When You Read Between the Lines

The red and blue lights of the ambulance faded away. The blaring sound of the sirens dissipated. Faith stood silently in the corner. Her sobs had subsided and now she stood with her tear stained face as her eyes roamed back and forth watching Joe as he blew out candles and turned off appliances.

“Faith, come on. We’ve gotta go,” Joe said, walking up to Faith.

“No,” she whispered, gently shaking her head back and forth.

“Faith, we have to go to the hospital,” he said quietly, resting his hands on her elbows. She shivered as she felt his hands move up and down her arms. His eyes were filled with worry as he tried to coax her out of her shock.

“No. I can’t… I can’t…”

“Faith, this is your father we’re talking about.”

“I know…”

“Babe, come on, your father needs you. He needs you, your Mom needs you, Lizzy needs you… everybody needs you right now Faith. We’re all scared and having you there will make everyone just a little less scared.”

“I don’t want him to die,” she said just barely above a whisper. If it hadn’t been completely silent in the house, Joe wouldn’t have heard her at all. Suddenly she felt his hands on her face and his lips on top of hers.

“He’s not going to die tonight. Come on, everyone left already,” he said.

“You promise?” she asked, lifting her head to look up at Joe. Joe pushed her bangs out of the way and wiped the tears away from her eyes.

“Promise what, love?”

“You promise he won’t die tonight?”

“I promise. Your father is not going to die tonight,” he whispered, kissing her forehead. “I know you’re strong. I know you can do this. Come on… can we go?”

Silently and with much hesitation, Faith shook her head yes. After giving her a tight hug, Joe led her outside to the car. Slowly she climbed into the passenger’s seat and strapped herself in as Joe started the car. It was silent as they drove to the hospital, their fingers linked together over the middle console.

****

Faith was in a daze as Joe drove them to the hospital. She didn’t remember walking across the parking lot and through the automatic double doors that led to the emergency room triage area. She did remember, however, Joe’s abrupt stop and the firm grasp he took on her elbow.

“There you are,” said an exasperated, fluttery voice. Faith looked up to see Charlotte standing in front of them, her curly blonde hair pulled up into a bun, a few strands hanging limply in front of her face.

“Where is my family?” Joe asked coldly and Faith turned her head slightly to see he was staring straight ahead and not looking at Charlotte.

“They’re in the waiting room. I said I’d wait here for you two,” she said as she started to lead the way.

“Thanks,” Joe said, his hand on Faith’s back as he lead her there.

“Anytime. They took him into one of the trauma rooms and assessed him there and now…”

“I think Faith would rather hear this from her family or from a doctor,” he snapped.

“I’m just trying to help, Joseph.”

“You can help by going home, Charlotte.” he retorted. Faith’s eyes darted back and forth between the two friends. Charlotte was determined to stay. Joe’s expression didn’t change and finally Charlotte sighed.

“Fine. Let me just tell Nick I’m going.”

“I’ll tell him for you.”

“Screw you, Joe,” she whispered. Faith shot her an apologetic look as Joe put his hand on her elbow and led her to the waiting room.

As soon as they rounded the corner, Danielle’s arms were wrapped around Faith. Joe and Kevin shared a hug as Faith continued to hold onto Dani. When she was ready she let go and went to Kevin, wrapping her arms tight around his neck.

“How is he?” she asked, choking back tears.

“He’s up in the ICU. They put him on a ventilator to help him breathe,” Kevin answered quietly.

“They gave him a matter of weeks,” Dani whispered, wrapping her arm around Faith and squeezing her tightly.

“I want to see him,” Faith said defiantly.

“Your Mom and Lizzy are in with him,” Kevin said understandingly.

“Come on, sweetheart. I’ll take you,” Dani said, leading Faith down the hall towards the elevators. Faith watched as the numbers dropped down from four to one and she stepped on behind Dani.

“I wasn’t expecting this to happen now,” she said, breaking the silence.

“None of us were. We all knew it was coming but none of us ever guessed we’d be in the hospital on Christmas Eve,” Dani said, using a calm voice trying to give Faith some sort of reassurance.

“I’m…” Faith started, choking back tears. “I’m scared he won’t be here when the baby is born.”

“I know, honey. But there’s a large possibility that he won’t be,” Dani said quietly.

“I know,” she whispered as the elevator doors opened. “Come on.”

