When You Read Between the Lines

Faith sat on her bed alone, picking at the threads of the blanket draped across her lap. She’s had for as long as she can remember. It was a gift from her grandmother, she had knitted it herself. Twenty odd years later and it was slowly falling part, just how Faith felt her life was going; except for Joe and the baby. The thought of the two were her light at the end of the tunnel. She stiffened when she heard a knock at the door and wiped at her tears.

“Who is it?” she called softly.

“It’s me,” Nick said, his voice muffled by the door. “Can I come in?”

“Yes,” she sighed, pulling the blanket tighter to her body. Nick slowly opened the door, light from the hallway flooding in behind him. He closed the door behind him, returning the rooms glow to that of the few candles Faith had lit.

“Mind if I sit?” he asked, pointing to the bed, his eyes looking anywhere but at her.

“Go ahead,” she whispered; scooting over so there would be some space between them. It was silent between them for a few moments as Faith continued to pick at the blanket. Nick sat, staring at his hands. He cleared his throat and looked up towards the mirror.

“I’m sorry for how I reacted down there.”

“I don’t blame you,” she interrupted.

“Let me finish,” he said calmly and waited a bit to make sure she’d stay quiet. “I’m sorry for how I reacted. I understand why you didn’t tell me when we were alone. I don’t blame you for any of this. I guess… I always knew that Joe loved you. And I possibly knew that you loved him back. I just never said anything because I was selfish. But I’m wondering… did you ever love me?”

“Nick… of course I did,” she sighed, finally looking over at him. He was looking at her, his eyes sad under his curls. “I just didn’t realize how much I actually loved Joe. I tried to deny it for months… years even, I guess. But when he and I are together everything is just… right. I just want you to know… you’re the man I want to want.”

“Why do you say that?” he asked.

“I mean… I wish things weren’t as complicated as they are right now. I hate that what I’m doing is tearing this family apart.”

“You’re not tearing anything apart,” he said, reaching out to put his hand on hers but quickly drawing it back.

“Oh please, your parents hate me,” she said, shaking her head, tears dripping down her face.

“Faith, no one hates you. Everyone here loves you,” he whispered. “Honestly, my parents could never hate you. They’re not the happiest people on the planet right now but… they’ll learn to accept it. I promise you.”

“So you don’t hate me?” she asked, looking up at him again.

“No,” he sighed, looking back down at his hands. “And for the record I don’t hate Joe either. I’m really mad at him, sure, but… I could never hate him. It’s just… until this baby is born and we find out who it belongs to… I don’t know if I can treat him as my brother. It’s hard to explain…”

“No, I understand,” she said. Both heads were drawn to the door when a knock was heard. “Come in.”

The doorknob twisted and the door was pushed open by Denise. Nick looked at her then stood from the bed and Faith could feel it shift from his uplifted weight. Denise held the door open for Nick then closed it behind him, taking the spot where he had sat, her frame smaller, not filling the dent completely. Denise took in a deep breath then put her hand on top of Faith’s.

“Sweetheart, no one blames you for anything that happened. You know that, right?” Denise asked and Faith shook her head no, small tear drops flying off of her face. “Why not?”

“Because I screwed up,” she said, swallowing back tears. “I betrayed my marriage to your son. I took the virginity of another, breaking his promise he made years ago. I lost trust from all of you…”

“No, no, no, no, no,” Denise said, putting her arms around Faith’s shoulders and pulling her close. “Joseph and I were talking. He explained everything. He feels terrible. He feels like it’s all his fault.”

“But it’s not his fault. None of this is his fault,” Faith said, shaking her head against Denise’s shoulder.

“I know it’s not. But it’s not your fault either. You need to know this, Faith. If God meant for you and Joe to be together then you’re on your way to make that happen. Of course it wasn’t the best timing but none of us can change anything. You can’t turn back time. No matter how much you want it.”

“I know. I just… I feel terrible.”

