Flirting With the Wind

A lot of my time was spent watching him; watching him was the one thing keeping me from completely giving up on my life. Every movement, every action he took I had to keep a close eye on him. I sat at the park on a cast iron bench watching him start to run. He leapt over the rocks and began climbing the stairs while I got up to chase after him. One foot after the other I ran gaining more ground with each step I took.

His laughter filled the air as I ran after him. Wrapping my arms around his small body I picked him up and twirled him in the air. A smile adorn my face as he giggled whilst I kissed his cheek. Setting him down I kissed him on the forehead.

“Go play,” I say with a smile. I watched as he climbed more stairs to reach the top of the slide. For a moment I stood over looking the park, taking a deep inhale I let my eyes wander the area with ease. Another little boy ran into the area followed by a man wearing a newsboy hat that attempted to keep up with the small boy came into view. Getting a better look I saw the familiar scar across the man’s neck. I was transfixed unable to believe how small of a world it truly was. Seeing him brought back memories I had pushed to the darkest corners of my mind.

“Daddy I wanna go down the slide.”

“All right well go ahead but that‘s-” he replies stopping mid sentence when his dark blue eyes landed on me going down the stairs, “Mirabel?”

“Aldo hey,” I stumble to say. The heel of my shoe got caught in one of the holes on the stairs and I nearly fell over but I kept hold of the railing. Getting my foot free I let out an awkward chuckle.

“I wasn‘t expecting to see yew here.”

“Daddy is she an angel?”

I couldn’t help but smile down at the little boy. He was a spitting image of his father Aldo; he couldn‘t be much older than seven years old. My eyes drifted back up to Aldo and I gave a small smile.

“I‘m no angel just an old friend of your daddy‘s,” I answer then my eyes shifted and I hurried my feet to go catch the little boy. He let out a giggle as I chased after him but once I caught him he squirmed in my grips. “Ha! I gotcha!”

“No fair!” he pouted.

“You‘re daddy may be slow but I’m not you little trouble maker.”

“But I am Gerard the great! You can‘t defeat me!”

I felt Aldo’s gaze on me and I turned while holding the hand of little Gerard. We walked back towards Aldo and I stopped having Gerard cling onto my side looking at Aldo unsure. Aldo seemed surprised to see the stout little boy at my side. Smiling down at Gerard I looked up at Aldo.

“Aldo I‘d like you to meet Gerard,” I say with a smile.

“Pleasure to meet ya little man,” Aldo responds holding his hand out to Gerard. Gerard shook Aldo’s hand with a timid look in his big innocent eyes. “Nice strong grip ya got there.”

“Can I go play?” Gerard inquires looking at me with a bored gaze. I couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle.

“Alright but you better stay in this area and don‘t go running in the street.”

“Okey-dokey!”

Gerard ran towards the playground and began climbing on everything with much gusto. My eyes followed his movements being sure he wasn’t about to run off.

“He looks like his mama,” Aldo comments referring to Gerard and I. Turning my head I gave Aldo look.

“He‘s not my son, Aldo.”

“Here I thought yew were moving on and havin‘ a family of yer own.”

“Gerard is my brother‘s son, he‘s a bit too old to be my own son,” I say as I thought about how Gerard was the same age Nicholas would have been had he survived.

“He still looks like yew, got yer eyes,” he adds.

“I must say though, your boy truly does look like a miniature Aldo.”

“That‘s what I hear, so how yew been doin‘ since the war ended?”

“I‘ve had my good and bad days but lately they‘ve been mostly good days so I‘m thankful for that.”

“That‘s good.”

“How are you adjusting to normality?” I inquire with a sideways look.

“Like yew said some good days and some bad days. How about we sit down and catch up while the boys play?” Aldo suggests gesturing to the nearby bench.

“Alright.”

What was there to talk about? Neither of us were comfortable enough to talk about what happened back in France. I think we both lived it enough to know it wasn’t something you talked about in public. Instead we somehow managed to have a normal conversation even shared a few laughs. It was strange that I got to know Aldo in his normal environment, lord knows I knew he was a good leader back in France but I didn’t particularly know him as a person. Aldo was good natured and quite endearing in person. He was a family man who took care of his children like a father should. I found out he had thirteen year old daughter named Georgia and that his wife Jenny had died ten years ago after having their son Thomas. Because my brother had just recently moved to Tennessee and we had yet to meet a lot of people I invited Aldo and his family to the house for dinner for the next day.