Faith could feel her body shaking as Danielle led her down the hallway. The letters ICU were displayed in big red letters on a sign hanging over a door a few feet down the hall. She didn’t know if she was scared or nervous or even the tiniest bit happy he was still alive. She was full of mixed emotions and had no idea exactly what to feel. Dani stopped outside his room and hesitated.

“I’ll let you go in alone,” she said, pushing the door open for Faith. Faith took one step in and squeezed Dani’s hand one last time before walking into the small hospital room.

The only sound that met her ears was the beeping of one of the machines. She saw four figures in the room. First was her father lying helplessly on the hospital bed. Lizzy sat in the chair next to him squeezing his hand as tears dripped down her face. Standing off to the side was her mother talking with one of the doctors. She glanced quickly at her father but instead walked over to her mother and the doctor. Meg reached her arm out and wrapped it around Faith, pulling her close as the doctor continued to talk.

“Now that this has happened expect to see him suffer seizures. He’ll show no display of emotion anymore. He won’t make any sounds, he won’t be able to eat on his own, and the muscles in his face will spasm causing it to contort at times. You’ll need an oxygen canister on each level of the house and one to take in the car to attach to his wheelchair when you go out. This is the final stretch where anything can happen and if you insist of taking him home with you in the next few days I need to warn you that it will be hard. It will be exhausting. I still think that the best thing to do would to have him stay here in our care facility until he passes. It’s your decision Mrs. Dugray.”

“We’ll take him home,” Meg whispered and Faith turned to her.

“Mom,” she whispered, a tear sliding down her face as she thought carefully about what she was going to say. “Are you sure? We don’t know exactly how long he has left and in a month or two I’m going to have to be careful with what I do because of the baby. Lizzy has to fly back in a few weeks. You’ll be left home with him and I think it’s going to be too much for you to handle.”

“Faith, honey, I have to do this. He’s my husband. I’ve been taking care of him for almost thirty years. The day I said I do… in sickness and in health, I knew what I was getting in to. I’ve come this far. I’ll go the rest of the way.”

“May I suggest,” the doctor said, clearing his throat. “You can arrange to have a nurse come once a day for an hour or two to double check on things and take over so you can get some rest. It’s not as expensive as twenty four seven care and it will make things a bit easier.”

“That sounds alright, Mom. Doesn’t it?”

“I suppose so,” she said slowly, looking over Faith’s shoulder at William. “Just an hour or two?”

“As long as you need,” he answered. “If you’ll follow me I’ll introduce you to the woman who can help you set it up.”

“Alright,” Meg said, letting go of Faith’s hand and following the doctor. Faith watched until they turned the corner out of sight before going over to the hospital bed. She stood opposite Lizzy and took hold of her father’s other hand. She leaned down and smoothed the hair back on his head and kissed his forehead.

“Hey,” Joe said softly walking into the room. Faith melted into his embrace as he stood next to her, his arm wrapped around her shoulders. She didn’t cry though, she felt like she was drained of tears so she just took in his scent and his warmth as he rubbed his warm hand up and down her arm.

“Where is everyone?” she whispered. Lizzy looked up to them, waiting for the response too.

“They’re all in the chapel praying. I passed your Mom out there and she said he’s staying overnight.”

“Some Christmas, huh?” Lizzy said, resting her head on the side rails of the bed.

“Kevin said he’ll take you two back home whenever you’re ready. The nurses said that even though it’s Christmas, visiting hours still apply.”

“That’s a load of horseshit,” Lizzy whispered.

“Lizzy,” Faith said with a sigh.

“Sorry.”

Faith looked up at Joe’s face and saw him looking down at William. He pulled his other hand out of his pocket and reached across the bed. Lizzy looked up and released one of her hands from her father’s and took hold of Joe’s. The four of them stayed connected in the room for a few silent moments. Faith, Lizzy, and Joe were hoping for some sort of Christmas miracle but nothing changed. The machine continued to beep steadily as oxygen was pumped into William’s body.

Finally, Lizzy slowly stood up. Joe let go of her hand and she bent over the side of the bed, placing one last kiss on William’s cheek before walking out of the room. Faith followed suit and stepped back as Joe grabbed hold of William’s hand. He rested his other hand on William’s chest and muttered something inaudible to Faith. Slowly he backed away and took hold of Faith’s hand, leading her out to where Lizzy stood, holding on to Meg.

