Status: Up and Running
Just Another Life Story
5/29/10
Mood: Anorexic
Today I haven't eaten a lot. I know this... and I don't do anything to change it. I've battle Anorexia on my own for years! but... I always seem to give into it because I'm weak. I've been losing weight. Because of how little I've been eating... It makes me lightheaded. But that's normal for this condition...
I don't want to be anorexic, I want to be healthy, happy. But Anorexia is, for lack of better wording, an addiction. I crave, not food, but the hunger pains from IGNORING the food. It has become part of me, it is me. Removing it... That's a painful thought.
Maybe I'll always live with it, maybe I will die FROM it. I have no idea yet, all that i know is that i have friends who support me in getting better. But although they don't encourage me being Anorexic, they don't reject me because of it. I'm trying I swear to get better...
Its hard, harder then any other battle I've ever had. Harder to overcome then any memory. I fear that this will take my life, and although I'm not afraid to die... I don't want to die now, when there are people that need me to live. I hope I live through this... Mental Eating Problem. Though the hardest thing to overcome. Through the thing I want the most... but I know I can't have.
I'll be thin, but more then that I'll be loved.
Today I haven't eaten a lot. I know this... and I don't do anything to change it. I've battle Anorexia on my own for years! but... I always seem to give into it because I'm weak. I've been losing weight. Because of how little I've been eating... It makes me lightheaded. But that's normal for this condition...
I don't want to be anorexic, I want to be healthy, happy. But Anorexia is, for lack of better wording, an addiction. I crave, not food, but the hunger pains from IGNORING the food. It has become part of me, it is me. Removing it... That's a painful thought.
Maybe I'll always live with it, maybe I will die FROM it. I have no idea yet, all that i know is that i have friends who support me in getting better. But although they don't encourage me being Anorexic, they don't reject me because of it. I'm trying I swear to get better...
Its hard, harder then any other battle I've ever had. Harder to overcome then any memory. I fear that this will take my life, and although I'm not afraid to die... I don't want to die now, when there are people that need me to live. I hope I live through this... Mental Eating Problem. Though the hardest thing to overcome. Through the thing I want the most... but I know I can't have.
I'll be thin, but more then that I'll be loved.