It became something of a regular thing to do. Aldo would often stop by weekends with the kids and we’d share an enjoyable conversation over coffee. To be completely honest it was just nice to have someone around that knew what really happened in France. I needed it because it reminded me that I wasn’t crazy or alone. On a few occasions I would watch Aldo’s kids while he worked and I didn’t mind because Georgia and Thomas were always good for me. It went on for months without talking about what happened in France until one day Aldo finally brought it up.

“Crazy to think that this time last year we were fightin‘ in a war.”

“Yeah,” I say distantly as I poured the coffee into the cups.

“Yer brothers know what yew been through?” Aldo adds looking at me intently.

“They just know who‘s dead and who isn‘t, not the reasons or details. I don‘t talk about being over there and they don‘t ask.”

“Yew were a real hero out there. They should know that.”

“Hero? No Aldo I was no hero nor was I soldier, I killed not because I was enlisted but because I enjoyed the feeling I got whenever I killed,” I respond softly, “I was fighting to forget and now I‘m left to remember every face of every person I killed out of anger.”

“Yew had every right to be angry but yew helped my men. Lead us all in victory during that fight. Yer smart and stronger than any person I know. And yew deserve to hear that, I ain‘t known anyone who has gone through what yew have and still stand without anybody’s help.”

“That‘s very sweet of you to say.”

“How about tomorrow night I take us to see movie? I need to thank yew somehow for helping out.”

I cradled the cup of coffee on the table and stared down at the light milky brown liquid that had a small ring of tiny bubbles around its edges. There was a fierce kindness in Aldo’s words and I couldn’t deny him a truth that he should know. It seemed like hours before I said anything but in reality it had only been a few moments.

“I‘m heading up to Massachusetts tomorrow morning,” I utter without removing my gaze from the coffee cup.

“What are yew doin‘ up in-- Mira yew ain‘t gonna do what I think yer gonna do.”

“He needs to be put in his place. I can‘t move on completely until he learns his lesson.”

“So what? Yew gonna kill Landa and think everything‘s gonna be fine?”

“This isn‘t up for discussion Aldo I just thought that you should know,” I retort sternly as I took a drink of my coffee.

“God damn it Mira, yer gonna get yourself hurt or worse killed,” Aldo counters angrily. I raised my eyes to Aldo’s face and I saw the worry written all over his face. Before anymore words were exchanged my brother came home. He took his suit jacket off and Gerard came running to give him a big hug.

“Hey Mira, could you get a cab to drive you tomorrow morning? I’ve got to take Ger to get a check up.”

“Yeah that‘s fine.”

“Actually I wouldn‘ mind takin‘ her,” Aldo states.

“No that‘s not necessary. I‘m fine taking a taxi.”

“I insist.”

“Don‘t be ridiculous, I‘m getting a taxicab.”

“Don‘t bother Aldo, Mira is stubborn once her mind is set on something generally she won‘t back down.”

It was true, I was not one to back down. Perhaps it was the worst thing about me, I couldn’t just agree, I had to fight against the grain. In most cases I was fine in doing so but sometimes fighting against the grain got me only misery in return case and point, my life in Europe.

The next morning I woke earlier just to get the taxi early in order to leave before Aldo came by. It was very tactical in my eyes, the way I saw it; Aldo was going to try to convince me not to go after Hans Landa. Of course by doing so I would have to wait at the train station longer but I was perfectly fine with that. Sitting alone on a bench I worked on a crossword puzzle that was overwhelmingly easy yet somehow I could not concentrate on finding the answers. When someone sat down on the bench next to me I only needed my peripheral vision to know who it was.

“You ain‘t gonna let me talk yew out of this are ya?”
“Not a chance Raine.”

“He‘s dangerous.”

“I think I know him a little better than you Aldo so spare me the whole he‘s dangerous speech, I know what he‘s like,” I retort as I counted number nine down to see if the answer would fit properly.

“I just don‘t think yew should be doin‘ this,” Aldo responds sounding a little distressed.

“Hugo told you to get me back to America and you got me here. I think you did well on your word so you don‘t have to keep this up,” I say not taking my eyes away from the unsolved puzzle.

“Is it so hard for yew to believe that I just may care about what happens to yew?”

My eyes drifted up from the puzzle to look at the puzzle I found in Aldo’s dark blue eyes. All words caught up in my throat and I scrutinized the emotion I saw in his eyes. I didn’t understand it or maybe I did, I just couldn’t accept it.

