The Perfect Girl

Us.

Us.

Us.

Us.

Jake’s voice rang through my head over and over and over. Us.

I stared at my bedroom door and then to my phone and back to my door and back to the phone. I’d sat in my room for hours, split between asking Scott if it was okay to cancel and confronting Jake about us being a bad idea. Sometimes I’d want to confront him, other times I’d want to cancel, but for the majority of the time, I knew that they came hand in hand. Confronting Jake would only lead to me cancelling on Scott and cancelling with Scott would only lead to confronting Jake. Either way, both were inevitable and that was why I was still in my room, staring away being a pathetic little wimp, stalling what was bound to happen.

I wanted so badly to cancel with Scott and fix everything with Jake. I didn’t even like Scott the same way he liked me. I saw him as a good looking friend, he saw me as a potential girlfriend. It was two entirely different viewpoints.

But at the same time, I wanted to go into Jake’s room and demand what he meant about us being a bad idea. I liked him. He supposedly loved me. Everything should be fine right? But it wasn’t. We hadn’t even been a ‘couple’ or whatever for even a whole day, and we were already on the rocks. First of all, it was strange to know Jake as my B-Word. It was weird to even think of him as more than my daily sparring buddy. Hating each other had been a part of our identities and suddenly caring about each other was weird. It was weird having him refer to me as his G-Word and having him call himself my B-Word. It was weird having him touch me so freely without it getting rough and it was weird having him not swear me out every second of the day. It was just so weird. But at the same time, I really liked it. I liked knowing he was mine and I was his and I liked knowing I could be myself with him because there was nothing I could hide. I liked everything weird about it, but at the same time it was just so weird I didn’t know how to handle it.

I groaned slamming my head back against the wall with my eyes shut. Why did I have to be so inexperienced? If I had more experience with relationships, this definitely wouldn’t be so weird. If only I’d had a few more boyfriends, maybe then I’d be as mature in relationships as Jake needed me to be. Maybe then he wouldn’t see me as a bad idea.

A freaking bad idea.

He regretted me. He was probably thinking of ways to break up with me, because he finally realized how ridiculously pathetic I was. I slammed my head against the wall again, my eyes still shut. Pathetic. Slam. Stupid. Slam. Inexperienced. Slam. Good for nothing. Slam. Bad Idea. Slam.

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t give my girlfriend a concussion, thanks.”

My eyes snapped open and my gaze fell upon Jake, standing at the doorway. I blinked. I rubbed my eyes. No way was Jake standing at my doorway. No way did he still call me his girlfriend. I squeezed my eyes tight before opening again. I pinched myself.

“I’m not dreaming,” I concluded.

He chuckled, “No. You’re not.”

“Hi.”

His smile faltered, “Hi.”

“Are you here to break up with me? Because if that’s it, I already figured-“

“What are you talking about? I’m not breaking up with you,” He urged, walking over to where I was on the floor and sitting down beside me. Our knees touched and I stared at them. We were touching and neither one of us was moving away or getting hurt. Weird.

“Oh.”

“Why would you say that anyway?” He murmured. “We haven’t even been together for a day.”

I looked down, “You said we were a mistake.”

“I was angry.”

“Maybe you were right.”

“I wasn’t.”

“It’s weird though,” I mumbled, twiddling my fingers.

“What is?”

“Us. I mean. Doesn’t it feel weird to you? We’re always arguing and suddenly we’re so civil and we’re not yelling and we say corny things. It’s weird, right?” I questioned, glancing up to look at him.

He was staring right back at me. His ocean blue eyes were watching me intently. I wanted to reach up and touch his soft hair, but it was just all too weird. I was supposed to be kick ass Kylie. I was supposed to be a strong, independent girl. I was supposed to be some bad ass with a head strong attitude who didn’t waver for anything. Now I was some sappy girl in a relationship.

“It is,” He agreed. “But it’s not completely true. We still argue. Hell, we’re in an argument right now. It just so happens we’re arguing about something that’s not completely stupid. And it’s not like we’re using pet names or walking each other to class or being grossly cliché. I mean for God’s sake, we get together and you tell me you’re going to the couples’ convention with another guy. When the hell does that even happen?” He chuckled.

