The Sharpest Lives

The constant beep of the heart monitor reassured him, comforted him. The sound made his own heart skip beats. He could hear her soft breaths, and her mother’s quiet crying. The whole situation was awkward, and with each breath Natalie took it worsened. She was sleeping, thank God for that; otherwise she would have been in a tremendous amount of pain. Gerard didn’t want to think about that - about Natalie being hurt.

A subtle look over his shoulder told him that Laurie was asleep. This puzzled him - how can you possibly sleep while your daughter lay dying? On the other hand, he understood that she was mentally and physically exhausted. His attention snapped back to Natalie, suddenly, as he heard a dry-sounding breath from beside.

“Gerard?” Natalie’s tired voice called out. Her breathing was louder now.

Gerard turned to look at her, and what his eyes had presented him with broke his heart. The girl’s lips were pale and dry, cracking and bleeding in the middle. Her eyes were unbelievably bloodshot. Her hair was parted into two pigtails, hanging on either side of her head. He gasped when he realized she was awake. She must have been in so much pain.

“Natalie, are you feeling alright?” He asked in a rushed tone.

She shrugged as best as she could. “Everything kind of hurts.” She said bravely. “Is mom sleeping?”

Gerard nodded, swallowing back his tears. “Yeah, she’s pretty tired.” He explained, his voice sounding thick, strangled.

Natalie nodded understandingly, began looking around the small hospital room. She took in the vomit-green walls with their white trim, white window treatments, white curtains, white chairs, white bed and white linen. It was depressing, even to her. She chewed on her dry, cracking lip and looked down at her hands.

“You should be sleeping.” Gerard said abruptly. It was true that it was late - he’d been there for a good five or six hours, it was early in the morning at this point - but he was mainly concerned about her physical state of being.

Natalie’s sick eyes met his own. She looked so brave, so strong, even though she was so fragile.

“I’m not sleepy.” She told him simply, shrugging. Her breath suddenly hitched in her throat and she began to cough rather loudly. Gerard hopped to his feet to sit her up in her bed. The heart monitor’s rhythm sped up considerably, until she finally caught her breath. Gerard continued to rub slow circles into her back with his big, cold hands. When he sat back down beside her, tears of alarm hung in his eyes, and Natalie could see the wet trail of one of his cheek.

“Please don’t cry.” She cooed softly, shaking her head. It was obvious she was confused as to why he was.

Gerard wiped furiously as his eyes and cheeks and forced a small, weak smile. He blinked back the remnants of his tears.

Laurie cleared her throat from behind them, catching their attention. She motioned for Gerard to come near her. He stood and walked towards her; she grabbed his wrist and pulled him off to the other side of the room. She was crying too.

“This is it, Gerard.” She whispered sadly. “She’s not making it past the night. Her condition escalades at random times, sometimes worse than others…It will be a miracle if she makes it past three o’clock.” Gerard noted the fact that it was already quarter after two.

“Can I please have some time with her? Please.” He begged in a hushed tone, tears slowly welling in the corners of his eyes.

Laurie nodded and made up an excuse to leave the room, told Natalie she needed to use the washroom.

Gerard slowly returned to his seat near the hospital bed. He gave Natalie another very fake smile. She smiled back. Realization struck her expression, suddenly, as she began groping around her bed with a hushed speed. She grasped something in her tiny hand, pulled it up and held it towards Gerard. He held his own had out and she dropped the object into his palm. His fingers curled around the item before he brought it up to his eyes to see what it was.

He looked down at Natalie, puzzled, but Natalie only smiled again.

“I want you to have it. Mom never liked it very much; she always said it didn’t match with any of my clothes.” She explained.

Gerard nodded at this, looking over the twinkling piece of jewelry.

It was a golden chain, at the end hung a small, golden heart, in the middle of which there was a purple jewel. He’d never seen her wear it before.

Gerard let out an uncontrollable sob, bringing his freehand to his quivering lips. He honestly didn’t want Natalie to see him in that state, but he couldn’t hold back the tears the spilled over his eyes and down his pale cheeks.

“I love you, Natalie,” He blurted hysterically, almost regretting it after he did.

A tear slipped from Natalie’s eye, down her cheek. “I love you too, Gerard. You’re like the dad I never had.”

This made Gerard smile, even through his tears. He stood and kissed her forehead, closing his eyes for a moment. He was crying so hard he was shaking. Natalie could feel it. She was crying as well. She reached up and wrapped her thin arms around Gerard, who, in response, pressed his forehead to hers for a second before hugging her back, pulling her closer to him.

“I’m gonna die, Gerard.” She said, pressing her cheek to his warm chest.

“Please don’t talk about that. I don’t want to think about that.” He practically sobbed.

Natalie kept quiet after that, the only sound that dare make itself known was Gerard’s quiet crying.

He missed Natalie already, even while he was cradling her in his arms. He couldn’t imagine how much he would long for her presence when he wasn’t able to see her whenever he felt like it.

Gerard pulled away from her rather quickly, wiping furiously at his eyes.

“I’m sorry; I shouldn’t be like this right now. It’s the wrong time…” He said tearfully, shaking his head.

“Everybody is allowed a point in their life when they can act any way they want.” Natalie said, sniffling and blinking back the last of her tears.

For a few minutes, it was completely silent, excluding the heart monitor’s beep. It grew awkward between the two of them, until Gerard cleared his throat to get her attention.

“Are you scared?” He asked quietly, looking towards her.

Natalie nodded. “Yeah.”

Gerard nodded in turn. “So am I. I’m terrified.” He admitted. “I’m scared of you being in pain, or anything, or just losing you.”

“It’s going to hurt, there’s no way around that.” She said openly.

Gerard shook his head. He was curiously as to know how she could speak to easily about her own demise.

After a few minutes, the rate of the heart monitor picked up suddenly, and Gerard’s stomach dropped into his shoes. He stood up and rushed over to her bed, trembling. He was in such a panic he didn’t even notice Laurie in the doorway.

The monitor flat-lined very quickly, even before a nurse could show up with the defibrillator.

“No,” Gerard whispered, a tear escaping his sad eyes. His knees gave out on him and he feel into a kneeling position, bowing his head as his heart shattered.

He was alone again.