“Let’s go home,” Meg whispered, looping her right arm with Lizzy’s left and wrapping her other arm around Faith and Joe.

Joe led them to the chapel where the Jonas’ sat waiting. Faith was surprised to see Nick was still there. Frankie was the first to notice them and when he stood up the others turned and walked over. Denise walked over to Faith and wrapped her arms tightly around her.

“How is he?” Frankie asked quietly.

“He’s alright. They only gave him a matter of weeks,” Meg said softly. “They’re going to keep him here for a few days and they said there’s nothing we can do but go home and enjoy what we can of Christmas tomorrow.”

Faith couldn’t help but watch Nick as her mother explained what was happening. He stood further back from the rest of his family. His hands were in his pockets and he was staring down at his feet. He glanced up once, and only one, to look at Faith but saw she was watching him and quickly looked back down.

“Is there anything we can do?” Kevin Sr. asked, wrapping his arm around his wife’s shoulder.

“Just… try to make things as normal as possible tomorrow,” Meg answered.

“You’re all welcome to stay at the house tonight. We can make room,” Faith said.

“It will be like we’re kids again,” Joe said, trying to get his family to agree. He knew that Faith suggested it because she knew it wouldn’t be good with just herself, Lizzy, and Meg in the house. “We can put the boys in one room, girls in another. It will be fun. What do you say?”

“We’re in,” Kevin said as Dani nodded.

“Sounds fun,” Frankie said, smiling at Faith. Faith smiled back before looking at Nick.

“Are you going to join Nick?” she asked. Everyone was silent as they waited for his answer. He looked surprised that she had asked him.

“Oh… um… yeah. I’ll… I’ll come,” he said and Faith let out a small smile.

“Alright then,” she said softly.

“We’ll be there in a bit,” Kevin Sr. said. We have a few things to grab first.

“Us too,” Dani said, grabbing Faith’s hands and kissing her cheek.

“I’m just going to grab a few things at the apartment too,” Joe whispered in Faith’s ear and she felt goose bumps form on her neck from his breath. “I’ll be as fast as possible.”

“Just… one thing… how are we supposed to get home now?” she asked and Joe bit his lip.

“Here, take my keys,” he said, pulling them out of his pocket and placing them in her palm.

“Then how are you going to get to the apartment?” she asked, a small laugh bubbling from her lips.

“Good question,” he sighed, tapping his foot on the floor. Faith looked over to Nick who was heading out of the chapel then back at Joe, shrugging her shoulders. He rolled his eyes and looked back over to Nick. “Hey, Nick!”

“Yeah?” Nick asked, turning around. Wrinkles formed on his forehead as his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.

“Could you give me a ride to my apartment and then to Faith’s? I gave her the keys to my car since they need to get back to the house somehow.”

“Oh… sure,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.

“Thanks,” Joe said. He turned back to Faith and put his hands on her shoulders.

“See you soon,” she said, reaching up to kiss his lips.

“Not soon enough,” he said, jerking his head slightly towards Nick.

“Just think, you get to sleep in the same room as him since you suggested boys in one room girls in another.”

“Don’t remind me,” he said, shaking his head. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she whispered, reaching up once more for a kiss. She turned to watch Joe leave a few steps behind Nick. Joe turned at the door of the chapel to give her one last look and a quick smile before turning the corner.

“Ready?” Meg asked, walking up next to Faith. Faith looked around. Lizzy was already standing by the door ready to leave. The chapel was empty aside from the three of them. Faith looked towards the front of the chapel and saw a row of candles, some lit, some not.

Slowly she walked towards the candles and saw a little silver plaque. Once she was close she could see that it read “Donate a dollar and light a candle for a prayer”. She reached for her purse and dug around for a wallet. In the pocket she found four quarters that she dropped one by one into the slot. Reaching her hand out, she pushed a button on one of the candles and watched as the flame lit. She looked up at the large crucifix in front of her and closed her eyes.

“Dear God, please don’t let him feel any pain. That’s all I ask,” she whispered before turning back to her mother and sister. “Let’s go.”

They both watched her walk out of the chapel without looking back before following after her. Faith led the way to the exit, past all the nurses and all the people in the waiting room. She could feel the lump in her throat and she knew if she slowed down the tears would start to come but if she kept walking she would be one step closer to leaving it behind her for at least awhile.