I rolled my eyes, “It’s still weird. Having you call me your G-Word and you being my B-Word. It’s weird. You’re supposed to be Jake and I’m Kylie. We’re not supposed to be Jake and Kylie. We’re Jake… and then Kylie. It’s just weird. I feel weird.”

Jake leaned forward, his eyebrows raised, “Did you just say G-Word and B-Word?”

I turned scarlet, “Shut up.”

Jake let out a breath; the kind of breath when you’re thinking ‘Oh this is just too good to be true’ after you came across perfect blackmail material. His eyes sparkled as he seemed to think of something amusing, and I just knew it had something to do with threatening me with embarrassing secrets. When he glanced at me mischievously, I knew I was right. For the millionth time, I wanted to hide under a rock and hide for the rest of my life.

“Just –It’s weird right?”

He glanced at me, “We’re going out. Being your ‘B-Word’,” Jake chuckled, “is part of the job. And you being my ‘G-Word’ sort of comes hand in hand with it.”

I shrugged, “I know. It just feels weird. Don’t you ever feel weird about it?”

His grin faltered again, “I feel weird whenever we have these corny conversations.”

“What do you mean?”

Jake looked at me, “When we act like a couple. I mean, before the whole avoid-you-for-a-week thing happened, we were fine. We acted the same. I think we just need to get over the confession thing and it’ll be fine. The confessions and everything was almost movie worthy. Of course it’s corny. But come one, we’re both brutally rational. There’s no possible way we’ll end up as a bullshit couple. We’re better than that. Besides, when I tell you I love you, I mean it. That alone proves we’ll get past how strange it is. I love you and I’m not leaving just because it’s weird, Kylie.”

“That’s sappy as fuck,” I bluntly blurted. Love. Bullshit. Same shit.

Jake laughed, “You ruin every moment.”

I shrugged, “It’s weird.”

“You’re not cut out for romance,” Jake concluded as he ran a hand through his hair.

I grinned, “Guilty as charged! Every time we begin all that shit I want to barf. I guess it’s cute or whatever, but damn, it’s so much bullshit!”

Jake rolled his eyes, “It’s not bullshit.”

“’You are so beautiful!’ ‘I love you!’ ‘I want to be yours!’ ‘You’re my knight in shining armor!’” I mocked before scoffing, “It’s bullshit. And you know it.”

Jake scoffed back at me, “The closest I’m getting to knight in shining armor is being a douche bag in tin foil, sweet cheeks.”

I swung my head back, laughing. “Oh yes. My douche bag in tin foil. Take me away in your piece of shit made of metal.”

“And we’ll live sarcastically ever after!” He chuckled. “But seriously, Kylie. It’s not all bullshit. I do think you’re beautiful. It sounds stupid, but it’s true. You sure as hell aren’t sexy, but you’re beautiful. And I love every single part of you. You’re the closest thing I have to family.”

As much as I blushed, I still couldn’t help but frown. You sure as hell aren’t sexy… Maybe I really didn’t have any sex appeal. In some cases, that’s great. But come on, every girl wants to feel wanted and confident. And the fact most guys pined after getting into their girlfriends pants and Jake didn’t even categorize me as worthy of pining was a huge punch to the gut. If he didn’t find me attractive, would he go to someone else? Would he leave me because I wasn’t ‘hot’ or ‘sexy’ or overall, appealing?

I forced a small smile to my lips, “That’s corny.”

He laughed and placed an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. I couldn’t laugh. I may have been overreacting or reading into things, but that anxiety of being left for a girl like Natalie was eating me inside out.

Natalie was blessed generously with curves and I was as curvy as a piece of cardboard. I didn’t have J-Lo hips or Kim Kardashian’s waist. I wasn’t busty like most guys seemed to like and I lacked severely on the pretty scale. I was too plain. I was too average. Brown hair, brown eyes, plain face, boring body and short. How could that compete with Natalie’s perfect girl status as well as her piercing black hair, beautiful green eyes, stunning face, perfect body, and her perfect height of 5’6”? I was the loser in this competition. Jake didn’t even find me appealing. No, he found Natalie appealing. Whether he was my B-Word or not, Jake was attracted to girls like Natalie. He had purposely chosen Natalie and I had been an accident.

Maybe it was time to change. Maybe it was time to fit the image of Jake Rivers’ girlfriend.