“You need to understand that I cannot move on knowing that he is living in comfort up there. He knows I‘m coming for him, he knows the terrible things he‘s done. Landa intercepted that letter to Hugo, he knew I was being held captive by Hellstrom and he came for me so he could look like a hero. I‘ll never feel clean no matter how many times I cleanse my body.”

“I‘m sorry for whatever happened to you Mirabel.”

“I didn‘t fight back, I didn‘t do a good damn thing praying that I could survive long enough to have my baby. You can‘t imagine what that man did to me but Landa knew how horrible he was, yet he bided his time until I was completely broken. Hellstrom was monster but Landa is worse,” I say shakily.

I looked at the time and saw that my train was due for loading so I stood up from my spot grabbing the suitcase. Aldo stood up with me and took the suitcase from my grasp to carry it the distance to the train. We were both silent as we walked towards the landing. Both of us stopped short of the train entrance, Aldo handed back the suitcase and looked down at me; his eyes showing that he wanted to say something.

“I‘ll be here when yew come back.”

With one last weak smile I said nothing and handed the train director my ticket. There weren’t any words that I could say but I turned to Aldo to see his face one last time.

“Thank you for understanding,” I state before getting onto the train.

The train left and I was stuck sitting with my thoughts. I thought about Hugo and then I thought about how Aldo looked at me. A part of me wasn’t sure what to think of Aldo’s actions but another part knew he cared for me on more than a platonic level. What I wasn’t sure of was if I could move on. A year since Hugo died, and I could still remember the words he said to me before I left.

“We‘ll see each other again soon enough..”

But that never happened, we never got to see each other and I never got to have any more moments with Hugo. I remember the first moment I laid eyes on him that things were going to change. Before Hugo Stiglitz came into my life I didn’t even think about falling in love hell I avoided it like the plague because of how my father reacted to my mother’s death. My father never moved on from my mother’s death but was it possible to move on from Hugo’s death?

Never did I want to feel the pain of losing someone I loved and it turned out to be inevitable; I ended up falling for Hugo and now he was dead. When I went to Germany things changed and I changed. I loved Hugo and all odds were pinned against us from the moment Hans Landa came into my life. Never had a chance to get married and have a normal life with Hugo like I found myself wishing. Hans Landa did everything in his power to make me his and now I was on my way to make him pay for the things he did to me as well as the many innocent people that were killed because of him.

Arriving in Massachusetts it was rainy and I had to wait for a fairy to take me to Nantucket Island. When the island came into view I was leaning on the railing taking in the cool sea breeze that surrounded me. It was nice being near the sea. Nantucket was lush and green with beautiful scenery. I checked into the local hotel and managed to do some investigating of my own; finding out what Landa had been up to recently. Much to my enjoyment he hardly left his home. A twisted joy tangled within me knowing that my small actions were the reason for it. Thinking back on that month I knew it had done the trick.

He hardly slept or ate, he would have outbursts and often pull his gun out to point at those he was weary of. Months had passed and my leg already healed I visited Hans Landa. I watched him from afar as his confidence wore down to a petty scared little man who was losing his mind. Never did I talk to him directly or touch a single hair on his head. Watching him made me realize that he wasn’t worthy of death, that he was torturing himself just fine by waiting for me to get him. It was time for him to have his mind tortured and it felt more invigorating yet gratifying to see his mind crumbling before my eyes. With the simple moving of objects while he was out of the house, I had made sure he knew I was close by or at least made him think he was going insane.

While he slept I left a note on his bathroom mirror to meet me at the café in town. Dressing in a nice a-line skirt and fitted deep purple button down sweater I made my way to the café that was located on the coast line where the boat had dropped me off. I sat waiting at the outside seating area and continued filling out the crossword puzzle whilst I sipped on an espresso coffee. It seemed like hours passed as I sat there so when Hans Landa sat in the seat across from me I was already finished with the crossword puzzle.

It was very quiet and I brought the cup to my lips taking a sip of the coffee that was now growing cold. Setting the cup down I moved my gaze to the man who managed to ruin my life almost entirely. His hair was mussed up in a way that it hid the mark on his forehead; there was a hint of bags under his eyes and he seemed to not bother shaving his beard any longer. The last I had seen him he only had a sprinkle of gray to his hair but now it was more overwhelmingly gray in both his hair and beard.

“You look terrible.”

“You did this to me,” he growls in response. I gave a faint smile.

“You and I both know you did this to yourself. But that‘s besides the point would you like to work on the new crossword puzzle, I know you like puzzles.”

