Winter Festival. So okay, it was basically for couples and crap, but that didn’t mean it had to be. Scott didn’t have anyone to go with, he’d asked me, and I’d said yes. And this had all happened before I was Jake Rivers’ G-Word. It was my responsibility to follow through for Scott.

Jake searched my eyes and dropped his hand off my shoulder, “Maybe this was a bad idea.”

Bad idea. That didn’t sound good. In fact is sounded awful. It sounded like bad news. And bad news only meant bad things. And bad things only meant I had royally fucked up all over again. I’m not surprised though, just telling him I was still going with Scott was a big enough fuck up. And now he decided that something was a bad idea. -Which was bad.

I quickly glanced at him before cautiously asking, “What’s a bad idea?”

Jake didn’t hesitate as he looked me straight in the eyes and answered with one cruelly blatant syllable before he turned around and walked away.

“Us.”