“Honey, you’re carrying my first grandchild in there. There’s nothing to feel terrible. If you and Nick aren’t meant to be, then you’re not meant to be. I saw how Joseph acted with you down there, it was the most affection I’ve seen you receive in one night that actually meant something. More than Nicholas ever gave you. I love all of my sons with all of my heart but Nicholas made bad decisions when it came to your marriage. Joseph has treated you right from the start. Only you know what’s best for you.”

Denise gave Faith one last squeeze before pulling away, holding her shoulders at arm’s length. Faith looked up into her eyes and saw that Denise had a few tears dripping down her face as well. Denise leaned forward and kissed Faith’s forehead, reaching up to smooth her hair down. Slowly she stood up and left the room, leaving Faith wrapped in that blanket, feeling five years old again.

About a half an hour later she heard the front door open and cars starting. She listened as one by one the cars went down the street, leaving behind them the disastrous night. She stood up and opened the door a crack, listening for any indication of anyone being left of the house. When she heard the front door close she blew out the candles and went downstairs.

Her father sat in his wheelchair in the living room, flipping through the channels, waiting for the news. She could hear dishes clanking together in the sink as her mother washed up the last reminders of the night’s events. Movement behind her caused her to turn around and see Joe. He was cleaning up the dining room table, picking up anything that may have fallen on the floor, and taking off the tablecloth to throw in the washing machine. She walked into the dining room and watched him.

“What are you still doing here?” she asked, keeping her voice quiet. He looked up at her, his face void of emotion before looking back down at the table.

“Your Mom thought it would be good to leave you alone for awhile and I didn’t want her to have to clean up alone so I stayed to help,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.

“Thank you,” she whispered. He continued with his work and she figured he was going to stay quiet for awhile so she went into the kitchen. Her mother looked up from the plate she was rinsing when she heard Faith come in and immediately shut off the water and dried her hands, walking over and pulling her eldest daughter in for a hug.

“Oh sweetie, I’m sorry that tonight was so awful,” she said, holding her tight.

“It’s not your fault, Mom. We all knew something like this was going to happen.”

“You’re right, I know,” she said, turning back to the sink. “Listen, honey, you should go talk to Joseph. He’s very upset over what happened tonight and I think what he really needs is to talk to you.”

“I know, Denise told me that he feels that this is all his fault,” Faith said sighing. “I’ll go talk to him.”

She turned to leave the kitchen, almost bumping into Joe as he walked in, the tablecloth in his arms. He maneuvered his way around Faith and headed to the mud room to toss the cloth into the washing machine. Faith waited for him in the kitchen, watching as he poured detergent into the machine. He shut the door to the machine and turned the light off, wiping his hands as he walked back into the kitchen. He looked up and his eyes met with Faith’s as he stopped walking.

“Can I talk to you? Upstairs?” she asked, pointing over her shoulder. He nodded his head and followed her to the stairs. Silently they went up back to her bedroom. She flicked the light on as they walked in and shut the door while Joe sat on the bed.

“So?” he asked as she took a seat next to him.

“I had a talk with your mother before they left,” she said quietly and he waited for her to say what they talked about. “She told me that you’re blaming yourself for this situation.”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“Because it’s not just your fault. It’s mine too. It takes two to tango. Besides, this is more of a triangle. Nick’s at fault just as much as we are.”

“I guess,” he said, shrugging his shoulders and looking down at his feet.

“Don’t guess, Joe. Just know it. Your Mom also said that God might have meant for us to be together, otherwise this wouldn’t be happening. She’s upset that Nick and I are getting divorced but she’s excited for the future that you and I could have together. She’s excited for this baby,” she said, putting her hands on her stomach. “I know we still have to work up to the divorce but once that’s over with can we put all of this ugliness behind us? Can we make it about Faith and Joe?”

“And the baby,” he added, a slight smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Yes, and the baby,” she said, smiling at him. She put her hand on his cheek and turned his head to face her. Slowly she stroked her thumb across his lips and he closed his eyes. “Forever,” she whispered, leaning in and pressing her lips against his.