He looked at me as if I were insane and just stared blankly at the local paper I held with the new crossword puzzle on it. It took a few moments for him to respond but he eventually did speak.

“I have already finished that one.”

“Well that’s a shame. Waiter could I bother you for another espresso and one for Mr. Landa as well,” I say to the man who took my order earlier.

“Of course darling,” he responded with a big smile before walking off to get the order.

“He thinks you‘re attractive,” Landa comments when the waiter left the table.

“Explains the good service.”

I saw a hint of amusement in Landa’s eyes and I decided to work on the crossword alone. When I felt his stare on me I looked up in time for the new drinks to come. The waiter lingered giving me a smile.

“Is there anything else I can get you and your father?”

“I‘m not her father,” Landa responds with an annoyed look.

“Ignore him, he‘s senile,” I state with a smile.

“Terrible sorry.”

“Don‘t encourage their gossip,” Landa retorts giving me a look of irritation.

“I thought you liked rumors, whether true or not are often very telling.”

“What do you want from me?”

“I‘m not quite sure anymore, I thought I wanted death from you but it doesn‘t really seem fitting,” I say with a sigh and looked up at him, “The truth is I don‘t know what I want from you Hans, I should want you dead but I can‘t kill you, I want you to know what you have done to me but I don‘t know if you‘d ever understand.”

He gazed back at me with a look I could only describe as anticipation. It seemed to me he wanted me to continue talking but I stopped not sure if I should say what I wanted to say in the open. A battle within me fought whether or not I should pour out all the details of horror to who caused it all.

“How you can live with everything you‘ve done I do not know, I think that‘s what keeps me up at night, not knowing how a human being is capable of such treachery. But then I think of Hugo, how I thought he forgot about me until the day I saw him again; he still kept the letter you wrote and the book I gave him before he left my uncle‘s manor. I‘m starting to realize that people are capable of anything.”

“Would you like to know of the day I met you? What went through my mind? What made me do the things I did in hopes of getting you?”

“What,” I simply put as I stirred the coffee gently with the spoon.

“You walked into the room with a sprinkle of blood on your clothing, you spoke bluntly not hesitating or backing down when the others looked at you in disbelief as you revealed the reason for the blood. You were staggeringly fearless and I had never met anyone like you. I had to have you because I did not know how to read your actions, you knew somehow I was the wolf in sheep‘s clothing and you did your best to keep your distance.”

“A wolf in wolf‘s clothing, you were a wolf in wolf‘s clothing. A Gestapo uniform was nowhere near sheep‘s clothing.”

“A lot has changed with you Mirabel and now I realize that after the things that happened I‘ll never get that girl I met years ago. Too much has been done,” he spoke in a somber tone.

“That girl is gone and your actions made sure of that,” I counter as I stood up and put the money for my drink on the table. “I want to you to think of those who died because of you, the people who’s lives you damaged not just mine. Those are my terms. Think of what you have done.”

“Aren‘t you going to kill me?”

“As cruel as it sounds, I don‘t think you‘re worthy of me killing you, that is one thought that hasn‘t wavered in the past year. You aren‘t worthy of being any part of my thoughts or actions. You aren‘t even worthy of my pity, you aren‘t worthy of any value except the truth you choose to run away from. Goodbye Colonel Hans Landa.”

I walked away without another word. My last night in Nantucket I slept with nothing to keep me up but the sounds of the ocean. It was the best sleep I had in a very long time. When I woke I got dressed and gathered my things heading to the check out desk at the hotel. I smiled at the front desk clerk and the woman smiled back at me.

“I hope you had a pleasant stay Miss Shepherd.”

“It was very much worth the trip.”

“Margret have you heard about last night‘s suicide?”

“Goodness gracious there was a suicide?” the woman replies with shock.

“That Landa killed himself last night in his home.”

“How awful! Did he leave a letter to say why?”

“Guess he did, I heard it was a confession of sorts.”

I grabbed my suitcase and headed out of the hotel without saying another word. At least he confessed, at least I was capable of not killing him like I planned previously. There weren’t words to describe the feeling within me, it was bittersweet. On one hand I wasn’t ready for it to be over yet on the other hand it was all over. It was time for me to go back to Tennessee and move on with my life. Perhaps it would take a bit of time but it was time I was willing to invest.

Staring from the boat as the island got smaller and smaller in the distance I looked down at the old tattered copy of Oscar Wilde’s The Happy Prince. A sad smile crept on my face and I brought it to my lips kissing the cover tenderly before tossing the book into the sea.

Goodbye my Happy Prince, te amo.