Learning to Love June

Kellan Foster is a tease. A horrible, jackass, stupid tease who makes my heart sing and my body tingle and my mind explode into thoughts. He’s a horrible person, and all I can think about is wanting to kiss him again.

I have no clue what it is about him that makes me this way. It’s not his hair, which always looks like he just rolled out of bed; it’s not his sense of humor, because it usually includes making fun of me. It’s not how everyone loves him, because I’m pretty sure that no one does.

I have no clue what it is about Kellan Foster, but he drives me crazy. In the absolute best way possible.

All day long I’m going crazy, just waiting for the day to end and him to come back to my house. We can sit on the couch and hopefully kiss and he can look at me with those big golden eyes and make me feel like I’m floating somewhere high above the earth.

“Okay you’ve lost it,” Becky announces with a chuckle at lunch as I drag my fork in circles across my inedible food.

“I have not,” I say quickly, hoping I don’t turn scarlet or anything.

She laughs lightly and rolls her eyes, then she catches something behind me that holds her gaze and I turn around to see what it is.

Kellan is walking into the cafeteria with his bag slung over his shoulder, right behind the golden couple Jessica and Jeffery who look like they’re in some sort of movie about beautiful people that have it all. When Becky see’s him her eyes cloud over with some unreadable emotion that makes me wonder all about this secret she won’t tell me.

“Is he looking?” I whisper, grabbing her arm and she looks at me, running a hand through her Mohawk with a sigh.

“Yes,” she says with a small smile on her lips and that one word makes me heart soar up into the stratosphere.

“Well don’t look!” I hiss, feeling like some sixth grader with a crush on the most popular boy in school. Except I’m not a sixth grader and he’s only Kellan Foster.

Becky laughs again and rolls her eyes, “I swear sometimes you can be such a kid.”

I make a face at her and laugh as she launches a french fry at my face. It feels nice to have her back where she belongs, instead of where she used to be. It feels right to have her by my side. My best friend; even if she did get a Mohawk.

“So I hear you and Jessica got in a fight last night,” Becky says casually, dropping a fry in her mouth.

I scrunch up my eyebrows, “How do you know?”

She turns bright red and pauses for a second, “Uh, you told me.”

“I did?”

“Yep,” she says, giving me a weird look that’s hard to read.

“Oh,” I say, flipping through our conversations and trying to remember when I said it but I can’t remember so I just drop it.

“What was the fight about?” Becky asks, leaning across the table a bit.

“Nothing really, she’s being dumb,” I say, feeling anger boil in my veins remember the argument that took place last night.

“About?” Becky prompts.

“She thinks that I don’t know anything about love and is saying all these really stupid things. I mean she actually told me she was a virgin! Can you believe she lied like that? To my face?” I say, feeling all the words rush out of me in a breath of relief. Becky will understand, she’ll take my side.

She sighs and runs her fingertips along the tabletop her leg tapping against the floor when she’s really thinking about how to word what she wants to say.

“Maybe she is a virgin,” Becky says reluctantly, looking up with wide eyes. “I mean, how do you know that she lied? And maybe she’s right, I mean June before yesterday you’ve never even kissed a boy before. Maybe you don’t know what love is.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” I almost yell, feeling frustration pour out of every crack in my body.

“Maybe it’s true,” Becky says with an innocent shrug, and I feel like somehow she’s betrayed me by picking my sister’s side over my side. Then I feel even more anger towards Jessica, and the fact that even my best friend would pick her over me.

“Well it’s not,” I snap, feeling like I’m going to break at any second and knowing that I don’t want that to happen in the middle of the cafeteria.

“June, calm down, I was just saying the truth.”

“It’s not the truth! I know what love is!” I say, standing quickly and whirling around, smacking into someone’s chest and feeling flustered and stupid and angry.

“Whoa, someone’s a little clumsy today,” Kellan’s voice says in my ear and I feel my knees go weak. Then I remember that he didn’t even try to talk to me this morning, and just left after he kissed me. And made me think that I knew what love is so that everyone I care about can just tell me it’s not true.

“Whatever,” I say, pushing past him quickly and keeping my eyes focused on the door, like it’s an escape route from this awful day.

I turn around once to see Kellan talking to Becky in hushed tones and I feel stupid because I didn’t even know that they knew each other. I keep walking down the hallways and feeling the emptiness float around me. It feels weird to feel empty in school when all the students are just steps behind me in the cafeteria. But right now it doesn’t matter and I could just be the last person on earth, forever wandering and lonely.

“June!” I hear a voice behind me that makes me want to just swoon but I don’t and I keep walking because I have to.

“June!” he says again and I’m so tempted to turn around and look at him but I don’t because I’m feeling my eyes start to blur and I’m sure I’m going to cry.

“Seriously wait up!” He yells, and I can hear his footsteps gaining speed and I start running too, running away from him and Becky and Jessica and my mom and her stupid notebook and love.

“June,” he says, softer this time as he reaches out and catches my arm. Catches me.

“ What?” I say, trying to stay angry as his touch is setting my arm on fire and I just want to melt into him but I can’t because I’m trying to be angry.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, his voice soft in the empty hallway, like he’s pulling all of the loneliness away.

“Nothing,” I lie.

“Sure doesn’t seem like nothing,” he says, his gold eyes boring into mine and I feel like I’m getting lost in them somewhere.

“Well it is,” I say still trying to seem angry but now my voice is just breathless.

“Are you sure?” He asks, his brow furrowed and I just want to touch his face.

“I’m sure,” I lie again, feeling like this is all just so pointless and I should stop pretending to be angry.

“Okay then,” Kellan says, taking a step back and I feel like the air is colder now that he’s gone.

“Wait,” I say quickly, not wanting him to get any farther.

“Yeah?”

“It’s my stupid sister,” I admit, looking down at the ground.

“I had a feeling,” he says with a smirk and I feel like he really does truly get me completely.

“Of course you did, because you just know everything,” I say, looking up at him with a smirk.

“Now you’re getting it,” He smiles, just a hint of a smile that shows a sliver of his teeth but I see the dimples on his chin and I feel like this is where I’m supposed to be.

“God you’re full of it,” I say, smacking his chest playfully but he catches my arm and holds it there against his chest and I can feel his heart beating under my fingers and it’s wonderful and scary at the same time.

“Don’t let your sister get to you,” he says, getting back into serious mode and his heartbeat is still steady under my fingers, and it’s almost all I can focus on.

“Easier said than done,” I say, rolling my eyes at him.

He smirks again and leans in closer to me, “Well you can always just ignore her.”

“How the hell am I supposed to just ignore my sister?” I ask, glaring at him slightly.

“Well you can start but not having to get a ride home with her today.”

“Oh yeah? And what am I supposed to do then? Walk home?”

“Well if you started walking home you’d probably be there before her,” He says with a smile.

I think of my mom sitting at home with her notebook or worse, with Rob and know that if I could I wouldn’t walk home. “What if I don’t want to go home?” I ask him with a smile.

He smiles back at me, “Well we could go anywhere.”

“We?” I ask, feeling my body tingle.

“Yes, we, I’m not letting you go off into the big bad world by yourself,” he says with a laugh.

“Okay then Mr. Protector, we better start walking then,” I say pushing past him and back out into the hallway.

He follows behind me, reaching out to take my hand and I try to ignore how happy that makes me feel.

“Kellan?” I ask quietly.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for coming after me,” I say softly, looking down at the ground.

“Anytime.”